I Had A Miscarriage - The Loss Of A Child

THE PAIN

Have you been through a miscarriage ? Maybe one or more over the years ? Was it a child you had planned for , were excited about having in your family ?

My first miscarriage was in the 80's . We were living in Caloundra QLD & I remember the day very clearly .

My Sister Susan was working in Coles Supermarket , we were waiting for her to finish work before picking her up & going shopping for a pram .

Our daughter Tania was 2 & was very excited about a new baby brother or sister .

Just before leaving the house I went to the toilet And at that moment I lost our baby .

We rushed to the hospital and instead of buying a pram I went through the physical pain as well as the emotional pain of losing our child

That was about 24 years ago & I still remember laying in the hospital crying for my baby.

I was fortunate and became pregnant to a beautiful girl called Gemma as well as later on having a 3rd daughter Danielle.

If it wasn't for another miscarriage we would have a fourth child about 12 years old now.

What Is A Miscarriage ?

Many ask the question "What is a miscarriage "? Why do people lose their babies ?

A miscarriage is any pregnancy that ends spontaneously before the fetus can survive. A miscarriage is medically referred to as a spontaneous abortion.

What are the symptoms of a miscarriage?


I suffered bad Cramps and vaginal bleeding which are the most common symptoms noticed with spontaneous abortion. The cramping and bleeding may be very mild, moderate, or severe.

I had severe cramps and pains similar to having a normal birth yet nothing to show for the pain .

What Causes a Miscarriage ?

There are a few things that can cause a miscarriage such as smoking ( I have never smoked in my life )

Infections

Hormonal factors

Diabetes

Collagen vascular diseases which are illnesses in which a person's own immune system attacks their own organs.

Miscarriage support

When I had my miscarriages I never heard of Miscarriage support so I guess I never really dealt with it apart from crying for the baby we never got to meet.

I put all my energy into enjoying my daughter Tania & the new baby Gemma.

Having a Miscarriage is frightening, frustrating and very sad as it is your baby, toddler ,teenager to be you have lost . Get support and advice from others who share your experience and can help you cope with the loss.

Look up Miscarriage support in your local area and get the support and help you deserve for you and your family.

Even though these Babies didn't live very long they are children that were waned and loved however briefly and there is a loss involved.

How Can I Help Someone After A Miscarriage ?

Are you struggling with what to say after a friend or relative has suffered a Miscarriage ?

There are no words that will take away the pain so that doesn't matter .

What is important is that you listen to her tell you how she feels , how much it hurts both physically and emotionally .

Help out with a meal / housework or take her out for a coffee in the outdoors .

WHAT NOT TO SAY

IMPORTANT---- Never say " Least you were only 6 weeks pregnant " ( or whatever number )

Never say " At least you have another child "

Never say " It was probably for the best ""

They have just lost a baby and need time to grieve so just be there for them.

My Babies I Love You

For my Babies I never Held

For the babies that we never saw or held in our arms and for all the other lost babies here are some poems dedicated to you all.

Poems for a loss of a baby via a Miscarriage

These are my footprints,
so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints
never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint,
for now I have wings.
These tiny footprints were meant
for other things.
You will hear my tiny footprints,
in the patter of the rain.
Gentle drops like angel's tears,
of joy and not from pain.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in each butterflies' lazy dance.
I'll let you know I'm with you,
if you just give me the chance.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the wind,
and call each one that grieves.
Most of all, these tiny footprints,
are found on Mommy and Daddy's hearts.
'Cause even though I'm gone now,
We'll never truly part."
~Unknown

Little Snowdrop

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says of our love for you.
~ Author Unknown

Gone Too Soon


This was a life that hardly begun
no time to find your place in the sun
no time to do all you could have done
but we loved you enough for a lifetime

No time to enjoy the world and its wealth
No time to take life down off the shelf
no time to sing the song of yourself
though you had enough love for a lifetime

Those who live long endure sadness and tears
but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
no betrayel, no anger
no hatred, no fears
Just love, only love in your lifetime..
~Authour Unknown

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Comments 13 comments

shimmering Dawn profile image

shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

Ha, I know that FCA and wrote a poem about it after 13 years .. it still hurts but at least now I can talk about it. Love this hub.. the how to help part is so thoughtful of you :)


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 5 years ago from Sunny Florida

I also have experienced the pain of miscarriage. The pain is still there but as Dawn said you can talk about it - at least after a period of time. Wonderful suggestions of what not to say. Everytime I heard "It was probably for the best" I wanted to throw something at the person who said it. Beautiful poems. Up and beautiful.


guysilat profile image

guysilat 5 years ago

Beautifully said.


wheelinallover profile image

wheelinallover 5 years ago from Central United States

There would have been two more children in the world if there had not been miscarriages by my wife. I also lost my first living son in my youth. So for me the pain of losing my time with these three little lives was devastating. I spent many years of my life buried in a booze bottle because I couldn't deal with any of the losses.

I have been told I am a rare case for a male. When I have loved I became part of my mate. What they felt affected me nearly as much as it did them.


Danette Watt profile image

Danette Watt 5 years ago from Illinois

I had 2 in one year, the second was while on vacation in Florida at Disney World. Fortunately, my sister and her family were with us so she was a help.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State

Beautiful Hub... I too have felt this loss. Thanks for sharing.

hc


jean2011 profile image

jean2011 5 years ago from Canada

I have never had a miscarriage but your story is very touching and moving. Thank you for taking the time this personal episode in your life. I have voted you hub up.


SpeakUpStandOut profile image

SpeakUpStandOut 4 years ago from Southern California

I think it is important for people to understand that a miscarriage can feel just as horrible as losing a living child and the care that needs to be taken for the grieving parents is deep. This is good information for people to have.


freecampingaussie profile image

freecampingaussie 4 years ago from Southern Spain Author

Thanks for the visit SpeakUpStandOut . From the second you know you are pregnant you are excited about your new little girl/boy so to lose it after even a few weeks is devastating . Even years later you wonder what they would have been like at the diferent ages .


cfin profile image

cfin 4 years ago from The World we live in

This happened to myself and my wife. Neither of us had it easy growing up, but this was the saddest, worst thing that has ever happened to us. This is simply because it moves with us. Everywhere we go. Everyone we see. The silly little names we called the baby before we knew its faith. Our 1 year old daughter helps and at the same time makes it harder. Sometimes I wonder if she would have had a little brother or sister. I don't think, even if we ever have another, that it will replace or make us forget.

I think that its important that couples are strong together and understanding. It will either bring you so close together, or as I have seen with other couples, it will tear you apart. And ladies don't forget, men have feelings too. Not the same loss but a horrible one for us too. It really has changed me. 3 months later and I am tearing up just writing this. Be supportive or Break down in tears if you have to. Sometimes both are just as good as each other.


freecampingaussie profile image

freecampingaussie 4 years ago from Southern Spain Author

Thanks for the visit Cfin - You never forget - It was about 27 years ago my first one and the last one in 2000 - I still wonder but I have 3 beautiful daughters and 2 grandchildren . Take care & stay close


DreamerMeg profile image

DreamerMeg 3 years ago from Northern Ireland

So sorry to hear of all the losses, both for the mothers and the fathers and the hurt that your own relatives must have felt too.


freecampingaussie profile image

freecampingaussie 3 years ago from Southern Spain Author

Thanks for the visit DreamerMeg , It was a hard time however we were fortunate to have 3 beautiful daughters . I found it hard that people didn't count a miscarriage as the loss of a baby as the second you are pregnant you have a life growing inside of you that you look forward to welcoming into your family.

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