Six Wishes for Survivors of Bad Mother-Child Relationships
Stories of bad mothers are everywhere, so we will not spend time to narrate any of them here. Our purpose is to focus on the survivors of these bad mother-child relationships. Some have already learned how to turn their pain into power; others are still healing and we are sensitive to their struggle. We want to applaud them all for their survival and wish them continued strength!
Wishing For This Promise from God To Come True in Your Life
We will not even focus on their suffering, though we acknowledge the severity of their hurt. We apologize for the irresponsible humans who robbed them of the happy, healthy mother-child relationships which is their right. We want to remind them that they are not to blame for their misfortune. Discovering and pursuing their purpose gives them reason to keep on living.
This article celebrates them and shares six life-affirming wishes.
- Good Relationships
- Good Self-Image
- Good Attitude
- Good Sense of Humor
- Good Opportunities
- Good Future
(1) Good Relationships
Your mother proved herself unworthy of a relationship with you, and we will not even judge her, since we seldom have all the facts. She probably left you confused, frightened, and unprotected. Try not to allow your experience with her to become your definition of motherhood. She had a flaw and circumstances magnified it. We hope that life compensated you with a caring mother figure, and wish that within the relationships you now have, you can find enough love, attention and nurture to compensate for the affection of which you were robbed. The more you focus on the good in what you have, the sooner you will become aware that you have what you need.
(2) Good Self-Image
Write out a personal definition of your name, based on the skills, talents and potential you see in yourself. Know who you are, and do not tolerate any description by anyone else, if that description conflicts with yours. What happened between you and your mother is unfortunate, but it does not have to affect the image you describe. If your mother ever shows up in your mental vision, smile and let her know that you pity her for missing out on being a part of your life. Or if she shows up in real life, be strong enough to hold onto the control while you decide how to respond to her.
(3) Good Attitude
Everyone builds a personal set of values based on experiences and environment. Hopefully, your replacement mother figure taught you to forgive—to free yourself from the emotional burden caused by the fault of someone else. We wish you the capacity to receive love and the ability to express it. We wish that other positive emotions like joy, trust, and courage will have double power in your psyche and win out over negative emotions like despair, distrust and discouragement. Cling to positive, productive thoughts and they will manifest themselves in your actions. Begin with the thought of gratitude.
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The Survivor to Thriver manual is an essential guidebook for ASCA (Adult Survivor of Child Abuse) participants, as well as for any survivor of physical, sexual and/or emotional child abuse or neglect.
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Fostering a sense of connectedness and community among ASCA participants.
(4) Good Sense of Humor
Here is an excerpt from Bad Childhood—Good Life by Dr. Laura Schlessinger:
Dr. Laura: There are the people who have those big disappointments and they spend their lives being sad. And then there are the other people, who go, “It is sad that I have these disappointments, but I am sooo lucky because I have ...” Which do you think are the happier people?
Child Caller: The people who are sad—but still happy.
Choose to be happy and make yourself laugh. Laugh hard. Laugh at the silly things children say, which show that they do not appreciate the blessing of loving parents. Laugh at the gestures of people who underestimate your determination to succeed against all odds. Laugh just because you see a joke where nobody else sees one.
(5) Good Opportunities
So often, children of bad mothers blame their childhood experience for their inability, or for the lack of opportunity to get a good education. We do not wish that for you. We know that your mental state is affected, but we also know that you can heal. Get help, if you need to. Education is a lifetime venture; so if circumstances interfere with your academic agenda, keep looking for learning opportunities to improve your skills. Good education opens up opportunities for other good things—business relationships, self-employment, career and travel. Expect and visualize doors opening to you, like you see them do for other people, and be ready to walk through.
An Abortion Survivor
(6) Good Future
Some children die at the hands of their bad mothers. You did not, and what a blessing! What kind of future do you have in mind? What goals and destinations are you focused on? You already survived one major dilemma, so you can survive the struggle it takes to get where you want to go. Study the person you want to become, instead of the person you don’t want to be like. Read biographies of happy, successful people. Enroll in a mentoring program, if you think it will help. No time to look back. Celebrate life every day until the celebration of life becomes a habit. You’ll even make a good parent, and so many would benefit if you write your survival story!
© 2013 Dora Isaac Weithers
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