Does Having your own Child Complete You?

Months ago, I was talking to a friend and we were discussing kids. When people ask me if I have kids. I say to them. I have none but, would love to have a “little Elena” running around the house some day. In conversation, I told my friend, how could I pass through life without having a child? Would life be really worth living?

My friend didn’t see it my way and said life wasn’t all about kids but it was important that people were happy personally and most of all in good health. As usual, I smiled. It definitely wasn’t a conversation for debating. Deep inside, I guess like any other woman out there, I love kids and don’t think I will feel fulfilled in life without any. Several times, I have my friends 2 kids over on a Saturday (another friend). She loves her kids dearly, but in a funny way, It’s a relief for her, as she is a single parent and it’s a pleasure for me as I love having kids around. I say to her:

“I’ll bring them back early evening and we’ll call you about lunch time.”

She responds: “Elena, please keep them for as long as you want!”.

.

.

So, seriously – What is the importance of having kids? How happy are you that you had kids, if you have any? … and if you don’t have kids yet, do you feel your world is not complete?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. ٩(•̃•̃)۶

.

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Comments 48 comments

The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

I don't like to tell people they are missing out on life or anything but having children and feeling that vulnerability and love for them opens your mind in ways that are very difficult to simulate. The pressures that occur are almost unbelievable as you have to make decisions for them which you hope are in their best interest and you find yourself confronting time and time again what it is you truly believe and how much you are willing to fight for it.

Does this complete you? Maybe, maybe not but it surely must have some greater impact on your development as a person as you are forced to negotiate the balance between your life and career and your responsibilities as a parent. You are thrust into situations that you never encountered before and it seems to me that you grow through this process.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 5 years ago

Elena, This is wonderful, you are so insightful! I love my children and I am truly quite thankful for the experience of motherhood. I have learned many life lessons being a mother. Yet it is only a facet of who I am... It is evident to me that I also realize that they do not really belong to me but were entrusted to me to love and care for. God is the Giver & Sustainer of Life. His Love is quite deep… I/we have a responsibility to make them feel secure in who they are as individuals. Each is uniquely different… Parenting is as much for the parent as it is for the child. Your strengths and weaknesses become apparent… You grow up right along with them. The life lessons are invaluable! You learn what it means to put the well being of others first…

I don’t feel that my children complete me. But they stretched me to grow beyond myself… To continually reach down and find more patience, understanding, care, compassion & calmness… They grew love inside of me… I think there is an endless cycle to love. As you freely give it you receive more. I truly feel completeness comes from the Lord!

I personally think that you would be a fantastic parent because you sincerely care… I think it is admirable that are waiting for the right time… In the meantime you share your God given natural mothering qualities with your friends…. Thank you for sharing, this it is quite thought provoking! In HIS Love, Grace, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


jdove-miller 5 years ago

I like Suburban Poet's answer. I chose not to have children although when I was in my 20's I thought like you, Lady_E. Now I figure some of us were put here to mother and others to nurture in other ways. I feel whole because I've found purpose.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

jdove - thank you and I truly hope I didn't come across in a judgmental fashion in any way. I never thought I was going to have children and in fact if it was up to me I wouldn't have but the mom wanted them so I went along. Now of course I wouldn't trade them in for anything which you probably hear all the time. If you don't think you want children then don't do it because it's worse if everyone is suffering in a situation that is forced. There is no obligation to have kids and don't let anyone make you feel bad for one instant about your decisions. There is no reason really to compare people in this regard but my response was just to let everyone know how my mind was impacted by my experience. I know I would be much more shallow as a person without my children but that's just me. Some people are able to develop and truly be insightful without direct experience.


SilverGenes 5 years ago

Do children complete us? No, I don't think so. They are their own being, looking for their own solutions and completion. I love being a mother. It has given me insight, love beyond measure, taught me humility, and allowed me to grow in ways I couldn't have foreseen but it was also (at times) exhausting, confusing, painful and terrifying (my youngest just finished her teen years!). There is a subtle and sometimes not so subtle pressure on women to be mothers, almost as if choosing not to have children is some kind of failure or selfish act. Nothing could be further from the truth as far as I'm concerned. One must listen to one's own heart. Choosing to be a parent is the most serious decision we will ever make and it's a lifetime commitment.


