selling my body for home decor

My shopping habit history

Let me start by giving you a little bit of information about myself. I grew up outside of Albuquerque New Mexico, where I lived with my grandparents and spent some time in Durango Colorado where my mother lived. I spent time with my mother when she could get on her feet from failed and bad relationships, but this is not a story about that. When I was growing up My grandmother would go shopping every Friday, and I knew this. So when Friday rolled around and it was time for school I would mysteriously come down with a stomach ache. This was the start of my shopping obsession! Now the stomach ache was a perfect excuse, you could not have a temperature and look just fine and it would work! I pulled this stunt so often as a kid they finally decided it was nerves from not being able to live with my parents. Ok I was kind of a rotten kid but I've grown up and my grandma forgave me.My grandma was also a shopping addict and I think I learned from the best, She had so many shoes and what was funny is that she would buy the shoes and put them away for a month or two and when my grandpa would ask her when she got those new shoes she would say oh, these, I have had them for awhile! See what I mean. She was so full of great tips on hiding your shopping habits. Anyway I became obsessed with shopping, I have always loved to shop and will probably die trying to get a great parking space at the mall. It does not matter what I am shopping for either, I Iove it all. My husband is a hunter, and I explain it to him in his kinda language, He's looking for the big buck, and I'm looking for the big deal! All pretty much the same, we are just hunting for different things!

Now that you know that let me give you a little more information about myself. I met my husband at the age of sixteen when i lived in Colorado. No, we did not get married at that age but oh, about four years later. My Husband worked at a coal mine for seven years and he became tired of that job as he always wanted to become a mechanic,That is after all what he went to school for. Our house burned down, and the crime was getting out of control, and he was ready to go. So anyway his father lived in Oklahoma, and he decided that is where we needed to go, so me being the dutiful wife went!I did not go without a fight though! Ok so we get to Oklahoma after my house had been rebuilt, and I had my new furniture and I was not a happy camper. I could not take all my things with me and had to sell many furnishings with my husbands promise that they would be replaced. Oklahoma is not one of the highest rate paying states by the way. So eleven years later I still do not have my stuff replaced. I also should let you know that I live in the middle of nowhere, it is a 45 minute drive for groceries and at least a two and a half hour drive to a decent mall.So now you know why I didn't come peacefully.

All the information above was necessary for you to understand what It has been like for me the last eleven years, almost HELL! I do have to say that I have had the opportunity to go back to Colorado, but have stayed as this is great place for my children. So anyway, I signed up for this cake decorating class to get myself out of my house, I do daycare and never get to go anywhere, and I had to have some supplies for this class. Me and my friend, who I made sign up for this class with me, drove to the nearest Hobby Lobby about an hour and a half away. This is not an unusual thing around here, we have to drive forever for anything. So we went to Hobby Lobby and got what we needed, but not before we looked at everything in the store! She also has a shopping obsession and that is probably why we are friends. We looked at every single thing in that store, we strolled down every aisle and picked up every object for closer inspection. If that store ever gets robbed we will probably get arrested for it as our finger prints are everywhere. Now I have decided that I really want to redecorate my house. I figure that I have earned it! I have waited after all for eleven long year. But just redecorating the house could never be enough for me, Oh no, I have to actually plan on replacing whole areas of my house. The Kitchen has got to go, The bathroom too, I really am beginning to think it would be cheaper to just buy a new house! I know that most of this is because I watch way too much Home and Garden Television, but I just can't help myself!

Going to Hobby Lobby did not help the situation, oh the stuff I found! The many items of home decor, the furniture, just talking about it gives me shivers up and down my spine. The shopping trip was almost X rated as I rubbed my body with a vase, or a platter for my new kitchen. It was Euphoric! Maybe it was because it had been so long since I had actually shopped. Usually when I hit the stores or the malls I've got my husband or a kid with me saying hurry up or are we done yet. I had probably almost broke my shopping habit and didn't even know it, although thanks to the internet I could actually hide my shopping habit. I could shop for hours online, have things shipped right to my door. I could shop in my underwear if I wanted to. But nothing could replace the mall. The smell of the food court, the new clothing and shoes, home decor galore, it's like a church and that's my kind of religion!

Now this is how we get starting on selling my body for home decor! I did not buy any of the things that day, those wonderful, marvelous items. No I held tight to my budget. I had to. But I wanted them so very bad. This is when I decided that I was going to sell my body for home decor. I can't even tell you the things I might do for a console table or a new couch, unspeakable things I assure you. Of course the items would have to be negotiable, I can't perform sexual acts for a run down recliner. Yes, I could exchange sex for furniture. I could bring the new items home and hide them from my husband for a month or two, and when he asks where I got it or how long I have had it I can then say "Oh this, I've had it for a while." Oh by the way, don't let my husband read this!

