Callous, Thoughtless, and Immature Parents-What Are They Thinking? They Obviously Do Not Care About Their Children

Most parents love/respect their children. However, there are some parents who truly DON'T...These parents actually take the concept of disrespect to another level. What are THESE PARENTS thinking?
Most parents love/respect their children. However, there are some parents who truly DON'T...These parents actually take the concept of disrespect to another level. What are THESE PARENTS thinking?
Many parents use parenthood as an excuse for upmanship and powerplay with their children.It is quite de rigueur for such parents to use methods such as belitting and other forms of abusive parenting.
Many parents use parenthood as an excuse for upmanship and powerplay with their children.It is quite de rigueur for such parents to use methods such as belitting and other forms of abusive parenting.
There are parents who do not guide their children in a constructive matter.They routinely use harsh criticisms and pejorative words to their children as corrective measures.They believe that the harsher the correction,the better for their children.
There are parents who do not guide their children in a constructive matter.They routinely use harsh criticisms and pejorative words to their children as corrective measures.They believe that the harsher the correction,the better for their children.
There are some parents who believe in leaving their children tor own devices.In other words, such children are frequently unsupervised.Many such children also gravitate to less than positive activities.
There are some parents who believe in leaving their children tor own devices.In other words, such children are frequently unsupervised.Many such children also gravitate to less than positive activities.
Many parents believe that their children are not individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions.They strongly assert that their children are extensions of them.They feel that they OWN their children and their children MUST OBEY them.
Many parents believe that their children are not individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions.They strongly assert that their children are extensions of them.They feel that they OWN their children and their children MUST OBEY them.
There are parents who unthinkingly have children without considering if they are socioeconomically prepared.Even though they are not financially able to support a family, they nevertheless have children regardless of the ramifications involved.
There are parents who unthinkingly have children without considering if they are socioeconomically prepared.Even though they are not financially able to support a family, they nevertheless have children regardless of the ramifications involved.
There are parents who have more children than they can support financially, emotionally, and psychologically.They are unable to effective raise/manage their children.Some children will be neglected while others will receive attention.
There are parents who have more children than they can support financially, emotionally, and psychologically.They are unable to effective raise/manage their children.Some children will be neglected while others will receive attention.
People in their late teens and twenties are not ready to be parents.They are still developing themselves.Those who are parents feel tied down, oftentimes resenting their children..
People in their late teens and twenties are not ready to be parents.They are still developing themselves.Those who are parents feel tied down, oftentimes resenting their children..
Parents who are substance abusers put their children last place.Such children are in many words-abandoned.The substance is MORE IMPORTANT than caring for their children.
Parents who are substance abusers put their children last place.Such children are in many words-abandoned.The substance is MORE IMPORTANT than caring for their children.
There are parents who are absent from their children's lives in one form or another.These children either raise themselves or have another parental figure raise them.Many times, they do not respect their parents.They see their caretakers as parents.
There are parents who are absent from their children's lives in one form or another.These children either raise themselves or have another parental figure raise them.Many times, they do not respect their parents.They see their caretakers as parents.

Types of Terrible and Abusive Parenting

Parenthood is a sacred and noble vocation.Being a parent is more than physically giving birth to children. Children are treasured jewels who need love and care. They need emotional, psychological, and financial security in order to grow up to functioning adults. Children need exposure of the higher human needs as well as the basic human needs in order to appreciate beauty and the finer things of life.

Children should be have the individualized attention of their parents. Children also need their own space and privacy in order to be whole. Children have to have a stress free childhood as possible to fully indulge their creative and intellectual needs. Children need constant love from their parents in order to feel secure and important. .Children need for their parents to respect them and to treat them humanely.

Many parents are enlightened and intelligent enough to realize that having children is a serious undertaking which must be planned for in order to financially and educationally provide for their children. They realize that their children are individualized human beings who should be accorded humane and loving treatment. They have the financial wherewithal to ascertain that their children are properly provided for. These parents also make sacrifices for their children and want their children who have a better life than they did. These parents do not overburden their children with too many responsibilities, believing that childhood is temporary and should be enjoyed.

