A letter to my son Jaime...

Some other related hubs of mine...

This was an earlier hub I wrote, which will explain more of what Jaime does in America.

My Pastor and friend, Dave called me and asked me to write a letter to my son who is serving with Metro Ministries in New York, and who is having an 'encounter' weekend this weekend (5th March 2010) as part of their ministry training.

I have no idea what an encounter weekend is, but I trust Metro and their leaders, so it will no doubt benefit him.

So that's easy huh, just write a letter to your son, but then you think, what do I say?

Below is what I said, he's seen this before you are reading it, so it will be no surprise, but then I thought, how many other fathers out there have never actually had the opportunity to address their children in a letter.

Writing it made me realise how badly I have been as a father, a task that we are not prepared for at schools (at least when I went to school) and which my parents were unable to impart usefully to me.

But also I realised that by the grace of God, I had/have been able to break my son free from many of the generational curses that my family have suffered under for generations (obviously) and that he is indeed free in Christ.

So I offer this letter as my admission of guilt and failure in many relationship areas, and an example of how Christ can change situations in anyone's life.

But mostly of how God is the father we all need, but may not have had

Dear Jaime,

Or maybe I should start calling you James now....?

I really do not know what this encounter session is about, and having just asked you then either you also do not know, or cannot tell me yet!

This morning I had a coffee with Dave, and we discussed various things, about the school, about life in general and about my general lack of fathering skills!

I was not a believer when you were born, neither was your mother, so you were fair game for the enemy to take a swipe at, but as he already owned your mother and myself lock stock and barrel, Satan had no real reason to target us, then.

My coming to faith when you were three, produced a reason for him to get annoyed, and as you know our family broke up, with your mother leaving the household and you, to my care.

Sammy, our housekeeper, raised you more than me, she was a surrogate mother to you, and cared for you full time whilst I was working away in Barcelona, when I only saw you at weekends.

I've never been a 'football' Dad, Jordan had Lee and turned out sporty, you were stuck with me and left mostly to your own devices from age five, when we left the big house for Paco's house in the campo, and age eight, when Susanne came into our lives.

I tried to be a father as best I could, and I did teach you about God as we lived day by day, but you were still alone most of the time, as I studied bible or wrote things, leaving you to Sega games and old cartoons.

Your rebellion against Susanne's entrance and authority was to be expected, as you lost even the small part of 'us' that existed when 'she' took presidency over 'you', which is the correct biblical order, but still caused hurt and pain I am sure.

No apology can suffice, you were alone in the middle of a family, and when Jessica was announced, you were further isolated from us, as we had by then stepped out of fellowship and moved to Ronda, where you were required to make all new friends and learn a whole different life.

Then your birth mother had the bright idea of sending you to be a boarded in Malaga for the last two or three years of your scholastic life, and you and I lost touch pretty securely, except when I was driving you to school from Ronda at 5am on Monday mornings!

I relished that time together, it was more time than we had normally had to speak and discuss things, and I saw that you were becoming your own person, and that it hurt me more than you when we reached the school and you left my life for another week.

Finishing school and starting work at the venta was another strange phase between us.

It was unwritten that it was better at that time for you to live 100 meters away with your 'friends' and for us to live as a 'new family' in our house up the hill, and even though we saw each other daily most of the time, I recognised the parting of our lives, even if you did not.

So our moving back to the coast and you deciding to join us, was a great light coming back into my life, and to see you mature and learn to drive, and to finally see you come to faith on your own accord, was a great pleasure and reconciliation.

Then you decided to go to Metro and my world collapsed again for a while, as I faced the unexpected and inevitable longer term separation that this indicated.

But we all adjust, and although I miss you daily, our stilted conversation on the phone indicates that our relationship is not one which is yet comfortable and easy.

I know this is my fault, my father was an emotional cripple after his war experiences, and as I have told you, the first hug I ever received from him was when I took you home to my parents as a newborn babe, and made him hold still long enough for us to hug.

I was 38 years old, so my life with you gave me the opportunity to try to be the father I wished I'd had and to not make the same mistakes with you.

