Motherhood

Family Photos

Meeting Lil' brother for the first time
Meeting Lil' brother for the first time | Source
Awww
Awww | Source
First Day Of School
First Day Of School | Source
Erin and Taylor today
Erin and Taylor today | Source

My mother told me when my daughter, my first child, was born, “Take a good look at that tiny little baby in your arms and know this: She will break your heart a thousand times”. Doesn’t that seem like horrible advice for a mother to give? She was right, though.

As the years have passed I have learned exactly what my mother was trying to warn me of. The inevitable.

It started in the hospital when she born. She had an infection that required rounds of IV antibiotics. The nurses had to reinsert an IV several times and the pain my heart felt each time they stuck my little baby with a needle was unbearable. It took a lot to keep myself from tackling the nurses! This is something I would experience through every round of treatments for an illness or vaccinations.


The first time I had to leave my child with a sitter, she was only 6 weeks old. I have never cried so much in my entire life and I was late for work that day because I had to pull the car over several times not being able to see through the tears in my eyes. I called to check on her every hour on the hour. Preschool should have been easier by age two, but when she cried for me as I left her in the classroom; I felt my heart shatter to a thousand pieces. The teachers urged me to go and not look back because I would make it worse for both of us. Oh it got worse! By the end of the week, she didn’t even look back to wave bye bye. I cried again because she didn’t miss me.

Her first day of big school, she was so brave. She was talkative and excited until we got to the hallway and she sat in line with the other kids. I tried to stay, but again, the teachers urged parents not to linger. I looked back at her quivering lips and glistening eyes, knowing she was trying so hard not to cry. Whether she wanted to cry for herself, or for me, I'll never know. I waved and she waved back. I was so proud of her.

One day she did not come home on her school bus. You know what the longest 30 minutes of my life has been? It was the 30 minutes that I couldn’t find my daughter. The substitute teacher placed my four year old in the wrong line and she stayed in the school gym with the ‘car riders’. When I found her, she was all alone sitting there, waiting for me. (The school suffered the wrath of mom and some people lost their jobs.)


My son did not attend a preschool or stay with a sitter until he was four and on his first day of pre-kindergarten, he didn’t bat an eye. “Bye Mom!” Of course, I bawled all the way home. Now, at age seven, I am not allowed to hug or kiss him in front of his friends. He’s growing up and my heart breaks every first day of school for the both of them.


Of course, my children don’t mean to break my heart, but I believe a mother’s heart is strong enough to break.


I’ve heard, “I hate you” on several occasions. Once because I said they couldn’t have a cell phone yet! They also hate me because they don’t like being grounded, but it’s our job as parents to discipline them so that they will learn. The first time it was said, it hurt and I cried. Where did they learn this word, hate? It scared me, but as time went by and I recalled my own childhood, it deemed normal behavior and only gives me insight to the teenage years when boundaries will be tested, rebellion will happen, and my heart will break many times more. But just like I know my own mother never loved me any less for any pain that I didn’t mean to cause her, I know that my love will not fault either. I’ve sat at my Mom’s table and apologized for the things I’d done, and thanked her for all she’s done for me.


I know that one day my children will understand it all themselves. I know that my heart will break many times more as I watch them grow and I hope it is mostly for the good things like their first school dance, first relationship and first break up, driving, graduating, and marrying. Ah, the bittersweetness of parenthood.

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Comments 16 comments

Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 4 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

I kept on saying to you that I know there was something , I always trust my spirit, after all it' been with me for quite some time.

Congratulations on all your successes and I pray that you would continue on the only path there is for a mother, and that is the correct one. Continue to listen to your mother throughout. Experience is undoubtedly the very best teacher and your Mom have that over you, in ways that is only best when kids learn.

Beautiful kids, great stories, and continued happiness, throughout

bless. .


greatparenting profile image

greatparenting 5 years ago from philadelphia, pa and corolla, nc

Nicely done. I guess our hearts (as moms) break so much because they are so filled with love to overflowing! When I drove each of my daughters to college, I cried all the way home in the car... then I laughed because I remembered doing the same thing the first day I put each on the kindergarten bus. They're all grown now and the heartbreaks haven't ended, alas! But, it's okay because the love has grown, too.


djf profile image

djf 5 years ago from Massachusetts

Well written Kelly. I enjoyed it.


Lou1842 profile image

Lou1842 5 years ago

Being a parent can bring the most joyful experiences but also the most painful. Excellent hub!


family2010 profile image

family2010 5 years ago

I know for sure that the parental love to their children is being considered as the unconditional love, so no matter what they do we 'll always love them no matter what , but they will break our hearts million times for saying No, and doing what they think they know better than us.


Allana Calhoun profile image

Allana Calhoun 5 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

I can so relate to this! 3 children myself, 2 are teenagers now and one still in elementary school. Even as they are getting older and riding with you less, you still get these moments where you glance in the backseat fully expecting all 3 to be there. Well written! Nice job sharing those mother moments.


RTalloni profile image

RTalloni 5 years ago from the short journey

It is interesting to look at different responses people give when a child is born!

Upon the birth of her first child, my friend's grandmother said to her, "You've just slept your last peaceful night." Years later my friends was still appalled by her grandmother's comment.

I've also heard that someone famous (perhaps Churchill, I can't remember for sure) was leaving a hospital at the same time a young couple with a new baby and a nameless woman were leaving. The woman turned to the happy new parents and proceeded to question how they could bring a baby into this awful world, detailing how awful it is. The young couple's faces fell at her comments. The man complimented the couple on their beautiful baby as they turned away, then he turned to the woman and said, "I hope you choke."


Jennifer Essary profile image

Jennifer Essary 5 years ago from Idaho

Voted up! Although my son is only 1 I knew exactly what you meant. Whoever said that having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body was right on point.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 5 years ago from New York

Your mother's warning was well put and gave you the warning a new mother needs. We go into having children knowing so little but learn so much. I felt your pain at each separation. Lovely hub, voted up.

P.S. Video/song was very appropriate.


KellyPittman profile image

KellyPittman 5 years ago from Walker, LA Author

Aw! Tina, Thanks so much! Love and Miss you bunches. I'd love to get together soon. I'd love to meet your little ones. I've seen them in pictures only.


tina dillard 5 years ago

i absolutely love this and understand every bit of it, from the heartbreak of kids to the heartbreak i gave as a kid...love you kelly and so glad we are friends.


twoseven profile image

twoseven 5 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

Very beautiful! You capture this so well. It reminds me of a quote I saw not long ago, attributed to Elizabeth Stone, that gets at the very same thing - "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

Thank you for the hub!


JinnyMarte 5 years ago

Your motherly love and genuine selflessness shines in every word you have written here. What a beautiful tale of love. Being a mother myself of two wonderful children, a girl and a boy, 14 and 12 respectively I can definitely relate to your writing.

Beautiful hub!


KellyPittman profile image

KellyPittman 5 years ago from Walker, LA Author

Thank You, both.


litsabd profile image

litsabd 5 years ago

A mother’s heart is strong enough to break...that is all there is to say...beautiful hub...voted up as well!


ThePracticalMommy profile image

ThePracticalMommy 5 years ago from United States

Beautiful account of a mother's endless love for her children. Voted up!

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