How to say NO to children!

Lack of Discipline

Kids

They can get worse.
They can get worse.

Parenting

 You are actively parenting at all times. Children are looking at you from the start. They see the amount of time you spend with them. They see the struggles you may be having. They see the stress you carry, even if you think you hide it well. They feel the joy of making great choices.

Starting early is key, "NO" should not be their first word. Yes, you have to train them to be safe and smart. I started with the hug. As a investigating toddler, my daughter would try to get into everything. Of course, this means she wanted to put everything in her mouth. Dirt, small coins, bugs, dog food at grandma's could have been problems. I (with out getting loud) would tell her something like "that is not for eating" and physically guide her to put it down. Anyone with a child knows this is not the end. As she would persist, I would (remaining calm) repeat as much as she did. Until, she would get cranky. As the tantrum started I would holder in a caring hug repeating "it is OK not to eat that". The first few times were about 20 minutes for her to tire herself out. Soon, by the fifth or sixth time, she learned she was not going to be allowed to eat stuff off the floor.

This calm steadfastness has been the cornerstone of or discipline. We remain consistent. We have had two occasions, as she has grown, to remind her of responsibility and consequences. Sure a few groundings here and there. But for the big reminders we had her donate every toy, taking everything from her room leaving only a sleeping bag, tooth, and hair brush. Only twice, for her to understand the difference between earning something and getting something. If we allow our children to get so much stuff with out teaching them this, we set them up to fail in the real world.

You can tell the kids that have been raised by an unbalanced "friend" relationship with their parents. They feel they are somehow entitled to get what ever they want. With out every thing they desire, they feel victimised. Like society has left them behind. We must teach our children how to fly on their own creating the life they want. Not just hand it to them and wonder why they can't stand on their own.

Give them the opportunity to learn from your mistakes(age appropriately). When you get a traffic ticket, let them know how much you have to pay for your mistake. How many hours do you have to work to replace that fine? How many hours of work did you have to miss to take care of it? Insurance cost rising? Let them see beyond their toys, TV, music, etc. They learn as much or as little as we allow.

So be brave, be consistent, be loving, be a PARENT. Sure occasionally they will not like the situation and maybe even say something really mean. That just increases the consequences, just like striking the cop giving you a ticket would. Its just the smart thing to do. Train them to make good choices more often than bad ones and they survive well on their own.

Very Best Wishes

Comments 3 comments

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

I think, in current times, too few parents are teaching their kids the word NO. Children are allowed free reign to explore and do what they want. That's why teaching in many state schools around the world is a nightmare as kids are undisciplined and a little wild. They don't respect themselves or anybody else.


RickyDLV profile image

RickyDLV 7 years ago from USA and occasionally other countries. Author

Thank You Cindy for your comment. You are right, I (years ago) taught at risk youth martial arts. Some think that training kids that are already violent or in some way a problem to fight is wrong. Those are people that have a very limited view of martial arts. I think our school system and society as a whole would be greatly improved by starting martial arts in grade school. Teaching respect and discipline develops self worth. Self worth that was bread into your day a few generations ago. Children would do their school work and work around the house, farm, or family business. We have to get past all the distractions and remember the things that worked.

Thank You Again


aikidk01 profile image

aikidk01 7 years ago

Great article. Too many parents forget parenting as they try to be their child's friend.

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