How to Take Care of Aging Parents

A Valuable Person

This is one incredibly special gal.  She deserves all the support we can give her.
This is one incredibly special gal. She deserves all the support we can give her. | Source

Does My Parent NEED Help?

When the people in your life who nurtured you with strength and compassion start to reverse roles with you, an adult child, it can be difficult knowing how or when to maneuver caring for them without eroding their dignity. Following are some suggestions on how to accomplish this.

Family Dynamics with Aging Parents

The number of family structures is probably infinite. There are families with only children, with many children, with those who live geographically close to aging parents, and those who are emotionally close to parents. Hopefully, one or more children of an aging person can take on the responsibility to monitor and care for him or her.

Is the Parent’s Living Situation Safe?

A physical inspection must be done. Holiday visits or any other visit is an opportune time to surreptitiously check:

Smells:

Do you detect spoiled food? Bathroom unclean? Clothing unclean? Smoke or burning from appliances? Remember the aged adult can have a decrease in sense of smell and therefore be unaware of these cues to problems.

Sounds:

Do you hear the cranking or rumbling of defective appliances? Of the neighborhood changing for the worse – sounds of violence or domestic disputes? Gang activity?

Sights:

Are there loose, slippery area rugs? Unevenness in sidewalk (even a small difference of an inch can literally trip a less-than-surefooted elder. ) Visible mold or science experiments on food or all over microwave, refrigerator or other food storage area? Spill stains on the floor? Dirty or broken eyeglasses (let’s not have visibility impaired and certainly not by the self-repair job to eyeglasses frames resulting in glue smears on the lenses! There is a time for penny-pinching and a time to pay a professional to do the job correctly.) You want no wobbly chair or table legs. No frayed electric cords or cords crossing a walkway. Can you see water damage on ceilings, walls, floor? You should see a bath mat or bumpy bottom in the shower/bathtub? Also, if possible check medication bottles for their expiration dates. Yes, that is a little more intrusive/invasive, but it is important.

Tactile Information:

As you walk around living space – are there wobbly floorboards, again uneven sidewalk or other walkways? Are hand rails on stairs or in the bathroom as solid as a rock? Are drafts coming into the home?

MAKE SURE the batteries are alive in a smoke detector and carbon monoxide detector. Also, these should be placed where the parent can reach them without the need to climb onto a ladder or step stool. We do not want the older person climbing on ladders – no falls and no broken bones!

How to Care for Aging Parents
How to Care for Aging Parents

I like that this book has appendices listing state-by-state assistance agencies, Medicaid offices, and nursing home advocacy groups.

 

Fixing the Living Space

If something in the living space does not measure up, are you in a financial or skill set position to fix it? Can you offer to do so as a holiday gift?

If tasks need to be done on a more frequent and regular basis, such as grocery shopping or cleaning, are you or a sibling near enough to do this? Can you take turns? Alternately, can you hire a reliable, trustworthy helper?

Is the Parent Eating Adequately and Taking Medications Correctly?

This is a tougher issue to assess. Weight loss or gain becomes apparent eventually, but it would be nice to nip any problems before they grow. You can ask your parent if you may accompany him/her to a doctor’s appointment. There, you can listen to any health issues, physician’s observations, and medication schedule. However, please do not take over the appointment. If your parent is mentally competent, the primary interactions should be between your parent, who is the patient, and the doctor. You are an observer unless invited to talk.

If diet needs to be changed, perhaps you can arrange for grocery delivery or changes in food choices. If it is too tiring for your parent to prepare meals, explore microwaveable meals and the Meals-on-Wheels program. If finances are the reason your parent is not eating well or purchasing medications, contact your state or county’s agency on aging. The staff should be able to assist you.

The Complete Eldercare Planner, Revised and Updated Edition: Where to Start, Which Questions to Ask, and How to Find Help
The Complete Eldercare Planner, Revised and Updated Edition: Where to Start, Which Questions to Ask, and How to Find Help

This book focuses on the eldercare responsibility from the perspective of you, the child. It includes lists of free and low-cost resources in most of its chapters.

 

More Health Concerns – Physical and Mental

Should your parent be driving a car? Or taking public transportation alone? Are the medications your parent takes causing other problems – growing side effects which are interfering with quality of life? These can cause physical and emotional side effects. Does your parent seem depressed? Demented? Losing touch with reality?

If your parent’s situation is causing alarm about these issues, more serious intervention may be required. Please meet with your siblings to, hopefully, agree on the least restrictive plan possible.

A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents--and Ourselves
A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents--and Ourselves

The beauty of this book is that it is full of “straight talk from the trenches.” Funny stories, too.

 

Good Luck

The good news is that with the aging of America, more information becomes available daily to help the children of aging parents.

Text and photo copyright 2012 Maren E. Morgan.

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Comments 7 comments

The Dirt Farmer profile image

The Dirt Farmer 4 years ago from Maryland

Good hub, Maren. Your checklist for assessing the home of an aging parent is really helpful.


Maren Morgan M-T profile image

Maren Morgan M-T 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Thanks, Dirt Farmer! I do it with my parents periodically. They tolerate me doing it! But, they did consent to the 4 kids' paying for improvements to the stair rail. That is worth it.


The Dirt Farmer profile image

The Dirt Farmer 4 years ago from Maryland

Absolutely! I recently helped my mom move into a house with only one floor. (Her previous home had too many steps and two shaky railings.) It was really tough to find a single-story house! And the one she liked needed major work done. Unfortunately, even after we fired him and got some money back, she was taken advantage of by an unscrupulous contract who did --or rather didn't do-- the renovations. It was a mess & half.


win-winresources 4 years ago from Colorado

Maren-

Nice, helpful, and timely.

Thanks.

-DW


Maren Morgan M-T profile image

Maren Morgan M-T 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Dirt Farmer, I am so sorry to hear about the contractor. I hope things are resolved and good now.

win-winresources, glad it was helpful.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Thanks for sharing the very useful tips, Maren. I've had the experience of helping to look after my elderly father, and I know that the steps that you recommend are very important.


Maren Morgan M-T profile image

Maren Morgan M-T 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Yes, and then we start to realize we should do the checklist for our own homes, too.

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