In the nineties there was a program called Room 101. The premise of the show was to name the 10 most annoying things you could think of. Then you had to argue for each of your items. If your argument was persuasive, your wretched item would be placed in room 101 and locked in for all eternity.
Here are some of mine. In the comments section please add yours!!
1. Chomping noises: the noises that people make when they are eating. In most people the crunchier the food... the louder the noise. However my dad has perfected the "wet" chompy noise that can be created with any food... mmm perhaps my dad should be in the room..
2. Ditherers: also known as "I don’t know.... what do you think?” This is epitomized by people who can’t make up their mind about what to order at a restaurant... they then ask the waiter they would order if they were eating there...and commence arguing about the waiter’s choice. After eventually making a decision, the waiter disappears into the kitchen; they then become fretful and call them back to change the order.
3. People who cunningly leave a whisper of toilet paper on a toilet roll instead of changing the roll: seriously there are some sickos out there or people with very stinky fingers. If there are less than three sheets on the roll we need a new one people... honestly!!
4. Kissing the boss: I dread my birthday and any other excuse for the boss to commence the "daring kiss of death" it starts with a lean forward lulling you into a false sense of security that you may get away with a hug. When their arms which have turned into bands of steel clench your unwilling forearms you know you are in trouble as their centre of subtly shifts as they begin to make a sticky beeline for your cheek. You breathe in deeply thinking it’s almost over as the juicy residue glistens on the side of your face... but no! They quickly turn like a shark scenting blood and confusion sets in. You thought it was all over! But your other cheek is branded with saliva. Breathing deeply once more you feel their hands release you. You make a gross misjudgment and their fetid lips brush yours.. The fatal third kiss.. You fell for it again... you feel your cheeks burn as you catch the glint in their eyes. They size up their next victim... you are free for another 12 months....
5. Malaysian Film Censorship: For those of you who have never seen a movie in Malaysia, each release is carefully doctored to protect the innocent population from being offended by evil western values. The practical upshot of all this is that EVERY swear word is cut from the movie making some movies (especially Tarentino movies) unwatchable as the dialogue keeps jumping. The f-word of course comes in for special treatment; each is carefully removed, interestingly enough though the c-word is left in. I think they believe it is a make of car or something. Sex is also cut out, of course; in fact even kissing is sometimes curtailed! Violence however is totally fine, as the Malaysian population obviously needs no protection from blood or gore. Indeed horror movies are often given U certificates indicating that they are suitable for all. You got to love it!
6. Malaysian Mandy toilets: Imagine really needing the toilet. Then imagine walking down the hallway to the toilet and beginning to smell it many meters before you even enter it. As you walk through the doorway you look down to see that there is a good 5ml of water covering the entire floor… it stinks like to high heaven and the bottom of your jeans is now damp with water and goodness knows what. You get into the toilet and look in horror at the squat toilet. You steel yourself and squat, you try not to wee on your pants. Finally you stand and look for the toilet paper…. To your growing horror you realize that as in many Malaysian toilets… there is none… You decide to use the hose to wash away any waste. You then gingerly pull up your pants and they slowly absorb the excess water. As you walk slowly out of the toilet, damp in the worse kind of way, you vow next time to wait till you get home!
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