Joni Douglas profile image

Joni Douglas 5 years ago

Great responses above...... I don't think that having children has 'completed' me but it sure has filled me with a view of life separate from my own. I love being a mother and that love just grows and grows.


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 5 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

Lady E: Thank you for discussing this topic. I find it very appropriate a topic in light of some news item that hit the morning news here in Toronto yesterday.

Aparently this woman in the good old US of A, and her husband were unable to conceive a child together. Hmmm! Imagine that. The woman could not carry to term and deliver.

So what do you think they did to get a child? The woman and the man go to a doctor. An egg from the woman is artificially fertilized with the husband's sperm, and then comes the wierd part of the story, the (mother of the woman) is artificially inseminated with the the fertile egg and carries it to term.

In other words the "Grandmother" is actually the Biological Mother to the newborn baby, and the daughter who could not conceive is now a mother or is she a sister? I don't know? Grandma is Mother to both children. Very confusing??????


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@The Surban Poet

Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience. There is indeed a lot to parenthood. Seems like another world. I am glad you stopped by. Best Wishes.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Deborrah K Ogans

Thanks for that broad insight. Very interesting. Motherhood seems like another branch of a woman and I like all the positive and challenges experiences you shared. Thanks for the compliment and I must remember "completeness comes from the Lord"

Stay Blessed. :)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@J Dove-Miller

Very interesting. It's nice that one still finds purpose by nurturing others. Pardon me, but you remind me of Oprah Winfrey. I think she chose not to have kids but has nurtured thousands, if not Millions and I'm sure she is a happy lady. Thanks so much for sharing another point of view.


Rossimobis profile image

Rossimobis 5 years ago from Biafra

The fact is this,Kids brings out the best in parents but that doesn't mean that whoever don't have a kid(s) is missing something.No! i do not agree on that because everything in life is all about choice. However, i agree that one's world is some how complete when there are kids along the line and being a Dad,i can boldly proclaim how joyful it is watching your kids play around but a friend of mine who has been married for about 10yrs and has none always have this for his wife who feels that their world is incomplete...

..." Is a kid or even ten of them greater than the love we share"?

Therefore, one's world is never incomplete without kids.

Sis,i am addicted to your hubs and wish to commend you for your great insight and ideas.


mikeq107 5 years ago

Elena: 0)

You have asked a very important question...I was just thinking about what my next hub should be on...This is a topic I have put off writing about in a public forum for some time. So in order to truly answer your question I’m going to write My story about my two boys and God`s over whelming grace.. Besides it will do me a world of good and others too I hope. However, I believe it will reinforce Deborrah K organs... comment on the fact that our children do not belong to us... thank you for asking this question... will let you know when it is finished...

Mike :0)


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Great topic, I am very happy to be a Mother. I can't imagine life without my Son and Grandchildren. I have friends who are childless and are very happy, so to each his own.

Cheers


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Silver Genes

Wow... that's touching. Not an easy ride but at the same time well worth it. I will remember that phrase "a life time commitment". Thanks for sharing.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Joni Douglas

Thanks. It's interesting to read your positive response. I feel your heart smiling at the thought of your kids. Glad you stopped by.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Dave Matthews

Oh Dave... well at least the wife would be happy she has "her own child" even though it was through the help of her mum. Going by what you wrote, I para phrase "An egg from the woman is artificially fertilized with the husband's sperm... then inseminated into the mum(grandmum)". Well, the mum was just the carrier then. The important bits (that made the baby) came from the Mum and Dad - so they are the real parents.

.... I hope he doesn't go into the delivery room with her!

