A Really Dirty Story

Stuff happens! That’s the nice version of a pretty popular phrase. But it really does. Read on about a true story of when it really did hit the fan so to speak.

My dad was a career Air Force man and when my two other brothers and myself were quite young he was assigned duty at Tachikawa Air Force Base, Japan. Back then, as well as now, there was always a waiting list for military families to get in to base housing. We were no exception. So we had to secure quarters in the private sector. We found a nice little three bedroom house with a fenced in back yard which pleased mom. It was in a small American compound close to the base. The compound was just a cluster of about ten American families grouped together.

My younger brother Mike was five, I was six and my older brother Tom was seven. Sister Debbie, the oldest at eight, opted to remain with an aunt in California thereby missing being a witness to the following tale. This true story can be taken two ways. The most hilarious thing you ever saw, or the worst thing you could imagine to befall someone. It happened to the youngest, Mike. Mike was born legally blind. However, he never considered himself to be. He had never seen any differently.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I remember it vividly. We were all playing cowboys in the back yard riding around on our “broom stick” horses. We had a septic tank located out back also. In Japan, the trucks that came around regularly to clean them out were called “honey buckets”. Maybe they’re called the same thing in the states. But, whatever the name, ours hadn’t been done in a while and was close to overflowing. The other thing with our septic tank was the lid covering. It didn’t fit properly and would flip over if stepped on incorrectly. So this was bound to happen sooner or later with three rambunctious youngsters running around.

Well, Mike, being legally blind, would be the logical choice for such a mishap to happen to. And of course, it did! Mike ran across the manhole cover and it flipped over. Mike screamed as he disappeared into the most god awful pit anyone could imagine.

It seemed like an eternity before his head finally bobbed back to the surface. The poor boy was sputtering, trying to get the horrible gunk out of his mouth, gasping for air. Although it wasn't funny we couldn't help but lapse into uncontrollable laughter.

Seconds later Mom emerged from the back kitchen door wondering what the hell was going on. It only took seconds for her to access the situation. Since we were obviously enjoying Mike's plight so much, Mom gave us the distasteful task of making our brother presentable enough to enter the house. It took us about an hour to hose him down enough to where Mom would let him in.

To add insult to injury, a pretty little American girl living next door on the second story balcony, got an eyeful of our then naked brother as we scrubbed him clean. Well, as things turned out Mike became the apple of her eye and got all the attention we had all been craving from her since we moved in and discovered her presence.

So, who were the real losers in this fiasco?