Absent Father: Advice For The Single Mom Without Dad
So, here I am, with my two beautiful, kind-hearted, wonderful girls and no father for them.
Once upon a time I was in love. I dreamt of a family with Mom and Dad snuggling on the couch as the children sit closely by while watching a movie together. I dreamt of the family outings and dinner at the table, all of us laughing while we ate, happy to be together.
That dream fell away as he walked out the door and out of our lives.
I don't put the blame entirely on him for the fail of our relationship, but I do blame him for deserting his children and I blame him for them not having a family of a Mom and a Dad.
Heres What You Do Dads
How Can You Just Walk Away?
I want to know what gives men the gull to walk away from their children and not think twice!
I want to know how they can watch them be born, even cry at the birth and yet leave. No regrets- no remorse.
They go on with their lives as if they have done nothing wrong, never wondering how their actions have affected their young.
Well, I'm here to say- You have!
You have left your children wondering what they did wrong for you not to 'want them.'
You have your children crying because they feel abandoned and sad.
You have them questioning themselves about who they are and if they are good enough!
If anyone can explain how men can do this, then please let me know, because not only I am wondering but millions of children around the World want to know as well. I am sickened not knowing the answer and afraid to know the truth.
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Mothers in this situation, I hear your pleas.
Just like you, I have wiped the tears, hugged and comforted my girls, only to find that the feelings within them remain.
There is no erasing the loss of their dad. And really that is what it is. It's comparable to an unexpected death. There is no reason to it, he is just gone.
I have been both Mom and Dad to my girls. I play sports with them, I go to Daddy/ Daughter Day at school, I do the yard work and other stereo-typical chores around the house.
I do this so they know that, first, you don't need a man, but secondly, to give them the support and love needed to somehow make up for the loss. I want them to know that just because Dad isn't around, doesn't mean we cannot do Dad activities. I want and need them to know that I have enough love inside me of both a Mom and a Dad to offer them.
My oldest daughter celebrates Fathers Day. She makes me a card and tells me what a great Dad I am. She tells me that I am better than any Dad she could ever have. I am truly blessed.
My advice for mothers who are raising children without a father is this:
- Talk to your child about his or her concerns, fears, or frustrations. You will never know how your child really feels unless you talk about it. Just be sure to Listen.
- Do not put-down your child's father. As easy as it may be, your child still holds feelings for the idea of or the memory of a dad. Don't lessen her/his feelings.
- Have your child spend extra time with a male role-model. This does not mean your new boyfriend. This is a Grandfather or Uncle, or even a mentor from a church or group such as Big Brother/Big Sisters.
Statistics claim that parenting alone can puts your child at high risk for drug use, early sexuality, assaults, depression and suicide attempts. I could go on and on, but the ultimate thing I want moms to know is that these are just statistics. This is not your family....This is not you!
You are in charge of your destiny. You have the power to make your family consist of well-educated, self-confident and happy people. Don't allow HIM the power to do your family more wrong.
Is this purely a man-bashing article? No, although it easily could be.
I realize that men may feel like the outsider after a divorce, or unconnected to their children. But by all means, don't just walk away! That is where I am confused about. Walking away and never connecting again, as if that child never existed in the first place.
Many men, my child's father included, used the excuse that we lived too far away. Too far away for a phone call? An email? Excuses once again. He doesn't talk with them to punish me. He still has so much hatred for me that he cannot see past it to see what he has done to his kids. Whatever your excuse...It's time to grow up boys...You made these children-Step up and be the Father you were intended to be.
Moms, stay strong and care for your babies and yourself.
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