It Doesn't Take A Village To Raise A Child; It Takes A Mother

Mama is often the first word that comes out of most children's mouth.

Ever since birth the bond between a mother and a child is a special one.
Ever since birth the bond between a mother and a child is a special one.
When a mother is not part of her children's lives, the children often make dangerous choices, like taking drugs
When a mother is not part of her children's lives, the children often make dangerous choices, like taking drugs
Happy children are no accident. They usually have a loving and attentive mother.
Happy children are no accident. They usually have a loving and attentive mother.
Restless boys do not need drugs or super nanny, they just need a mother and father who are there for them.
Restless boys do not need drugs or super nanny, they just need a mother and father who are there for them.

Is Mom Home? The sad case of the missing stay at home mother.

In a time when Ritalin, Adderall, day care centers, Supper Nanny, as well as a farrago of primary care takers have become a necessity, there is only one truly qualified individual, capable of rearing children that are productive and have a healthy outlook on life. Only one person is truly qualified, and that person is “mom”. In a world where it takes a village to raise our children, we find that most children, these days are: confused, on drugs, engaging in sexual behavior, drinking, and even committing suicide more than ever. If these modern approaches to child rearing are so effective, than why are so many children so messed up?

I remember once watching an episode of The Outer Limits titled “Straight and Narrow”, where the control voice said something I never forgot. It said the following statement: “In our relentless pursuit of careers and worldly possessions, is it we who pay the highest price or is it...our children? Many women with children will argue that they are entitled to self fulfillment. This concept of self fulfillment by a career for women is a myth invented by feminists. I for one am a believer in happiness. However, when that happiness comes at a cost to our children’s well being, and the rest of society, something’s wrong.

Children these days are nothing like the ones you see on shows like Little House on The Prairie or The Waltons. In fact, nowadays, children have become depressed, restless, rude, selfish, unkind, disillusioned, subject to having abandonment issues, hooked on drugs, destructive and unhappy. What happened? If we examine both programs we learn that people like John Boy Walton, and Laura Ingles, did not happen by accident. They had a stay at home mother. Their mothers took an active role in rearing and molding these individuals.

I know that there are still some mothers out there, who are making a difference. Mothers, who have made the sacrifice of home schooling their children, taking them to the park on a week day, fixing them good nutritious meals daily. Unfortunately, these women are rare, and this is quite alarming. I find an increasing number of women who can’t wait to have kids, only to send them to nursery even before the child is a year old, so they can get back to business. Even after the McMartin trials, women still have their children on waiting lists for daycares everywhere, and daycares won’t take care of children when they are sick with a cold, yet mothers send their children there anyway, because they are out of sick days, or they're saving their sick days for a longer vacation. That is why children that are sent to nurseries get sick so often.

I remember, sometime ago, talking to a co-worker about this problem, and I told him it would be good if they made a law, where mothers had to stay home with their children till they’re five. I then had to tell him; “ I guess a law like this wouldn't be accepted by most women, for we are living in a time where we can’t even tell women not to kill their unborn children, then how can we insist that they take care of them, as well.” He looked at me, and chuckled, because we both knew the sad, ugly truth. That truth being, that children are taken as a convenience not a vocation. I constantly see women today looking for someone to take over their responsibilities as mothers. You constantly hear the following: “Will you give Susie a ride? I have a meeting.” “Timmy is sick. Can you watch him? The nursery won’t take him today.” Then there’s the one often given to co-workers, who do not have children “Will you please stay an extra hour? I have to go to pick up Lisa and I can’t finish the project without your help.” I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

A lot of women will argue, “But we need the money.” In some rare cases that’s true. But in a majority of cases it’s just to satisfy a lust for material possessions. Let me give you an example from my own life. When my parents came from Cuba, back in the early sixties, they came with only the clothes on their back. My parents lived in a small apartment. My father was the sole bread winner. We had to make sacrifices, like having to walk everywhere and taking the bus. My father had to take the bus to work. We had to do without many modern conveniences like a clothes dryer. My mother faithfully hung the clothes on the clothes line downstairs several times a week. We only had a small black and white TV. My brother and I had to share a bedroom when we were small. Yet, we managed. We still had the basics, like food, shelter and clothing, and we were grateful for that. My mother was always there when I came home from school, and she took care of her home. When some years had passed, the Lord blessed my family, and my father started to make a larger income. In time we had our first house, my brother and I had our own bedrooms, my mother got a car of her own, and we had all the modern conveniences. Yes, good things come to those who wait, and know how to obey God’s ways.