I worked to cut you off from most of the generational problems I recognised our family suffered from, and it seems we were able to do that, as you have avoided most all of the errors I committed by your age, and instead of causing distress to those you meet, you seek to bring peace and the Lord into their troubled lives.

The Lord has seen fit to empower you with a ministry for children, and, as Dave said earlier, you will be far better equipped for fatherhood, when that happens, than I or my forefathers seemed to have been over the previous generations.

In case you ever had any doubt; I love you more than life itself, always have from the moment that the nurse gave you into my care, and I committed to care for you.

I never dropped you off to school or anywhere else without telling you I loved you, it probably lost currency I said it so much, but I wanted you to hear those words whenever we parted, so that if that was ever our last meeting, you would have those words to remember as my last words to you.

I do not have any trouble loving you more than life, but I do have a problem expressing it, and again that's generational.

Make sure that finishes with me, that you learn or practise not only knowing your love, but expressing it freely to those you love.

I tell you truthfully, I am very proud of who you are becoming, and although it pains me to realise that your life will be in all probability led on the mission field thousands of miles away from us, I accept that you belong to God, not me or us, and that He has made His plans for you, plans to prosper and bless you (I have also prayed that God would bless you every day of your life, every day) and to guide you better than I can.

We are only ever custodians of our children, raising them for Christ or Satan.

It's a stark choice, but it's truth, and I am glad that the only advice I could find on child raising was to raise a child in the ways of the Lord and he will not depart from them when he is older.

You have proven that to be true, and even better, are putting it into practise with your ministry.

So enjoy your weekend, and tell me what you encounter during it, when we speak on Monday, and always remember:

I love you.

John (Dad)

Did Sidewalk in 2 of the school here, had well over 1000 kids! The team did a great job! They ran the whole outreach!
Did Sidewalk in 2 of the school here, had well over 1000 kids! The team did a great job! They ran the whole outreach! | Source
Well training is coming to a end!!! Had the honor to see 4 of the Indian teams do 5 Sunday Schools at 2 Schools! Over 2000 kids (mostly hindu) heard that they are valuable today! Thank you God for your faithfulness and love!
Well training is coming to an end!!! Had the honor to see 4 of the Indian teams do 5 Sunday Schools at 2 Schools! Over 2000 kids (mostly hindu) heard that they are valuable today! Thank you God for your faithfulness and love! | Source

Update February 2012

James, with a team of three others, has been in India training fifty believers from all over the country in the ways of Metro Ministries.

So two years after he left home to work with Metro, he is now passing what he has learned forward, which is the way it should be.

When he went to the American Embassy to get his re entry visa for the States, the Embassy officer handed him his visa'd passport with the words "Well Pastor, your Visa has been approved, congratulations and welcome to the USA" which made me kind of weepy, as it was the first time James had ever been called 'Pastor', and I realised that in truth, he is a youth pastor, and will no doubt be in full time ministry from now until Christ returns.

I am one happy father!

Here is one of his Facebook comments:

'Having lots of fun in India, enjoying everyday more! Today we went on the local train (packed), visited the Gateway of India, among other places, had an INCREDIBLE Thai Foot Massage ate great food with great company and fed Street Children! Tomorrow More fun to be had! Loving India and the once in a lifetime experience!'

What more could I wish for my 22 year old son, than to be serving God in a ministry that functions, with no bells and flashing lights' worldwide.

*Just realised that what I predicted two years ago, has been fulfilled!

God IS good.

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Comments 38 comments

peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 22 months ago from Home Sweet Home

You wrote a long letter to your son, touching


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 3 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

savvydating, you are correct, and I welcome your advice.

Since I last added to this, James has progressed further in his ministry, whereas God has held me in an extended 'Yom Kippur' inner reflection period lasting the last year or more.

Now we are both moving forward further towards Gods Kingdom and serving Him and I suspect that in the near future we (as a family) will be working full time in ministry.

Our son has become the example we needed to follow!

