House For Sale: Tales From an Innkeeper's Crypt: First in a series about Kari

I've been trying to sell my house, right? The market is bad and it's not selling, so I came up with an idea so that Kari, my house-keeper and her husband, could buy it. They decided to do it. That was six months ago, but now I'm tired of the whole dam thing. They keeping pussy-footing around...putting it off.

First they say they're putting their house up for sale, then they change their minds and decide to do a little rehab and staging...change the paint in the kitchen...put in new flooring....the old flooring was ruined when the washer over flowed...from the back of the machine. Kari took it apart while it was still full of water....what did she expect? The water ran through the whole house and ruined the kitchen floor so they had to put in a new one in.

Then they put in a new tub...took Marty three or four days...I think he miscaluculated the size of it or something. Anyhow, Kari is always taking things apart and then she can't get them back together. She did it with my electric canopener, then the microwave, and the alarm clock in one of the guest rooms. She's really good at destroying things.

I used to have numbers on the oven knob on my stove, but not anymore. She's a clean freak which is really good for someone working in a bed and breakfast. She loves to clean bathrooms and appliances. She kept scrubbing and scrubbing the oven knob on my stove til she scrubbed all the numbers off. How am I supposed to find 350 degrees without any numbers? I freaked out and laid into her about it so she drew three black circles on the for 250, one for 350 , and one for 450.

Then the next day in her continued cleaning frenzy, she scrubbed them off again, without even noticing and forgot to tell me before she left. Have you ever tried to find 350 on an oven knob that has no numbers? I was burning everything.

I put a couple of slices of pizza in for dinner and moved the knob to what I thought was 350 and set the timer. When I opened the oven door, smoke poured out and little black slices of pepperoni stared up at me. I was so mad I lost my appetite. I ran to my laptop and mailed Kari a scathing description of what had happened, beseaching her to return tomorrow and draw on some more circles.

More tales from an Innkeepers crypt

I'll never forget Robin, The naked Irish farmer, The exhuberant honeymooners

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Comments 18 comments

Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

Sounds like a living nightmare. You might be able to order a new knob from the manufacturer of the stove. Check close with a magnifying glass and see if the numbers are etched in..if they are you can get a white paint stick from a hardware store and fill them back in.

I really hope all turns out OK for you. :)

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

I tried to get new knobs, but the stove is so ancient, no one has parts for it anymore. Went to home Depot and Lowes. They had knobs but they wouldn't fit my stove. Tom, I've tried everything, guess I'll have to stick with Kari's little black dots until I move to Austin.

And the numbers are not etched in, thanks for all the suggestions. You sound like a real handiman.

TamCor profile image

TamCor 7 years ago from Ohio

Oh, he IS, lol...did I ever tell you about the time he fixed my dryer with a guitar part???? haha

Anyway, what a frustrating position for you to be in, wow, I hope you get it resolved soon...

I have to say, though, that your place is just beautiful--I googled it and spent quite awhile browsing through your website!


alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Thanks, Tammy for taking the time to check out my place. Glad you liked it. And thanks for the comments.

flread45 profile image

flread45 7 years ago from Montana

Sounds like a couple a--holes we sold to and ended up loosing the property,because they conned others into buying part of the property when it didn't belong to them.

So the lawyers came after us.

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

OMG...thanks for sharing. I do know these people quite well. She's been working for me for a year. Hope this doesn't happen to me.

VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

I have to admit I chuckled softly at the visuals of a super neat freak scrubbing off the stove knob numbers. LOL. I guess she doesn't realize what she is doing while cleaning, but yikes it can't be fun not being able to cook! In a way its a blessing to have a super clean housekeeper. I have been in hotels, where I paid good money, and I was not exactly impressed with the cleanness, so I usually sprayed everything with Lysol before settling down.

Hope you find someone who will follow up on the commitment to buy your home.

Enjoyed reading while sipping a cup of coffee!

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Hey VS, Thanks for the thoughtful comments. Well, they have actually given me some earnest money and have put their house up for sale, finally. I think they're just a little intimidated by starting a new life, in a new house, as Innkeepers.

I am a clean freak, so the fact that Kari does such a great job of cleaning pleases me. I just have to keep an eye on her so she doesn't go to far. Did I mention that she was OCD?

rosecobra profile image

rosecobra 7 years ago

I'm sorry for all the mishaps, but I did giggle just a little, I'm sorry.

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Don't be sorry. This piece was meant to be funny...laugh away! Thanks for the comment.

rosecobra profile image

rosecobra 7 years ago

Oh ok, I told a little white lie...I really did laugh, but still sorry for the mishaps:)

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

That's a good thing....laughing , I mean. Thanks, Rose

akirchner profile image

akirchner 7 years ago from Central Oregon

Good lord - and here I thought being a B&B owner was all glorious fun! I would be insane if anyone messed with my oven dials but thankfully I have digital! Someone would seriously be getting a slap. I sure hope it works out for you SOON - what a terrible time to be trying to sell and I surely hear you. We think about it but we can't bring ourselves to do it right now so are just sticking tight no matter what or how much we continue to feel 'lost' here in redneckville!

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Thanks for the comments. Didn't realize there were rednecks in Oregon. I thought they were all here in Kentucky.

Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 7 years ago from Atlanta, GA

What a mess alek! How frustrating and I do hope everything gets sorted out soon include the sale. If that's your house in the's gorgeous!

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

Yeah, that's my house. Wanna buy it? It's a beautiful house and I'm really gonna miss it. it has fouteen foot ceilings. I'll be moving to Austin TX where all the houses are ranch and the ceilings are not high. Just hope it's not claustrophopic. :=)

Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

I read another one of your hubs about Kari (obviously reading them out of order). I can't imagine how Kari and her husband will run the bed and breakfast. They just don't sound like they have the skills. I imagine you'll be glad to be far away in Austin so you don't have to see the demise of the business.

alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 6 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky Author

You know, Dolores, you're probably right But I've noticed a difference in Kari lately...some changes. I will be writing about it soon, right now we're getting ready for the Kentucky Derby so I'm really too busy to write.

I've been training/working with her for 16 months. In the past few, I've given her more and more responsibility. Fortunately I was a teacher and know how to break down tasks into small increments and to use continual re-inforcement to aid learning. I worked with lots of students with similar cognitive problems, so I guess I'm functioning as a mentor, and I thing she's starting to "get it". She really wants to do it.

Maybe I've been emphasizing the negative too much, because she has a lot that's positive going on too. You'll see what I mean when I publish the hub.

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