I Will Always Seek Her Approval

I’ve always heard that a person who seeks approval from everyone in their life is just a big chicken and is too afraid to live their life for themselves. From time to time, I am this person…to a degree. While I don’t ask for advice from everyone who has ever known me, I am guilty of bugging a select group of people when I can’t seem to decide for myself. Yet, when it comes to big decisions, there is only one person who I must have (or would greatly like to have) their approval before making the final call--my mom.

From an early age, we are told to run everything by our parents. In my house, the final decision always came down to my mom. If the house needed to have repairs done, my mom would be the person to decide which ones should get attention first and who would be called to do the work. When report card time rolled around, I never worried about what my dad would say, just my mom. In order for me to feel proud of myself, I needed to know my mom was proud of me first. For the longest time, my mom held all of the cards. It was so unhealthy.

Though my need to have her approval has diminished a bit in the past few years, I know I will never truly be able to shake the need. There are days when I want to be five again and leave all of the hard decisions up to my mom. When I’m about to enter a situation that I’m not totally comfortable with, a part of me wishes she would jump out of the bushes and tell me to stop in my tracks, to turn around and to get into bed. I want her to show me the flaws in my plan so I can fix them and feel like we’re working towards the same goal again. Yet, as her views on how my life should be lived are contrary to how I want to/am actually living it and I’m okay with that, I obviously have come a long way.

In general, I believe that even people who say they seek approval from no one seek approval from someone. Just the admission that they seek no such approval is in a sense asking for approval of this no approval policy. We all need to be reminded from time to time that we’re on the right track. It’s not a sign of weakness. In truth, I believe it to be proof of strength of character. In short, people who are too into themselves to hear the words of another are to be pitied as much as someone who can’t last a day without knowing everyone is pleased with them. If it’s any consolation, I approve of your need for approval.