Looking at your profile, can I suggest that you get hold of a copy of 'Love & Respect' a wonderful teaching from: http://loveandrespect.com/

It made a whole lot of things clearer for us!


savvydating profile image

savvydating 3 years ago

You obviously put a lot of thought into your letter, and I am sure your son appreciated it.

Please allow me to comment on "No apology can suffice." This is technically true, but all a kid really wants to hear is, "I'm so sorry. I was wrong. I failed you. Please, forgive me."

I say this, because I went thru a similar situation, although I had less contact with my father than your son did. True, there are reasons why things happen as they do...but honestly, to your offspring, it just sounds like excuses. Long story short, extenuating circumstances don't mean all that much when all is said and done.

Please forgive me. I have been quite bold. However, I mean well. You are a good man who clearly loves God and your son - very much. My goal in speaking with such audacity is merely to convey a young adults perspective on tense family interactions and how he/she feels they can be healed. Likely, you and your son are already on a path to healing, and that is all that matters now!

Well, now that I've made myself out to sound rather "not nice," I would still like to congratulate you on having raised a fine son. I was very touched by...

"Well Pastor, your Visa has been approved, congratulations and welcome to the USA" which made me kind of weepy."

I would weep too. A very touching story. Thank you for your honesty. Up, beautiful.


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 5 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Love you too kimberley, good to know who the real folk are!


kimberlyslyrics 5 years ago

I love you aqua xo


lone77star profile image

lone77star 5 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Make up for lost time. I like that. I too hope to see my loved ones in eternity.


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 5 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

My father never recovered emotionally from WW2 in Burma, something about fighting through the jungle killing everything he met also killed his emotive ability to respond to people, but I loved him and eventually (when this child of mine was presented to him at birth) I managed to break through and we hugged, that may not sound like much, but I was 38 years of age at the time, and that just brought tears to my eyes.

I was blessed to spend the last ten days of his life with him, holding his hand and changing his diapers and soothing his torn and battered soul.

I miss him also, but hope to see him again in eternity and make up for lost time.


lone77star profile image

lone77star 5 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Beautiful letter, John. Thanks for sharing this tender missive with us all.

My own father started out somewhat distant when I was young. There were many family outings, but we never seemed close until, when I was 9, he called all 3 of my brothers and I into the living room of our house in Odessa, Texas. Usually this meant one of us would get a whipping, but this time he apologized to all of us and promptly threw the instrument of physical beatings in the garbage. From that day forward, he became more and more a friend. Eventually, he started his own ministry and helped many people through spiritual travail.

I miss him deeply.


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 5 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks Dim,

Glad we are related!

John


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 5 years ago from Great Britain

This was surely a beautiful letter from father to son.

l would love to have received anything remotely like it from my dad, who seemed to become a stranger to me after his 2nd marriage.

L cannot complain, though because our heavenly Father has written me a letter that can be read every day and still something new is found.

Thank you for sharing this.


kimberlyslyrics 5 years ago

John

:))))))))))))

XO


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 5 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Glad God brought you to the right place to ease the burden a mite, don't believe in coincidences, must be months since we crossed paths, our Father knows when we need a hand or comfort.

Glad to know you Kimberley, glad you dropped in, if you are ever in NYC Jaime can be contacted through Metro Ministries! - I'm sure he would welcome you as I would.

John


kimberlyslyrics 5 years ago

I'm so keeping this hub and thanks, mascara is running down my cheeks and I look like a vampire. LOL

James I have been blessed with your father sharing out of pride how you help other people. I wish we could have coffee, I bet I could learn so much from you, and I would hope the reverse but maybe not such a good idea LOL. I just am so compelled to wish you well and tell you how much I wish there were more people with your values and morals and what you stand for, respectfully much from your dad, no doubt.

Funny how things work, but I am in dire need of this hub and puff it appears on a tough night.

Thank you both for that.

Beautiful Hub

God Bless all 3 of you

Kimberly

Thank you again, we never know who we touch, you touched me, godspeed


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Glad to be of assistance!

Only today my wife found an old (50 year old) photo of my father and I standing with his hand on my left shoulder, and held it next to one taken at my fathers funeral, when I stood, the same age as dad was with MY hand in the same position on my sons young shoulder, almost identical photos taken 40 years apart!

