Fears Past Present

Fears Faced-Fear to Face

I faced the fears of losing parents. I never really got over that fear, but faced it nonetheless. There are some to get over quickly enough, like the fear of hitting and being hit, playing football, the fear of a fast baseball, the fear of missing a shot in basketball, and the fear of losing the game. We got over that one time and again. I got over the fear of failing a test, or school completely. I got over the fear of combat in war. I got over the fears I had in dreams of Vietnam. I got over the fear of being arrested. I got over the fear of the chain-gang for something I didn't do. I really got over the fear of "what people thought", I thought.

God fearing or disbelieving, you will have fears. I believed in God. I believed in Karma. I believed in something besides myself. I believed in good works. I believed that one should abstain from the seven deadly sins. I believed in "what goes around, comes around".

I have tossed aside all fears, such as colliding with automobiles that alter the body in terrible ways. I got over the fear that giant bullies can instill.

I'm packing up to venture back into the past. It will be only a twenty-four hour period, only if the powers that be, allow it to be. I'm over that fear.

I am over all fears. I can run through the woods and fear no reprisal from nature. I can swim in the ocean. I can drift down the Edisto River for miles without floating device of any kind, underneath water-moccasins.

I am indeed done with all fear, it seems.

There is one fear left that I've been ignorant about. I've chosen to ignore it but I haven't really. It pops up and I quickly dismiss it to the storage shed of obsolete thoughts.

But this fear has had a control over actions and inaction. It has determined who I am and may be. It is unconquerable, by me. I cannot believe that I can overcome this fear. I can put it aside for the time being, I think. I act bravely, without thought to the outcome, and how the ripples I send out on the water will return.

I could continue to wander about and around the truth of this fear, but what is the use?

I fear "not being loved". I fear the lack of love. I could use less respect. I would sacrifice some truth, very possibly, if allowed to, for being loved.

I've told myself that the truth will set me free, that in the end. all be be fine, that I will see justice, and justice and truth are what matter.

Now I, this occasional atheist, blasphemer, and believer, will ask God again, what is the point? Why is there so much injustice? Why is there so much pain?

And once again there are too many questions.

There is only silence.

Why does love and the lack of love hurt so much?

Why is it so important for me to have the ones I've loved so much, love me back?

Quietly, I re-stack the shelves in the attic, the basement, and the storage shed.


Comments 48 comments

Jane 6 years ago

Fear not. You are loved.


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

You are loved Micky, Dont fear anymore, all of us have fears, it is human nature, but you have also grounded basic values like kharma etc, you can do no wrong,

and yes we have doubts at times too, you are just being human is all..

how are you today by the way, I responded to your email and I wish your tattoos are not painful??

take care, Maita


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thank you PDH. You always have kind words. The tats are a little painful.


Teresa Laurente profile image

Teresa Laurente 6 years ago from San Antonio, Texas, U.S.A.

Hi Micky Dee, I am that way - guilty of harboring fears that it is true it paralyzes someone to step up and improve our lives. I am now recognizing it and facing it, though sometimes analyzing it first and finding ways how to come across and win through the situation.

Thank you for sharing this. More power.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thanks Teresa for stopping by. The fear of not being loved is the hardest to overcome. Maybe impossible.


Teresa Laurente profile image

Teresa Laurente 6 years ago from San Antonio, Texas, U.S.A.

Hi Micky, I just saw your comments on "I welcome the rainbows" and one other. Thank you and I hope I can share great thoughts with every one in my hubs.I am in the middle of writing my thesis; so my days are filled with research, reading, writing, and reporting. Will be done by March and from then on, it will be a blast. Will be writing more at hubs.

I am amused with your words; "half-heimers!" Don't we all?

And, yes, the fear of not being loved can be intimidating. But you know, I have to make a decision in life, that if I love my inner self and trust in God; I am well off and will not feel a need in me. And for as long as I keep on loving the people I really felt love for, it does not matter any more if they love me back or not. I will not question that any more unlike before. My doubts will just shake me up. So, I just be content with offering my pains and the gap to God and then I let it go. It's not my feelings or fears or need any more. If that feeling hits again, I keep on calling on Him and distract myself in doing something worthwhile at the moment. It works for me.

More power to you. Good luck.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thank you Teresa you are certainly right. I need to focus more as you're saying. Good luck with your thesis.


