ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to Give an Effective Time Out

Updated on June 10, 2019
I Am Rosa profile image

This mom of two has worked with non-profits to provide educational and health programs for local children and improve the local workforce.

Source

"Well, of course the kids love you," I was told with much eye rolling. "They have fun with you. It's not like you have to discipline them!" Um ... I beg to differ. When I'm left in charge of a child, you'd better believe I'm doling out discipline if he needs it. When Auntie Rosa is in charge, the rules are the rules, even if Mom and Dad aren't around to back them up. And, while I may be full of fun, games and outright silliness, I don't fool around when it comes to house rules, manners and proper behaviour. Misbehaviour gets nipped in the bud. Every time.


So, what's the deal? All that strictness and I still get lots of hugs, kisses, and respect from the kids. Maybe it's the way I discipline ....?


My View

Young children have a need for acceptance from their parents and other adults with authority which makes them easy to correct without harsh measures. Simple corrective feedback and praise generally keep a child well-behaved, (Read "How to Encourage Good Behaviour in Children"), however certain situations may call for something more.

Time Out is a useful tool for correcting behaviour in place of harsher disciplines which can emotionally scar a child (and the parent!). Since children are ruled by their emotions, it gives them (and you) time to cool off and step away from the situation so it can be handled in an appropriate manner.


The 8 Steps to Time Out

There are 8 steps for an effective Time Out:


  1. Tell the child that she is going into Time Out.
  2. Firmly, but gently take the child to the Time Out location and sit her down.
  3. Get down to her level and look the child in the eye. Tell her what she has done to put her in Time Out and how long she is to remain there. (The general rule is one minute per each year of the child’s life, up to 10 minutes max.)
  4. Walk away, leaving the child in Time Out. If the child tries to leave, place her back in Time Out, saying, “You are in Time Out.” Then, start the clock again. Do this every time the child tries to leave.
  5. Go about your business until the clock runs out. Do not interact with the child.
  6. When time’s up, return to the child and get down on her level. Tell the child again why she is in Time Out and state that you would like an apology. (If the child was rude or hurtful to someone else, I insist that the child apologize to the other person as well.) If the child refuses or is still misbehaving, start over by letting her know that she is still in Time Out for another 3-5 minutes (be specific) and leave again. Then wait until time’s up and try again. Do this as many times as necessary.
  7. When the child apologizes, let her know she is forgiven (and mean it!). Some parents say, “Thank you” while others say, “I forgive you.” Use whatever works for your family.
  8. Give hugs and kisses, then let her go about her business again.


The last two steps are extremely important. The child needs to know that all is well again and that you are not harbouring resentment or disappointment.

Lastly, it is vital that you keep your cool during this process otherwise things can go “sideways” and Time Out is no longer effective.


Note

Not all children are the same, so results may vary. I always encourage parents to do what works best for their family.

Say "No" when it's needed.  Your future Self will thank you.
Say "No" when it's needed. Your future Self will thank you. | Source

Benefits

Remember, children need stability. They are happy when the rules are clearly outlined and thrive when those rules are upheld in a consistent manner. Once your children see that you are serious and constant with the rules and discipline, Time Out will rarely be required. They feel safe and trust you more. The best part is that their trust will show in their ability to express their love and affection more freely. What a wonderful gift that is!

Now, go enjoy your children!


Update

Since first writing this article, I've become a mother. This technique still works wonderfully. The bonus is that my children feel more secure when they know there are boundaries and both parents will enforce them.

© 2012 Rosa Marchisella

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)