For the Love of Beer

A hearty brew!
A hearty brew!

Beer Research

Beer has stirred an emotion in the heart of the average person that can only be classified as love. I've done extensive studies on the topic of beer, so it's possible I might be some kind of an expert. Most of the scientific minds have disagreed with my methodology over the years but I didn't let them discourage me in any way. My conclusions are firm... People love beer!

I admit that my research methods weren't always of the scientifically approved sort. I didn't study cross sections of the population in numbers of 1,000 or more, for instance. Nor were my experiments double blind, or even single blind for that matter. No, in the interests of saving taxpayer money, I opted for the simpler, lower-budget style of research. I restricted most of my studies to one subject (me) and during most of my studies the subject was totally blind. Blind drunk. But it was in the interests of science and I was willing to make the sacrifice... and I gave it my all.

I conducted most of my scientific work in Newfoundland, a province off the northeast coast of Canada. For those who aren't familiar with that part of the world, Newfoundland is to Canada what Tasmania is to Australia. A great expanse of water separates it from the mother country, much to the relief of a large portion of the mother country's citizens. The people living on the appended island are the butt of many jokes, much to the amusement of a large portion of the mother country's citizens. Most of the mother country's citizens rarely go anywhere near the appended island, much to the relief of the people who live on said island. You get the idea.

All of this was very good for me because I didn't have to worry about scientific minds hanging about getting in the way of my research. The scientific minds were mostly in Montreal, Ottawa, or Toronto living off the largess of various universities which were largely funded by the federal government. I lived off the largess of the people of Newfoundland, repaying them with tall tales and songs of the sea, accompanied by chords exuberantly strummed on my guitar. Everyone seemed happy with the exchange and I lived free of government interference or control. I conducted my experiments in comfort and peace while the local population pitched in on a volunteer basis because they believed in me and in the cause I was pursuing.

On the receiving end of a strong opinion.
On the receiving end of a strong opinion.

The Results of Beer Research

It should be kept in mind that I was quite youthful during the time I was studying beer. A consequence of my youthfulness is that much of what I learned, I learned through harsh, personal experience. Observation wasn't a skill I had yet acquired. Truth be told, it was a skill I probably wouldn't have accepted even if I had been given the opportunity to acquire it. The method of personal involvement was so... so... complete!

I did learn quite a number of interesting facts during those years, though. I learned about beer, which is good because it was the point of my work. But I also learned about alcohol consumption in general, and about the result of alcohol consumption on people's behaviour. Which was not so good because it landed me in a spot of trouble now and then. Maybe I'll share a couple of my experiences with you in the hope I can keep you from repeating my mistakes.

I would say the most important thing I learned about alcohol consumption is that you should never assume the man of the house is not home simply because his pickup truck is not in the driveway. He could have lent it to his buddy... the truck, that is. You need to think fast if hubby answers the door at 1:00 a.m. and you're there with your guitar singing "Savin' All My Love for You". Fast thinking is not a known outcome of extended beer research.

Another important thing I learned is that you should never start a conversation about religion, politics, or popular wives with a fellow who has switched his drinking from beer to rye whiskey. There's something about rye whiskey that shifts a man's opinions from his brain to his fists. And it causes that man to insist on sharing his opinions which he proceeds to pound into your head.

One of the songs I used to sing for the folks back then was Ray Stevens' tune, "Everything Is Beautiful". I'd switch the lyrics around a bit, to the delight of the crowd, and sing "Everything is beautiful, when you have beer." But those good times can be forgotten oh so quickly. Rye whiskey, all of you should know, erases a fellow's memory of good timin' songs and the jolly good fellow who sings them. The presence of rye whiskey makes me nervous still.

In the mid 1970's Tom T. Hall recorded a song named "I Like Beer." From the first time I heard that song, Mr. Hall became to me a great and wise philosopher. He had written into his lyrics rich wisdoms like "Whiskey's too rough, and vodka puts my mouth in gear... I like beer." To study the words of that song is to gain insight into some of the deep and little known mysteries of life.

Love beer, my friends, and love it deeply. But be wary of the peripherals... they're dangerous.

