TK421 Imperial Ezine - Issue 6

Contents

|-o-| Editorial Intro

|-o-| Humor

|-o-| Feedback

|-o-| Art

|-o-| More Humor

|-o-| Readers Comment

|-o-| World Domination

|-o-| Website Review

|-o-| Interview

|-o-| Even More Humor

|-o-| Position Vacant

|-o-| Over And Out

|-o-| Credits

|-o-| Disclaimer

Editorial

First and foremost some of you would have noticed that TK421 is late. And for those of you who enjoy it I profoundly apologize.

The other 'change' is that TeeKay is no longer with us.

Don't fret, he didn't die. But due to 'over-commitments' he had to resign his post.

I could say he was a rebel sympathizer and I Force choked him. But that would be too much fun.

However as a passing shot I will publicly announce that he's a bit of a wimp for using the lame excuse of 'too much on my plate'. I myself am buried to the eyeballs with a whole host of better-things-to-do but none of it is as nearly as much fun as sharing the responsibility of TK421. Now I've got the whole lot. If the Empire starts to crumble and more star systems slip through my fingers you know who to blame.

TeeKay will however still *read* TK421, if that's any consolation to the team members who are working themselves to death to make our mark on fandom. And he also promised to send in letters of abuse and rebuke just like the ones he received while on the firing line as the editor who was the 'face' of TK421.

But being the proficient sort of Stormtrooper that the Empire has been renowned for cloning, he sent me all the correspondence saved as separate documents, incoming and outgoing. Brought me up to speed on the newest members of the team and handed over the tk421(a)the-galaxy.net email account so as not to confuse anyone and keep with the continuity.

So everything's all systems go. With the exception of the lateness of this edition. And I'll also apologize in advance for the lateness of the next one. Just in case.

But that can be averted if anyone's interested in an Assistant Editor's position. More on that later. After I think about it. It was a spontaneous stroke of genius and I'll elaborate on it in POSITIONS VACANT after I give myself a chance to think it through.

Enough talk for now. We'll leave the long speeches to the Rebels. As Imperials dedicated to order in the galaxy we follow orders and JUST DO IT.

Yes, NIKE is a subsidiary of the Empire.

Humor

TEN THINGS I'D DO IF I WAS VADER

10. Make lotsa deep-breathin' phone calls.

9. Use the Force to masturbate.

8. Go to catholic church just to skeeve people out. If they question me, tell 'em I find their lack of faith disturbing.

7. Challenge a fitness-freak Darth Maul impersonator to a duel. Pants 'im. Laugh.

6. Get a job as a radio deejay.

5. Use the Force to choke myself while masturbating.

4. Redesign my bionic parts so I can transform into a stealth bomber. Buzz the Statue of Liberty.

3. Start pullin' levitation pranks in physics class.

2. Activate lightsaber, balance it 'tween my knees, an' sing "The Lumberjack Song."

1. Endorse Republican candidates in all elections, no matter how much they beg me to stop.

©2000 Tim C. Mitts. Used without permission, but HEY, I gave the guy credit!

Feedback

Be sure to send in your feedback, response, ideas, thoughts, suggestions and submissions to darkside(a)cia-agent.com

There's no positive feedback to recount this issue. A shame. But the flipside is there's also been no negative feedback.

But then again maybe it was lost in the transition stage. I'll have to contact TeeKay and find out if he's holding out on me.

Then again he should be reading this issue so; TeeKay, let me know if there's any recent TK421 emails to go through. Keep the abuse, just forward the congratulatory ones.

Art

ART FOR ARTS SAKE

I am unaware on how to track down the creator of amidala007.jpg but they display an *awesome* talent in the style of manga.

Go to http://www.geocities.com/imperialemployee/amidala007.jpg to check out Amidala and Obi-Wan in vivid cartoony color.

Want to see what the next Sith Lord will look like? Well so do we. And you're not gonna find it here: http://www.geocities.com/wraithfivexwing/diysith.htm

But what you will find is an artists impression of a likely candidate for Sithdom. Those eyes are *freaky*. And the mouth! See for yourself.

http://www.geocities.com/wraithfivexwing/diysith.htm

More Humor

THE REBEL ENGINEERS' 10 WORST IDEAS

10. Electronic Dianoga mating call

9. Transparent cola

8. Blasters for Ewoks

7. The Q-Wing Fighter.

6. The Inflatable Wookiee (been a lo-o-o-o-o-ong time since Chewie was home.)

5. Admiral Ackbar/Nien Nunb kissing booth at the annual fundraiser

4. Using Bothan spies

3. "Star Trek: Voyager"

2. Using Hoth for a base. What were they thinking?

1. Personal pocket 3PO Buddies.

©2000 Beedo Sookcool aka Nigel Willis

We make no apologies if we offend any rebel sympathizers.

