Are you a Good Dad? What daughters need from Their Father.

Fathers are Overated!

Dads: Some Good, Some....

Daddy's Little Girl

Rubbish! This statement is pure BS to me. I see other girls with great fathers, worthy of the name dad or daddy. My grandfather is one such man. He is amazing. Involved totally in the lives of his children more so his grands. He is reliable as the night is dark.

Fathers on the telly or in film represent a mix. They are awesome,good,not so bad,bad to the down right AWFUL! The awful fathers aside, like the one from The Shining and other gross men of the house.

Sitcom dads-the good kind. I'll rattle some off as they cross my mind. Mr. Winslow, Uncle Phil, Heathcliff Huxtable, Michael from My Wife & Kids, Eric Camden and Jason Seaver from Growing Pains. Reliable, strong, approachable, compassionate, helpful, involved and ready to teach you a good lesson...especially if you're up to know good.

It's funny the 'bad' sitcom dads like Peter Griffin and Homer Simpson, always make me laugh. Even Peter's awfulness to Meg and Homer's inability. All comical genius aside, I love them because you know ultimately their family means everything to them.

I crave a good father. Mine has no idea what he's doing to my peace of mind, to our lives. Most times he makes me sick...on the inside!

I want a dad that I genuinely feel loves me. I want a father who talks to me, who is interested in my life. I want that man who used to tell me Greek mythology stories in my room at bedtime, when I was a kid. A dad who is always there.

I'm Not sure what category to put this in. Its about fathers...mine but it's also truth. The truth that I am living and feeling right now. I'm afraid of putting this out there, in case family member read it but I need to. The pain is becoming unbearable. The headaches are mind numbingly awful.

I feel sad, the I'm lost sad. I'm losing my myself...my father. I feel like I'm in a blackhole taking me some place where I know no one and no one knows me. I never had a close or strong relationship with my father but what we have now is ridiculous.

*He is sat across the room from me as I type*

Fathers are Overrated! Yours may not be but mine certainly is. I struggle everyday now to like mine as a person. I love my father. I honestly do-he is the reason I exist. He is amazing at his job but not his job as a parent. It baffles me how our relationship has deteriorated this year.

My mother says when we were young (my sister and I) he spent heaps of his time with us, taking us every where we want to go. I have no memories of this. I cannot remember ONE SINGLE MOMENT IN TIME WHEN THIS WAS THE CASE. Why?

The Struggle

*I'm almost to the brink of tears as I type*

He gets angry at almost any and everything...it's unpredictable and his rage is equally scary. My mother defends him NO MATTER WHAT. She says she won't choose sides but I see her choosing one everyday.

I've heard him say things about my sister and I. Calling us nasty bitches.Why? There are 3 of us-myself, younger sister and brother. He acts like he only has one child...my brother. This is a recent development. My sister and father have clashed constantly since she was a child. She mad some mistakes growing up but so have I.

He is not approachable. He is not personable. He is not friendly...not at home. All our conversations are about football or any other sport he is interested in, or new film etc. nothing on real life.

Does he even know me? My favourite food he knows but everyone does. Favourite colour, friends, aspirations, interests and other fundamentals- I doubt he knows, he never asks. He was shocked when my mother told him I'm allergic to pineapple *I'm rolling my eyes now* Why he can't remember is beyond me. I told him about my new blog and hubpages...he asked about the difference but that was it. When I told him about my dream to become a best selling author, he laughed- a 'yeah right' laugh, like I could never do it.

I feel guilty already for writing this hub. I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. I dare not talk to him about it. I tried once talking to him about the way he makes us feel sometime...he turned into Hulk, I thought he was going to hit me...Hard! I ran upstairs and cried and phoned two of the world's greatest human beings...my grandparents.

My father is no Joe Jackson. He's not abusive. He does come across like a bully from time to time. I feel I need to walk on eggshells around him. He says what he wants, how he wants-no matter how hurtful.

What Being a Piss Poor Father can do to Little Girls

I do not want to paint this horrific picture of him to the world because he is far from being a horrible father...it could be worse. He however is far from good. We have moments when we have fun as a family and he's nice to be around but they are few...very.

I'm afraid of falling in love sometimes. In case the man I love turns into him. I worry about that, I don't want my children growing up with a father like him. "He was never like this" my mother says every now and then-when she saw the light. I already know now that I do not want him walking me down the aisle. Sounds awful right?!