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Comments 48 comments

skye2day profile image

skye2day 7 years ago from Rocky Mountains

Too Fnnny nitewriter, I could have been in your beer club test. I tried that at one time myself. I put it away for a softer, easier way. 'Wine Cooler' which is beer with flavoing by the side portions. 3.2%. Not much of a whoopie. Why they call it a wine cooler is beside me. I never thought of that one. Fuzzy Peach Navel by Baccardi. I dont test any more just drink one on occassion. Great to meet you. You could test the beer quality in Flavored Beer?

Visit my hubs strangelander. Your humor is great. I needed that this AM


Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

"Fuzzy Peach Navel" sounds like an area of the social structure in need of deeper study. It's possible that you've ignited a change in my field of inquiry today.

prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 7 years ago from US

hmmm, thanks you managed to make me smile and then laugh,,,humour in writing youve got that plus i disocovered your a good writer,

you include yourself in the reseach, actual research, LOL

Love beer too, here in Texas, we have the Corona beer (mexican beer), and from the Philippines where I came from, San Mig beer, awesome!

have a good day always!

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

Your visits are always appreciated, with or without compliments. Of course, compliments are better...!

Raven King profile image

Raven King 7 years ago from Cabin Fever

You changed the lyrics to go with beer. Hmm...Sounds like you are a poet at heart and it would be nice to read some of your original lyrics.

Checks out that "Everything is beautiful" song. :)

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

I'm delighted to see you again, Raven. I'm in and out of HubPages as I do my outside work so I often don't see that my friends have visited until they're long gone. I'll write you a poem and leave it as a comment on one of your Hubs. I promise you, you'll be disappointed and dismayed!

Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 7 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

Your experiments might not be "double-blind" but drink enough lager and your goggles will be! Man do I love beer, another choice-cut article Niteriter. Hope you don't mind, but I suggested one of your other articles at the end of one I just published, I put the link to yours at the bottom of:

You inspired me to finish that particular Hub that I started (in my mind!) a couple weeks ago. Also, if you have the luck to find it, my favorite beer of all time is called "Klisch" it's made by Lakefront Brewery in Milwaukee, my old stomping grounds. It's superb.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks, Ben. You're welcome to link any time and you're always welcome anywhere I am. I'm truly glad I bumped into you; you're an inspiration to me as well. Oh yeah, and I'm off to Milwaukee now with Jerry Lee Lewis to see if that Klisch you spoke about can make a fool of the two of us.

ralwus 7 years ago

Hahahaha This was good! I immediately tho't of Tom T. Hall when I saw the title and was going to do a hub on him. I know the effects of beer and rye all too well as I went through the same research you did. My face never got beat up as bad as your's in that picture tho'. I did almost lose my nose once to a guy like Mike. Got hit with a black jack once and still have a knot head and scar. Those things will learn ya real fast to hold mouth and fist close. Great writing as usual, you never let me down. thanks, CC

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

I'm delighted you came by to visit, CC. I think if we ever got together in real life we'd have a lot of very interesting stories to trade! I've seen some of your peace-making activity in the forums; you're a great guy.

earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 7 years ago from Melbourne Australia

I am Australian, we love our beer. With Fosters, Vic Bitter and Carlton Draft we have some of the worlds best! Love your humor! Self effacing and funny.

ralwus 7 years ago

We will need to do that sometime. I would enjoy that, but I don't travel so well anymore. Still enjoy my beer, just not as much at one time. LOL I seem to recall a song by Bobby Bare, I'm a Winner, or something like that. Hehe Peace. Charlie

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

Hi, ernest. I'm flattered to have you visit. I started out with this as a piece on Australian home brewing kits but, as you can see, the story telling took over and I lost my way once again. A character trait of mine that I'm earnestly (hail the pun!) seeking to improve is discipline. To date, the improvement is not discernible to the naked eye. Thanks for coming by.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

Charlie, you are such a wise and gentle soul. If I could spend time with you I bet I'd even learn some common sense!

I remember your Bobby Bare song well; it was called "The Winner". "... that's the Tiger Man McCool; He's had the whole lotta fights and he's always come out winner; Yeah he's a winner..." A great song to be sure.