Those who pass never really leave us in our spirits.


GmaGoldie profile image

GmaGoldie 6 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

Beautiful! My father and I had difficulties saying what we felt - you brought tears to my eyes.

"I do not have any trouble loving you more than life, but I do have a problem expressing it, and again that's generational."

I feel this was a Hub a personal message from my own father - oh, what a help. I lost him suddenly and it still hurts.


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks Nicky,

hope you guys are all well, and your foot!

John


Nicky 6 years ago

Jon,it was such a blessing to read your letter to Jaime. I am blessed to know that wonderful young man and you, and have seen you both grow since he left for New York. You are a great friend and your family enrich our lives. Nicky


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Hi DT, it's always my pleasure to share.

John


deepthinker76 profile image

deepthinker76 6 years ago from South Carolina

It's always a pleasure to get the privilege of reading your thoughts you post here. I learn and grow with each hub. So thank you for sharing.


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks dt...

We have an excellent relationship, and since this hub was written he has grown in the Lord so much, from the work he is doing, and I have reconciled to his 'leaving the nest' and have peace about it.

Thanks for visiting!

John


deepthinker76 profile image

deepthinker76 6 years ago from South Carolina

Im sure your son sees that all the things he saw and didn't see from you were all a part of GODS master plan for your lives. It is amazing what a simple I love you and Im sorry will do to heal open wounds. I know of this first hand. THANK YOU FOR SHARING!


Des 6 years ago

Great letter, John. I well remember that little boy when we first went to prayer meetings at the Ark. It must have been pretty boring for him to see all those grown-ups sitting there with their eyes closed, and one piping up now and then with a prayer, but it rubbed off, or should I say ON. My boys enjoyed the visits to you and the meals together in the little campo house. And now.........you must be so pleased.

As somebody already said, Abba MUST be pleased with Jaime's progress. Medal for the training; commendation for the letter. Sorry you cannot have them yet, but they are in the Book of Life awaiting collection.


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

I agree that we are simply custodians of our children, aquasilver.

Thank you for sharing a heartfelt letter to your son.


Ghost Whisper 77 profile image

Ghost Whisper 77 6 years ago from The U.S. Government protects Nazi War Criminals

Didn't God cause some waves? he he he


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks Ghost, I'm just about to publish a humdinger that will cause some waves I think!

John


Ghost Whisper 77 profile image

Ghost Whisper 77 6 years ago from The U.S. Government protects Nazi War Criminals

Thanks for sharing this real letter John--it gave me such a huge glimpse into your life-as a man-as a father-and as a follower of God. Sorry I missed this--I am now going to return to what I was reading that linked me to this--It only seemed appropriate to go this hub first before I continued reading.

Many of us a parents feel like a failure at times-because after finding the real God--well, we can see all of our failings and they are no longer hidden to us. I wish I could make up for what I didn't see and didn't do--and didn't know--but would of should of could of..I and you arrived where God intended us to be-and God gives us the knowledge of our failings-not to feel guilty-but to move forward and change and make things right..I understand this letter and your feelings so much. Thanks for sharing it.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

John, somehow even busy fathers can plant the seed. My dad had fair time to plant the seed and he did it. Later on I was in ICU in Tucson, Arizona with a major heart attack and he found out and while they kept me in an induced coma he sat in the hospital 24/7 for 10 days and they would allow visitors 2 times a day for 15 minutes. He didn't miss a day or visit. I was 49 or fifty at the time and he was in his mid 70s. When they woke me up and I found that out, I told him to go home and get a shower and a good nights sleep.

He went home got a shower and at 2am he got back in his car and drove 2 hours to the hospital and brought clean clothes so he could stay in my room and shower and shave and put on clean drawers. He was a stubborn old goat.We didn't get along well after I was discharged from the Marines as I had a few mental issues. He was sure the answer was shake it off and move on. He had island hopped in the marines and been subject to some of the stuff I was and he adapted well and forgot it. He believed everyone should do it with no problem. We had 4 or 5 days to talk as he stayed and slept in the room on the fold out chair. That is when we became friends with the same father, God. Things got better after that.

