I Gave My Daughter Up for Adoption

© by Jennifer McLeod writing as jenjen0703, all rights reserved.

Her as a toddler
Her as a toddler | Source

The Beginning of Her

I was only 18 years old. I was staring at the test results and sure enough, I was pregnant. Again. At the time, I was still with her birth father, and he seemed happy about the news. Despite my young age, she was born out of love. There was one problem, though. He was still legally married. I thought his divorce was about to be finalized, but I discovered it had never been filed.

When I was almost three months along, he decided he was going to leave me and go back to his wife. Had we not broke up, I would have definitely kept her. But, he left me. What was I going to do? I already had one baby in diapers, and as easy of a baby as he was to care for, I was not way ready to raise two children alone.

Abortion was not an option, as I figure if you kill your baby, you are never going to see him or her anyways. At least with adoption, my daughter had a chance at a good life, and maybe, someday, I would be able to have a relationship with her. Needless to say, I spent a couple months begging her biological father to get back together with me, but he refused to do so. I gave up and decided it was time to make alternative plans.

The Adoptive Parents

My heart was shattered, and I had no idea what I was going to do. I was living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with my son. As a teenager, I attended a church for a few years and was heavily involved in the church. I did not come from a very loving family, and I had attached myself to a woman from church who was amazing, all the way around. We were close for several years prior to my daughter's conception. I knew she had been trying to have a baby for several years, since the birth of her first child. She and her husband were well-to-do financially, and I remember the love I felt from her as a friend. She was like the mother I wished I had had growing up.

Something inside me said I needed to talk to her, but I was afraid she would not want any part to do with raising someone else's child. So, I went and spoke to our pastor about the situation, explaining that I was not in a position to raise another child, but I also did not want to give my baby up to complete strangers who I did not know. I asked him to talk to my friend and her husband to see if they would be interested in adopting my baby. At first, they refused, because they felt like they would be "taking my baby away from me."

After a week of crying, talking to the couple, and praying about it, we unanimously decided that adoption was a good choice for all of us. On one hand, the adoption was a relief, but at the same time, the sacrifice was the beginning of a long heartache.

Me, the birth mother
Me, the birth mother | Source

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting...

The next six months were difficult for me. I had so much love in my heart for this child, just as I had for the adoptive mother. It was a perfect match, her and my baby girl. The impending adoption caused a never-ending heartache. People have no idea what it is like to be a birth mother and waiting an entire pregnancy to give up your child. As the pregnancy progressed, we continued to talk daily. She was a huge part of my pregnancy, and I made sure to include her in as much of it as I could. When I felt the baby kick for the first time, I called her to share the news. I included her in my doctor's appointments and the birth process. She was present for our daughter's birth, as was her husband. He missed the birth, though, because he went to buy sodas for himself and his wife. The end of my labor happened so quick, she had just been born when he came back to our room.

The adoptive mother did not leave me while I was in the hospital. She was my coach, my anchor, my hope. She was so excited, and I remember her saying to me while I was in labor, "If you change your mind about this when you see her, please do not hesitate to change your mind. We will understand." How could I change my mind now? This woman had already invested thousands of dollars in clothing, furniture, and baby supplies over the last six months. And I had no money and nothing to take my baby home to.

I was so scared. I wanted my labor to stop. I wanted to stay pregnant with her forever, but that was not going to happen. She was ready to join the world. I remember when I was pushing, I looked at the adoptive mother, and it was at that moment I knew I made the right choice. She stood their crying hysterically as she watched our daughter be born. Afterwards, she was holding our daughter like the proud mother that she was, as she sat there with wiping away her tears. As I watched them, my heart broke. I tried not to ask to hold her right away, but they were not selfish about it. We all spent the evening together, the new mother and father, our daughter, and me, the birth mother. When visiting hours were over, the adoptive parents left and went home. I told them they could stay, but they felt I needed time alone with the baby.

