A Father I Only Knew For One Hour

This Hub was posted before I deleted my prior work I felt it necessary to re post Thanks for reading!


My Grandmother and my uncle bought my mom a business in Tijuana, Mexico. My mom was 15 years old operating a business. It was a little super market where she sold house necessities and snacks. My mom would go to work and home. There was this boy that would pass daily and would commence a conversation with my mom. They talked almost every day and became really good friends. They would hang out after my mom would finish up a days work. One day they became closer then friends, and I was conceived. My mom became pregnant of me at 15. My mom gave up her business and came back to the U.S. She periodically went back to visit my dad while she was pregnant of me. My dad wasn’t the ordinary teenager. He had a different lifestyle then my mom had and was raised to have. He was hooked on minor drugs at the time. My mom started to find out slowly by noticing the difference in his attitude. He would be out of character a few times when she went back to visit. My mom and dad talked about the difference in lifestyles and decided that it would be best if my mom had and raised me in California. My mom was a U.S. resident. My dad wasn’t. It was a difficult choice that my mom had to make. My dad was her first love and the father of her baby. My grandparents played a major factor in the decision my mom made. She gave birth to me on September 23, 1982. When my mom advised my father’s mother of my birth, she sadly told my mom that he was in the hospital having a child as well with his new girlfriend. So truth is told that he was cheating on my mom at the time I was conceived. So I had a little brother as well. My mom was distraught by the information that was given to her. She made a decision to raise me on her own. She reached a resolution by not allowing my father to meet me.

I was now graduating from high school. “Job well done mom, I couldn’t have done it without you. “ Here I am at 17, starting my first day of college. One day while eating dinner with my grandmother I had self reliance to ask about my biological father. She began to tell me what exactly had happen. I was a bit saddened to listen to the story of my mom and dad, and how it ended. I began to get angry that I wasn’t given an option to meet this man and why I had to wait 18 years to hear of him or about him. I went off to begin my own journey as an adult.

I met a man that I fell deep in love with. He was tall, handsome, charismatic, attractive, and knowledgeable. We met at work he was my supervisor. I was an associate at Toys R’ us. I worked there on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursday evenings to help pay for college. I worked at Honda Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays as well. I was a full time student majoring in Fashion Design. It was my biggest dream. He always tried to boss me around because he was superior to me in the course of our employment. When speaking to him I talked to him with a bit of an attitude. He would irk me at points, by making me do more work than what had to be done. So in other words he picked on me. But you know what they say “When boys pick on girls it’s because they are attracted to them” So he finally asked me out. We started to date. Two years went by and one day I was feeling below par. I found out that I was expecting a child. My life with my boyfriend at the time was not doing so well. We began to fight a lot. The cheating wasn’t stopping the late nights coming home where getting worse. I got fed up. I had a very bad experience with him and I had a restraining order issued. I left with my son, Abel only being 11 months old. I told my mom I need to leave. I want to move far away from this man immediately!!

My mom made a phone call. That same day I was on my way with my son, down south to stay with my dad’s side of the family that I had never met. I was very apprehensive on going to meet people I had never met, let alone meet but live with. I didn’t know what I was going to say or how to act. In 21 years I had never seen or heard of this side of the family, when I got there my dad’s siblings where all waiting anxiously to meet my son and I. As we walk into the house not knowing what to expect I see a room full of people smiling as I came through that door. There I met my dad’s brother his wife and children. Then I met my dad’s sister, her husband and children. I then met my other aunt and children. I looked around the room and my dad wasn’t to be found. Later on that afternoon once I was situated and had gotten rid of my fretfulness, I asked my uncle where my dad was. Why was he not here to meet my son and me? He looked at me and frowned and said mija, Tu papa no esta bien. (Your dad is not good) I replied to him what do you mean, where is he at. He told me that my dad was a heavy heroin user, and he was in a rehab in Tijuana. I told him take me to him I am here and he needs to know who I am. I gathered my things quickly and went and sat in the car waiting for someone to make the first move to take me to him. My cousin gets in the car, then my aunt then my uncle. We drive across the border.

My hands starting to sweat, my eyes getting watery, my heart starts racing. I didn’t know what I wanted to tell him, I didn’t know what to ask him all I knew is that I wanted him to hold me like he never held me before. I got there to this very gloomy, very dirty, smelly place. There was a lot of people waiting in line to enter this building. My dad didn’t know that I was there to see him. It was a surprise. I was finally able to go inside after about an hour of standing in line. I heard huge fans blowing, because there was no ventilation system. I sat on a bench with my son in my lap waiting. I was a wreck I looked to my left, nothing I looked to my right, nothing I waited a little more and nothing. I gave up I looked down.

