I'm a Bad Mom and a Horrible Parent!

Yes I Said it! I Am a Bad Mom!

Please don't say "oh no, you're a great mom". I'm not! It took me a while to come to this point, and for me to realize that I am OK with being a bad mother. My children have a roof, food, clothes, gadgets, toys, and are loved. I have come to the conclusion that I am OK with it just being that.

I created 3 amazing kids, but I am no longer going to pretend I am a great mom. I am someone who wanted children for selfish reasons. My children were all brought into this world so that I could create and be responsible for little people. My lack of family lead me to want to create my own family. Which I did. Now these beautiful little me children are my responsibility, which leads to why I am a bad mother!

My Beautiful toddler!
My Beautiful toddler! | Source

10 Reasons I am a Horrible Mom and a Bad Parent

  1. I hate playing with kids! I always have. I would rather talk science or show them how to garden than have a tea party or watch their magic show (did I say I hate magic, well I do I HATE magic even though my oldest loves it). The thing is I have ZERO imagination or creativity! I mean none! I don't plan on pretending to like any of these things either. I also do not intend to pretend to like playing with dolls or racing little cars around on the floor. I just won't do it! They can join me outside in the garden or play some minecraft with me, but I will never do the pretend stuff.
  2. I use bad words A LOT!! I mean a lot. I am never going to believe that cussing around my children will some how turn them into horrible people. So yes, I cuss in front of my children. Do I run around dropping the F bomb every two minutes? No, but that has nothing to do with the kids, I just don't use the F word often. I don't cuss in front of other people's children, but mine know that mommy says words that aren't ok said anywhere other than home or with close friends.
  3. I have zero patience and I'm a control freak! These go together because I am demanding. I want things done the way I want them, when I want them. My expectations are really high! This is not something that goes well with the average view of parenting at all.
  4. I am not a peaceful parent! As much as I like to think I can be a peaceful parent and as much as I TRY to be a peaceful parent, my natural personality leads me to be loud, demanding, and hold my little children to grown up expectations. I keep wanting to be the mom who never raises her voice, that remembers children will be children, and to always treat my kids the way I want to be treated. It doesn't always work that way for me. I'm a loud person. This goes with the demanding part of me. It's kind of hard to hold my children to my high expectations AND be a peaceful parent. Sometimes I yell, and (gasp) argue with my tween!
  5. My kids eat fast food sometimes. Once a week we eat food that is horrible for us. Yes I do feed my kids that pink slime (McDonalds) sometimes even though I know it will likely cause cancer for some people.
  6. I don't home school. This is a big trend right now. I'm happy for those who can make it work, but there is no way in hell I will ever have the want or ability to home school. I really give credit to those who can. Such an amazing ability to keep their kids out of crappy public schools, but my schedule, life, and body will never allow me to home school.
  7. Sometimes breakfast is candy! Yup, I simply give in and say yes to candy for breakfast sometimes! No I do not argue the benefits of a healthy breakfast every single time. I just say "here, have it"
  8. Bed time is Bed time! I mean it. Unless you're sick, dying, the house is on fire, you have to pee, or there is a burglar in your room I will not come back in and tuck you in 20 times and you will not get up and down. You don't have to go to sleep, but my kids aren't going to be bothering me after their bed time. That's my me time and my couples time with my husband! Sorry, but I have to have uninterrupted time without children each day to stay sane!
  9. I don't force my children to shower every day. Would I like it if my two stinky boys washed daily? Of course, but I have explained to them the possible consequences of not washing, if they want to deal with it then that's on them! My toddler gets a bath when she asks unless of course I can no longer tell what color her skin is because she's covered it in mud.
  10. My kids play a ton of video games and love TV. Everyone in my house enjoys gaming and TV, and (gasp) sometimes a lot! TV's stay on most of the time in our home and there are 4 tablets usually going at the same time with a possibility that the XBOX might be on too! We are gamers and netflix bingers!

My Trio!
My Trio! | Source

Why Am I OK With Being A Bad Mom?

Until recently I wanted to keep pushing towards being a better parent, to be the parent everyone pretends they are. Then I woke up this morning and said screw it! My kids are smart, healthy, and provided for! I have an 11 year old who is smart beyond my understanding. He's a critical thinker of all things. He questions everything, and that is amazing! I have a 9 year old who can throw a football further than many grown men. No matter the sport he can conquer it like a natural. He puts me to shame every time he competes against me and I think that is pretty freaking cool! My baby is 4. She is so bright and creative that sometime I forget she is only 4. She's been drawing little people since she was 1. She draws better than I do. On top of that she has conversations like an adult would. She is the little more amazing version of me!!

So why should I feel bad about being a crappy mom? My kids are cool!! So be NORMAL people! You can read a million studies about what is best for your children, but when it comes down to it if they are happy and healthy, maybe, just maybe, you aren't that bad of a parent!

My Funny Oldest!
My Funny Oldest! | Source

To All of You Perfect Parents

No matter how perfect you think your parenting is, reality is we all screw our kids up a little! We just do. You are no different than any of us "bad parents", your kids might just be screwed up in a different way!