Saying Good-Bye

That night was a long night. I did not sleep much. Because the adoption was an open adoption and had not been finalized yet, I was able to keep her in my room with me while we were in the hospital. I did not put her down, except to use the bathroom or for the nurses to check her. I spent all night rubbing her head and cheeks and kissing her, telling her how much I loved her. The next day, they released us both at the same time. I was really hoping they would keep us in the hospital for one more day, but I did not get that lucky. It was in the middle of winter and our cars were all parked at the entrance. As I was wheeled out of the hospital to be released, with her in my arms, I kissed her one more time. As they put her in their car to take her home, I sobbed. The tears would not stop. They were crying too, and hugged me good-bye and promised they would take good care of her. And they did exactly that.

Our daughter is turning 18 in January. The only request the adoptive parents had of me was to wait until she was an adult to establish a relationship and reunite with with her. In three months, she and I will be meeting once again. I have waited her whole life for this. There has not been a day that has gone by that I have not thought about her. She owns a piece of my heart and does not even know it. The pain of the adoption and the break-up from the biological father was unbearable, and I never had my heart back 100% since.

Here is another beautiful story by a fellow hubber, The Woes of Adoption: The Birth Mother's View.

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Comments 34 comments

bell du jour profile image

bell du jour 5 years ago from Ireland

A beautiful story, thank you for sharing :-)


Barbara Kay profile image

Barbara Kay 5 years ago from USA

This was a beautiful story and cried right along with you throughout it. I'm happy you get to know her now.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 5 years ago from The Caribbean

Beautiful story! Glad it turned out well for you and your daughter.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia

Amazing story! I'm adopted too and I can't be more grateful. I feel your complete and utter devotion for your child, wanting it to have different chances in life.

Only a mother's love can make a woman give up her baby like that. I never felt like the typical adoptive child. Left and given away.

A beautiful Hub about a mother's love and the hard choices she sometimes has to make. Unselfish for sure!

Voted up, beautiful, awesome and interesting.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia

Also shared your story on Facebook:-)


mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

This was SO beautiful. You are a strong couragious woman to have done this. I adopted three of my Grandchildren. They have added SO much to my life. You are a beautiful person. Regards, Mary


AEvans profile image

AEvans 5 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

You made the right choice. You were and are a blessing to a couple who could not have children. We adopted our son and he has been the greatest gift that one could imagine. Many blessings to you and they are coming. :)


Sneha Sunny profile image

Sneha Sunny 5 years ago from India

Oh Jen... awesome!! You must be so excited to meet your daughter... I wish you all the best for that day.. :-)


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 5 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks to everyone for the words of support. I am excited about meeting her and only have 3 months left before it happens.


wilderness profile image

wilderness 5 years ago from Boise, Idaho

A poignant and wonderful story. Your selflessness in giving up your daughter has made others lives blossom in a way they never could have otherwise.

I wish you the best in your 3 month date, but am sure, just from reading this, that it will go very well for you. Certainly a shock to your daughter, but your love, caring and kindness will surely override that shock.

Live well, JenJen, and spread your love and kindness to many others - you sound like the kind of person this sad worlds needs many more of.


Just History profile image

Just History 5 years ago from England

I hope it all works out for you- but take it slowly as she will have a lot to get used to


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 5 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

It will. The adoptive parents have been very open with her and answered any questions she has had. She was given a true, God-fearing home, and I can tell from her Facebook feed (we're not friends, but I can see her wall) that she loves God. She posts many spiritual comments and lyrics from worship songs. She has not went without and has been to places like Romania, the Bahamas, and other places in the U.S. I could not have done any of that for her. She was blessed with her adoptive family and someday soon, she will have her biological parents too. Her adoptive father died from leukemia back in January, so it's a good time for a reunion!!!


homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 5 years ago from Texas

I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. Until then be blessed knowing you made the right decision for everyone involved.


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 5 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

I can't wait to tell the rest of the story. A good friend of mine goes to church with them and is interested in video taping the initial reunion. It could be used to touch many hearts, I am sure. Hopefully I will be able to post the video here. Thanks for the encouragement.


karenfriesen profile image

karenfriesen 5 years ago from West Coast, US

Thank you to you and all the birthmothers out there for making the most difficult decision imaginable, and changing countless lives.


Derdriu 5 years ago

JenJen0703: What a tribute to your courage, generosity and insight at such a young age and in such a daunting situation!