Dao Hoa profile image

Dao Hoa 7 years ago

In our family, we love Molson, LaBatt, and Blue. I also love your humor, it makes me smile. Thanks.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

I appreciate your visit very much. I don't get to spend as much time on HubPages as I'd like so I may not get to read your material right away. I will eventually get there and will leave a trail of comments to prove that I did so! Cheers.

bayareagreatthing profile image

bayareagreatthing 7 years ago from Bay Area California

Always so funny...I am a wine person myself...but the stories crack me up!

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada Author

Wine and I have been friends for many years. I have stories about wine as well but I may have to fabricate a few details since my memory of the events is somewhat dim! Thanks for coming by; I appreciate your visit.

blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

Niteriter why is beer so darn sour? Gee it's bout time they made one for women...a nice little sweet one with a good head on top..a little like a man.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi, blondepoet; it's really nice to see you here for a visit. Way back somewhere in the distant past, Charlie Pride used to sing a song about you: "You're so good when you're bad..." Just to get a shot at being close friends with ya, I'll scout around and see if I can find that beer you mentioned.

seanorjohn profile image

seanorjohn 6 years ago

Brilliant piece of writing .Your research has been replicated and verified in Yorkshire uk.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you, seanorjohn, for your support. We scientists have to present a united front on matters with such serious implications as beer drinking. I raise a frothy mug to your health and long life and to your contiued good work.

drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Your humor is often edgy and slightly askew - perhaps that's why I identify with it. In fact, one might call it "frolicsome." How do you feel about that appellation?

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 6 years ago from Canada Author

To have a doctor use the phrase "slightly askew" in any type of reference to me is to have all my secrets laid bare! Which means that any appellation you try to pin on me is not likely to stay pinned for long...

However, "frolicsome" does have a familiar and friendly ring to it! Thanks for dropping by.

WriteAngled profile image

WriteAngled 6 years ago from Treorci, Cymru

I'm a real ale and Belgian beer girl. And then there's Bamberger Rauchbier, smoked so you think your having a bacon butty on the side, and EKU at 12% and Sammi Claus at 14%, ahhhh..... you get into triple-blind studies if you have too many of those.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hold onto that thought, WriteAngled, I'm boarding a vessel for Wales tomorrow morning. There's serious science to be studied over there and I wouldn't want to miss out on an opportunity. I'm not sure what a bacon butty is but no sacrifice is too great for the sake of science.

Thanks for the visit. I appreciate it.

IntimatEvolution profile image

IntimatEvolution 6 years ago from Columbia, MO USA

"Fast thinking is not a known outcome of extended beer research."

I've so been there. My husband bought me a bottle opener that actually says, "My favorite beer is an open one."

That pretty well sums me up. Fantastic hub!!!!!!! I just sent a tweet out about it. You should Digg this article as well. Fun, fun, fun.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 6 years ago from Canada Author

Well, Ms. Intimate E, it is indeed my pleasure to have you come around for a visit. And if your favourite beer is an open one, you'll certainly find a home at my place! Cheers and best wishes.

Jess Killmenow profile image

Jess Killmenow 6 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

A cautionary tale, worth the read, thanks. Time for another beer. :)

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 6 years ago from Canada Author

That you would consider any of my literary meanderings to be "worth the read" automatically places you in a very special category. It's possible that you have inspired me to try and replicate my achievement here but I first need to set aside some time for contemplation and reflection. It may take a while.

I thank you for the visit and the comment. You are always welcome.

Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

I care much more for your wit and humor than for any beer on the Planet. In such distinguished company, even beer sounds good. A Votre Sante, Sir…

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 6 years ago from Canada Author

Why Petra, mon cœur est danse plus rapidement l'étape! Your very kind words have made this day a sunny one. I've not had the time to spend at HubPages these past few weeks but I'll be active again soon. And you will be one of the first I visit. Thank you for coming by.

Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 5 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

Ah Niteriter where hev yuh gun? Anywho man, I included you as the top of my favorite fanmail comments hub, it's my 100th. Just wanted to say thanks for such a kind and warm tribute.

Here's to beer my friend, I hope yer Canuck winter finds you well. Here's the link, hope you don't mind me posting it bud:


Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 5 years ago from Canada Author

Mr. Ben Zoltak, Author!!! Congratulations for sure and here's hoping that this is the first of many.

I'm flattered as all getout for being at the top of your list. If you'd kindly remind what I did to deserve that honour I'll jump right up and do it again!

