How to Stop Verbal Diarrhea


Statuary Warning: This SHOULD be taken as an expert opinion, please DO NOT seek the advice of your health care professional. I am an expert in this field and my word is considered final, gospel even. Information contained in this article should be taken as expert advice. Again, please DO NOT seek advice or consult with your regular, certified, health care professional. They are just quacks with certificates.

I love talking shit.
I love talking shit. | Source

It was all quiet inside, in my mum’s sack, and I could only hear snippets of conversation from the outside world. Intrigued by this world of chatter outside, I shot out of my mum. Suddenly, my tiny ears were assaulted by verbal stimuli of varied kinds. An assault that would last a lifetime.

I myself turned out to be a quiet child, I barely even babbled during my nascent phases. But sometime during my freshman year of college, I realized I had a gift of the gab. My motor mouth just wouldn’t stop, 60 words per second, I could have beaten the record of the fastest typist. It was like a switch went off and I was soon to become the cause of my own migraines.

My gift of the gab had turned into the gift of the crap. I self diagnosed myself with Verbal Diarrhea.

The source of this condition was an overflowing mind mainly filled with the garbage of excess in a media saturated world. I wish there was a recycle bin in my head where I could dump all those unwanted thoughts. That constant chatter that we all try so hard to ignore, my mouth simply vomits.

You know what the Hindu symbol for the mind is? Any guesses? Yep, knowledgeable hub reader, you guessed it: it’s the Chattering Monkey. Can you picture him bouncing up and down creating all that constant chatter? And boy does mine chatter. He takes no tea, water or nut breaks. How the monkey crap stuffed in my brain turns into horse-shit by the time it gets to my mouth, I will never know. It’s one of those mysteries of the universe that will never be explained.

Believe you me when the mind is filled with filth it makes its way to the mouth. I pity the people who tried so hard to love me during that phase. Slowly the people around me started to disappear. This was a warning sign. It was right about time for some self-therapy.

Warning: Verbal Diarrhea (VD) is a serious disorder. Do not take this lightly. It’ll creep up on you like noise pollution on a quiet Mumbai afternoon. So here are some steps that you can take if you think you are suffering from Verbal Diarrhea.

Keep a journal to regularly get rid of the crap in your head. Think of it as your own private recycling bin outside your head. Write it down; once it’s out there it’s easier to let go. However, beware; let this not turn into a compulsive habit. This kind of note taking can be detrimental too. You don’t want that black book getting into the wrong hands. It’s a different matter that the gibberish you write is as bad to decipher as any spy code.

Express yourself through art. There are other strategies too, if you don’t dig being a diarist or you think it’s too old school and Jane Austeny for you, you can express yourself using modern technology. Use your ipad or any other kind of traditional art form even. This will have a positive effect on your VD. Who knew making some useless video blog was actually good for you!

Eat. Stuff your face with food. Every time you have the urge to talk rubbish stuff yourself with some healthy food. An apple usually works best. That way if you do puke, at least it’s not verbal.

This one comes with a warning yet again. Many of these steps can have adverse side effects. But until the medical community does not discover a perfect fix for VD, all us VD sufferers are just going to have to make do. Don’t get too dependent on food; we don’t want those extra kilos. And contrary to popular belief, talking is not the same as exercise. You are not working your mouth muscles as you gabber-blabber on.

Avoid chewing gum or tobacco, as many VD sufferers are know to have an outburst even while chewing. This will only make you look like a sick and angry cow.

Deep breathing is another technique that could help you let go of those crappy monkey-mind thoughts. With each breath you take, picture that thought becoming a cloud and then burst the bloody thing. If it doesn’t get to the mouth then there’s no question of frivolous talk. Just make sure that if the thought is too overwhelming you don’t choke on them while adopting this breathing technique.

Avoid the company of other VD sufferers. The doc says it’s not contagious but my experience says otherwise. My VD episodes increase when I find myself in a room full of fellow VD sufferers. Imagine a group of monkeys boom boxing on top of their voice. The decibel levels rise beyond the legal limit during those times. This is not the kind of support group you need. You begin identifying with your fellow VDers. They reinforce this way of life, even giving it a kind of prestige value at times.

Go for a Japanese solution. Trust the Japanese to come up with a technological solution to this age old problem. Check out the link below.

Find the root cause of the problem. This is the most important thing you can do. Find what is causing you VD. It could range from low self-esteem, unfulfilled relationships, out of control jealousy etc. The above points were addressing the symptoms of VD, but for a completely VD free life, you must attack the cause.

Oh! All that shit in my head!
Oh! All that shit in my head! | Source

My advice to fellow VD sufferers is that don’t fear those long silences. They are actually quiet lovely. And under no circumstances should you start having conversations with yourself. A sign of a severe case of VD is when the patient starts repeating his or her chain of thought. This is chronic VD. A patient spewing out shit over and over again.

Don’t go to the doctor, they will suppress the symptoms using harmful medication and ignore the real cause. VD medications have severe side effects. Your VD might stop temporarily but you may not be able to express yourself fluently and lucidly after the heavy medications.

Doctors are likely to tell you that VD is an idiopathic condition, i.e. arising spontaneously from an obscure or unknown cause. But that’s not the case.