Great Share. :)


ladyt11 5 years ago

Another interesting topic Elena! I personally feel that children are a heritage given to us by God. I believe that they are an extension of us and they continue where we left off when we leave this earth. What a feeling to be able to nurture and help grow another soul, to be entrusted with another person's well being and to assist in navigating their future is the most important job in the world to me. I do know single women who don't have children and they are wonderful nurturing women. I have a very good friend who would make a excellent mother if she ever decides to have children. She helps me with my daughter who is autistic and I don't worry about anything when she has her because she treats her as good as I do! I agree with Deborrah Ogans, kids don't complete you, God does but they sure do teach and grow us adults along the way. Again, what a nice topic Elena.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

It is nice to have our son but it certainly is the hardest job I ever done. To me, looking back, I gave up my life almost completely.


AustralianNappies profile image

AustralianNappies 5 years ago from Australia

I was devistated when I was told I probably couldn't have children. It took a long process of medical procedures before I could even attempt IVF. Now I have my daughter I definately do feel complete, my life seems complete. Every day is a joy and my biggest dream come true. It's wonderful being a parent.


MarieAlice profile image

MarieAlice 5 years ago from Peru

What a great hub.. i have 4 kids and not all the time I feel happy...happiness is a lot more, having kids is amazing, but there are lots of things that will also make us feel good..


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

@Hello, hello - that is an interesting comment and very true for dedicated parents. Think about the hub title and what you said... were you completed or depleted?


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Rossimobis

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and your friends situation. Your friend is a lovely man. I know what it's like in Africa. If a woman doesn't have a child even for 5 years, the hubby will either marry another wife or have a child outside the matrimonial home.

Thanks for the warm compliments to. God Bless. :)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@mikeq107

Hi Mike, I'm glad the topic has inspired you to write a Hub and I look forward to reading it. I am sure it will inspire many. Regards.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Always Exploring

oh... you look too young to be a grand mother. I'm sure you dote on your grand kids. Glad you stopped by. :)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@ladyt11

Wow... what an insight and thought provoking comments too. It made me think that there are some people who don't have kids, but would make even better mothers than some. E.g we hear lots of people hurting their own kids.

Thanks so much for sharing and also helping us to see it from a Christian point of view. God Bless.


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 5 years ago

I think having kids made you feel more deeply, after all, whatever affects your kid affects you. As a mom, I can tell you I'm more empathic just because of that. Thanks for keeping our brains working all the time by raising thought-provoking questions.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Hello Hello

People normally say, once you have a child - your life is no longer your own. A lot of sacrifices of love but well worth it. Thanks for sharing.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@AustralianNappies

Beautiful to know that you are enjoying Motherhood and I hope you continue to. Nice to meet you on HP. :)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Marie Alice

Its nice to read a different point of view. Your comments made me reflect on when the kids grow up and leave home. (leave the nest). There has to be other things for parents to do. Glad you stopped by. Thanks.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 5 years ago from Ohio

I have many children and grandchildren. Only one is biologically my own. All are my own by love. I believe that love fulfills us....any love of any human being. :)


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Wonderful hub. You would be a wonderful mom because you have so many fantastic qualities. GBY.


Wanderlust profile image

Wanderlust 5 years ago from New York City

Great topic! The society push us to do certain things - have a career, get married, have a child, get a morgage and etc. As a result many people ends up depressed and on medication :) So do it only if you really really want it. I am sure that children bring a lot of joy to any person life, but I doubt they can complete anyone. Usually when people defined themselves by children they don't have anything else in their lives.....


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@anglnwu

Thanks so much for sharing that. So, having kids has brought out your soft side... :)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Tom Cornett

That's beautiful. You remind me of a time when Marie Osmond was asked which one of her kids were hers because she adopted some. She refused to say which ones and said they were all her children. (she did a show with Donny in UK last year and was asked on TV)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


john27 profile image

john27 5 years ago

Having a kid can give a inspiration in our life and experiencing that everyday have a purpose of what we are doing, and give happiness.