Let’s face it, if God wanted everyone to do the same job, he would have created only one sex and procreation and child rearing would not require the work of a mother. This doctrine of parenting is not something made by society, motherhood is a God ordained role. It says in Titus 2:2-5 “The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Some women might argue that in Proverbs 31, the woman had her own business. Yes, but this was a home business, that came second to her true calling, and that is to take care of her husband, children and home. It says in Proverbs 31: 10-28

Who can find a virtuous wife?

For her worth is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;

So he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

13 She seeks wool and flax,

And willingly works with her hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,

She brings her food from afar.

15 She also rises while it is yet night,

And provides food for her household,

And a portion for her maidservants.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

From her profits she plants a vineyard.

17 She girds herself with strength,

And strengthens her arms.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,

And her lamp does not go out by night.

19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,

And her hand holds the spindle.

20 She extends her hand to the poor,

Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,

For all her household is clothed with scarlet.

22 She makes tapestry for herself;

Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates,

When he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

And supplies sashes for the merchants.

25 Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She watches over the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;

Her husband also, and he praises her:

The Proverbs 31 woman makes her home the priority, and she does this so well, that even her husband and children call her blessed. Unfortunately, many children are calling their mother many things these days, and blessed, is not one of them. Mothers have to wake up to the fact that parenting is sacrificial. Yes, being in a lonely house with a screaming baby can be hard. Yes, you want the extra money to buy that new outfit, car, household appliance, or whatever. Should your children be the ones to sacrifice?

There may be the argument, that children are ok as long as someone loves them, it doesn’t matter who. Yes, children thrive on love, and in some cases where children have been orphaned, fathers, grandparents, uncles, aunts, or other family members have had to take over, but that doesn’t mean that the child wouldn’t have wanted a mother.

To a child, mother will always be special. There is a bond between a mother and child that is irreplaceable. It cannot be substituted by a nursery. Weekends with your children are not enough. This ridiculous concept of “quality time” was invented to silence the consciences of many people, who deep down know they are not spending enough time with their children.

Instead of dealing with our children’s issues ourselves we seek empty solutions such as medicating them, when they are restless at school. These children are screaming for your attention. We have to hire experts for behavioral problems; again they are calling for your attention. Yes, children need attention. So for the sake of the next generation, please don’t ignore them anymore.

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Comments 4 comments

Cedar Cove Farm profile image

Cedar Cove Farm 6 years ago from Southern Missouri

Oh we need more articles like this! Great job!


Internetwriter62 profile image

Internetwriter62 6 years ago from Marco Island, Florida Author

Thank you Cedar Cove Farms, I appreciate your support.


wannabwestern profile image

wannabwestern 6 years ago from The Land of Tractors

I am interested in your viewpoint as a stay-at-home mother, and I agree that this is an important and sacred calling. I think there are many reasons why families are not like the Waltons or Little House on the Prairie, though, and this has much more to do with the fact that those particular families were fictionalized and idealized, even in their own time.

When I think of the concept "it takes a village," I believe this refers to the need for families (with mothers, and often, SAHMs) to be part of a broader community network of family, friends, and so on. When a family is connected to a community, including friends, neighbors, and a church family, their lives are enriched greatly, and parents have pressure valves that they may desperately need to remain the great quality parents that you bemoan the lack of in your article.

I don't want to leave a long comment so I'll stop there, but I agree that mothers often don't value themselves enough, nor their roles in their children's lives. Thanks for your impassioned viewpoint.


Internetwriter62 profile image

Internetwriter62 6 years ago from Marco Island, Florida Author

Thank you wannabwestern, I do agree with the Waltons and Little House on the Prairie seeming like an extreme example, but I don't believe they were fictionalized, I think these are based on the diaries of the Laura Ingles and John Boy Walton, I never really researched them, but I believe they are real people with a real story, (I will look into to it though).

As to the phrase "it takes a village" I'm referring to the raising of child by just primary caregivers in place of a mother, not the community. I think community involvement in a child life is very important and crucial to a child's development.

I'm glad you liked my point of view and I appreciate your insight and words of encouragement.

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