Effective Parenting

Effective Parenting

How to parenting effectively is probably the most difficult, yet the most rewarding job that we have in our lifetime. Even a 1 year old child begins to develop self-esteem as they see themselves through their parent eyes. Your children are acutely aware of your tone of voice, your body language and the expression on your face. Raising a child for even a small accomplishment is an effective way to build her self-esteem. Using comments that belittled the child will make them feel worthless particularly name-calling, such as Stupid.

I was in the grocery store the other day and a mother was pushing her grocery cart with a screaming child that I would guess was about three. The mother was yelling at the child, which only enhanced the screaming and the child looked exhausted. It made me wonder if the child had eaten lunch and why she wasn't getting an afternoon nap, since it was about 1:30 PM. It is impossible to reason with young children when they're hungry and tired. As a parent it is important to have a routine for your child where they eat and map roughly at the same time each day and then plan your errands around that routine.

Happy Child

My photo
My photo

Kids Discipline

Most people want to be good parents but make many mistakes as they expect the children to be perfectly behaved at times when they're unlikely to be successful. One problem is parents are often too negative, yelling at them to: "Stop pushing your brother", "Pickup those toys right now" and endless other commands are repeated frequently.Hitting or slapping a baby or toddler is not effective as they are unlikely to be able to make the connection between their behavior and physical punishment. They do not have the ability to reason until they are a little bit older.

Children need boundaries, as it makes them feel safe and they will be better behaved when they understand their limits. If the parents say “no” too frequently the children just become immune to the word, so it loses its power. It is more important to tell children what they should be doing than it is to tell them what they shouldn't be doing. Focus more fully on telling your children how you would like them to behave. A good example is “We don't touch the top of the stove or the pans because they burn fingers” rather than yelling, “No touching the stove.” When children are behaving it is good to offer praise to reinforce the good behavior.

Screaming Child

source dailycaller
source dailycaller

Parenting with Patience

It takes a lot of patience by parents and repetition for the children to learn to handle themselves appropriately. Teach your children to come to you if you called their name instead of staying where they are and yelling" What". This will help your child learn self-control and sometimes they have to give up what they're doing in order to do something else. If you start early communicating with your child in a positive fashion they will eventually get the message.


Discipline Techniques

Parents often assume that their children know more than they do. Children have poor impulse control when they are young. If you have your child in a restaurant and they are yelling it is embarrassing and all you want to do is shut them up. Instead of threats speak softly to your child telling them how you want them to behave by saying something like, “I'm being quiet in the restaurant so I don't bother other people and if you want to say something to daddy or me you could whisper it." Demonstrate this behavior by whispering to your child and they may even think it's a game, but they will often quiet down quickly. Giving your child a paper and a crayon to color on while waiting for the food is a great distraction and it usually works.

If you're driving and another car cut you off and if you get mad and call the driver of the other car some rude name your child is listening. If we are people that yell and our children are probably going to act the same way. It's not that we can be perfect all the time but we can shoot for most of the time. If we are having a bad day and yell just saying, “I'm sorry” shows your child that you are accountable for your actions. Plus, if the child is old enough you have a chance to talk about why you reacted the way you did.

Children Arguing

source askedMaryadvice
source askedMaryadvice

Child Disciplining

It's common for parents to intervene and shout when their children are simply annoying, like chasing each other around the house. You can choose to ignore them if safety is not an issue or if they're being too rowdy did you give them a timeout. Sometimes children are acting out just to seek attention. For instance, if your six-year-old is playing his recorder with his nose you might try ignoring him for a few minutes as if you don't react quite often they will just stop and you will be a lot calmer if you avoid the shouting match with your child.

It is important to set limits with your children and there should be consequences when they don't follow the rules. Homework or chores should be done before watching TV or playing with other toys. Just turn off the TV or the video game. The most important thing about setting limits is to be consistent because if it's wrong this time it needs to be wrong each time. Good parenting is always consistent, clear and firm. Once you say no is best to stay the course and not give in to begging or whining because when you do that there been a big and wine even more next time around.