Thank you for sharing, voted up, etc.,

Derdriu


gaiaVision profile image

gaiaVision 5 years ago from Big Island Hawaii

~ ommmmm! to be a mom when being the best mom is all you can be ~ i too gave a child up for adoption after already having two young children to raise. it was a difficult time, and one that i am healing through in these times. Thank you for sharing your heart. my love to you.


Ambrosia 5 years ago

Jen you made me cry. I love you and I wish the best for this reunion. If I can help at all please let me know. Love your cousin - Ambrosia


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 5 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks Ambrosia, I love you too. The reunion will go well, she and I are both looking forward to it (Greg talked to her recently). And you shouldn't cry, she has had the best life she could have ever had. That was the purpose of the adoption...2 months and counting.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 5 years ago from New York

I am the adopted child and I understand your heartache and tough decision. You did the right thing for her sake. Fortunately you still have a connection, my birth mother passed away three months before I located her. God bless you and your daughter.


rlaha profile image

rlaha 5 years ago from Spartanburg, SC

This is a heartbreaking story where you had to give up your child but the happy news is that you get to meet her! I hope she can understand what you went through. I look forward to reading more!


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Jen

Thank you for sharing your beautiful and touching story of putting you daughter up for adoption.

It must have been the hardest decision to make but you did it out of love.

I am happy so that you will be reunited with her.

God Bless


Abundant old soul profile image

Abundant old soul 4 years ago from united states

We have adopted our son from Russia. The adventure of a lifetime. Look at my hubs.

Dream big dreams and see miracles


lindalou1963 profile image

lindalou1963 4 years ago from Texas

When my mother was 18, she gave birth to twin boys and gave them up for adoption. I didn't know until years after she passed away when my brother Keith contacted me. Keith and Curtis live in FL and I'm in Texas. We've never met because neither of can afford the trip. :( Maybe some day. Thank you for sharing.


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks for reading my hub, lindalou1963. Giving her up for adoption was definitely one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But, it was worth it, and we're together now. Good luck with your brothers. I hope you can reunite before long. :)


HeidiNicole11 profile image

HeidiNicole11 4 years ago from The Great State of Iowa!

Jen, wow. You, my birth mother and every woman that has made that anguishing choice have all of my love and respect. And it is such a huge difference going from an 'abstract' idea of a birth mother to knowing her...her story, her fears, her joys and hurts. And knowing that she was out there for so long with so much love in her heart is so moving...thank you for sharing and God bless. xoxo


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks, HeidiNicole11. Our reunion was one of the happiest days of my life. I will be writing more about it soon. Seeing her now makes it worth it. She has gotten to travel to different countries, as well as a time share in Florida, near the Keys, I believe. She has lived her life in ways I could have never offered her, as well as God-fearing parents who truly love the Lord.


worddsplaytoday profile image

worddsplaytoday 4 years ago from NC


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

I would love to read them. Thanks for checking out my hub. Good luck with your series.


worddsplaytoday profile image

worddsplaytoday 4 years ago from NC

Thank You JenJen0703


glassvisage profile image

glassvisage 4 years ago from Northern California

Thank you so much for sharing your story. As an adoptee, I am certainly glad that you were able to give her up for adoption :) And from other experiences I have heard, it has been a positive choice for the birth mother.


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

It sure has been a positive experience, glassvisage. It was hard going through life, knowing she was alive and well, but not being able to see her for 18 years. I do not regret my decision, because she has had a wonderful life, and we not have an even better relationship. Thanks for checking out my hub.


Tayshia profile image

Tayshia 3 years ago from Seattle

Hi JenJen, thank you SO much for sharing this story. I am profoundly touched, as my story is similar. I am the adoptive Mom in an open adoption. I adopted my Jack as a single Mom, I was holding his birth-Mom's hand when he entered the world. She gave me the greatest gift in the world, he is my life. I love him to the moon and back..... I would be very curious to hear about the reunion. Please know that there is a special place in Heaven for birth-Moms.....


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 3 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

I did another piece on the reunion. Thanks for stopping by to comment. I don't regret my decision, as much as I did miss. Everything happens the way it's supposed to, in the long run. I am honored to have given her life.

http://hubpages.com/family/Reunion-Biological-Daug...

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