HELP! I need help from mothers like myself who probably have problems with their children

I seriously need help...

I am a very reserved writer, I'd admit to that. I have issues on showing who I really am or what I really feel through the words that I write. I am afraid I am letting myself out too much, but this time, everything else breaks loose.

I need to get it out of myself that I really am having a dilemma with parenting my child.

Some of his teachers said that he might have the symptoms of ADHD [based on their own observation] but I have not let him undergo any diagnosis yet to confirm the matter. I do not want to believe that he does have that deficiency. I do not know if I am just afraid to face it [if it were true] or I am just not ready to face its challenges yet.

Please do not get me wrong, I do believe that my son is a good kid. He's six years of age and he has good social skills, although he gets too aggressive sometimes especially when he does not get what he wants from other kids. He usually have panic attacks [such as hitting his own head or just plainly hurting himself]. I usually stop him but, all the more I stop him, all the more he insists on hitting himself. There was even a time when I just cried and asked him to stop. I feel so helpless, I think I have to help him out. As a mom, It is my responsibility to do so... but I just don't know how anymore. I tried every single possible approach to avoid confrontations with him and of course violent reactions. I often tell myself "he's a kid"; "it's normal for a kid to be silly"; "he'll grow out of it"....

However, the farther he takes his attitude towards us [my husband and I], the more it gets worse, usually puts the whole family under stress. He is an only child by the way and he lives with my and his dad [there are only three of us in the house]. Oh, please, if anyone can help, I'd be glad to accept any suggestions.

Just want to mention that it took me weeks if not months to think over if i'd post this problem online or not. What I have mentioned here are just part of the dilemma we are actually experiencing. I guess I am just not that ready to convey every detail of our problems... as I said, I am a very reserved person.

To those who'd read and comment, thanks so much... I appreciate it. :)

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Comments 8 comments

Apryl Schwarz profile image

Apryl Schwarz 5 years ago from Nebraska

I want to commend your bravery for reaching out and asking for help, I know that that is never easy. I have two kids, both very young, so I have not dealt with this particular issue. I know that it must be so scary facing that there may be a problem. But I think it is important to remember that even if there is a problem, it doesn't have to label your child in a negative way. If you seek out answers and help on the issue, things at school could drastically improve. Also, remember that (most) teachers really care for their students and have their best interests at heart. So, a teacher would not have come to you with this concern lightly. Last, just take your time, there's no reason to rush into any particular plan until you are sure it is what's right for your family. Good luck on this!


instantlyfamily profile image

instantlyfamily 5 years ago

If your child is in fact diagnosed with ADHD, there is lots of help out there. The longer you wait the longer your child suffers. I know it's a difficult decision but for the sake of your child (who is clearly suffering) step up, and get him to a medical doctor for diagnosis. There are good treatments out there. You took the first step by writing this Hub. I see how much you love your son. Now take the next step. And while you are waiting for that doctors apointment, write down previous behavior and currant behavior (the more information the better). It's so easy to forget all the things you need to tell the doctor this way, you will have it all written down. Also depending on age and how your child will react you can ask to speak to the doctor (in the other room without child) to discuss his behavior challenges. Make the appointment today. I am the happy mother of a child diagnosis with ADHD. We got help for him. His life and ours have benefited greatly. Good luck!


helmutbiscut profile image

helmutbiscut 5 years ago from Ohio

Rutheddavid:

I want to also commend you for reaching out...taking that first step is often the most difficult. I have four children and am a licensed social worker. I have worked with children and families for 14 years. Having a child who has any type of emotional issue is hard. In order to properly address your son's needs, you might want to consider having him evaluated by a professional. Although the teachers may suspect ADHD, there are so many things that could affect your son's behavior. A mental health professional would be able to identify or rule out any mental health issue.

It's important to realize that if your son has a mental health disorder, it does not mean that he has a deficit. The only thing that causes him to have a deficit is when the disorder is left untreated. You mentioned that you feel helpless because you can't change your son's behavior. Imagine how he might feel. Sometimes when kids are acting out, they know what they are doing, but they can't stop or control the behavior. He might have that same feeling of helplessness. With the help of a counselor and/or psychiatrist, the root of your son's behavior issues could be identified and treated- through counseling and/or medication.

Parenting in itself is difficult; parenting a child with behavior and emotional issues is ten times as hard. From your hub, it sounds as though you and your husband could also use extra emotional support. From my personal and professional experience, I have found counseling to be beneficial during difficult times. You might find counseling to be helpful as well. Also, no matter how alone you might feel, there are many parents who have found themselves in a similar situation. Find them. There are support groups available in many communities and online. Building up support helps to lift the burden off the shoulders. The more support you have, the lighter the load. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to focus your energy on your son.

I hope that you are able to find some answers and relief...


Amberlyjessie profile image

Amberlyjessie 5 years ago from Washington

It is very brave of you to ask about this issue, but I assure you that you are not alone. I wrote a hub about behavior disorders, and although it may not fit your child completely, it may allow you to see things slightly differently.

I understand your apprehension about rushing to a diagnosis. I would suggest that you take time and try different things to see if you can improve the behaviors.

For example, some children who show signs of ADHD will show improvement if you change their diets. If you look online, you may be able to find specific diet plans. Another suggestion I would make is to make a schedule and help your child follow it. This may take some of the anxiety away and give them a level of comfort.

These are small suggestions. However, if you try different things and come to the decision to see if your child has ADHD, you should know that it does not mean you are a bad parent. A diagnosis of ADHD or ADD, simple means that your child has difficulties that you will need to help them overcome.

Good luck to you!


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

I applaud your bravery for asking for help. My advice, as the mother of a boy with ADHD and bi-polar disorder is to get it diagnosed and treated. Go to a mental health facility to get it diagnosed. They know other methods besides drugs and can help you deal with his abusing himself. It sounds like he is developing some issues where he could eventually be violent if you don't do something about it now.

For immediate results, cut the sugar out, give him tea or coffee to drink. If the caffeine calms him down, it is probably ADHD. It works backwards from normal on ADHD. One cup should be enough to tell if it will work. Get educated on the subject. This is not a disability or impairment. Their brain just fires differently. Medication is available and a good mental health Dr. should help you find the correct dosage. You do not want them so doped up that they can't think, you just want to slow the mind down so it is not whirling at ten times the speed of yours. He will thank you for it. My son thanked me and said it was much easier to focus when his mind slowed down.

You should definitely talk to someone though as more serious behavior problems are just down the road. Get it under control while he is young so he doesn't develop bad problems. Good luck and big hugs.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

By the way, my son is now 23 and doing well. He outgrew the need for meds and learned to control it.


rutheddavid profile image

rutheddavid 5 years ago from Philippines Author

thank you everyone for commenting :)

I have read all your suggestions and I am taking every bit of them into heart. thanks so much...

you do not know how much you have helped :)


Ed Michaels profile image

Ed Michaels 5 years ago from Texas, USA

If your son has ADHD, which is a possibility though I would not advocate diagnosing children through a teacher, it is not the end of anything. It is the beginning of something. If he has the condition, he will learn how to effectively deal with the problem, and you and your husband will also learn how to effectively deal with the condition and its effects on your family. This is a good thing. Undiagnosed, untreated ADHD can have very negative outcomes, not due to being a "bad" kid, but due to the nature of the condition and a lack of coping and therapeutic skills. Get the skills, practice them, and your kid will be a good kid with ADHD getting the help he needs to be a great adult. Worked for me.

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