It is important to set limits with your children and there should be consequences when they don't follow the rules. Homework or chores should be done before watching TV or playing with other toys. Just turn off the TV or the video game. The most important thing about setting limits is to be consistent because if it's wrong this time it needs to be wrong each time. Good parenting is always consistent, clear and firm. Once you say no is best to stay the course and not give in to begging or whining because when you do that there been a big and wine even more next time around.

Having a Special Day

My photo
My photo

Disciplining a Child

Some children are more difficult to train and others. If you send your three-year-old to his room for hitting his brother and he starts hitting his head on the floor in a rage it's time for you to step in. Try using a time-in, which is meant to be a chance for a child to calm down, and is not a punishment.Since you want to teach your children how you want them to behave this would be a time where you sit quietly with your child and hold him to get him settled down. Once he is calmed down explain why his behavior is not okay. If you are too angry to comfort him, take a short timeout and calm down before you try talking to your child. You could ask him or her, " What can you do instead of hitting your brother when he grabs your toys?" Hopefully this will make him think about hitting his brother and what he can do differently. Listen carefully to what your child has to say but be firm about the fact that having a temper tantrum and banging his head on the floor is completely unacceptable.

If your child is one that whines frequently it is best to get down to their level and explain how his actions need to change, and that it is very important to you that his or her actions change. If this doesn't work you will have to come up with an alternative plan, which may be not allowing them to play with toys until the whining stops or they may go to their bedroom and not come out until the whining stops. Whining is one of the most annoying things that children can do so it's good to stop them when they're very young so it doesn't become a habit.

Children Playing

source anotherworld
source anotherworld

"House Rules" That Really Work!

In Conclusion

Since all children are different you have to try different discipline techniques sometimes. One child might respond to a verbal reminder about what is acceptable while another may throw a temper tantrum. The punishment should always fit the crime. Parents should decide what the boundaries are for their children and each should be consistent with the other. The goal is to raise children that have a good self-esteem, know how to behave in such public and at home.

Disciplining your Child

Do you use some of the methods of discipline outlined in this hub?

  • I have tried some of them and they are successful.
  • No, I have my own way of handling my children.
  • I am going to try some of these methods to see if they are effective with my child.
  • I enjoyed this hub and feel like I have learned a few new things.
See results without voting

© 2011 Pamela Oglesby

More by this Author


Comments 41 comments

susanlang profile image

susanlang 5 years ago

As only Pamela99 can say it best! Good job Pam!


lisabeaman profile image

lisabeaman 5 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

Great job Pamela! Parenting is not easy. I appreciate your positive approach and helpful suggestions to parents. Voted up and useful!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Excellent!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

susanlang, Thank you so much for a very nice comment.

Lisabeaman, No, it is not easy. I wish I had known some of those things when my children were young, I appreciate your comments.

Will Starr, Thank you so much for your comment.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

My sons learned early on that I was their father, and someone they could depend on for discipline, love, guidance, security, and no nonsense.

I was never their friend. They didn't need me for a friend because they had plenty of friends. They needed a father, and I was there.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

Whew! I'm glad I don't have to go through that again.

Great job Pamela.

The Frog


northweststarr profile image

northweststarr 5 years ago from Washington State

Great hub Pamela! Voted up. Boundaries and personal discipline (the parents') really are the keys to good parenting.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

OMG - Too cute on the photos~ Great points to make on child rearing, Pamela. It's not a job everyone's cut out to do and you outline some great methodology. Voted up and informative!

P.S. Thanks for voting for me, too - it seems like there is another round to this contest so may be calling on you again - now it is the tug-of-war part between the 2 top hubs. That's kinda weird but oh well! I think you can vote between Friday night (tonight) and Monday noon). If you're so inclined~


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

Will Starr, It sounds like you were good father and I appreciate your comments.

Frog Prince, Me to. Thanks for your comments.

northweststarr, I agree and I appreciate your comments.

Audrey, Thanks much for your comments.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Another GREAT hub. It would have been nice to have known better parenting when i was a young Mother. I sometimes get upset when i see young Mothers spank their sleepy and tired children. They grow up so fast. Thank you for sharing knowledge.


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Enjoyed

Flag up

Awesome!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

always exploring, I get upset when I see that happen also. Thanks so much for your comments.

Dallas, I'm glad you enjoyed the hub and I appreciate your comments.


