Keys to Bringing Up Baby, Right?

There is a lot of information floating around about the best ways to bring up children and i am always on the look out for better ways to improve my relationship with my own. The thing is there are some basic truth's about any relationship with another human being and those are usually the best to implement in your relationship with your beautiful baby.

Every child is different, so the parent really has the last say on what is necessary to developing the child. Yes, the parent that spends time with the child has the right to speak to the child. Why because the child is more receptive to the care giver that shows and gives them time plus energy.

We are all looking for relationships where we feel accepted for who we are, what we think and are open to listen even if we do not agree. Children need this much more. They are always cognizant of whether their environment is secure, if others are okay and if it is not, they hold themselves responsible for any discord.

Children are a joy! Parents have to be responsible to a point! In my opinion parents are to blame for much of their children's problems. I don't mean this to condemn. I just mean we have allowed others to dictate how we are to bring up baby when we know better.

Relationships take a lot of work but they have to begin with trust and mutual respect. Love is the glue that binds it all together. Yet, there are other things that are vitally important like discipline, giving responsibilities as children mature, listening to your children and allowing them to speak, to a point.

There is a great philosophy going about that you only have your children until about 12 years old and this sounds good but you must be aware, that yes you are your child's hero until about this age and they are listening to you constantly and looking for your approval but then it peters out because they start listening to everyone else but that is not entirely right.

Even when they are challenging they are listening and looking to see what you as their parent as the one that loves them will do and say. Never give up your right to parent! Never give up your right to discipline! Never give up your right to speak into your child's life!

That is your child and you know them better than any one else despite the fact that it may not feel that way sometimes. Besides you will be either blamed or praised until you die for being a part or not a part of your child's life.

Another thing is it really does take a village to bring up children. A community's responsibility is so that the children are secured, grandparents, aunts, uncles cousins and family friends always adds to a child's experience about life and being a part of a good society.

New born
New born | Source

Keys

Advice is always good. A belief system about what is right and wrong is better. Being vulnerable, open and honest helps with communication and strengthening relationships. Just because certain rules worked with one child does not mean it will work with all children.

I know in my house how i disciplined my daughter was different from how i disciplined my son. Now that they are teenagers, it is still the same. Why? because they are two different people with different personalities and what is important to one is not important to the other.

We can choose our friends but most of us can't choose our families. This doesn't have to be a bad thing, if we remember to treat people as we want to be treated. Everyone is our neighbor that includes our family.

Keys to success:

  1. Love - let them be themselves, express your love, through words, deeds, and touch.
  2. Be an example - follow the leader, children are followers, be a leader. Truth is you are your child's greatest influence use it well.
  3. Teach by doing - do more than you say, actions always speak louder than words.
  4. Listen - let them talk and pay attention, you'll learn how they think and feel. You will also know what they believe and how they conduct themselves with others.
  5. Security - make them feel safe. This is important, it is vital for kids to know that their world in sound and they can depend on it to be there when they are having difficulties.
  6. Reward good behavior! If your child is doing well reward them. Even if they are not sometimes we need to reward them. Why? Because it is up to us to reinforce to them that as long as they have done their best that is good. If not is a different thing altogether!
  7. Relate consequences - let them know what is acceptable and unacceptable. Always discuss the terms with your children, example if they break curfew or fight or don't clean up their rooms or do their chores. Let them know where they stand.
  8. Discipline - whatever works, spanking, time out, toys taken, rewards refused. I believe you must use what works with your child's personality. Some kids can be spoken to and feel badly, some personalities need to be spanked to reinforce the strength if a point (this does not mean abuse). Some kids hate time out, being away from others. It all depends on the child and what is of importance to them and what makes an impact.
  9. Be consistent - routines are important. When children are small routines are most vital, a lot is conveyed to a child through a set of routines. Discipline, expectations, rules, behavior, and responsibility among other things, these carry over as they mature.
  10. Stick to your decisions - your word means a lot to children.Your word for your child is law. It gives them a sense of security depending on age and what they are facing in their lives. It must be something they can rely on and trust at all times and this begins when they are babies.

I remember when my kids were small about 3 and 1, my mom and i took them shopping at Walmart. During the whole hour and a half they were good. Until we got to the check out ( i know moms can relate) and i had to leave them with their grandmother while i ran back to get something i had forgotten.

Apparently, in the few minutes i was gone they acted up and my one year old began crying and my mother, their grandmother could not get them to be quiet, all because they could not see me. Understandable but not acceptable.

Anyhow, i returned to this commotion, stepping back in line, upset that my children were behaving so and with their grandmother. I noticed that my mom was a little embarrassed. Understandable but not acceptable.

I had noticed a lady standing in the line behind us looking on with disapproval but had ignored her to quiet down my children. Once this was done my mother whispered, that the woman had begun grumbling about bringing small children out and the typical rot about crying babies.

Well let's just say, i did not thank her for her stupidity and loudly said within ear shot, that i had every right to take my children wherever i wanted to freely, so that i could teach them how to behave in public. The choice for me was in teaching my children right and wrong behavior, how can i do that if i don't expose them to the places where they would learn.

Needless to say i further embarrassed my mother. But i looked at the woman pointedly and noticed with some satisfaction that her face was red, then a few moments later she stepped out of the line.

This one example taught me a lot. Children need to be exposed to things as they mature, so they know how to implement all that they have been taught and then allowed to make their own decisions and experience the consequences.

That is how human beings as well as animals learn. Their parents or caregivers give them the tools to use when they need them and hopefully they use the correct tool. But the freedom must be given for them to have the chance to use the tool.

If you trust what you teach your children to be right, then you have to trust your children to make decisions based on your right teaching. They have the freedom to choose. The problem of fear and worry comes from doubting what you have taught your children in word and in deed.

So be careful what you are teaching them, verbally or non verbally!

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Comments 2 comments

a17jpa 5 years ago

here's the short version, children are 'hard wired' to receive nurture, (love,safety, warmth, food, protection), if they don't get that, they become insecure, and this affects their ability to feel safe through their attachments. John Bowlby has some interesting theories on this. If kids don't get this nurture, well, just look around you, and the problems this society has, compare it to other societies that put parenting at the heart of everything they do.


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Celiegirl 5 years ago Author

a17jpa U R so right, we are hard wired for nurturing, but we all need to know what love is first. Thanks!

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