These parents believe in family planning because they believe they can devote more financial, emotional, intellectual, and psychological resources to a reasonable number of children, providing them with a decent and high quality of life. These parents do not believe in the use of corporal punishment because spanking and other forms of corporal punishment are forms of violence and children who have corporal punishment administered to them only learn how to be violent and resentful of their parents. These parents also respect their children's individuality and allow their children to be themselves, not clones of their parents.

Now there are people who are unthinking, selfish(in a negative way), immature, and exhibit irresponsible and/or otherwise abusive behaviors. Many parents view parenthood as an opportunity for upmanship with their children. These parents do not view parenthood as a mature interchange and interfacing between parent and child. These parents view parenthood as an excuse to indulge their selfish and thoughtless habits regardless of the ramifications on their children.

Here are the types of terrible, thoughtless, and abusive parents.

1. Verbally abusive parents-parents who habitually call their children demeaning and pejorative names as if they are on the same level as their children. Mature parents treat their children with respect and never call their children names no matter how stressed out or angry they are. Verbally abusive parents are not adult but are children themselves.

Children are to be guided and to be treated with respect. When children do things that are annoying, it is best for parents to take time out and later talk to their children regarding the behavior. Children who are constantly called demeaning and pejorative names suffer a loss of self-esteem and lose initiative. They often become failures and low achievers in life.

2. Laissez faire parents-there are parents who are very uncomfortable with establishing core rules that are necessary for their children's safety and growth. These parents believe that children should be allowed to establish their own rules and learn from their own mistakes. Even though these parents believe that if they tell their children what to do, they would be seen as "strict" and/or "authoritarian" i.e. bad parents, their children end up to be undisciplined and are not able to adhere to basic rules and conduct of everyday life.

Children who have laissez faire parents often get involved in dangerous situations because their parents believe that decisions should be left up the children. However, very young children are not developmentally ready to make some decisions and parents are the adults. Adults are supposed to guide and protect children on their way to independent adulthood.

3. Authoritarian parents- these parents believe that their word is law. They are of the belief that children are the extensions of them, not individual beings, These parents further contend that their children should do as they say as long as they live with them. These parents have "written in stone" rules and regulations that their children must follow.

There is little give and take in the homes of authoritarian parents. Authoritarian parents maintain that since they are the parents, they have more experience and knowledge than their children and that their opinions do not matter. Children in authoritarian households are not allowed to have independent thoughts. Children of authoritarian parents are usually more prejudiced and parochial in thinking because they have been taught by their parents that there is one right and.or correct opinion and that any opinion that deviates from that is wrong.

a. Overcontrolling parents- these parents are a subset of authoritarian parents who believe that they know what is right for their children. These parents maintain that they want what is best for their children and they plan almost every facet of their lives. These parents usually believe that their children should chose the same or similar lifestyles, education, and career that they have.

These parents are often insecure and see independent children as a threat to their authority. Overcontrolling parents like their authoritarian counterparts believe that children are in a subordinate position in the family and that they are the bosses because they are parents and they know more.

4. Parents who force their religion and/or religious lifestyle on their children- There are parents who believe that just because they believe in a certain religious tenet , their children should do the same. I believe that children should be exposed to all religions and beliefs ; however, they should choose their religion or not of choice when they reach the age of reason.

Many religious parents are highly opinionated and believe that children have no right to choose a religion or be non-religious but spiritual. To such parents, this is horrible; however, when parents force religion on their children, the children usually rebel. Many children suffer deep psychological problems because their parents compel them to adopt the family religion even though it may be incompatible with their own philosophical and personal beliefs.

5. Parents who have children when they are in an economically dire situation-there are people who are financially unstable or even poor who have children. I am of the school that parents must be financially comfortable, have a well-paying job, and a bank account which can support a family. Being financially comfortable is essential in raising children.