MFB III profile image

MFB III 6 years ago from United States

They say that when we die we enter into a tunnel of light, and all of our life flashes before us, every moment of love and fear and joy in a monumental movie, and then we are greeted by all who loved us and who have gone on before. So Love is eternal, it might be absent here for you...for just a while, but it waits forever on the other side, without all the complications that made it so unjust at times here. So love many, and love often and gather a recieving line that runs all the way to the pearly gates.

Great thoughts~~~~MFB III


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thanks MFB. You're always responsive with great thoughts. Thank you.


Tashtoo profile image

Tashtoo 6 years ago from Nova Scotia

Oh my heavens! You've struck a chord in me and I will not deny that I may have been moved to a tear or two. Is it the fear of being unloved that makes loving so hard? You have most definately experienced adventures and have battled and overcome many fears, isn't it funny how we can be so strong, yet fragile at the same time. I too have battled with this and am quiet content keeping it tucked away in the darkest recesses of my mind. Bravo for sharing such a personal statement. I am sure your words will touch the hearts of many.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Tashtoo-it's rough out here isn't it? I think it's best to keep it on the top-most shelf and behind some other stuff- maybe until we can see some light. Thank you so much for your kind heart!


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

Micky Dee, Hi,

I suggest...that you read Chogyam Trungpa. Meditation in Action.

I myself was raised by very religious parents and went to a Catholic High School.

My grandparents were devout Catholics. They will never accept anyone into their circle but those who practice the same.

As far as I can remember, I could never understand why religion can be a basis of "semi-disowning". This does not seem to follow all the teachings of Jesus Christ.

No matter, when I went to college, I went to church only on very rare occasions. I worshipped, but in silence and in private.

Then I discovered all the other religions in the world, in graduate school. I was 24 years old and away from my parents and grandparents.

Pain, emotional pain, was my portal to meditation. Like you I questioned why there is injustice and abandonment and there is breaking hearts..

The answer which you will have to experience for yourself is that we chose to be here, on earth.

God loves us so much He gave us free will, to enjoy the magical illusions imposed within super illusions on this planet.

The Kaleidoscope of emotions that we feel makes us feel alive. But there is another form of being alive. It is to constantly experience the breath of God within.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thank you very much msorensson. You're very kind. I like the "even keel". I live in a purgatory right now. I have a cross and some of it cannot be erased. I'll get some light in soon. Lot of boulders in the road. Thanks!


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 6 years ago from Michigan

MickyDee, how do I love thee? Your heart gives me the key. Release what lies between your brain and your heart. I see glimpses of a heart so kind and loving. Start with loving YOU (yourself) dear Micky. If you look back and see the error's of your ways .. you are far ahead if most who will never see it. Thank God for the revelation and receive His forgiveness. We ALL have pasts .. things we would change if we could .. but being human we learn from painful, gut wrenching, idiotic and shameful experiences .. I wish it were different - but it is not.

Remember God makes beauty out of the ash heaps of our lives .. if we allow him to. Remember also He says .. "As far as the East is from the West .. so far do I remove your sin from you." Tell me sweet MickyDee when does the East ever meet up with the West? Yep that's right .. do not beat yourself up with your past..

As you allow yourself to LOVE YOU .. a transformation takes place within and that Love flows out to everyone around you. Then that love returns to you 100 fold.

Bravo for the courage to share, in a very transparent way, the raw emotions of heart matters.

Sending Love and HUGS to YOU!

Mekenzie


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thank you Mekenzie. The dew falls on a pile of poop just like a rose! Well- maybe not "just like"! A bird in the hand is worth two on the other side of the fence in greener grass! I would allow my self to love me but I know where I've been!

Thank you Mekenzie - for sending Love and HUGS. You are wonderful! Thank you Ma'am!


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 6 years ago from Michigan

Did I ever tell you that I am very very visual??? EWWWW dew on poop .. I like dew on roses .. much better picture. :-) Made me think of this verse .. "the rain falls on the just and the unjust." YUP MicktyDee in your own unique way you said what God says ... it's true. :0)


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thank you for being so nice Mekenzie. Thank you Dear. Very much.


Debarshi Dutta profile image

Debarshi Dutta 6 years ago from Calcutta

Love is authentication, validation.

We love all that which validate our existences and help us bear it more easily.

Love is not pity, or charity.

Love is equality, fraternity.

Love of friends love of family love of community and love of nation are basically acts of faith.

When we are not able to love or able to respect

something or someone we used to

it is because an alternative has been found

with something or someone more suitable.

We all are different.

And not all are able to believe the other or love another equally...since all have different reasons.

Love is a selfless act. Not all are selfless or can become selfless.

But love is selfless only when one loves another selflessly.