Support Med. profile image

Support Med. 5 years ago from Michigan

Great parenting tips! Parenting is not an easy journey and these tips are very useful. v/r


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Excellent suggestions for parents, Pamela. Too often, we who are parents present negative behaviors for our children to model instead of the positive ones. Thanks for reminding us.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

Support Med, It sure isn't easy and I appreciate your comments.

drbj, I think you are right and I know I was far from perfect. Thank you for your comments.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very inspiring hub. I thought all parents should read this hub. Well done, Pam. I learn much from you and I'm ready to be a father...hahaha. I can't wait the moment to be a good parent and see my child grow up. As teacher I give my big appreciation to this hub. We should teach them how to be more discipline. Although it need a hard work. But I believe we can do this. Thanks for share with us. You are the best mom, Pam. Your children must be proud of you. I'll press all buttons here, except funny. Cheer....

Love and peace,


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

prasetio, I know you love children since I hear your enthusiasm for the children in your comments. Discipline is not very well taught in many homes in America. I don't know if Indonesia is the same. Thank you so much for your comments and praise.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Of course, this is like a dilemma. In other side, the parents are very busy with their work and then the kids less in getting parent's love. Beside that, technology also give them big effect to decrease their discipline. They more concern with sending friends "short messaging through mobile phone", playing games and watching TV. That's I always give them some advices. So, I am not only teach my students about lesson but also how to behave to their parents and about discipline also. Hopefully they become good kids....amen. Thank you very much.

Prasetio


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

prasetio, I think you are really a very special teacher. I have read your words so many times that I think you are my friend, so I have come to know you are an honorable man with a big heart for the children. I know you make a difference in their lives. God bless!


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Thank you very much, Pam. This was special hub for me and you are the best. Keep it up. My love and my pray always for you....amen.


rachelsholiday profile image

rachelsholiday 5 years ago

As always, a fantastic hub. Voted up :). I'll definitely be keeping a lot of this in mind when I start having kids of my own. At the same time, I'm going to be reminding myself that nobody is perfect and I'm going to try to be as forgiving toward other people as I hope they are toward me.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

rachelsholiday, It sounds like you have made some good decisions. Thank you so much for your comments.


HennieN profile image

HennieN 5 years ago from South Africa

Brilliant hub. I am a firm believer of coaching rather than controlling kids. I like how you managed to portray this through your hub.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

HennieN, Of course I agree with you and appreciate your comments.


prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 5 years ago from Canada

Pamela, wonderful hub with excellent advice. I agree with all of these, and loved that way that you explained it. Voted up, awesome, beautiful and useful. Take care!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

Prairieprincess, I'm glad you enjoyed the hub and I appreciate your comments.


carcro profile image

carcro 5 years ago from Winnipeg

Wow, I could have used this info 10 to 15 years ago, thanks for the refresher, brings back fond memories of how privileged we are to be parents.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

carcro, I wish I had known many of these when my children were young also. Thank you so much for your comments.


fashion 5 years ago

Great article.Tips are useful for parents.In fact some limits and discipline are the keys to good parenting.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

fashion, I agree and appreciate your comments.


Maggie.L profile image

Maggie.L 5 years ago from UK

A very interesting and informative hub. My youngest child whines a lot so this hub has given me some ideas on how to deal with this. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and ideas.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

Maggie, I am glad the hub was helpful. Thanks for the comments.


drpastorcarlotta profile image

drpastorcarlotta 5 years ago from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC

Wonderful, Excellent!! Voted-Up!!!!!!!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

drpastorcarlotta, Thank you so much for your comments.


asian rhinoplasty 5 years ago

There are a lot of parenting styles. It is all relative to the culture. But all are geared towards raising a well adjusted children.


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 5 years ago from Lagos

I hope that one day, this information will benefit me when i become a parent. Be blessed


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

asian rhinoplasty, I agree and I appreciate you comments.

ubanichijoke, Thank you so much and I wish you blessings as well.


TroyM profile image

TroyM 5 years ago

Nice Hub on parenting...Very inspiring article!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States Author

TroyM, Thank you so much for your comments.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

This is a great article Pamela with many helpful tips.

Take care and have a wonderful weekend.

Eddy.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Author

Eddy, I'm glad you enjoyed the hub and I appreciate your comments.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend also.

Pam

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working