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Comments 51 comments

julia ward profile image

julia ward 8 years ago from Florida

Yes, I too could sell my body for home decor. I have been lusting after a new vacuum cleaner. Not just any vacuum - but something made after WWII, perhaps an upright! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

blessings,

julia

julia ward - a BLINDING heart - a writer's blog - www.ablindingheart.com


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Julia, I recently had to sell my body to my husband for a new vacuum, but I also got a new 50" plasma tv too, so I guess I done ok. I probably should have used that money for a new couch. hmmm


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

In my best Claude Raines voice. Come with me to the Casbah, I have something I would like to show you! (raises eyebrows twice)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

haha, vase or sofa?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

(Still in character) "Sofa so good!" .... "I have a vaset array of treasures ma cherry"


julia ward profile image

julia ward 8 years ago from Florida

Perhaps a fainting couch........they are as they say.....so chic!

Ahhhhhhhhhh....

blessings,

julia

julia ward - a BLINDING heart - a writer's blog - www.ablindingheart.com


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

No can't say I've ever seen a couch that faints, where are those smelling salts.

I had a Tall Boy once, Oh and a Dresser, got rid of them though. They just stood there and looked at me!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Gee if Gwendymom would sell her body for a vacuum cleaner, wonder what she would be prepared to offer for a fold up camp chair? with back rest and stubby holder of course.  Plus a 10in. portable TV set. Thats about as far as I'm prepared to go! Ok I'll throw in the rabbits ear but thats definitely it!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Julia, oh a fainting couch would be nice. Thanks for stopping by.

avgulpes, I am afarid the 10 inch tv and and rabbit ears just aren't going to cut it. They are now going full digital here and I could not receive a signal so whats the point. Now a high boy would be ok, or at least negotiable.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

I think most husbands are on to us, they are just willing to "pay the price." LOL always a way, to get our way, =))


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

marisue, your probably right about that, but whatever works. Maybe I'm not working hard enough at it though as I have not got my furniture replenished yet. I'll have to up my game I guess.


julia ward profile image

julia ward 8 years ago from Florida

I wonder what the going rate is for a lazy boy recliner? I love the handle on the side so you can pretend you're an elevator operator. Going up! My beloved will probably not let me around anything mechanical though since I caught my left nipple in the electric mixer. (Don't ask!)

blessings,

julia

julia ward - a BLINDING heart - a writer's blog - www.ablindingheart.com


ajcor profile image

ajcor 8 years ago from NSW. Australia

hysterical - personally I would like some new paint on my new bathroom walls! the going rate for that would be what I wonder???


blangrehr profile image

blangrehr 8 years ago from Spartanburg SC

Wow, this was fun, I needed a break from all the political stuff...thanks.


Madison Parker profile image

Madison Parker 8 years ago from California

He, He, shopping can indeed be an addiction. Shoes and handbags....don't get me started!

Madison


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Ah Gwendymom, sorry got distracted, something about a left nipple!

Oh Phhleeeaaasseee Julia we all wait with bated breath! That sure beats my putting a drill thru my wifes finger!


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 8 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City

Whats going on here? Is this the buy and tell section?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Julia, I have no idea what the going rate for a lazy boy recliner is, that could vary for so many reasons. The handles on the side do make it attractive to both men and women so tyyour husband might easily make a deal with you, on the other hand a stranger might not. Too many variables for that one. Ouch! I have never caught my nipple in the mixer although I have nearly scratched it off on accident, my daughter shut her ear in the refrigerator, I'm just trying to come up with something to make you feel better but yea, I don't have anything close to that. I hope your nipple gets better. I honestly never thought I'd say that to anybody!

Ajcor, I would also like some new paint on my walls and in negotiations for that currenlt. I will keep you update on the cost.

Madison, I also loves shoes and purses, I have ran out of room in my closet and feel that I need a bigger closety, my husband thinks I need less stuff. Of course I am right though.

agvulpes, remind me to never be around you when you have a drill in your hand.

Just Rodney, It is kind of the buy and tell section, or the sell and buy section. something like that.

Thanks all for your comments!


julia ward profile image

julia ward 8 years ago from Florida

Unfortunately, I had another accident with the mixer earlier this week so I have been banned from using all electrical appliances and hand tools. The lazy boy is definitely out. (Heavy sigh and look of contempt at the straight back chair!)

blessings,

julia

julia ward - a BLINDING heart - a writer's blog - www.ablindingheart.com


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

I am so sorry Julia, but if you might loose a nipple then it's probably best to stay away from electrical appliances, I can't even imagine what else you get get caught in things. Sorry about the lazy boy.


Breet profile image

Breet 8 years ago

Ah to shop again without a restricted budget!! I feel your pain !!! But at least you did get the big TV ;) hee hee


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Shopping without budget restrictions is my biggest fantasy. Yea your right at leat I got the big tv, but everything looks so crappy compared to it. Not complaing though.


hardikinn profile image

hardikinn 8 years ago

haha, vase or sofa?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

I'm after some advise! I'm in heavy contractual negotiations for a bathroom reno. From the male perspective do you think I should go in hard or soft?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Hardkinn, thanks for stoping by and leaving a comment.

Agvulpes, it's pretty hard for me to give you a male perspective, but I think hard is always good.

My negotiations for the bathroom redo are going soft. This could take awhile.