It is not possible for anyone to love everyone else selflessly..

We often have selfish motives for loving or non-loving someone.

If someone whom you love does not love you in return..it is often because the realities the perspectives the goals and the aspirations are not aligned .

That person has different opinions and different goals.

And not everyone can take care of another's ego.

Basically love is continuous when one is faithful and one can only be faithful when one is not distracted.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Wise words Debarshi Dutta! You certainly know love and true love! Thank you Sir for your true and great words of love!


itakins profile image

itakins 6 years ago from Irl

Micky,

I have no great words of wisdom or consolation for you-I found this hub so very touching.

I can promise you some of my feeble prayers and know that you will be shown that you are loved.

With love and hugs-Ita.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thank you Itakins. You are so very kind. Thank you!


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

Dear Micky,

I am sure you know that love comes in many different forms and everybody seems to have a personal perception of it as well as an individual capacity to give or receive it.

Your 100% may be more or may be less than the 100% of another person, but it is still ALL they can give and that should be good enough. Like any other richness love will come on its own time, but will come if you are ready for it; I know you are and that’s why we so love you Micky


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

My goodness Petra- you've lit me up here. I think I have something in my eye. Thank you Dear Petra! I must have needed that. Thank you.


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

Hello again,

I just had to come back Micky because I have been obsessing about your hub for the entire afternoon, trying to define for myself what love is (or should and could be).

The way I see it, most of the time, love is essentially a disguised aggression; we do the unthinkable in the name of love and we find ways to explain our need to posses the very soul and control every thought and every move of the other person (including our children for that matter).

We call it love, because it sounds better than insecurity or selfishness. We call it love because it makes us feel noble and gives us a sense of generosity that sets us apart. We call it love because “acceptance” sounds less passionate and “carrying” sounds condescending.

We find all kind of reasons to explain our need to love and be loved and get confused and overwhelmed by the very essence of the feeling. We put a certain value on qualities that we have been brainwashed into believing they really count and make a person special (beauty, intelligence, honesty, etc).

If we should really be able to love, it should not be because of certain qualities, but in spite of such qualities. If we can accept that we may feel less deserving and more grateful, we may feel more at peace and less tormented.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

We want to hold love and keep love.

We need that warmth and sun on our faces.

We want to share and be shared.

We need to accept all love with all the graces!

Thank you Petra! Thank you very much my Dear! God bless you!


Chris Eddy111 profile image

Chris Eddy111 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

False Evidence Appearing Real. That's all it is Micky Dee. Not the truth.

You are loved always.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Chris Eddy. You're so alive and on top of the heart Dear. You and I know it's got to be ONE LOVE! Thank you Chris!


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago

Fears will come and go but Micky is here to stay.Fear no more.You share those fears with us and we will melt those like butter for you.Hub on.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Thank you DREAM ON! God bless you!


Sa`ge profile image

Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

oh Micky Dee, Micky Dee, i feel that by the time i go t to read this hub you have passed many days of loving self. :)

The fear of not being loved comes from the feeling of not being able to love, or the fear of loving again. if you fear loving someone for fear they wont love love you back well now how can ou love yourself. does any of this make sense? to serious here lol

I know you know what i mean.don't ak me how i know ok.

you ride with wind at your back and at times against you, you think to much then are exhausted and fall asleep, only to wake suddenly. here is a mystery lesson to living that eludes most souls. the lesson of commitment to promises made in spirit to other souls for their learning progress as well as out own on earth. we come to earth to learn things. we ask other souls to help us learn while here.

others ask us to help them. this is all with in the karma back and forth thing. will you be my parent when i am born. i know you will not make a good one or i know things will be back but that is what i need to happen so I can learn these lessons i need to experience. will you please help me? we agree. boom earth bound no memory of any

second of this.

do you see where i am going........

second part forgiveness; i forgive you hat ou did to me! can you forgive me what i did to you! most people forgive their parents or who ever but do ask forgiveness of these same people towards themselves. life all the what ever done to parents as a child or teen ager, the worries the what ever. people know what they did or did not do to cause their parents this or that. oh i see, they did this or that to you so you don't need to ask them to forgive you, you just need to forgive them what they did to you. ok i see. part three, unconditional love. this is the part that is thrown out the window all the time.

ok i know this comment is so combobblegated (my own word haven't figured out the spelling yet LOL) but, if i go on it will be so long and i think you can take it al apart and figure out how to love your self so fully you never again fear not being loved, LOL the last cople hubs i did cover some of this. one day will do the Before Earth Story but i think you got it also some time in your life of living . you are gorgeous... ~Aloha~


