Critical Parents

There are parents who are loving, accepting,& encouraging. They know their children are not perfect & make mistakes. They view such as part of the learning & growth process.They also don't harp on mistakes that their children make.
There are parents who are loving, accepting,& encouraging. They know their children are not perfect & make mistakes. They view such as part of the learning & growth process.They also don't harp on mistakes that their children make.
Critical parents are ALWAYS looking for & seeing something wrong with their children.They feel that their children should be as PERFECT & FLAWLESS as possible.
Critical parents are ALWAYS looking for & seeing something wrong with their children.They feel that their children should be as PERFECT & FLAWLESS as possible.
Critical parents maintain that mistakes will make their children flawed & failures.They contend that children who make mistakes will be less likely to succeed in any endeavor they undertake.They assert that THEY want their children to be THE BEST.
Critical parents maintain that mistakes will make their children flawed & failures.They contend that children who make mistakes will be less likely to succeed in any endeavor they undertake.They assert that THEY want their children to be THE BEST.
Critical parents NEVER seem to be satisfied with their children even if the latter have done their best. In these parents' eyes, BEST is NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.They elect not to see what is right with their children, only what is WRONG....
Critical parents NEVER seem to be satisfied with their children even if the latter have done their best. In these parents' eyes, BEST is NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.They elect not to see what is right with their children, only what is WRONG....
Critical parents have & set unrealistic & fantastical expectations that their children must follow with few or no mistakes &/or failures.Such parents refuse to realize that mistakes & failure are integral parts of life.
Critical parents have & set unrealistic & fantastical expectations that their children must follow with few or no mistakes &/or failures.Such parents refuse to realize that mistakes & failure are integral parts of life.
Critical parents want their environment to be as fluid & stressfree as possible.To them, mistakes & human error complicate matters, making them worse.They want an ordered, well-functioning universe in their immediate & controllable environment.
Critical parents want their environment to be as fluid & stressfree as possible.To them, mistakes & human error complicate matters, making them worse.They want an ordered, well-functioning universe in their immediate & controllable environment.
Critical parents can be quite unforgiving &intolerant of mistakes,failure & other human foibles.They consider such to be mortal trangressions,They tend to harp on mistakes & failures even if their children improve & have moved on.
Critical parents can be quite unforgiving &intolerant of mistakes,failure & other human foibles.They consider such to be mortal trangressions,They tend to harp on mistakes & failures even if their children improve & have moved on.
Some children of critical parents learn to become risk aversive, avoiding more challenging tasks lest they fail. They also have low self-esteem.
Some children of critical parents learn to become risk aversive, avoiding more challenging tasks lest they fail. They also have low self-esteem.
Other children become highly defiant & rebellious, acting out in negative ways as a result of being constantly told that they are less than perfect.
Other children become highly defiant & rebellious, acting out in negative ways as a result of being constantly told that they are less than perfect.
Critical parents believe that they are helping their children when in fact, they are destroying their self-worth and making them distrust & doubt their innate capability & human potential.
Critical parents believe that they are helping their children when in fact, they are destroying their self-worth and making them distrust & doubt their innate capability & human potential.

The Parent Who Constantly Finds Fault

There are warm and supportive parents who love their children unconditionally no matter what mistakes their children make. These parents believe in accepting their children as whole beings. These parents know that their children are not perfect and they must go through certain phases in order to mature and grow.

These parents do not harp on their children if they fall short of a goal. They accept that their children will sometimes fall short of a goal whether it is a C in math or failure to make the soccer team. They see that this is a part of life and that their children are smart and worthy of their love no matter what. They further do not go into hysterical histrionics if their children does err, they just brush it off and encourage their children to try again. These parents really practice the art of unconditional love.

Then there are parents who love their children only when they fit the parental criteria. This criteria can be making straight As, always being in first place, and being an unobtrusive as possible. Critical parents are always seeing something wrong with their children. It is these parents' mantra that they as parents are obligated to correct their children when they make mistakes in order to prepare them for school and later for life.

Critical parents, like perfectionistic parents, believe that their children should be as unblemished as possible. Of course they know that people make mistakes; however, they believe that it is their duty to have their children make as little mistakes as possible. To the critical parent, mistakes make a child flawed and less likely to succeed in whatever endeavor he/she may undertake.

Critical parents maintain that their children are a reflection and extension of them, not individual beings in their own right. To the critical parent, their children are to be guided as to the correct and approximate behaviors, output, and mannerisms. For example, critical parents would critique their child even though his/her report child has 5 As if there is one C. Critical parents will concentrate on the C instead of congratulating the child for the five As. The critical parent will view his/her child as grossly insufficient and began to badger the child about the C. Even though the child may explain that the subject was somewhat difficult and he/she did the best that he/she knew how, this parent maintained that the child's efforts was insufficient to say the least. As you see, critical parents never see what is right with their children, only what is wrong. These parents will criticize their children even for their best efforts.