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

This was a great read, gwendymom. I laughed all the way through, including through the comments. The idea of selling your body for furniture, and then hiding the furniture for a while, cracks me up. Where ever would you hide that purple sofa???Thumbs up!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Sally, I have not worked than one out yet, I might have to sell my body for a storage unit. Thanks for the comments and for stopping by, glad you enjoyed it.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Well my dear the poor boy must be exhausted, take a tip from a well seasoned negotiator , let him take a rest to recharge his batteries ,so to speak. Then when he least expects it , resume er...negotiations . Hard and fast. Close the deal before he's had time to .......You get the idea! And no hitting below the belt, you hear!!!! Looking at your new avatar, he's fighting a loosing battle, fait accompli! :D


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Well right now his neck is injured, so I guess I am on my own for awhile. I won't be hitting below the belt. Thanks:)


profiler profile image

profiler 8 years ago from Currently in this universe

what would you do if it was a whole house? :D


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

hahaha, I'm not sure I can list it here. :)


Misha profile image

Misha 8 years ago from DC Area

Love your new avatar. Is it a part of your advertising campaign? ;)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thanks Misha, no, not part of my advertising campaign. I would have put someone elses. Better chances of getting my furniture and home decor. lol.


Misha profile image

Misha 8 years ago from DC Area

You don't do yourself justice, you are a beautiful woman :)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

awww, your so sweet.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Gwendy - My current husband lured me into moving to AZ by sending me pictures of his home...which my girlfriend and I dubbed Tabula Rasa Casa. :) It was just waiting for me to arrive with all my decorating goodies...and now it looks more like Pier I Exports blew up in it.

To draw me away from my computer, hubby then made the mistake of saying, "Hey! Why don't we paint the bedroom?" To which I replied...not if we're just going to put the old crap back in there (we didn't have a bedroom set). Well...I had so much fun...new bedroom furniture, new decorations....oh I can't wait to tackle the living room next :)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Oh spryte, I envy you so much. I really need to post some pictures on here of my hideus furniture and home decor. I hate it! Wish I could be there to help, even if it is not my own I just love to decorate! You go girl!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Gwendy - Don't let distance from the stores stop ya woman!!! I hate the mall and do all of my shopping online. My husband actually felt sorry for the UPS man...lol! There wasn't a day when he wasn't delivering lamps, candlesticks, perfume bottles, pictures for the walls, bed linen...I went absolutely crazy. :) I even bought a lowboy for my dining room online.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Shipping on  that lowboy must have cost you a fortune! I am in the process of working out a deal with my husband for a new sofa. He goes on yearly elk hunting trips and I have to stay behind this time. I told him that I was thinking about going to Oklahoma City for a few days while he was gone to go watch our high schools cross country team compete. you see my oldest daughter was ranked 8th in the state for cross country and was a state champion in in the two mile relay, 2nd in the mile run and 3rd in the 1/2 mile and also 2nd in the 2 mile run for track, also her team where state champs. I loved going to these events and have missed it very much. So I have decided to adopt the current team as my own. anyway back to the story, So I decided that for the cost of a room for three days, gas and meals that I could probably get me a new sofa. We'll see how that turns out. I'm pretty sure we will go for it as he feels a little guilty for leaving me alone for a week and a half, so a few bats of the eye lashes should do the trick. wish me luck!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

lol! I don't think you'll need luck! Misha's right...about your hawtness...just use some of that on him :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

gwendymom! A fainting couch! You crack me up! I think you NEED a fainting couch, as your corsett is tied a little too tight! Ya'll can get together...start a business...a consortium, if you will. Then when you get found out, the newspapers will call you "The Home Decor Hookers," and they'll make a movie-of-the-week about you and then it well air in reruns endlessly on the Lifetime channel. I can see it now. You'll be famous and your houses will look fabulous.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma Author

spryte, thank you. You have to remember that the pic is one of those glamour shots where they slap a bunch of makeup on you and do the big hair, although they did inspire me to buy some hot rollers to pull off that hair. so anyway, I don't look like that everyday, but if i'm going to show everyone my pic then I might as well use the best one as I don't have many to choose from . I am mostly behind the camera.

Christoph, thats all I'm asking.


Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 7 years ago from London

I would love to renovate most of the rooms in our house too. I haven't actually considered selling my body to do it though, interesting idea...

Nice hub!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Moon Daisy, I had not considered the idea either until I went shopping and didn't have any money. I guess I could try and win the lottery or something. I just don't know what else to do to support my shopping addiction. I am not out on the corner yet though.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Hi gwendymom: What's up? Did you know your on page 1 of Hot Hubs?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Christoph, I did not know that. Thanks for the info!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Christoph, tag, you it.


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 7 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

any ideas how I could sell my body for a PORCHE?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma Author

I guess the same way for a porsche as for home decor. It's all in the advertising.


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

gwendy, I really think you are on to something. I didn't sell myself for furninture, not exactly. I used clever negotiation tactics to encourage my boyfriend to get rid of his ugly furniture in favor of my own. Now I am wondering what else I can get out of him...I really do need a shoe rack, and some new shoes to go with it. I LOVE shoes!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma Author

a woman cann never have too many shoes, no matter what her husband says! Go For it!!

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