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Oh Sa'ge my Dear- I'm a broken down pile of rubble but I love you! This is a great comment. I wish Hawaii was where Georgia is! We could have an espresso and talk before climbing a volcano! Thank you Ma'am!


swosugrad09 profile image

swosugrad09 6 years ago from Oklahoma

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."-FDR

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."- Ambrose Redmoon

May we all find that kind of courage.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

I'm not afraid of anything I suppose. Loneliness is inane but necessary.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

Dear Dear Micky Dee,

You have me breathless right now. I think and feel as if you wrote something we all wanted the courage to write. We all have fear. I have faced many as well and still fear being alone. I am happy single, but your right, we are wired to need love.

I will tell you that I feel hub pages has helped me so much with this sense of lonliness. I love all of my hub friends.

Bless you for this hub. We are all in this life together. You are soooo loved.

Healing touch


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

Howdy Healing Touch! We are in this life- together. It matters what we do. Thank you Ma'am!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

Oh Micky, you are so loved, i love your heart, your kindness, your ability to write articles that move the soul, you are blessed, you are special, i wish you could see this. I loved your last hub about signs. It was so funny.

Love and Peace God,s Speed


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago Author

I am showered with words of love here on the hubs and many are not so lucky. Thank you Always.


richtwf profile image

richtwf 5 years ago

Yes Micky I can understand your fear of not having the ones that you've loved so much love you back. But if we've done our best to love others in the best way we can then we can ask no more of ourselves. We can't control others' feelings towards us so rather than fear I think we should always appreciate that we've given our best to others and if those we have given our love are worthy of our love then they will reciprocate and return that love to us and love us back. If they don't then they were never worthy of our love and we just have to try our best to respond positively and give our love and time to those who are more worthy even though we may be tinged with some sadness that we are not loved by those who we gave everything to.

I'd like to share with you two things, one is a quote which you most probably have read or seen before and the other is a link to one of my hubs about love.

Firstly the quote:

(one of my favourites which I have found very useful indeed)

?'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.'

Reinhold Niehbuhr

Secondly:

http://hubpages.com/health/How-do-you-spell-time

Some food for thought!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts in this hub. Cheers brother!


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago Author

I followed your link and you are so good with your presentations! Great job and great thoughts with comments as well! Thank you Rich BrotherMan!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

There are still a few of your hubs that I have not yet read Micky.

This one you wrote and published nearly a year ago a long time before I came aboard. However it is so obvious that even then people loved you and from what I have perceived since joining you all that love and respect for you has not diminished one little bit.

Take care and God Bless Micky my friend.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago Author

Eiddwen- you make me want to hug you and kiss your face! God bless my Dear!


CheyenneAutumn profile image

CheyenneAutumn 5 years ago

Mickey - we share the same major fear. I can see you are loved here by many and rightfully so- I can only imagine it is the same in your world. I wish you peace and all the love you long for to flow to you cover you completely, filling your heart, body and soul!

Hugs to you my friend - it will happen - you ARE loved!


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago Author

Well- I am NOW! YeeHaw!

Thank you Dear Cheyenne. God bless!


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 5 years ago from Houston, Texas

You are admired and loved by so many of us on Hubpages and undoubtedly elsewhere as well. I just wish it could fill your soul to the brim. As MFB pointed out...there will be many loved ones waiting to embrace all of us in the next life. We simply have to bide our time and await our natural turn in line. In the meantime...smell the roses or rose petals that drift your way.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago Author

You know how I feel about Dear Peggy! God bless Dear One!


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Hi, King Micky.

Human is indeed social creature, so that feeling is natural. I think we should learn from monk, how they able to live in peace without the need to be with other person. In my search of tranquility I learned that our determination and love to God will give us peace as the result. In this peace, even in the hardest and the loneliest times, we will just fine, like those monks. :)

And just like Sa'ge said, forgiveness is the key.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago Author

God bless you Dear Freya! You always have the sweetest words.


drpastorcarlotta profile image

drpastorcarlotta 5 years ago from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC

Mickey I had the fear of losing my Mother. So I wrote that fear down and put it in my Bible. Years later my mother died and the fear that I thought I wouldn't be able to handel, was handel through Him! I was so amazed! I will never forget that day, how I was able to handel my feelings and those around me as well. God took away the feeling of false evidence appearing real away from my mind, heart and soul. God Bless you Mickey Dee, I have missed you!!! Voted-UP!

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