A Journey into Motherhood

In the beginning

For as long as I can remember I wanted to have children. There was never a moment in my life when I didn't think that I would be a mom. Growing up I played house, pretended to be a mom and took mental notes as I watched my own mom mother myself and my sister. Once I was married, I knew that I would want to start that family, but not right away. I had just graduated from college and wanted to spend some time in my career, not to mention that I wanted to be able to spend some time with my husband before we added that new layer to our relationship. Little did I know what effect that decision would have on my future.

Fast Forward

Jump ahead seven years. My husband and I are now ready to start a family. Unfortunately we are unable to conceive. We received so much advice: just relax, you're trying too hard, it will just happen, just think positive. My emotions ran rampant and every time I saw a baby my thoughts immediately went to 'why can't that be me?' It seemed as though I was surrounded by babies. My friends and coworkers were getting pregnant, parents of my students were pregnant. I had baby showers of close friends to attend and I needed to put on a happy face even though inside I was sobbing. We decided to see a specialist and found that we did have some medical issues to overcome. After many tests, a minor surgery, and lots of conversation, we were ready to begin IUI. For those who are unfamiliar that is an abbreviation for Intrauterine insemination. It is essentially injecting the man's sperm into the uterus of the woman where in theory the insemination will take place. Our doctor was not hopeful that it would work for us but he was willing to try the least invasive, least expensive method for a few tries before moving on to other options. The procedure would be repeated for two consecutive days and I was told that I could go to work after the procedure. I believe greatly in the power of thought and decided that I needed to keep my body calm and relaxed despite what "research showed." My husband went in first to do his part and stopped at Starbucks for a double espresso to "get things moving." I went in a few hours later, had the procedure done and went home to relax. Not quite the way that I envisioned becoming a mother but I was willing to do what it would take. I spent the next two days in bed watching baby shows and picturing myself pregnant and holding my beautiful baby. Only time would tell if it worked.

My miracle babies



Whether it was the double shot of esspreso or the visualization, the IUI worked on the first try and I sit here today the mother of two beautiful healthy babies. No, we didn't have twins. My beautiful daughter was born in January of 2007 and nine months later we discovered we were pregnant again, a wonderful surprise. My son was born July 4th of the the following year. As I approach the 4th anniversary of my motherhood, I look at my children in wonder and awe. I remember those emotional days in which I went from never thinking I wouldn't become a mother to wondering if it would ever be possible. I am very blessed. I know that there are couples who face this struggle every day and go through even more than what I did. I think of my blessings often and pray for those who struggle with this same challenge and hope that they are blessed one day in the way that I was.

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Comments 15 comments

Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

C-this is a beautiful hub that expresses the anguish and joy of your journey. Very well written. You are an awesome mother and the photo is one of my favorite Christmas photos. You have much to be proud of and your experience has brought to you a level of understanding and compassion for others on that same journey, which you may not have been able to relate to. And, your appreciation for your children, their value and preciousness, is evident and not taken for granted in ways that other parents may with pregnancies that came with ease. Many blessings for sharing this intimate piece of yourself.

I'm sharing it on my facebook page.

Eighteen profile image

Eighteen 6 years ago from England, UK

Gorgeous children and a well written hub. Lots of encouragement for others

Danette Watt 6 years ago

Cara, I enjoyed your hub. Unlike you, I never wanted to grow up and have kids. Even as I was giving birth to CJ, I wondered if I had made the right decision. For several years after wondered if I was a "good enough" mom to have a second one (best thing that I could have done for him was to have Sam). Today, I can't imagine life without either of them and I too feel very blessed that they are in my life.

cardelean profile image

cardelean 6 years ago from Michigan Author

Denise: Thanks for the compliments and the link on FB.

Eighteen: It was a long struggle for me and I try to give to support to others who face the same challenge. Thanks for the comment.

Danette: Siblings are wonderful, both for yourself and your children! You are a wonderful mom and your children are wonderful people!

Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 6 years ago from South Carolina

Welcome to Hubpages. This hub is so touching. I worked in an obstetrician's office for the first 10 years of my nursing career and saw many couples struggle with infertility issues. I am glad that your first attempts at IUI were successful and have no doubt that your great desire to conceive and your ability to so clearly visualize being a mother were also helpful to your conception. Thanks for sharing your experience so others can hopefully be inspired by it.

Some never conceive despite using the latest technology, but many are helped and it's always a good idea to start with the least invasive procedure first. Perhaps your story will give women the information they need to inquire about the safe, relatively inexpensive procedure that worked for you.

Your children are absolutely beautiful!

cardelean profile image

cardelean 6 years ago from Michigan Author

HappyBoomerNurse, thanks for the welcome and compliments! I hope that it does serve as an inspiration to others. I feel for those couples that treatments don't work for, I know how that longing feels.

Joesy Shmoesy profile image

Joesy Shmoesy 6 years ago from New England

That is a great Hub. I know the emotions you talk about and they can be so difficult for someone to go through. My children are 7 and 4 and although adopted both as infants and three years apart they are indeed birth brother and sister. We have an amazing story that I hope to Hub someday. I wanted to fan mail you again but I could not figure out how. I just want to say that your Hubs have inspired me greatly, your words are inspiring, and honest. I can tell that you write from the heart and I hope to learn to do more of that myself. I look forward to reading more of your Hubs. A huge thanks, and awesome writing!

cardelean profile image

cardelean 6 years ago from Michigan Author

Wow, Josey. It sounds like you have been on an incredible journey yourself. I look forward to reading about it one day. What a gift your children's birth parents gave you. Thank you for your kind words, I just write what I feel. I am glad to be following you now!

Butterfly67 profile image

Butterfly67 5 years ago from UK

Thanks for this hub cardelean. I have only just started on the journey myself and due to my age won't really have long to try :( - funnily enough up until now I was never really bothered about having kids but now I am I have maybe left it too late!

cardelean profile image

cardelean 5 years ago from Michigan Author

I'm so sorry that you are facing this struggle. It is a tough one to overcome and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Whatever you do don't give up hope. Of course be realistic but keep the faith. I really believe in the visualization part of things. Envision yourself being pregnant, giving birth, holding your baby and keep your thoughts positive (I know that's not always easy!). Although I do not know the specifics of your difficulties, please know that if there is anything that I can do, please send me a message. Best of luck to you.

Butterfly67 profile image

Butterfly67 5 years ago from UK

Thanks so much for your comments Cardelean, I will definitely take your advice about the visualisation, I do believe that could help so i will make sure I do it.

Bobri Dobri profile image

Bobri Dobri 5 years ago from Oklahoma

Cardelean, thanks for this beautiful and inspiring hub! I am on this journey, too.. Your kids look so similar and so cute! and so happy!

cardelean profile image

cardelean 5 years ago from Michigan Author

I'm glad that it has served as source of inspiration to you. It is not an easy journey to be on but with God's grace you will have the same joy in the end. I wish you all the best in your quest for motherhood. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone who has had a similar experience to bounce ideas off of.


I enjoyed your write up, wonderful stuff.


I'm sure it will be a good read for you.

cardelean profile image

cardelean 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Glad you enjoyed it creativeinchief. I don't use an e-reader right now but I'll keep it mind for the future!

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