IT SHOULD NOT HURT TO BE A CHILD

My 'Wild Child" and his new baby. "Hi Dad! Now it's YOUR turn!"
My 'Wild Child" and his new baby. "Hi Dad! Now it's YOUR turn!"

IT SHOULD NOT HURT TO BE A CHILD

They say it should not hurt to be a child, so more and more in today's society we adults take that as a literal statement. We all too often go out of our way to 'protect' our children, when in fact for the child, it may be a perfect time for a learning experience.

No one wants to see a child hurt or crying, but how will that child live as an adult if someone always steps up to the plate as a rescuer?

A statement that parents often forgets is, "A child lives what he learns."

If a child lies, cheats, steals, hurts another, misbehaves or just plain locks horns and says, "No!", guess what ... they are just being human.

All of us on the planet are born with free will and the sense of I - Me - Mine.

If that child learns they can scream Me! Me! Me! or I Want! I Want! I Want! and Mom and Dad give in for their own personal sanity ... you can pretty much take it to the bank that their child will grow up to be a loud, demanding adult who expects from everyone what they want, when they want it.

We all know demanding, selfish people. Think of the most obnoxious person you know. It is a sure fire bet that that person was not put in check as a child.

No one can stand to be around someone like that, so there is a real chance that person will grow to be a bitter, lonely old man or woman, blaming their miserable existence on everyone and everything around them.

The choice is simple. Teach your child now, that actions DO have consequences.

As a parent, you are NOT their friend. That right is earned once your child is grown. Until then, you are the parent, teacher, care giver, councilor, and loving mother or father.

You need to love your child enough to let them experience the results of accepting their own actions in a loving, safe environment.

With your guidance, they can step into the world as an adult, with self-confidence and compassion for others.

I was a single mother of 3 sons who were out of control. I had a reality check when a friend from church said, "You are not just taking care of a bunch of kids. You are raising potential adults."

Once I pulled in the reigns and took control, all of our lives became so very much better!

Was it hard? Oh yeah! Change is not always pleasant. Sometimes I had to love them enough to let they hate me for awhile. Sometimes, as they got older, if a situation got out of control and was more than I could handle, I'd call in the 'Big Guns', be it the school principal or the police!

It was made crystal clear that he was a good person who made a bad choice. The infractor usually did not repeat the offense.

How rewarding it is now to have 3 very strong, self-assured men in my life.

One day as we were talking, my youngest son thanked me.

He was my 'Wild Child" and I told him I was sorry that I had all too often had to come down so hard and heavy on him.

He sheepishly grinned and said, "Mom ...if you only knew ... Some times you did not come down hard enough."

(Some things are best left unknown.)

Written by Jackie Rae

Copyrighted © 2010

Comments 11 comments

"Quill" 6 years ago

Hi Jackie:

Look at me on a roll two firsts in the comment department tonight. All of what you have stated is so true. Even though I never had children I sat on the outside watching children getting what ever they wanted.

Later in real life when that same child was refused for whatever reason the bitterness and anger set in.

Enabling is is just as bad as abuse as what are parents doing to prepare the child later in life. The real world has a tendency of crushing us enough without placing unrealistic expectations on the child.

Parents need to find the proper balance. Wonderful hub...

http://yukonrolly.com/

Blessings


Lisa 6 years ago

Thanks moneylady for assuring me that tough love is the right way to go. Parenting is not at all easy and there are times when all of us wonder if we are doing the right thing. But when you love your children really love them you will do what's right and that is "train a child in the way that is right and when they get older than will not depart from that training (emphasis mine)


Moneylady profile image

Moneylady 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks for writing Quill and Lisa! What you both wrote is SO true! I was so afraid I was raising Heathens, in fact, left to their own devices, I was! If I had not stepped up to the plate and said ... 'No More!" I know without a doubt, as does he, that my youngest 'Wild Child' would not be alive today. I DID have to love them enough to let them hate me for a while, but when the time came, I also had to love them enough to let them go ... with MANY prayers that God was true to His word as you said, "Train a child in the way that is right and when they get older than will not depart from that training." By the grace of God my 3 children and I survived! I am just SO thankful that teenagers turn into 'Real People'. Hey .. That will be my next Hub!!!! Thanks Guys!


Froggy213 profile image

Froggy213 6 years ago from On A Mountain In Puerto Rico

Great Hub!!


Dame Scribe profile image

Dame Scribe 6 years ago from Canada

Setting healthy boundaries for our children early does pay off when they are adults. Great article!


nancy_30 profile image

nancy_30 6 years ago from Georgia

I loved your hub. I have two small girls and i'm trying to raise them right. My dad raised me with tough love and I love him more because of it. So i'm trying to do the same with my children. Sometimes its hard when other people come over and don't make their kids mind. My kids think they can get away with stuff because the other kids do. But their wrong. Sometimes it makes me so mad to listen to other parents tell their children to quit misbehaving or they will take the toy away and not follow through with it when they continue to misbehave. I don't understand how they think or why they do this. Sorry for the long comment I really enjoyed reading your hub.


Moneylady profile image

Moneylady 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Dame Scribe and Nancy_30, Thanks for the comments. It is not easy . but nothing rewarding usually is! Keep up the good work ... In the long run your kids will love you for it!


lovelypaper profile image

lovelypaper 6 years ago from Virginia

You are right on with your thinking about parenting. Great hub.


Moneylady profile image

Moneylady 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you lovelypaper and mdawson17.


GarnetBird profile image

GarnetBird 6 years ago from Northern California

Everything you said about raising children is so true. Check out my Hub on Saving Children from Sexual Abuse. Keep up the good writing!


mquee profile image

mquee 6 years ago from Columbia, SC

It's a changing world, unfortunately young people are trying to be buddies with their children, instead of parents. There is time to be friends later after the teaching process done.

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