Readers Comment

I work part-time at a video store and one elderly lady had rented out Episode I and Star Wars: A New Hope for her grandkidss. It was the first time she herself had seen the movies.

She returned it after the weekend and I said "Did you enjoy the movies ma'am?"

She replied (in reference to Anakin), "He was such a nice boy."

Jorge Lukas. Somewhere in Australia.

World Domination

Unfortunately nothing to report.

Seems when we loosen our grip these dang fangled systems slip through our fingers just the same.

Website Review

We've found ourselves a site dedicated to our favorite stormtrooper: TK421.

It's nicely laid out. Simple yet smart. And is easy to navigate.

The site also has a FAQ page and unlike most sites which are completely banal and utterly useless this site asks some interesting questions:

Who is TK-421?

What is TK-421's real name?

Where does TK-421 come from?

Why is TK-421 so great if he let a rebel nerd steal his uniform?

What is TK-421's official rank?

What kind of girls does TK-421 like?

What are TK-421's hobbies?

Where does TK-421 like to take his dates?

What's TK-421's favorite food?

What's TK-421's favorite color?

What are TK-421's favorite television programs?

What's TK-421's favorite movie?

What's TK-421's favorite music?

How did TK-421 survive the destruction of the first Death Star?

Overall my opinion of this site is exceptionally high. Up there with www.piett.org, especially given the very little 'air time' the object of appreciation received.

We also learnt that TK421 has a middle name.

It seems that it's '-'. So his full name is 'TK Dash 421'.

I'll be emailing this edition to the owner of the site. Hopefully he'll enjoy TK421 (the ezine) and put in a link at his site. And we'll have another one to add to the list of World Domination.

Go to http://www.eou.edu/%7Etriples/TK-421/ for the TK-421 webpage.

Interview

Ian Liston may have played the part of Wes Janson in The Empire Strikes Back (and later immortalised in the x-wing series written by Michael Stackpole and Aaron Allston) but we feel that his greatest role EVER was his performance in the same Battle Of Hoth as his rebel alter ego as an AT-AT Driver.

RebelPilot editor Glen (aka wraithfive) interviewed Ian Liston via cyberspace and learned a little bit more about this actor who brought so much to his Imperial role.

Interview with Ian Liston

RebelPilot: Have you read any of the x-wing series of novels by Mike Stackpole and Aaron Allston to see what your rebel altar ego is up to?

Ian: Sadly, no. When, in a bookshop or at a collectors fair, I can find the ones Janson is in I'll buy them and save them for holiday reading.

RebelPilot: Wraith Squadron is number 5 in the X-Wing Series and Janson's first appearance post ESB. He's quite a delight to read. Particularly Book 9 in the series, The Starfighters of Adumar. Janson proves to be cheeky and charming. You're an actor and a playwright. Any thoughts of writing a science fiction novel?

Ian: No, but I have written a couple of historical plays for BBC Radio 4 and tried out a sci-fi story several years ago. I may give it a go one day!

RebelPilot: You're also an accomplished director and producer. Between directing, producing, acting and writing which one fulfils you the most?

Ian: I love performing as MR CHAIRMAN with my Hiss & Boo Comedy Music Hall & Variety Company

RebelPilot: As well as Wes Janson I also heard that you played the part of an Imperial. Which imp and what scene?

Ian: I'm the AT-AT driver. Basically, I shoot myself!

RebelPilot: Denis Lawson played the role of Wedge Antilles. Have you kept in contact with him since? Do you and Denis get together for a game of X-Wing vs TIE Fighter on the computer head to head via modem and 'relive the good old days'?

Ian: No to all unfortunately

RebelPilot: The Nintendo 64 has a game called Rogue Squadron. Have you seen it?

Ian: Yes

Played it?

Ian: No

You're in it! It's got quite a good little biography on your character.

Ian: I'd love to see it.

RebelPilot: ESB was filmed in the early eighties. What was the pay rate for a minor part in a movie back then?

Ian: My contract details are personal but the going rate at that time was about £150 per day. It's still about the same in 2000! To dispel a myth: We were paid for the film and haven't received a further single penny since. We don't get repeats or residuals and certainly nothing for being in the games and books. Miserable buggers wouldn't even let me have a copy of the game to give as a prize in a raffle.

RebelPilot: Was there a Wes Janson action figure? I don't remember one.

Ian: I don't think so but there is now ... and an AT AT driver

RebelPilot: What's your favourite Star Wars fighter?

Ian: I like 'em all!