Studies confirm that middle , upper middle, and upper income families experience more well-being and less stress than lower socioeconomic families who experience stress because of the daily cost of living. Money is a very necessary component in raising children. Middle, upper middle, and upper income children have access to better schools, foods, clothing, travel, cultural and intellectual events, and health/medical care than children from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. Many financially unstable parents inanely maintain that money is not love. Well, they are wrong. Being poor and .impoverished have deleterious consequences for children physically, psychologically, and intellectually.

6. Parents who have large to very large families-parents should have the amount of children that THEY can care for physically, emotionally, intellectually, and financially. People who have large to very large families usually are not equipped to raise their children. So what do they do? They usually force their oldest sibling/siblings to raise their younger siblings. This is wrong and abusive parenting.

Parents should raise their children, not have their children raise their younger siblings. My message to people who have large families: Look, YOU PARENTS had them so YOU raise them. If YOU are so stressed by the enormous number of the children you have, then YOU should not have so many children in the first place! Parents should realize that children are individual beings, not part of an anonymous group.

Well, many of these parents argue that they "LOVE" children. No, you do not because if you did, you would practice family planning in order to have the number of children that you can reasonably provide and care for in all aspects. People had large to very large families in more agrarian and rural times when children were needed to work farms. During those times, the more children the better because the work load would be much lighter when there were lots of helping hands.

However, when industrialization commenced and people started to move into cities, large to very large families were viewed as hindrances and liabilities because children cost monies to raise. So the increase in industrialization=small families because parents realized that they could provide for a smaller number of children more easily than they can for a larger number of children. In this day and age in the postindustrialized world, having large to very large families is viewed as a psychological disorder.

As people are becoming more educated, they realize that having large to very large families are detrimental in more ways than one. Children in large to very large families do not receive adequate parental attention. Children in large to very large families grow up poor and/or impoverished. They usually have the worst food, clothing, and little or no access to medical and dental care. They are not exposed to cultural and intellectual activities because their parents DO NOT have the money to provide these things for their children.

Large to very large families often have to depend upon outside sources such as charities and more affluent relatives to help them live at a barely subsistence level. Children growing up in large to very large families are often lost in the crowd, have no concept of privacy, and develop a poverty consciousness because they had to live from hand to mouth throughout their lives. Children from large to very large families become economically the poorest adults and they are the least educated adults in the population.

7. Parents who have children in their late teens and twenties- yes, there are a few people who elect to have children at the time they should be furthering their education so they can provide a better life for their children. I believe that people should have children in their thirties because at that time, they (hopefully) are established in their careers and comfortable in their individual personas which makes them better parents.

Parents who have children in their late teens and twenties are incomplete people. People in their late teens and twenties have not finished their educations, they have not experienced relationships, and they do not have a sustainable career. When very young people have children, they are often inept parents and need older relatives to help them take care of their children. Young parents often are not developmentally equipped to raise children because they do not have enough life experiences to be a parent!

Many young parents see their children as hindrances to their friends and social lives. Many young parents realize that they had their children so young much to their regret, realizing that they have missed opportunities to be young and carefree. As a result of this, young parents are often are angry at their children and they take out their frustrations on their children. Many children are abused physically by young parents who were not ready to be parents.

8. Parents who habitually use controlled substances- I am totally against hard alcohol drinking and using of drugs of any kind. Parents who habitually use controlled substances of any kind are not providing a stable home environment for their children.

They are often sporadic employees because their intake of controlled substances interfere with their livelihood. They are also poor parents because their love of and care for their children are inconsistent because of their drug habits. Children in such families often have no childhoods, taking on adult responsibilities before they are ready. Children in such families have so much stresses in their young lives that many are low achievers in school. Many times in such homes, children raise themselves because the parents are so involved in their controlled substances that they neglect their children's everyday needs.

