A Letter to My Mother - Address Unknown
I don't know if you will still recognize me because I have changed a lot since the last time you saw me.
Maybe you don't even know that I am a grown-up and mature woman now. Yes, as far as I remember, it was many many years ago since we last saw each other.
Sad thing was, you did not even pay much attention to me that time as you prefer to just lie down on your bed and turn your back from me. You did not even give me that healing kiss and that big hug the way you used to do. Indeed, you changed a lot. A lot.
I remember I was crying because you were angry that time that I would like to be cuddled by you. I was crying and wondering why for many months you preferred to live and sleep in another house away from us, especially away from me, as I was your bunso.
For so many nights, I was having bad dreams and after seeing bad movies during my sleep, I would run to your room only to find out that you were not there, your room is cold, dark and empty. Then I would tell lola that I saw bad movies while sleeping because you were not there to tell me nice happy stories, and to help me in praying to God to send me good movies in the night.
I asked Dad to bring you back home but he told me you have to stay in another house, far bigger than ours, and with so many rooms and beds. I didn't really understand why you liked staying there, even though Dad told that the man and ladies in white clothes were your friends and they were taking good care of you. There was a big question mark in my mind because you were already big, why someone else has to take care of you. You told me big people can take care of themselves, and as I grow up I should learn to do things by myself.
I hated Dad for telling me they were your friends because one day when my grandparents and I visited you, I saw your new friends hurting you. As I peeped on the glass window of your new house, I saw many people around you, which Dad told as your friends.
One man was really hurting you then; he was holding an iron and pressing it hardly on your chest. I even saw him punching your chest. Your other friends in white clothes were in commotion around you, and Dad was just watching. He looked so afraid but he was not doing anything to stop that man from pressing hard on your chest.
I shouted to Dad to help you but he did not hear me.
And why were you not reacting at all? Why did you allow them to do that to you? I can't believe you can have that deep delicious sleep the way I sleep like frozen oil as you were telling me always. I guessed they're really hurting you. They wanted to wake you up. Don't they know you were used to waking up before the sun shines?
Mothers wake up really early. I don't think my Dad is dumb not to tell them so.
I want to run inside and bite the man for doing such things to you, but your door was closed and Grandmother and Grandfather told we should go home.
They said you will be home soon also.
I was so happy hearing that my mother will come back to our home after many months. But I never understood why lolo and lola were crying. But then I remember when you told me that people cry not only when they are sad but also when they are happy. And I knew, they were happy because very soon you will be home and all of us will be together again.
I was not surprised when I saw that many people were at home. Of course, there will be a big party for your homecoming. Because you've been away for months, Mom. They even put big lamps, new curtains and many chairs and tables. They cleaned the house really well because they know you hate seeing dirt in the house. Then family friends and many relatives started coming for the party.
I wonder why my big brother and sister were not happy about your coming back home. Anyway, I didn't mind it because I was excited to see you back again and the people were so helpful in preparing everything for your welcome party.
Mom, you didn't know I fell asleep waiting for you. I expected I would wake up with you beside me, the way you used to hug and tickle me in the morning.
But I was awakened by a loud groan. Someone cried that you have arrived already. I ran, I fell down, and I get up without crying, because you told me that getting up quickly is a sign of being brave. And I was a brave girl. I slip myself in between those people who would like to see u.
And I finally saw you.
Your dress was nice; it was a long white gown.
Your face was so pale but peaceful.
It seemed you finally finished that long battle of pain in that big white house with many rooms and beds.
Again, I remember what you told me that tears may mean happiness or sadness.
Seeing Daddy crying for the first time, now I finally understood that you are leaving us. YOU ARE GONE FOREVER.
Mom, I am a grown up now, and I always recall these scenes as the saddest moments of my life.
It happened decades ago but the scenes are always fresh in my mind. I can still feel the pain of your lost, and believe me I always cry when I remember you.
It was a pity that you were not able to be with me for a long time, but im thankful for those few years that you were with us. Anyway, I know you really don't want to leave.
If we will have a chance to see now, for sure it will be a never-ending conversation. I am quite sure that you have so many stories to tell about your journey.
And maybe you still don't know Mom. Now, I am proud to tell you... your youngest child is now a loving mother like YOU.
I REALLY MISS YOU SO MUCH MOM.
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