Tears began to fill my eyes with hurt and disappointment. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up there he is the man that I had waited 21 years to meet. I had him standing right there, right before my eyes. Tears pouring down my face with sadness, happiness, joy and anger, I stood up and he hugged me so tight that he didn’t’ want to let go. I couldn’t speak no words were able to exit my mouth like if I had no vocal box. We sat down on the bench right next to us, and the only thing he did was stare at the floor. Silence was the only thing I heard. He couldn’t look me in the eye. All he said was sorry for not being there but you don’t understand the life I had, I didn’t want to be selfish and have you here knowing I was going to be a horrible father. My eyes burning from so much crying I was doing telling him how much I needed him. I didn’t have a male figure to teach me and guide me and fight off all the boys. I wanted my daddy. There I was at 21 crying like a little girl to the daddy she never had. A gentleman came and told me visiting hours were up that I had to leave. 1 hour was all I was given with my dad. I lifted up my son told him to give Mario a kiss goodbye. I took one last look before I left and walked towards the door. He didn’t come after me to hug me, nothing he just stood there dumb founded with no movement. I got in the car and just cried wishing things were different. I decided to move back to Los Angeles three months later and reconcile with the father of my son. That was the first time meeting my dad not knowing it was going to be the last.

About three months after that, I was at home watching T.V. and I get a phone call from my mom. I hear a low hello on the other end of the line. I say mom is that you, what’s wrong are you okay? In a very low faint voice she tells me to go over to her house because there is something she needs to tell me. I jumped in my car and drive over there quickly. I get there park the car jump out and run to the door. She answers the door and I see that she had been crying. I look at her and tell her mom what’s wrong what happened she tells me sit down babe there is something I have to tell you. I sit on the edge of the bed worried not knowing what is going to come out of her mouth. She tells me your dad; I jump up and said what about my dad tell me mom. She said your dad passed away last night. I then asked how with tears filling my eyes. She then told me that he had come out of rehab and found out that I was gone. He went back to using heroin and got high that very night and was sitting up on a hill and fell forward and cracked his head open and all his organs failed shortly after that. I dropped to my knees and began to cry. I was given only one chance to meet this man and now he is gone. I no longer had a man to call my dad. It was once again taken from me, but this time for good.


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Comments 24 comments

marellen 5 years ago

Bella...I'm sorry that you only had one meeting with your Dad but do you think things would have been great if you had him in your life forever? Your Mom did the right thing by not staying with him, to protect you. As a mother you know this is true. Not everyone should be parents but it sounds like you have the emotional support of your extended family. Heartfelt hub....


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Mar I know things happen for a reason had my life been any better or possibly worse? Only the big guy upstairs knows why. But I knew my mom was only looking out for my best interest. I thank you for reading and commenting!

bella


Lady_Tenaz 5 years ago

Erica, I am so sorry for your loss. Not only did you suffer from him being absent your entire life, but you suffered when you were hurt by him upon meeting him and then you suffered when you lost him in death. That hope of salvaging your nonexistent relationship with him could never be. I am so sorry. I am sure writing about it helped you in a way, although the pain will never fully disappear. I am glad you shared your story with us. We all face obstacles and tribulations, some of us more than others, I see how strong you are now is because of all you have been through. HUGS!


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

I wrote this almost two years ago. I copied and pasted it not realizing how many errors there are lol. But Yes I have had my fair share of trials and tribulations which have made me stronger and honestly I wouldn't change my life one bit I feel the encounters I have suffered have lead me to find my gift. I know only god knows why some experience more than others but I believe he knows that I am a strong individual and knows I will come back kicking sreaming and punching :)Thank you J.

bella


shygirl2 5 years ago

Sorry for the loss of your Dad, bella. That you never got the chance to really know the real man behind his problems. There must have been something about him, your Momma saw...but as others have shared, you were probably better off being raised without him at the time it happened. Who knows where you could of ended up otherwise and your Momma too. No one ever knows the real answers to how to handle these things. But, it sounds like in that one hours time, your Dad knew what he had missed out on. (Getting to know you). At least you had that time with him before he was gone.


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Shygirl, I have come to understand the circumstances my mom went through and know that she was torn but a young mother from a different lifestyle I think she did pretty darn good with me. lol But may have the situation been risky for a young mother and a baby in a country that wasn't home with a boy who had a different mind frame?? thanks for yout thoughts and comments always lovely.

bella


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Bella, I read this with sorrow filling my soul. Our stories are a lot alike, yet different. We both needed a Father. It used to hurt me that i never knew my Father, writing about it seemed to help and i could close that door. I know you feel the same. 'You've come a long way Baby' ( Song lyric ) You are a gifted writer my friend, sometimes i wonder if it takes some pain to be a strong person and that you are. Best Wishes.

Smiles


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Always, Yes very similar theres a few minor details left that had me thinking for a bit but I knew my momma only did it to protect me but yes that door has been closed after he passed. It was hard because I loved a man I didn't know how I have no clue but I did it anyway. Thanks for the beautiful comment always!!

bella


writer20 profile image

writer20 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

I am so sorry you didn't get a chance to your father.