9. Absentee parents-these are the parents who delegate the raising of their children to other people, whether it is other children, other relatives, and nannies. There are parents who are so overwhelmed by their lives that they are either unable or unwilling to assume their parental responsibilities. Many parents are in love with the theory of parenthood without realizing that the daily responsibilities of parenthood is vastly different than its theoretical aspects. Absentee parents fall into every family size, educational, and socioeconomic categories. Absentee parents are more in love with the theory of parenthood than its actuality.

Many absentee parents leave the raising of their children to other children in the family especially if they have mental/psychological problems, substance abuse problems, and/or have large to very large families. Younger absentee parents often have their parents and/or older relatives raise their children because they are not developmentally equipped to raise their children. Many times, parents leave their children for their parents to raise because there is a better paying job in another city, state, and/or country and they are absent for a while in order to make a better life for their family. However, this type of absentee parents are the exception, not the rule.

In more socioeconomically affluent households, many parents leave the raising of their children to paid nannies and au pairs in order to completely devote their lives to their careers or to other cultural, intellectual, or cultural pursuit. While I see nothing wrong with having a nanny and/or au pair care for your children-this is indefinitely better than having an older sibling/siblings raise other siblings, I believe that parents should also raise their children-they gave birth to them. Children with absentee parents do not have any respect for their parents and consider other caretakers to be the parent.

Children with absentee parents usually have problems with forming close relationships and have attachment issues. Many times children with absentee parents are often distrustful of many authority figures because they believe that they do not really care for them until the authority figure demonstrates the opposite. Children with absentee parents have low self esteem because they believe that if they were worthy, their parents would not have abandoned them.

In conclusion, the purpose of parenthood is to responsibly and intelligently guide your children to be self-sufficient and independent adults. Parenthood is not about upmanship-a parent is a loving guide, not a boss. Caring parents are financially, educationally, psychologically, and emotionally prepared to raise their children in a stable environment which provides their children with a sense of well-being and security. Caring parents respect their children's individuality and realize that they have the right to be their own persons. Caring parents are never abusive to their children, realizing that children deserve respectful treatment if they, as parents, also wish to be respected.

However, there are parents who are uncaring and abusive in terms of having children. These parents often see their children as possessions and non-entities to treat anyway that the parent sees fits. These parents oftentimes raise their children in unstable economic and social environments with deleterious ramifications for their children. There are parents who were not ready and/or cannot reasonably afford to have children nevertheless they elect to have children for their selfish reasons.

Only thoughtless, unthinking, and unconcerned parents insist on prolifically reproducing children regardless of the economic and psychological costs to their children. There are parents who are either too immature and/or narcissistic who believe that raising children interfere with their lives and have older relatives or paid help to raise their children, instead of taking the responsibility. However, these are the same people who INSIST that they have the RIGHT to have children. I am sorry, parenthood is a privilege, not a right.

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Comments 9 comments

Nan Mynatt 5 years ago

Excellent hub! We are currently in a run away society, and they are too busy to raise their kids. The children are not planned parenthood. We will not be able to control them, there is too much poverty in the United States today. However there are sources for buying clothes like the Goodwill, Salvation Army and other sources of cheap give away clothing. I hope that we never get like China, they only allow 1 child and they don't want girls, they bred the children. Parents are not perfect at best. I think that you would be good to volunteer some time and help the organization that are there for the poor! I marked you up.


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

1, 3, 3a, 4 and 7 sounds familiar.


Monisajda profile image

Monisajda 5 years ago from my heart

I agree with you. There seems to be too many people who decide to have children and yet they do it only because it is a societal standard or because they are expected to have them. Interesting thoughts on large families, I must agree that there is too much responsibility shifted from parents to the oldest children. There must be resentment.


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York Author

To Monisajda: Thank you for your intelligent input. Sadly, a majority of people do have children because of parental, societal, religious, and peer dictates. These parents do not carefully think about their actions before having children. They just blindly follow and adhere to the status quo.