Thanks, Brother. You have my very best wishes.

imranhaider 5 years ago

nice my dear

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you for the visit. All the way from Pakistan... wow, I'm truly flattered!

DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA

Love it! Amazing how everything gets a little prettier with beer!

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 5 years ago from Canada Author

Well, hey, anyone with the ability to recognize the finer points (pints? ... ha, couldn't resist) of beer is immediately a friend of mine. I don't know if I've ever used the term "prettier" to describe the beer experience but I'm pretty (couldn't resist again) sure we understand each other.

Thanks for stopping by. Best wishes.

Lady_Tenaz 5 years ago

I like beer and whiskey! You are right about people switching from beer to whiskey using their fists to speak instead of their mouth,lol. It could be said that both MEN and WOMEN can be that way. I really liked this one, you are quite funny. btw- that "saving all my love for you" part was hilarious!

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 4 years ago from Canada Author

I don't know how I missed replying to your comment. I certainly have no believable excuse since I approved you several months ago! I'm glad you came by anyway; and I'm always flattered to know I've brought a chuckle to someone's day. Best wishes.

pennyofheaven profile image

pennyofheaven 4 years ago from New Zealand

You made me laugh big time! What amazing wit!!

According to our media, NZ (my country) is notorious for it's over drinking. When we were teenagers we never considered it over drinking but the norm. They have changed over drinking to the term binge drinkers. It doesn't matter people still like beer.

I remember when I started drinking as a teen. I set out to prove that the blanks that established drinkers had was hogwash. I was determined to consume more than the average drinker and to drink more often than the average drinker to prove my belief. Erroneous belief as it turned out to be. So would you call that a kind of experiment in the interest of science?

Experiment failed of course.

Now a little bit older and wiser I am better for having failed in my experiment! I learned most of all that there is usefulness in failure.

Awesome hub! Very well written and very entertaining! Thanks.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 4 years ago from Canada Author

Well, hello Penny! What a pleasant surprise to see you here on one of my Hubs. In view of the wisdom you are funneling out into the earthly thought space, I now have to inspect my material very carefully. I need to find a level of value that allows me to lift my head out from under the bedsheets!

But I am ever so grateful that you stroked my feathers with the comment "...there is usefulness in failure." I'll have to set aside some time today to contemplate the grandeur of my substantial stack of usefulness.

Thanks for stopping by. I'll have to write a new Hub now to lure you back again!

Rad Man 4 years ago

You have inspired me to write a few hubs about my family trips back to Cape Breton as a teenager. I've know many newfoundlanders and they are not dissimilar to Cape Bretoners in that they love drinking. I do believe that Newfoundlanders are much more friendly then Capers, During 9-11 Newfoundlanders opened there homes to strangers, Capers are much more distrusting. I was always an outsider in Cape Breton even though I was born there and visited twice a year. That being said my Cape Breton cousins can drink and drink and drink. My Newfoundland friends can do the same, but they work hard while Cape Bretoners hardly work. You've inspired me to write about the time I went drinking with my older cousin in Cape Breton and had to drive home to Toronto the following morning. Stay away from rye is what I learned the very hard way.

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 4 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks, Rad Man, for this very welcome visit. You have brought back many fond memories for me today. I'll be over to see what you're up to just as soon as I can escape this chain gang I'm shackled to. Best wishes always.

grinnin1 profile image

grinnin1 4 years ago from st louis,mo

What a great commentary on the lowly beer... I'm from St. Louis where beer is made out of everything from milk to pumpkin- (not so great, by the way) but I've learned to appreciate it! Great writing as usual- enjoyed it!

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 4 years ago from Canada Author

The brewing of homemade beer is a great undertaking. Even when the resulting product is less than heavenly, we do have to pay respect to the brewer who is worthy for having tried!

Thanks for coming by. Your visit makes me feel good.

suzzycue profile image

suzzycue 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I love this and I am a true Beer lover Eh! I enjoyed your experiment with beer and glad I was able to share your experiances now. Thanks for the laugh:) CHEERS!

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 2 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you for coming by to give some love to my very lonely Hub. That you enjoyed the experiment and the experience is a source of great pleasure for me. I am grateful for your visit.

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