A Really Dirty Story

A Really Dirty Story

Stuff happens! That’s the nice version of a pretty popular phrase. But it really does. Read on about a true story of when it really did hit the fan so to speak.

My dad was a career Air Force man and when my two other brothers and myself were quite young he was assigned duty at Tachikawa Air Force Base, Japan. Back then, as well as now, there was always a waiting list for military families to get in to base housing. We were no exception. So we had to secure quarters in the private sector. We found a nice little three bedroom house with a fenced in back yard which pleased mom. It was in a small American compound close to the base. The compound was just a cluster of about ten American families grouped together.

My younger brother Mike was five, I was six and my older brother Tom was seven. Sister Debbie, the oldest at eight, opted to remain with an aunt in California thereby missing being a witness to the following tale. This true story can be taken two ways. The most hilarious thing you ever saw, or the worst thing you could imagine to befall someone. It happened to the youngest, Mike. Mike was born legally blind. However, he never considered himself to be. He had never seen any differently.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I remember it vividly. We were all playing cowboys in the back yard riding around on our “broom stick” horses. We had a septic tank located out back also. In Japan, the trucks that came around regularly to clean them out were called “honey buckets”. Maybe they’re called the same thing in the states. But, whatever the name, ours hadn’t been done in a while and was close to overflowing. The other thing with our septic tank was the lid covering. It didn’t fit properly and would flip over if stepped on incorrectly. So this was bound to happen sooner or later with three rambunctious youngsters running around.

Well, Mike, being legally blind, would be the logical choice for such a mishap to happen to. And of course, it did! Mike ran across the manhole cover and it flipped over. Mike screamed as he disappeared into the most god awful pit anyone could imagine.

It seemed like an eternity before his head finally bobbed back to the surface. The poor boy was sputtering, trying to get the horrible gunk out of his mouth, gasping for air. Although it wasn't funny we couldn't help but lapse into uncontrollable laughter.

Seconds later Mom emerged from the back kitchen door wondering what the hell was going on. It only took seconds for her to access the situation. Since we were obviously enjoying Mike's plight so much, Mom gave us the distasteful task of making our brother presentable enough to enter the house. It took us about an hour to hose him down enough to where Mom would let him in.

To add insult to injury, a pretty little American girl living next door on the second story balcony, got an eyeful of our then naked brother as we scrubbed him clean. Well, as things turned out Mike became the apple of her eye and got all the attention we had all been craving from her since we moved in and discovered her presence.

So, who were the real losers in this fiasco?

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Comments 5 comments

Missi Darnell profile image

Missi Darnell 6 years ago from Southern California

Another great story. Keep it up... I love them.

Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder

Stuff certainly happens. I've heard this scenario is quite common when using a manhole cover as a base for baseball.

Your poor little brother. :D

Sunny Barb profile image

Sunny Barb 5 years ago from Central Florida

This was great! How awful for your brother, but still pretty dang funny! Dirty or not, your writing is always excellent! Always love reading your work.

JY3502 profile image

JY3502 5 years ago from Florence, South Carolina Author

Sunny, glad you liked it. This was written some time back when I first joined hubpages.

Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 5 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Oh, NO! Yes! It's FUNNY!! I can't help it....I'm rolling out of my chair. You kids were the perfect "little rascals!"

I really like the "stuff happens" addition to this story..see? it's imagination like this that is good enough to create a book. Can you just see it? How many baby boomers are 'out there?' We ALL love to remember...to romanticize about our childhood...and, believe me, our kind of childhood experiences are rapidly becoming a thing of the past given the electronic age and video games, etc. Childhood is NOT what it used to be, no matter...it has changed drastically.

I was attracted to SE Kansas and decided to take myself up on my 'self dare,' by moving there...part of the reason was the middle Americana, Norman Rockwell, "back in the day' quality of life ... it actually is still very much the same in America' Heartland...I wrote about this in some of my first hubs.

John, you've got talent and a gift...both items necessary to successfully author a novel...do this!!! i'd buy it in a heartbeat!!


Thank you for this stroll down memory lane..such an awesome treat!

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