Harmony in home, if ego is relinquished!

Ego is the culprit; banish it!

Everyone in this world wants peace at home but they are not prepared to sacrifice their self interest or ego. Strife, conflict and arguments erupt due to personal ego of each individual. Let us examine whether "ego' benefits any in this world? "I am superior, I have more knowledge. Everyone should listen to me and follow my advice" These are all some volcanic eruptions in human mind due to the inducement of personal ego!

The society is 'male dominated'. But we find that in many house holds, the wives wield more power and the husband has to listen and follow her commands! There is a funny question in South India. When people meet on occasions, many ladies who are subdued by their husbands would like to know whether you are also from their group. They won't directly ask this but symbolically enquire "whether your home resembles "Chidambaram" or Madurai? Intelligent ladies will understand the question and answer this either as 'chidambaram (male domination) or Madurai (female domination). In Madurai temple, goddess Meenakshi is famous and ruling deity whereas in Chidambaram, Lord Nataraja is the ruling deity!

Though it is a general assumption that males dominate the society but in their homes, they become subservient to their wives. Of course, the percentage may vary according to places, traditions and the mentality of the people. Even in computer terminology we have 'master' and slave' to denote certain functions!

Whether the husband dominates or the wife dominates, the other party automatically play the second fiddle which is inevitable. Other wise a civil war will erupt within the home! In many of the divorce cases coming to the family courts, the judge would try to compromise the parties and he will give six months time to rethink the necessity of divorce. If the parties still insist for divorce, the judge has no other way except to grant divorce.

If we are conversant with human psychology, we can understand that it is the 'ego clash' which cause most of the divorces faced by the couple all over the globe. It may be any of the reasons;

1. Wife is more qualified than husband and earns substantially compared to the husband.

2. Wife is beautiful.

3. Wife wants to spend her earning for herself and not willing to share the family expenditure.

4. Wife had to do all house hold works and the husband doesn't care to lend a helping hand.

5. Husband domination. Husband return from work at odd hours in the night after going to clubs or friends. Husband is a booze or gambler. He never give money for expenditure for the running of home.

6. A nagging wife. A wife who doesn't show interest in house keeping or socializing nature. Either the husband or wife is a spendthrift.

7. Quarrelsome couple. Argumentative. No agreement in any issues.

8. Habits of either of the couple doesn't agree to other. Like 'snoring', gourmet, always insist on preparing tasty dishes etc.

9. Either of them not interested in upbringing children properly.

These are only some of the problems faced by the couples all over the world. In addition, the relatives like in-laws create most of the trouble in certain families. The ultimate result is peace is completely lost and the couple decide to part with each other permanently

In India, the number of divorce cases are comparatively lower since Indian ethos and culture do not appreciate parting of the couples under any pretext..

There are many matured couples all over the world who live together until death separates them. This doesn't mean that there is no quarrels between them or any misunderstandings. It is inevitable between two persons coming from two different family backgrounds. If you ask them, they will tell "adjustments' enable them to live together. There are many negative qualities in each one which does not suit the other. But accepting them and living together is always better than parting.

You are young, hale and healthy and can stand on your own. But when time passes and age sets in, we need a companion who understands and adjusts. In India, in rural households, people live together as husband and wife for seventy or eighty years. Is it not a wonder? There are no marriage counselors at that time. But the elders in the family have guided them and advised them during rift and quarrels. Moreover in joint family systems of the rural house holds of India, adjustment is a normal thing. In each such house, there will be minimum fifteen to twenty people living under one roof. There will be co-operation. All are treated as equal and all the members respected their elders and obeyed them.

When people started migrating from their native places for the quest of earning, they had to set up families in the towns and cities far away from their parents and elders. The elders do visit them once a while but mostly each family of husband, wife and children live separately. Thus started the system of nuclear families. When both the members are earning, there is more chance for ego clash.. It is rare to find a peaceful family in urban families who are nuclear. Money has dominated over relationships. Even the children find their parents burdensome and hence the mushrooming of old age homes.

If one wants to lead a peaceful life, one has to shun the Ego. One should always take into consideration, the good of the whole family. He or she should abolish 'self interest or self agenda'. Welcome the elders at least during celebrations of festivals or join them in the village and celebrate with all kith and kin. Do not allow money to spoil the relationships. Always help one another. Accommodate the people first in the heart. We have seen how birds and animals tend their of springs. "Love all and serve all should be the motto. Eschew selfishness in any dealing. Let us all be happy. Share with all what you can. A kind word will go a long way and soothes the feelings of all.

Both the husband and wife should understand each other and accommodate everything. Do not criticize if you want an everlasting relationships. Point out the mistakes without hurting them. There is an art of dealing with others. Express sympathy with the other when they are ill and take care of them. Attend to their needs. Never shout even if you are offended. After sometime discuss the differences nicely. We are all human beings. We possess more knowledge and wisdom than the animal species. Hence there is nothing which is equal to 'loving and caring' in spite of odds. Ego is the culprit in the world. Banish the ego!


Harmony and differences in wedded life!

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