RebelPilot: Thanks for your time. If you read and enjoy the x-wing novels with your character in it I can give you the authors email address so you can pass on a message of appreciation. If you don't like it then I'll find his home address so you can hop in your snowspeeder for a strafing run.

Ian: Yes please. Good 'un!

Ian Liston has a website at <a href="http://www.hissboo.co.uk">www.hissboo.co.uk. He's a writer, a producer, a director and an actor. Check out his impressive biography.

©2000 RebelPilot. Used with permission. rebelpilot-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

RebelPilot has also featured interviews with other Star Wars luminaries:

Michael A Stackpole (author of numerous (about 7) official Star Wars novels) (and we ran the interview in issue #4)

Aaron Allston (author of 4 of the novels in the x-wing series)

John Morton (played Luke's rear gunner Dak in The Empire Strikes Back)

The Executive Producer of acclaimed short film The Dark Redemption (he also spent quality time in a Stormtrooper outfit while shooting under the hot Australian sun.

Matt Busch ('Entertainment Illustrator'. Also bestowed with the title of 'Official Star Wars Artist')

If anyone would like to see any of these reprinted in TK421 then drop me a line with your 'votes'. Which ever gets the most will certainly be the next.

Other famous Star Wars extras we ourselves would like a chance to interview is the actors who played the roles of:

General Taggi - DON HENDERSON

General Motti - RICHARD LE PARMENTIER

Admiral Piett - KENNETH COLLEY

General Veers - JULIAN GLOVER

Admiral Ozzel - MICHAEL SHEARD

Captain Needa - MICHAEL CULVER

Moff Jerjerrod - MICHAEL PENNINGTON

And of course the actor who played- TK421

Even More Humor

At TK421 we're not in the habit of saying kind words about Rebels. But this next Top Ten is funny enough (and funnily enough; clean) to warrant it's inclusion to TK421.

TOP 10 PERKS OF BEING ADMIRAL ACKBAR

10. 240-degree panoramic vision

9. With one word, 20,000 beings will do his bidding

8. Can write off whirlpool spa as "survival equipment"

7. Late nights with Mon Mothma

6. Can boss around Bothans, and nobody complains much

5. Got most of the credit for the B-Wing Project

4. Nifty white duds

3. Can seriously injure unsuspecting assailants with his forearms

2. Gets 25% "New Republic Bigshot" discount most places on Coruscant

1. Chicks dig the goatee

©2000 Beedo Sookcool aka Nigel Willis

Position Vacant

ASSISTANT EDITOR NEEDED

It's a full time job in itself to help run an Empire and then the big boss gets the bright idea to pump out the propaganda via an ezine. Not content with just world domination decides to also infiltrate the inboxes of loyal imperialists the world over.

So I need an assistant to help with this job. I love doing it but it makes it even more enjoyable when I get to read stuff I didn't have to find, write or edit.

If you think you're the man or woman for the job drop me a line at darkside(a)cia-agent.com

It may take a few weeks to decide on the suitable replacement for TeeKay and when I do then the successful applicant will be notified. All the others will be rounded up and sent to the spice mines of Kessel.

Should the successful applicant display competency and talent in their role we'll see about dropping the 'assistant' tag. On the other hand if they're completely useless we'll probably feed him or her to the pet rancor.

Over And Out

Send in any original written humor, or parody, or website reviews, or ascii art to darkside(a)cia-agent.com (This email address is no longer operational. Use the contact link in this page. Top right.)

If you've found something worth reprinting also send along the URL and authors name. And the authors email address if it's available.

If all goes well and I'm not called to exterminate any goody two shoes Jedi within the next couple of weeks then TK421 should be back in a fortnights time (give or take a couple of days).

In The Empires Service

(-o-) Editor: DarkSide darkside(a)cia-agent.com

<-o-> Promotions Officer: SJ Crandall tk421(a)publicist.com

<-o-> Promotions Officer: neo(a)rapid.co.uk

|-o-| Web Master: craig craig(a)bscene.com.au

|-o-| Web Designer: Bud rbud85(a)hotmail.com

JOIN US by emailing an empty message to tk421-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

TO DEFECT (stop getting this ezine) send an empty message to tk421-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

Copyright Disclaimer: Lucasfilm Ltd owns all rights and trademarks to Star Wars™. TK421 is a fan created ezine interested in only parody and news reporting. TK421 is not associated with or controlled by Lucasfilm Ltd or any of it's subsidiaries.

All contents ©2000 TK421 unless otherwise stated.

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Reader Feedback 1 comment

ufc fights profile image

ufc fights 9 years ago from Liverpool, England

TK421 - why ar you not at your post?

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