Eunice Stuhlhofer profile image

Eunice Stuhlhofer 5 years ago

Lady E, thanks for this insightful hub...this topic is close to my heart. Indeed completeness and wholeness only comes from God. I recently wrote a book entitled SOMETHING IN YOUR HAND in which I shared about my search for completeness in the wrong things and only found it in God. Best regards.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Stars439

Aaaawh... thanks so much for your warm comments. You are a ray of sunshine. Glad you stopped by. :)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Wanderlust

A very interesting point. This stood out in your comment, I Quote: "when people define themselves by children they don't have anything else in their lives." I am glad you stopped by to share that. It's nice to see the bigger picture. Best Wishes.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@john27

That's nice - I like the inspiration aspect on a daily basis. It's nice to have strong purpose. Cheers.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Eunice Stuhlhofer

Thanks Eunice and it's nice that you wrote a book about it. I hope it does very well. Feel free to give me details of the book and I will include it in the Hub.


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 5 years ago from I'm outta here

Great thoughts on if having your own child completes you.

My Mom had a stroke, I flew outta here and haven't been on line till yesterday. She was in the hospital for six days, then moved to a rehab facility for 7 days now, 13 days in all. Love and Peace, Katie


TamCor profile image

TamCor 5 years ago from Ohio

I can't imagine my life without my kids, so I guess I'd have to say yes, they do make my life complete.

But I also can't imagine my life without my husband Tom(Cornett)...without him, my life wouldn't be fulfilled either.

Now that our kids are grown and giving us grandkids, they just add more to our lives...while at the same time, Tom and I have so much more time to ourselves, and we truly enjoy that, too. I think we have the best of both worlds at this stage in our lives...and so feel really blessed, and couldn't ask for anything more...:)

I think it takes different things for different people to be happy and fulfilled. Some live their lives single and childless, and have no regrets, and if that works for them, then that's wonderful, isn't it?

Great topic--it really got me to thinking about how very lucky I am! :)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@Katiem2

Hi Katie, glad you stopped by. Sorry to hear about your Mum. I have sent you an email. I wish her a speedy recovery. Take Care. xx


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK Author

@TamCor

Thanks for your comments. I remember you and Tom since my early days on HP and it's nice to know you have such a lovely and loving family. You are not just Blessed, but very Blessed. :)

I'm glad you came by to share your thoughts.

Best Wishes


stars439 profile image

stars439 4 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

I love you're hub. You're heart is in a wonderful place to have love for children. As a man, and a father I love having a daughter even if she has serious disabilities, and I have no regrets in having her on earth with us. I do wish for her sake that our daughter could have a better life.

I think for you, it might complete you to have a child because you're hub seems to reach out to children with you're love for them. For you I believe it would be fantastic to have a child because you would be a fantastic mother.

At night when I see Becky's arm around her mother's neck as they both sleep in their world of dreams , I am grateful to God that love can wash away troubles. GBY.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

Hello Stars439

Thanks for such kind words. I do adore kids and hope I can have 1 or 2 someday. I love the way you write about Becky. She is a ray of sunshine and I thank God for the inner Strength he gives you daily.

Best Wishes.


Seafarer Mama profile image

Seafarer Mama 3 years ago from New England

Lovely hub,, and a very thought-provoking question.

I know that I am a very different person than I would have been without conceiving a child (and hopefully better). I prayed for my daughter and she is a gift from heaven. I love being around her and home-school her. She is my greatest blessing (along with my husband, who is at least partially responsible for her existence :0) ).

Being a parent is the opportunity to live a life of mindfulness, in knowing that every decision...every little habit is significant. We must use our brains to make decisions....and involve a small person with great ideas of her own. We also have the greatest opportunity to stay young at heart...we age more slowly, in a way. :0)

So...I must say that I am becoming the person I am meant to become...it's definitely a long and winding journey...but part of that tapestry is very much influenced by the inspiration that comes with parenting my daughter.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 3 years ago from London, UK Author

@Seafarer

Thanks for you comment; What a beautiful experience and I love the point you made about staying young at heart.

Best Wishes.

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