Lessons I learned raising boys
Several years ago, a friend forwarded me an email listing humorous lessons learned from raising a houseful of boys. In the middle of raising 3 sons myself, I found them spot on, and even had to try a few items on the list I hadn’t heard of yet.
When I found so many of my own experiences missing, I decided to write an all-new list, of the lessons my young sons have taught me so far (I hope they’re nearly done). Feel free to add your own experiences to the comment section below. Enjoy!
1. If you stick a penny in a lamp socket, the penny will become arc-welded into the socket before the circuit breaker trips.
2. If you drop a box of strike-anywhere matchsticks indoors, you will never find them all.
3. Your sons will.
4. Strike-anywhere matches really DO (strike anywhere).
5. The wait in the average Emergency Room is as long as 4 hours--even in the middle of the night.
6. Permanent marker comes off the wall with Goof Off-brand cleaner.
7. "Child-proof" really only means "girl-proof".
8. Goof-Off (which has a child-proof cap) is toxic and will result in a ride to the Emergency Room if you think your son swallowed any.
9. Even the nurses can give stitches in the Emergency Room.
10. You have to remove the toilet from the floor to get at the glow-sticks your son flushed--and it will be really messy.
11. Wear two pairs of gloves when cleaning something really messy.
12. A penny will pass through the digestive tract of a 2 year old...after a month of checking...
13. Wear two pairs of gloves when checking for pennies in something really messy.
14. Boys can levitate themselves to reach things otherwise impossible--but only when you're not watching.
15. If you clog the upstairs toilet, you can flush yourself a flood that reaches to the first floor, right through the walls.
16. A four-year old can eat a half-pound of sugar.
17. I don't know if a Wii controller can really stick right into a plasma screen TV, and I'm not going to find out.
18. A sheet of 1/4" Plexiglas big enough to cover a large plasma TV costs about $80 from the distributor, and is worth every cent.
19. If you leave a boy, a penny, an outlet, and something with a plug alone in a room long enough, sparks will fly--literally.
20. You can ban your sons from using magnifying glasses and matches, but when they figure out their eyeglasses can be used to start fires, it’s time to pray.
21. Boys can walk right on fire...for a while.
22. The generic rubber boots at the discount store take at least a minute to melt through.
23. The Engineer who designed the doorknob cover that's “impossible for anyone under 12 to turn” should be replaced by a 3yr-old boy (more specifically, 1 of mine :D ).
24. "I don't know daddy," is a darn good reason for doing just about anything.
25. "Because I wanted to," might be more truthful, but it's no less infuriating.
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Some of the goofier reasons we’ve had “Emergency Room”-level emergencies:
- Riding a Tonka Truck (the toy kind, not intended for riding) down the hill (stitches to the back of head)
- Jumping off the bed, onto an over-turned stool (steel staples in scalp, back of the head)
- Riding a bike, holding out a 4-foot-long sharp stick pointed forward, inches off the ground (gash in forearm)
- Horse-play on bar stools: X-ray, fractured arm
- Climbing an A-frame ladder, standing on the top rung, and trying to stab a balloon with a pocketknife (extra scary gash in thigh)
- Nose dive/ face-plant onto the soft, curvy corner of a “rubbery” Rubbermaid storage container (stiches over eye)
- Climbing over 7-ft chain-linked fence into the dog’s 10’x10’ paving-stone-floored kennel (CT-scan)
- Chewed the lid off toxic household cleaner, took a swig (scary wait-it-out consult)
- Lasso’ing brother riding his bike, yanked him over sideways (skull fracture on curb, admitted through ER, 2-day hospital stay...on Mother's Day)
Like this writer? Like adventure? Try:
Plexiglas is a registered trademark of Rohm & Haas Co.
Goof Off is a registered trademark of Valspar Corp.
Tonka is a registered trademark of Hasbro, Inc.
Rubbermaid is a registered trademark of Rubbermaid, Inc.
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