So I will take being a crappy mom, because trying or pretending to be a great mom is exhausting! If my kids will end up messed up either way, I might as well keep myself in the process and not fake it till I make it! After all, we are talking about little people with brains of their owns. As long as they are provided for and not abused they will make it!

I love my kids, they love me! That is all that really matters!

What type of parent are you?

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billybuc profile image

billybuc 20 months ago from Olympia, WA

LOL....yep, you're one shitty parent!

Raising a toast to all the shitty parents out there. I can raise a toast without drinking it, right? :)

ChristinS profile image

ChristinS 20 months ago from Midwest

Love the honesty! Very refreshing in the days of fake "super mom" wannabe's.

I admit I push to be a better parent than what I had every day; but I don't pretend to be a "perfect mom" because there is no such creature.

This gal ain't ever gonna be a doting, compete with the Jones' type soccer mom. In fact those that brag about what wonderful "mommies" they are and how precious their little cherubs are get on my nerves - we're all human.

I do the best I can, but you and I have some shared philosophies. Like you bed time is bed time, meaning that's it, lights out.

I also let my kids eat fast food once in a while. We may go out for the day and stop at Subway or Taco Bell and I don't feel guilty about it. I spend all the other days preparing the bulk of our meals from scratc. Both kids are healthy and happy and sometimes I even "gasp" let them drink a soda!

I love my boys dearly, but they are both comic book nerds and I hate super heroes. I don't even pretend to like that stuff. They do, good on them - they can play their games together and pretend to be every Marvel creation under the sun. I don't force them to do my hobbies, why should I do theirs? We are all individuals with our own tastes.

I'm a passionate person, if I stub my toe or something really gets under my skin - my language can be very colorful. My kids know the difference and know that sometimes grownups say s*&t they shouldn't say. I grew up with parents who swore up and down - bad habit? Maybe, but I survived and grew into a fairly well adjust human - so will my kids. :) I do try to curb my enthusiasm in this regard, but sometimes you just have to say what's really on your mind lol.

I don't think anything you mentioned makes for a crappy mother. I think it makes you honest and quite "normal". Many mom's could stand a lesson in humility like this and to know that hey, you're doing fine regardless.

Your kids sound awesome. I think my boys are pretty cool too. They amaze me all the time and both are quite different from me and I'm fine with how they are turning out.

peeples profile image

peeples 20 months ago from South Carolina Author

Bill HAHA! So many of us are classified as bad parents, I figure I will just go with it! Oh and you bring attention to # 11 Which I left out. I also drink alcohol, occasionally when my kids are still awake!

Christin you are so right in so many ways! I think somehow becoming a mom makes people think they need to become something they aren't. I, like every other mom, question myself often. In a lot of ways I do think I am a crappy mom, because the super mom mentality is all I have ever heard. Life though, is a lot different than the books on parenting that I have read. Thanks for adding to the article in such a substantial way! Like you I want to be a better parent than I had, but I think I could do that without even trying! :) They are still alive, so I guess I am not completely failing!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 20 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

peeples......LMAO! As a far less than perfect Mom myself (ages ago) hats off to you!! This may be your best & funniest work yet. I love it.

You are so right! No matter what we can do or not do.....whatever will be, will be. Your children are bright, sweet, healthy & happy...You know damned well you must be doing something right. Mom is a person too and deserves some "me-time." BRAVO to you!! Mutual love conquers all anyway!

Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 20 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

A wonderful and delightful read. Somehow in reading this I felt a year of guilt come off my shoulders. This reminds me that sometimes it is not the journey but the result that matters. I strive for my little one to be happy, joyous and free, so far my flawed attempts seem to be working.

Sparklea profile image

Sparklea 20 months ago from Upstate New York

Oh, I am SO glad another person on this planet hates playing with kids! I thought I was the ONLY one! Now that I have grandchildren, I could not stand to have to 'entertain' them, so I always take them out for lunch and a movie on special occasions, - birthdays, or other celebrations. The one on one contact has resulted in a great relationship. Steven just turned 18, Samantha is 22 and I STILL take them out one on one for lunch, mall, movie, whatever.

I think your excellent hub described millions of parents all over the country! Voted up and awesome! Sparklea

bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 20 months ago from Central Florida

Peeples, you sound a lot like me. I am who I am and that's who my son sees and has always seen. I hear you on the bath issue. When my son was in the latter grades of elementary school, he'd stand in the shower and let it run, but never use soap or shampoo. He was too old for me to bathe him, so I'd send him back into the shower only to get the same result. Now, at age 22, he's a fanatic about personal hygiene. Everything in due time, right?

My son made it through just fine. He absorbed and retained the important things I taught him. He's a great guy and I'm proud of him, if I do f%^#ing say so myself!

clivewilliams profile image

clivewilliams 20 months ago from Nibiru

I love this hub...peeples you ae not a bad parent. You are a REAL parent with kids who will grow up in a real world. Great post!

MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 20 months ago

Peeples, gasp! No roto blades on your head? You really are a bad mom. Join the club, so was I. You make me feel better about not shuttling kids from baseball to piano lessons to boy scouts to you-name-it to keep them occupied. I raised my boys in the days when TV was so bad that even they didn't want the TV on except for afternoon cartoons; there was no internet, no computers, no cell phones, but somehow they managed.

We went to the library every Friday and checked out three books each (even me). Imagine our surprise when out 8-year-old checked out a book on sex and then gave his father a lecture about where babies come from.

Anyway, I don't like playing with kids either, nor could I have home-schooled my children. I have one boy with college two degrees and the other has flunked out of four colleges, so we're batting 50-50. He isn't stupid, he has attention deficit disorder and no medication of that day helped.

So, I love your admission. Just keep doing what you are doing. This is your best, most well-written hub yet. Voted up++

peeples profile image

peeples 20 months ago from South Carolina Author

Thanks all! I really appreciate all the comments, and very happy that many of us share "bad" parenting skills! :) Now if we could just start a movement to get rid of all the fake parenting, fake "my child is perfect", and fake "Oh my child never watches TV" parents, the rest of us parents could go back to feeling normal!

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to encourage bad parenting, but it would be nice if we could rewrite what good parenting is and encompass being a normal person into the equation!

Glad you all seem to have enjoyed the article I spent all of 1 hour on! ;)

gaddie profile image

gaddie 20 months ago from Great Missenden

Crap parenting, honest person.

Nah, I can't help it when I say 'your not too bad.' Think most parents are screw ups at one point or another.

peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 20 months ago from Home Sweet Home

you sounds a lot like me my friend! I thought I was a pig head mom !

MFPrincess profile image

MFPrincess 17 months ago from South Wales, UK

I have to say this article is so refreshing! I have two step children and plan on one day having a couple with my husband. But I believe and act the same way as you do with them and I always thought that I was acting like the evil step mother. I like to think of it as not covering them in cotton and letting them learn from experience than just words. I don't think you're a bad parent (maybe by todays mislead standards perhaps, but don't we all at some point) but I do think you are raising three beautiful young people into those who will grow up to appreciate what it is like growing up having choices! Who doesnt love playing on the xbox or binge watch netflix? or letting them choose breakfast if they feel sick after it they will soon learn! well thats my philosophy anyway! Thank you for not making me feel alone in the way of bringing up children! :)

TheBizWhiz 16 months ago

Writing your feelings was a great way to express the frustrations that all parents want to say, but can't bring themselves to do it. I think we have all felt how much of a rotten job we are doing, but other days it can be better. On those days, you can look back on this Hub and realize just how normal you really are.

Great job!

Jamie Banks 99 profile image

Jamie Banks 99 15 months ago from Japan

I love what you do with this article. We need this kind of frank talk in our schools, in our offices, in our governments. Paradoxically, I would say being open about being a "bad" parent is something only good parents do. :)

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 15 months ago

As an older Dad to a grown woman , I can say that the sins of a parent come back to haunt us , yet our beautiful babies are forgiving too Peeps !We ALL have our shortcomings my young friend , every one of us , Admitting it is the first positive part of change though . They will forgive you Mom!

peeples profile image

peeples 15 months ago from South Carolina Author

Thanks everyone! I didn't realize how many comments I had not replied to, one was even marked as spam for some reason. My apologies! :) Thank you all. We all screw our kids up a little. I just hope I screw mine up in a way that they will be able to deal with in the long run. I'm 100x better than what I was given, so they can't turn out too bad from my doings! I appreciate the kind words.

Oh yeah and ahorseback, remember no matter what happens in the forums, you're still one of my favorites! :)

Craftypicks profile image

Craftypicks 14 months ago from Las Vegas

OMG your NOT a bad Mom, your a normal Mom. The only good parents are on TV. Embrace the comedy. I thought Rosanne was the ideal parent. She was more real than any Cosby want to be. Every parent yells, every kid eats fast food, nobody wants to play ducky and the dragon and everyone lets their kids skip the occasional bath when they are tired. I have so many sarcastic sayings to my kids I can write a book. "Mom it's late are we eating dinner tonight", Me : "I guess I have to feed you because it's against the law to starve you". "Mom I can't find my socks" Me: "Check the backyard, I think I saw the dog eating it last week". My kids learned to do laundry at the age of 7. Yet, they grew up, still love me and all are going to graduate College. I hated the PTA, I declaired school as their responsibility once they learned to read and I have threatened to stick them in a meat grinder at least once a day from the age of toddler though 26. When they complain about chores I tell them that was why I went though labor. If they don't like what I cooked I tell them I will make them eat canned veggies like I had to do as a kid.

I promise they will grow up and love you anyways. They all do. LOVE THIS HUB

BTW, We are from NY and potty words are everyday words in that State. We never once told the kids they were bad words. They heard them all. We told them they were adult words and when they got older they could say them too. Since they were old people words they wanted nothing to do with them. Worked for us.

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 14 months ago

Thanks kiddo , we old guys have our frailties too !

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