I am losing respect for him as a father and as a man. He amounts to an absentee father. He lives with us but that's it. He sits watches the television, makes a big deal about any house work he does, is not active in my brother's school life, does not help him with his work-EVER. My mother does everything. He pays some of the bills-she pays the rest and is very active and present in each of our lives. Her love for him keeps her somewhat blind; I forgive her for that.

I don't trust him.

Once at university, early a Friday morning I hit my head..hard. It was fine for most of the day but at around 6 in the evening, the pain was unbearable. My roommate and other friends who lived near me were all at home. I was alone, afraid and in pain. It felt like an orchestra of drums was parading around my head, while some caveman chiselled drawings between my eyes. I could barely keep them open. I rang home, which was 2 1/2 hours away from me. My mother's a nurse and diagnosed a mild concussion, recommended I take some pain killers and stay awake. I had one or two left, I took them. She said as calmly as she could that I needed to stay awake for a few hours. I did. I tried. I kept going in and out of consciousness. All that time she verbally wrestled with my father to rescue me. He didn't want to. He was too tired and didn't want to drive at that time. I spent the night alone and in pain. They showed up on Sunday.

I was so happy to see them..her. I was relieved. They had no idea how afraid I was.

Fast Forward 5 months and it's worse. I feel like I'm going insane. Like I need therapy.

*Sigh*

I have learned to make peace with the fact that this is the way my father is and that there would be no change...unless he wants to. I am also doing my best to reduce the resentment I feel. Life is all about purpose, peace of mind and heart. I am learning as I live and love.

This song made me cry

Daughters Need Good Fathers...

So to any fathers who may be reading, consider the following as necessities to being a good father to your children.

Show Love: We need to feel loved, appreciated, wanted.

Be apporachable: As your children grow, they will encounter many obstacles and issues. They need to feel that they can come to you for help and advice.

Get involved in your children's life: Know what's going on. Their friends, dreams, aspirations, current events. Give assistance when needed.

BE AN AMAZING HUSBAND/ TREAT THEIR MOTHER RIGHT: This will show your sons how to become good/great men and how to treat a woman: Sons grow up watching their fathers and your actions imprint on their sub conscious mind. Being a good representative of a good man/father would help your daughters later on in life, when they are looking for a man to settle down with. This would lessen any fears they may have of settling down. Everyone knows the saying...' girls fall for men like their fathers'. Your daughter/s know it too and it will be on their minds.

Respect them: They have feelings to. Being king of the castle, does not mean you can do/say what you feel, regardless of those around you. Respect must be earned- do not lead using fear and do not assume you must be respected because you successfully fertilised an egg.

Be reliable: They need to know that they can count on you ALWAYS. Show consistent reliability.

Change: if you are not being the best dad you can be, willingly change for your family's sake. Trust me, you will want to walk our little girl down the aisle, be part of your grandchildren's life. Do not let it get to the point when they no longer want you around or struggle with caring for you. Trust me...I know

I truly hope the relationship between my father, my sister and I changes...that depends on him now.

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Comments 11 comments

bat115 profile image

bat115 6 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

This was a touching hub to me. sorry to hear stories of bad fathers :( I'm not a father... yet. but, I do have one, lol, and he is not overrated.


Sa Toya profile image

Sa Toya 6 years ago from England Author

Cheers...I'm jealous :D I think it's great that you've got a good father. They are hard to come by.

My granddad is sort of my dad...he's the man I look up to.


godpreacher profile image

godpreacher 6 years ago from Atlanta,Ga.

SaToya,

I'm sure you touched a lot of nerves with this hub. I'm sure you made quite a few of us (father's) take personal inventory. As Christians we know that Prayer changes things, but prayer also changes people. Pray. And thank God that it's not a totally deplorable situation. But also Believe that God will work this out for your good.


Sa Toya profile image

Sa Toya 6 years ago from England Author

Thanks a lot and I shall pray about it. I know it's fixable and I hope it gets fixed

:)


jenblacksheep profile image

jenblacksheep 6 years ago from England

Sa Toya, that's terrible. I feel so sorry for you. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me any time. Everyone used to say I was a Daddy's Girl, but I have mixed feelings about that. He's not always the most pleasant man. Also fairly sure that my parents prefer my sister to me!


