Alone and Afraid - Chapter 8

Source
Source

The detached observer

I am about four years old. I am in Malaysia the country of my birth. I am at school and standing in a line waiting for the teacher to call us into the building.

There is a big boy in the line. Everyone seems afraid of him because of his size. I am not intimidated by him and actually I am not interested in him at all. I notice he is picking on some of the children and making them upset. I simply watch without being affected by what I see.  

Source

Involved

Some of the other children ask me to help. They communicate with me in a way that makes me feel important. I let them lead me to the big boy and I stand facing him. I am still unaffected by what I see and am experiencing even though the boy is looking down at me and making fun of the runt before him.

I hit him and am surprised at how he falls to his feet so easily and starts to cry. Now I am being pulled into something and it is affecting me. I am disappointed at how easy it was to fell this big tree. He tells me that he will get his father after me. This scares me. The teacher calls us in completely oblivious to what has just gone on. It all happened so quickly. She sees the big boy crying and asks him what the matter is. He does not give me away but his eyes are telling me that he and his family are not finished with me.  

Source

Fear

I am terrified going to and leaving school everyday because I see the boy’s mother or grandmother dropping him off at school every morning and collecting him when school ends. He points to me as I run from the school to the bus and I feel the glare of their eyes on me.

Every morning I beg my mother for us to move house. We have moved so many times before so I don't see it as such an unreasonable request. She laughs but cannot see the terror that resides in my heart.

Source

No escape

One day the big boy's father is there waiting for him after school. He sees me when his son points to me and he runs after me. I just manage get on the bus and sit in the seat. The father runs alongside the bus and puts his hand in through the open window and I slide down in the seat to escape. I see his large hand coming towards clutching the air above my tummy. The bus moves faster and the hand withdraws. He is shouting that he is going to get me. I am terrified. When I get home I am crying and I beg my mother again for us to move house. She just laughs and I resign myself to the impending doom.How do I get through another day like this. I feel very much alone with only fear as my companion.

Links to Connected Chapters

Comments 6 comments

nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia

you tell your story so intensely and bravely that I have no choice but to be pulled in deeply each time.


Goyakla profile image

Goyakla 5 years ago from United Kingdom Author

nighthag thank you for your very kind comment. It is hard sometimes for me to believe that I actually lived that life. I sometimes feel that I have lived a few lives in this life time in the same body.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota

That had to be really scary knowing that at any time you could be accosted by this kids family. I so want to jump into this child's life and be his friend and someone he can count on. I am sorry you went through so much.


Goyakla profile image

Goyakla 4 years ago from United Kingdom Author

Minnetonka Twin, your reaction to this is a reflection of the caring person that are. I am someone my wife and children can count on and perhaps my experiences have had a hand in making me so. Thank you for your loving comment.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota

It is so powerful and moving for me to hear you say, "I am someone my wife and children can count on." You will help so many who are struggling in this life. Would it be ok if I tweet and share your series, as I feel it is so important to read someone who has gone through pain to get to the freedom you have achieved. I know you don't advertise this and wanted to check it out with you first. I respect whatever decision you choose.


Goyakla profile image

Goyakla 4 years ago from United Kingdom Author

Minnetonka Twin, thank you for asking and I would simply say that you act according to your own conscience. I trust you.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working