8 Horrible Things You Learn While Raising a Tween Girl

From Sweet Little Girl to TWEEN!

It all happened so quick! My daughter was the apple of my eye, the sweetest little thing I had ever seen. She was my sidekick...my sweetheart....and then BAM! She became a girl, a full blown preteen and suddenly my son was my new favorite child- (not really, but really!)

I was getting payback in full swing, everything I put my own poor mother through, was about to kill me slowly.


Lessons Your Tween Daughter Will Teach You

1. You are not cool. You are no longer the cool mom, she will refuse any affection in public, and if you try to talk to her around her friends, she will roll her eyes and completely ignore you. Don't kid yourself, your cool days are over, you are officially a chauffeur and a source of money.

2. You cannot pull off bling jeans, or any other fashionable thing, ever. So, no matter how good you think those jeans look on you, or even those knee high boots, your daughter will be appalled if you try to wear it. She will think you are trying to be young and hip like her, and clearly you are not pulling it off. So don't try.

3. Hugging and kissing your spouse is downright disgusting and borderlines child abuse. When your daughter becomes aware of the opposite sex, it is clearly forbidden that you are aware. Do not show any affection towards your husband, kissing and hugging is a horrible action, don't even try to hold his hand. You will be welcomed with a line such as 'get a room.' And so we do...and she hates that too!

4. You will never do anything right again (well unless you buy her something really expensive). If you want her love and appreciation, the only thing that will work is to buy her something expensive. She will appreciate and love you for about 10 minutes and it will feel so great.

5. You love your other children more. No matter how you treat your children, even if you are the epitome of fair, she will always feel like you love them more. However, this may be because you are not buying her all those expensive things to earn her affection. You should really do that more.

6. You are old and you could not possibly understand what she goes through. Even though you have lived through mountains of girl drama, experienced the heartache, and dealt with all the terrible hormones she is now dealing with, she will not for one second think you could understand what she is going through. She is nothing like you, nor will she ever be. Ha!

7. Everything is an emergency. She cannot find her black skirt, it is your fault that her life is over. Yep, her life is over, because her black skirt is lost behind the mountains of clothes that fill her bedroom. How dare you not believe this is an emergency?!!!

8. Having a sleep over will require your complete silence. Do not try to talk to her friends while they sleep over at your house. Do not try to ask them about other friends, or boys! Don't ever break out the tea set that they used to play together, or suggest they play with.........DOLLS!!!!. You are not cool enough to be a part of their epic conversations...don't even try.


Once You Learn These Lessons You Will Be Able to Cope

If you abide by all the lessons that she is trying to teach you, then you may live to see another day, and maybe she will grace you with one of her beautiful smiles. In the meantime remember that this won't last forever, just a few, well more like 5-8 years. Good Luck!



What is your favorite way to torture your tween daughter?

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1 comment

Tyler 20 months ago

Your the best writer ever

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