Battleship

Battleship

Director: Peter Berg

Writers: Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber

Cast: Alexander SkarsgÄrd, Brooklyn Decker, Liam Neeson, Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna, Tadanobu Asano, Hamish Linklater, John Tui, Jesse Plemons, Gregory D. Gadson, Jerry Ferrara, Adam Godley, Rico McClinton, Joji Yoshida

Synopsis: A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals.

MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence, action and destruction, and for language

Two-Face and Riddler play Battleship

YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!!!!

When I was a child playing "Battleship" with my little brother, I would always say something like, "Oh wouldn't it be great if someone in Hollywood ever decided to make a damn movie out of this game? I mean it would be so freaking awesome if they did." And look at what we have here, my childhood dream come to life. But wait, why stop there?

Why not make a movie off other board games like "Monopoly?" Hell, I can just imagine that being a great movie too. Maybe cast that lovable Jim Carrey in the role, as the "Monopoly" guy, and he'd be just perfect. In fact, I can come up with the perfect slogan to advertise the film too, as they could say, "Do Not Pass Go, you must go to jail to watch this movie!" Eh? Tell me that isn't a great marketing slogan to promote the film.

But wait, why not make a movie about "Candy Land" too? I can just see it now. A musical kids movie about the joys of "Candy Land." Or what about an epic action thriller based on the classic "Jenga" game? In fact, Hasbro even said that "Jenga" is one of their current in development movie properties, so SCORE! I can't wait to see that film, as the possibilities are just endless...

By the way, I'm being very sarcastic, in case you can't tell. On a serious note though, Hasbro did officially announce that they were working on a film based on "Jenga", so that part was true. Gee, I can hardly wait to see that one.....(shudders) Anyways, lets start the review.

The film is loosely based on the popular board game, and by that, I mean it resembles very little about it; with the notable exception that it does involve battleships. Although, there's one scene where our protagonists have to target the enemy using a grid; while guessing the enemy's location on said grid. Gee, that's kind of like how it is in the game; except the enemy doesn't move. Hmm...I guess there are similarities between the game and movie after all.

However, does that necessarily mean "Battleship" is a bad film per say? I mean "Pirates of the Caribbean" was based on a theme park ride at Disney, yet the first three films turned out to be a lot of fun. Sure, they were still bad films, but still a lot of fun to watch. Therefore, could "Battleship" be another guilty pleasure film where you know it's bad, but turn out to be so much fun to watch anyway? Well, in a word, yes and no.

If you look past the fact that the film was loosely based on a board game, the story is nothing more than your standard alien invasion movie. Sure, we all know realistically that if aliens were to invade us, then chances are we would end up getting our collective a**es kicked. But for the sake of plot convenience, and to keep viewers happy, "Battleship" is just another typical underdog beating the s*** out of aliens in the name of cinematic fun; while coming up with characters that are mostly one dimensional (ala "Independence Day" style).

If that wasn't bad enough, we have a cliched ridden romance that's forced upon the viewer. Plus, lets not forget about the running joke about Taylor's character working up the courage to ask his commanding officer's permission to marry his daughter throughout the film.

If you honestly broke down the plot to this film, "Battleship" is arguably one of the worst movies ever written. The story is bogged down with various cliches, and a lot of forced humor that does nothing to enhance the story, as it almost seems like it's trying to be another "Independence Day"; minus all the charm.

Plus, it seems like Taylor Kitsch is finally showing his limited range, as he seems to play almost the same damn character in every film that he performs in. Not saying it's a bad thing, but it's rather obvious to say the least.

As for the special effects, I have to say I was fairly impressed by them. Great CGI, and sound effects too, as it makes me wonder why those aspects of this movie were ignored by the Oscars earlier this year.

On the surface, "Battleship" is a piece of s*** movie that never should've been made, but on the other hand, it's one of those rare bad movies that's so bad...that it's actually entertaining?

Yes, like Barry Gordy's "The Last Dragon" or "Battlefield Earth", this film is so pretentiously bad that it actually comes out to be very comical to watch. As I was watching this movie, I couldn't stop laughing at it's mindless stupidity. It was just comical at how "Battleship" tries to make itself seem like a great epic film, when in reality, it's arguably one of the worst movies ever made. But then again, that's what makes it so freaking funny to watch.

Overall, I would have to say that I agree with most film critics that "Battleship" is a giant piece of crap, but that's what makes it so much fun to watch. Hell, I'll have to consider this to be one of my top guilty pleasure films to watch at a rating of two out of four.



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Comments 4 comments

gabrielthomas72 profile image

gabrielthomas72 3 years ago from Shrewsbury, England

Totally agree! Probably 2 of the most of the most wasted hours of my life!!


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 3 years ago Author

lol. sorry to hear that gabriel. anyways, thanks for stopping by. :)


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 3 years ago from The Garden State

The "Battleship" movie was dumb as a box of rocks but I actually found it entertaining in an assembly-line, fast-food sort of way. Six months from now I'll probably have forgotten that I ever saw it, but while I was watching it I got a few chuckles.

I swear that the director must've intended this movie to be his "demo reel" so he can apply for a directing gig on the next Transformers movie. "Pick me, Mr. Bay! Pick Me!"


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 3 years ago Author

lol. I think you could be onto something there about this being a demo reel for Peter Berg, so he can direct the next transformers film. Hell, that would explain so much like why the alien ships look the way they do and etc. lol

Anyways thanks for stopping by again freddy.

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