Sa Toya profile image

Sa Toya 6 years ago from England Author

CHEERS Jen, and yes Ibelieve I will take you up on that and message you :)


Dad 5 years ago

Know that your father loves you! He always has you in his heart! He wants what is best for you, but may not know how to show you! Tell him what you need! I hope he will hear you! We are learning with you!


nathandanials profile image

nathandanials 5 years ago from Golden Valley, MN

Excellent hub. My daddy skills are constantly being tested to the limit


John 4 years ago

Thanks for writing and sharing this, I have a daughter who is five now and I feel that I am losing her because I am not being the father that I should, thanks to your bravery in putting down in words the way you feel I know what I need to do to regain my little girl before it is too late...


Nina 4 years ago

I know you wrote this a while ago, but I just came across it now and I teared up so much after reading it. I sort of have the same situation with my Dad, but in reverse. He was never there for me (though he was always doing things with my younger brother) when I was little. He would make snide, nasty little comments to me and constantly pick fights as well. I actually got very sick once, couldn't even walk or see through the pain and he refused to take me to the hospital or even care for me. My Mom had to come home from work and be there for me. I felt like he was disgusted with me. He also made me have terrible body image issues, as once I started to "develop" he would always make comments about how my breasts were "too big". Or infer that I was going to be a slut because of they way my body naturally was. It was terrible. I felt like he hated me for being born a girl and only cared about my brother. He never hugged me unless he absolutely had to, was verbally abusive with my mother, and refused to be affectionate in any way with the women in his life. Now that I'm older he's changed a lot, seen the error in his ways and has admitted he regrets pushing me aside for his son and other hobbies. He keeps trying to get close to me, but it's hard to forget 15 years of pain. I really do get how lost you feel right now, because I don't feel like I have a father as well. I feel like he's just an uncle, and that I never had a Dad. I just can't bring myself to let him in, or any older man in. I definitely have Daddy issues (just like you) and I don't feel like there's much I can do to fix it. It's like a phobia of men, although I've taught myself to believe that not all guys are so bad. I would suggest you learn to do the same. Really, there are some amazing men out there who would make fantastic husbands and fathers. It took me a while to get over the fear of dating "my Dad" (and some guys who weren't exactly suitable for me) and now I'm with a great guy. He's very affectionate, caring, considerate, attentive and interested. I think, both you and me, need that guy who is 100% interested in our lives and minds. Someone who reminds us often that we are important and attractive. I know you're scared to date. I was too. But trust me, sweetie, sometimes you can turn a negative into a positive. You're father hurt you, badly, and you can use that hurt to make damn sure the man you marry is no where near him personality-wise. Use that experience to set standards and never settle for less than what you deserve. You'll be okay, despite everything your Dad is doing. There are plenty of amazingly talented and successful people out there who never knew their fathers, lost them at a young age or had monstrous men for Dads. Alicia Keys, Stephen Colbert, John Lennon, Tom Cruise, Bill Clinton, Samuel L. Jackson, Barack Obama... to name a few. Just keep focusing on your life and bettering yourself. There's nothing you can do for him, and (although easier said than done) you know that you can't let him affect and mess up your life. Rise above it, and never forget how important, beautiful and smart you are. And never let yourself settle for a man who thinks you are anything less. =).


baybpnk profile image

baybpnk 2 years ago from Michigan (the Mitten), United States

Fathers are immaculately importantly in a young girls life (so are mothers, but that is another story on its own). A father is there to show his daughter what a man is. To show her how a man is supposed to treat women (not just the ones he loves) and what she should look for in a man. By all means, he is there to show you how hard it is to provide (help provide) for a family, get along with your loved ones, how important it is to love one another, have a stern hand, and SHOW her what love is by knowing how to show his love for his daughter and her mother. It’s hard being a parent, and that is why it is such a big deal to bring kids into this world, because you have to be BETTER than you were before your child. You have to be an EXAMPLE. You have to step up and realize what it is you want to teach and show your children.

I can see your frustration with you dad in your writing. It has to be hard to have a father that is not up to your own standards as to what a father should be (if I am catching what you meant to put across in this hub correctly). It's VERY DIFFICULT to break from what you were taught (even if it may have been unintentional) as a child, but it is NOT impossible. Know that you are worth a lot as a human being. Know that you can surround yourself with people who love you and show that they love you in healthy ways. Know that you can learn from others, even through writing or reading about them in books, or even good TV shows or movies. It is not impossible, just extremely difficult, but worth it.

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