All that said I believe that father and son should try and become friends and forget the father business as we all Have a Father Yahweh. From what I've learned from you, Jaime and yourself are at the crossroads of both being the sons of Yahweh and might take a look at becoming friends.

Worked for my Pop and I. Best of grace and I don't think you have any worries. With much love and Peace,

dust


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

I wish parenting could be as funny as when Bill Cosby does it whether it's for TV or any other performance. I wish that I could be the parent that I want to be. It sounds like a poem I should write. I Wish That I could Be The Parent I want To Be". Thanks Aquasilver.


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks Tim, I've spoken to him today and he is fine, his 'encounter' weekend was a great success, and the did some deliverance ministry with those present, and he is feeling on top of the world, as he said he feels about 25lbs lighter!

John


tim kenner profile image

tim kenner 6 years ago from Greater Orange County

John, I was touched by your letter. My son lives in Virgina Beach, the farthest US point away from me pretty much and it has been hard but this letter moved me to near tears and really is awesome.

~Tim


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks heart4theword, it's good to hear form you!, glad you dropped by.

John


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 6 years ago from hub

This is so awesome, this letter you wrote to your son. A part of his heritage, you have blessed him with. There are so many fathers, including my own, who never humble themselves to admit their mistakes! Even words expressed of differences, they could of made in our lives. I am sure your son will cherish this letter for his lifetime:)

Interesting I wrote a letter to my daughter last week, haven't given it to her yet. Shared it with my husband, he said, he should write her a letter too...I agreed. Was debating if I would put it on a hub-page? Time will tell, and our daughter may want it to be, for her eyes only?

Such transparency you have, this takes allot of courage! Hi Ho Silver, I believe this is another Great Hub:)


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Hi RevLady,

One sows another reaps!

When he first went on mission it was such a big thing for him and our whole church body and for a while, as nothing was happening in my walk, I wondered whether my whole reason to live had been to plant him as a seed and water him ready for God to use.

Who can name the man who brought Billy Graham to the Lord?.... and what was Billy Graham's fathers name?

Felt totally inconsequential, especially as God had once asked me "What if I only needed you to serve me for 10 minutes in your life, would you still love me then?"

Yes I'd replied, then He said "What if it was the last ten minutes only?"..... or if you'd already done everything I require from you?"

That was tougher, one reply agreed to martyrdom, the other to redundancy.... but the answer was(and still is)a resounding YES. even if I did need to consider it for a while.


RevLady profile image

RevLady 6 years ago from Lantana, Florida

I think this letter is a loving gift to your son. I sense he will cherish it for a long time to come.

I take the liberty of disagreeing that your son's serving the Lord is in spite of you rather than because of you. I say this because you could only plant the seed. The rest was God's business. A plant cannot exist without the seed. The ground may nourish it, rain may water it, but it is the planting that makes the life possible. At least that is the way I see it.

God bless you!

Forever His,


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks Mekenzie,

No matter how much people say kind words, we always feel like failures, even if he is serving the Lord now, I still think it's despite me rather than because of anything I've done.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 6 years ago from Michigan

I wept as I read these tender words to your son. My father was like yours, an emotional cripple and he had big time rage and anger issues.

I rejoice in reading that you were able to stop most generational curses being passed to your children. I too have been the recipient of seeing the curses stopped at my generation. It is my great JOY to see how spiritually strong my three dear children are today.

We went through agonising and great trauma with our son ... but he came back to the Lord and we are SO proud of him.

Your son will probably keep this letter and read it often for it is filled with the love of a good man. May God bless You for composing such uplifting words of love.

p.s. Love the picture .. such a handsome young man!


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks Holly,

But I had set out to be a so much better father than I've managed to be...

However there is still time with my 8 year old girl!

John


h.a.borcich profile image

h.a.borcich 6 years ago

John, Children know our shortcomings, and they become better parents when we openly address our regrets. This letter is a beautiful expression from an honest father to a well loved son. God Bless, Holly

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