Mine pasted away when I was just 15 it broken my heart just like you.


breathe2travel profile image

breathe2travel 5 years ago from Gulf Coast, USA

I am so sorry about your loss. I am glad you were able to hear his voice tell you he was sorry -- but so sad for you that there was not reconciliation for you beyond that. Me gusta que usted aprendar de su Padre amor por usted -- El Senor te ama mucho. Y I hope you find peace and healing. Writing this hub probably helped you a little. I grew up in a not so stable home life, and writing has helped me. I pray you and your baby's father are able to build a strong foundation for Mario.

Voted up & useful~

Warmest regards~


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

This is very honest. Very sad at times, too. Now I understand where some of your deeper poetry comes from. Keep healing through writing. Peace.


sweetie1 profile image

sweetie1 5 years ago from India

Hi bella weiter, so much pain in your story, i am really sorry for all you have to go through and also your mom had to go through at tender age of 15. Very nice and emotional hub.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

awww I am so sorry Erica. But dont think of it as you only got an hour with him. an Hour is better than nothing. At least you got to meet him, some people dont even get to do that. mY best friend Patty just recently found her father, and he was deceased. So she will never get to meet or know him. at least you get to say you did. no matter how short of a time. And you will meet him again one day. I believe that. And dont ever blame yourself for what happened. He chose to go back to that life, right after coming out of rehab. He could have called, or found you. I'm sorry you went through that hun. and I really think you should write that autobiography :)


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Writer, I was a bit broken heart but I grew from it and mended it I have accepted that for a reason I went through what I went through with my dadd because it was supposed to happen that way!!Thanks for the visit.

breathe, My dad will always be my dad no matter what and I will always see him as nothing less. He was one of the unfortunate ones who didn't make it. He had his reasonings of life and I accepted that and moved on. Thank you for the warm and kind comment.

Doug, I find it to be sincere. Majority rises from all that I have been through I write from the gut and not my heart. I feel what I write and I release. Thanks for stoppin by and leaving your thoughts. :)

sweetie, I embrace my trials and tibulations there is major reasoning behind everything nothing happens by coincidence I strongly believe.

Nikki, I did at first but now I see it as it all happened with reason. I did get to see him and touch him and feel his warmth and appreciate the time I was permitted with him. I did blame myself at first if I would have stayed would he have got high? I wrote another piece or moment in my hell Breathing Moment of Hell is the title.

thanks all smiles :)

bella


lilyfly 5 years ago

That's what I've been trying to tell people Bella, we never know what's going to happen, love your family, love, love, love. My friend Adiz was raised a lot like you, and her Mom fell in love on a riverboat in Brazil, and Adiz was the result. Adiz did not have the life her legitimate siblings had... but they did love one another... lily


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

There are many cases that have similarities but what can we do? We just gotta keep on moving and things happen all in reason I believe it!!Thanks for stopping by.

bella


Astra Nomik profile image

Astra Nomik 5 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

Bella, you are a brave woman to write this hub. I am glad you met your Dad. I know you must want to be able to say more things to him. I have issues with my Dad at present as he recently moved out on my Mum, and we're trying to get things sorted.

I know it is hard to put yourself beyond these things, as you are trying to clutch to the good things in life too. You have had a tough life and you are doing your best to get things back on track. I wish you luck and happiness, Bella. We have got to keep pushing forward somehow. Best wishes. :)


vgroom82 profile image

vgroom82 5 years ago from USA

wow that is very touching. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Your mother did a very good job raising you without him. Things could have been worse if you had stayed in that predicament. I'm sure he's watching over you, your mother, and your son.


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Astra, Brave is what I was taught when I had to fight my ex husband off. I am sorry too hear what happened to your parents. My life yes a bit rough but I fight it every day as it comes nothing too hard for me :)

Vgroom, I believe so too. You are right I think things would have been different if my mom had made the choice to stay with him but there are reasons behind every seasonsand seasons behind a life time. Thank you

bella


dje71 5 years ago

Wow, what a history. I can write to you as a father in a situation that is similar to yours but also very different. My daughter was born in Mexico and the mother and I separated soon after her birth, like your parents did. The difference is that I wanted to be in my daughter's life. There were no drugs, no problems, no reason why I couldn't be, but the mother decided she wanted me out of her daughter's life as well as out of her own and prevented all contact. I last saw my daughter when she was two. She is now nearly an adult. I have had some contact with my daughter but she is not really all that interested in getting to know me. It is strange how some women are like you and really want to know their dad and others simply don't. Maybe it has to do with you not having any father figure, whereas my daughter apparently does.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

A hard story told very beautifully! Thank you dear heart.


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Micky, It definately was quite the challenge indeed thanks for stoping by!

bella


haikutwinkle profile image

haikutwinkle 4 years ago

My spiritual thoughts to you, dear bellawritter23.

God Bless!


nevoz 4 years ago

i was searthing for red hair articals when i found your post..then i wanted to know about you better..i also lost my father when i was 12 years..i feel sorry for you..and i see you as a wonderful person inside and outside

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