At first it’s very important to identify which case of VD you suffer from. Basically acute is a temporary case of VD and should be nipped in the bud when the very first signs are spotted. Chronic is permanent and persistent and a more extreme case of VD. It can lead to some serious exhaustion and self-delusion.

In such extreme cases you can tape your mouth shut but this technique is to be used as a last resort when all else fails. Or better still, record what you are saying and play it over. There’s nothing like the good ole taste of your own medicine. Self-torture is the best kind of torture.

There are some over optimist VD sufferers who might think, “how do I turn my weakness into strength?” Or worse, "how do I make money from my condition?" Unless you are a radio talk show host or a politician, don’t expect to get paid for talking shit.

At first you might feel “why me? Why do I have to use ten words when one will do?” but this is perfectly normal. Don’t be afraid, you are not alone. There is an entire universe of VD sufferers out there.

If you think you suffer from VD, you can get in touch with me by leaving comments. Just remember, keep the shit to the bear minimum.

Stop Verbal Diarrhea!
Stop Verbal Diarrhea! | Source

More by this Author


Comments 19 comments

I Am Rosa profile image

I Am Rosa 4 years ago from Canada

Love it! Great advice. Voted up and shared :-)


tumult0us4 4 years ago

duuude, my problem is i'm always trying to be funny and it's difficult to convey what's in my head so i just ramble or do something really stupid.


sweetzara profile image

sweetzara 4 years ago from Mumbai, India Author

tumult0us4 that sounds very much like VD! ;)


Emer420 4 years ago

This is an amazing hub. It's entertaining, beautifully written, and all together awesome.


sweetzara profile image

sweetzara 4 years ago from Mumbai, India Author

Thanks Emer420! I could go on and on and on but I won't ;)


spartucusjones profile image

spartucusjones 4 years ago from Parts Unknown

Great hub! Insightful and funny all at the same time!


SidKemp profile image

SidKemp 4 years ago from Boca Raton, Florida (near Miami and Palm Beach)

Great hub! Voted up and funny. Two suggestions: Learn from a barbequed pig another way to use an apple. Just stuff it between your teeth and don't chew - makes it harder to speak.

And the Japanese already have a solution - a pre-technological one. Zen is the art of enjoying silence so much that the mind quiets down. This cuts to the root cause and helps us enjoy silence. To learn more, check out my hubs on Zen.


bethperry profile image

bethperry 4 years ago from Tennesee

LOL Very funny, voted up!


sweetzara profile image

sweetzara 4 years ago from Mumbai, India Author

Thanks Spartucusjones, SidKemp, bethperry, chitcchatchica and Dr. Funom Makama for your comments. I am really sorry for such a delayed response... somehow I missed the comments! thanks again!


myownlife profile image

myownlife 4 years ago from london

Great tips I mean advice. useful.


sweetzara profile image

sweetzara 4 years ago from Mumbai, India Author

Thanks for reading!


HaleyMCruz profile image

HaleyMCruz 4 years ago from California

Haha this was great! I really appreciate sarcasm and the expert opinions of suffers of VD. This was really fun to read, and I particularly liked the Eating tip, it made me laugh!!


sweetzara profile image

sweetzara 4 years ago from Mumbai, India Author

Thanks Haley, I have been following my tips and so my VD is now under control... otherwise I would have give you a long-drawn, never-ending reply. :)


Reverend Jim 4 years ago

Could have been shorter. Seriously, I really enjoyed it. I was like that as a child but it wasn't terminal. I survived and grew out of it.


sweetzara profile image

sweetzara 4 years ago from Mumbai, India Author

lol! Reverend Jim it "could have been shorter" alas! i suffer from VD. apologizes for the length! Thanks for the read. :)


3 years ago

Ive begun having verbal diarrhea where I sometimes over share at my new job. This has NEVER happened to me before. I'm embarrassed. I'm guessing it's because I'm stressed about adjusting. I thought talking it out at home would help, but it appears to create pre recorded "tapes" of crap that I later say to coworkers! You really think journalling will help? I wanna nip this in the bud pronto.


jimagain profile image

jimagain 3 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

Oh, yeah. You hit the nail on the head. Did my co-workers tell you about me? Did my friends ask you to write this??? To punish you, I decided to vote UP. There! Ha!

Apparently this condition is prevalent; it seems to afflict politicians, writers, commedians, the annoying person in the cubicle next to me, etc. I fear I may suffer as well. Do I qualify for a medical deficiency of any sort where I can draw a disability check?

I have found this condition is treatable with rolls of duct tape.

Now excuse me, I have the sudden inexplicable urge to randomly gab...


DBR 21 months ago

My wife suffers from VD.The problem is she often loose her temper. Moreover she has high pitch shrilling voice. And lastly she is insomniac. Me and my two children are suffering. Can anybody help.


Horrible VD 9 months ago

I recently shamed myself at a dinner table with 12 other women by shooting unwanted negative info from my mouth over and over again the last half hour of a dinner party. The 1st two hours went very well though :) I made it so awkward that I'm sure atleast half of them will now avoid me! Good for them. I prefer my own company bcos of this which is not so bad as I don't talk to myself! Hehe

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working