Such parents have unrealistic and fantastical expectations that their children are not to fail and/or err in any way. They fail to believe that part of being human and a child is to explore and fail. Failure is a necessary part of life and a learning process. When one fails or makes an error, one just brushes oneself off, starting all over again. Failure is not a mortal sin.

Critical parents believe that their environment should be as smooth and stressfree as possible. They believe that mistakes and human error often complicate matters and make them worse. This is why they want their world, including their children to be well-functioning and well-ordered. Critical parents could be quite damaging towards their children for making common human errors.

Children of critical parents often lose their initiative and become risk aversive. They feel that since they will be critiqued no matter what they do, why try to make an effort. Many children of critical parents furthermore believe that they feel that they are constantly under a radar, watching every minute move that they make. They often develop an extremely low self-esteem, feeling like they are failures and never good enough. Others, who are more defiant and rebellious, assert that since they always give them only negative feedback and attention, they might as well act negatively- a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Critical parents are often unforgiving parents. They do not believe in letting go of their children's mistakes. They, like perfectionistic parents, constantly bring up their children's mistakes each time they wish to attempt something new. These parents are one of the most soul destroying parents around. Instead of encouraging and enhancing their children's self-esteem and self-worth, these parents demolish and even destroy their children's sense of worth.

Many parents are critical because they, too, had critical parents in their early familial environment. They are only continuing and acting upon their familial environment. There are many critical parents who had lackadaisical or laissez faire parents who were uninterested in their development. They were not as successful in life as they wish to be. They decided to be the exact opposite as parents-they want their children to be successful by any means necessary. Still other critical parents had severely permissive and indulgent parents who never corrected them and coddled them from life's travails. These parents believed that as a result of this rearing, they were damaged and unable to cope. They decided to be tougher parents to their children in order for them to right their utmost human potential.

Although critical parents believe themselves to be well meaning, they are not. They are damaging and destroying their children's self-esteem in more ways than one. By their constant criticism, they are causing their children's initiative, causing them to be fearful and dependent upon others. Many children become underachievers because of critical parents. These children believe that it is futile to strive and achieve lest they fail- and failure is not an option to their parents.

Many critical parents complain that their children often are failures, underachievers, and have no initiative. These parents adamantly refuse to acknowledge that their constant criticism destroyed their children's spark and they have created a monster. If a child is constantly criticized for what he/she did wrong and seldom or never praised for what they do right, they become that they are worthless failures. Critical parents are just as bad as the worst abusive parent. In fact, critical parents are abusive but they do not know it!

As Dr. Wayne W. Dyer stated that one of the worst things a parents does to a child is to criticize the child. Dr. Dyer maintains that parental criticism destroys the child emotionally and psychologically. Dr. Dyer further advises parents to order to make a child more self-confident and independent, always find something right with him/her instead of finding something ALWAYS wrong with the child.

In summation, critical parents believe that when they correct their children, they are doing it in their children's best interest. These parents believe that they want their children to be as mistake-free as possible in order to be successful. These parents contend that mistakes and failures deter from their children's present and future success. Even though these parents believe that they have their children's best interests at heart, they are, in fact, damaging and destroying their children's creativity, independence, initiative, and self-esteem by their constant criticism. Remember, the road to hell is often paved with the best of intentions!

© 2011 Grace Marguerite Williams

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Comments 7 comments

jacqui2011 profile image

jacqui2011 5 years ago from Leicester, United Kingdom

Very interesting hub. I think that children should experience as much of life as possible and learn & grow from their mistakes. They are individuals who should be loved unconditionally. I agree with you entirely. Parents who push children to always be successful, do damage the child and somewhere along the line they lose confidence, self-esteem and their own identity. Voted up and interesting.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

what a remarkable hub.. it's a case-file well worth the read up and awesome my friend


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York Author

To jacqui2011 and Frank Atancio: Thank you both for your responses. I couldn't agree more! I have seen highly intelligent children who could have been more than what they could be. However, they had low self-esteem and felt that they could not achieve much because their parents ALWAYS criticized them for EACH and EVERY mistake they made. These parents NEVER praised their children one iota!


Ardie profile image

Ardie 5 years ago from Neverland

I love my children's 'imperfections'. They are what make them who they are :) I wish all parents could love their children unconditionally - children deserve that acceptance at home because they may not ever find it any place else.


Me 3 years ago

Yes let's blame the parents. Give me a break


Zahras years 2 years ago

Good read


Debrah 22 months ago

Well done arlcite that. I'll make sure to use it wisely.

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