Regarding parents who have large to very large families. These parents unbeknowst to them are abusive. Why would any intelligent, rational, and caring person have large to very large families, knowing that they cannot emotionally, financially, and physically take care of that many children.

Parents of large to very large families are often overwhelmed by the chaotic life which they created. What do they do? Yep, they FORCE their oldest/older children to care for their younger children. Oldest children in large to very large families catch HELL.

I feel immense sympathy for any oldest child/children in large families because they are unpaid chattel slaves. The average parents of large to very large families EXPECT that their oldest/older children RAISE their younger siblings. What these parents do not realize that THEY were the ones who brought THOSE CHILDREN in the world. If YOU bring them into this world, then YOU raise them, not YOUR OLDEST CHILDREN. Parents of large to very large families are one of the worst type of abusive parents in that they want children at all costs without thinking the quality of family life.


Monisajda profile image

Monisajda 5 years ago from my heart

I am curious what you consider a large family. Is it a family with 5 and up children? To me a large family consists of 3 children or more. I have two and sometimes I am overwhelmed when they all try to talk at the same time. Part of me would love to have another baby but somehow I am not up to this task because I consider how much time I would be able to devote to them. I want to be a SAHM so we are on a very limited budget and adding one more person would be an additional cost, too. As for the oldest children being forced to care for their younger siblings, it is very evident in the case of Duggar family.


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York Author

To Monisajda: Societal definition of large family is 5 or more children. 3 children by this definition is not a large family but is considered a medium sized family. However, to me as an only child, I consider 3 children to be large family but this is MY opinion, not the common societal definition of a large family. A parent can easily take care of three children without enlisting the oldest child to care for his/her younger siblings.

Even 4 children according to the societal definition is not considered a large family but a medium sized. Dear Monisadja, thank you for your input again. At least, you are thinking of all the angles both positive and negative before adding to your family. This in intelligent! However, there are some people who are so in love with the idea of having large to very large families that they are not aware of the ramifications in reality for this.


helen 2 years ago

This rant misses the point that parents are people and all people have flaws, and also the perspective on how parents should be is very narrow.

This post makes some good points, but its also kind of close-minded and judgmental. Absentee parenting for example. If the parent has depression, or diabetes then it is more responsible for them to ask for help from qualified caregivers with the child. Children aren't "objects of responsibility" they are human beings and human beings deserve the best quality care and relationships that other human beings can provide, whether it comes from that person themselves or with the support of a nanny etc. Maturity as a parent involves recognizing your shortcomings (impatience, lack of energy etc) and for that reason it is good to encourage and allow other relatives to form strong bonds with your kids. Your perspective focuses on what it means to be responsible for a child as a parent, not on what's best for the child.

You can't say that a person who occasionally uses substances is not providing a stable home and livelihood. That's not an informed opinion. People in high-paying jobs use drugs......normal middle-class stable parents use drugs....

I agree with the laissez-faire part. Its not right to 'let' kids make the big decisions when they are too young.....ends up stressing the child out and by the time they are teens they will view themselves as having a record of failure or avoiding things because its too stressful to fail. Lack of confidence on the part of the parents, but unfair and lazy. Kids who are forced to take on the parents roles because the parents are too uninvolved miss out on a lot of childhood things.


LR 2 years ago

How about parents who marry off their children, especially their daughters, to people who they think are good for them when they are not? It's common in fundamentalist cultures and it's called arranged marriage.

@Nan Mynatt-Even in the USA and other countries people don't want girls so they breed the children into boys instead.


Kk 15 months ago

The only critique I have is your parents who are in their 20s comment. How ignorant to believe that a 25 year old doesn't have an education or career. Also genetic mutations , chances of autism, and chances of not conceiving go dramatically up in your 30s. Teens also tend to not connect as well with parents who have over a 30 year age gap.

From a 20 something year old with a masters in cognitive science with a one year old. Ideal ages to conceive children are usually mid to late twenties.

Some of the other points are accurate but some can be critiqued further.

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