How to Survive a Summer with Your Parents
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of "Guides" out there to help our parents try to figure out how to make living with us kids easier. Sadly there are little, if any, Guides to help us kids deal with our parents and the stuff they're told will help us all to become "closer as a family". Below is a list of things we kids can do to help ourselves survive a summer with our parents.
Never Answer with "Nothing"
So you're upstairs in your room, loft, a quiet secluded area, etc. and you don't want anyone to bother you (especially your mom with her constant nagging about getting a job, cleaning your room and/or furnishings for your new apartment). But just like any Ben Stiller movie, nothing will go right for the main character this day and you are bothered by one of your parents. When they yell at you from downstairs or across the house it is not because they want to know what you're doing, it's because it's quiet and they are suspicious. Your gut reaction will be to say, "Nothing". Never do this as this raises suspicion and they will investigate further. Instead say something specific; "I'm knitting," "I'm doing math," "I'm learning how to weld." These are good examples of specific activities that will help keep your parents out of your hair for a little. Just make sure it's not dangerous and it contributes to some sort of self education.
Sunglasses Are Your Friends
There is always an embarrassing story your parents have about you that they love to tell to complete strangers, especially on vacation. And they always seem to tell it when you're standing right in front of them and you've told them like a million times you hate that story. How do you get out of this one? Fashionably, that's how. Put on your sunglasses and hunker down for the awaiting storm. How does this work? It's something I like to call the superhero effect. It works like this: even though you're wearing just a thin piece of plastic over your face, for some odd reason, when you take the mask or sunglasses off, no one can tell who you really are. So when you're walking around at night with the hot daughter/son of the new family friends, they won't be able to tell you are the "midnight be wetter". Just remember to wear sunscreen or take them off once in a while if you're in the sun. You don't want a raccoon effect.
Never Look Your Parent In The Eye
Parents are like women; they can see the fear in your eyes before you even talk to them. So unless you're part of the military or secret service and have been trained in the art of lying, never look your parent in the eye if you're in trouble. On a side note don't look around the room precariously as this is also a tell that you are lying. Instead look at their nose or lower brow (the eyebrows). This is a point on the face that is hard to tell whether you're staring directly into their eyes or, say, their nose or lower brow. This way if you snuck out last night to see that concert or just hung out with your friends and have developed a highly believable "valid truth" (because no one lies here) this way you have a method to help you further escape trouble.
Get Some Rich Friends
Rich friends are awesome. They have big houses, big rooms, fancy cars and awesome toys (maybe even a personal chef!). And how do they protect all that crap? Security. Knowing that you, your parent's own special, precious gift from the heavens, will be protected by barbed wire/electrical fences, 24 hour camera monitoring, a bevy of bulked up security guards (complete with guard dogs) and eight inch thick steel wall enforcings, they'll probably let you go stay at your friend's house more often. This will not only let you be more happy, cause hey you're in a freakin manshion for half the summer, but it will also increase your parent's happiness. They'll have more time for romance, to ignite their fiery passion for one another once again while you ride go karts through giant bowling pins in the eastern wing of your friend's "mid summer house". This is a win-win situation for everyone involved, so do you, and your parents, a favor and go get some rich friends.
Finally just remember that your parents (probably) love you no matter what (depending on what you got them for Father's/Mother's Day). You might be a parent some day, and when you are you'll probably take as much joy as your parents do now from embarrassing you. Take from this guide what you will and good luck the rest of the summer.
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