Pedophiles - Secret Lives and Lies-part one

The Innocent Child

Hidden In Plain Sight

Pedophiles and child molesters are hiding among us in plain sight. You might think this is an exaggeration, you may even think you would be able to know one if you met one. The telling of my experience might change your mind about that.

My ex husband was, and probably still is a very likable man with a great personality and sense of humor. He had lots of friends when we were together and some still chose to be his friend to this day. He once was a member of the Lions Club here in Australia and had a steady job. I was his second marriage and when we met, his two girls were young teenagers. He told me he did not see them any more because they lived too far away, his ex wife had re married and had issues with him complicating her and their children's life. He said he missed them terribly but felt he would make contact with them when they were older. I did think this was a little odd but didn't press him about it as he seemed distressed by any conversations regarding his children. We married and have one daughter together and she became daddy's little girl. I felt happy that at least he was able to see one of his children grow up. I believed we would be together forever. He was the love of my life.

My daughter was a very unsettled baby and didn't sleep well in general, even as she became older it was not unusual to to get up in the middle of the night and trip over her sleeping beside me on the floor. She told me she was scared and having bad dreams and after finding her there on many occasions, I left her there and thought she would eventually grow out of it. Apart from that she seemed to be a happy, well adjusted kid.

She was generally spoiled by her dad and would get surprise gifts given to her but he was more critical of her general behavior and did not offer compliments easily.

When she was twelve years of age she and I were alone and watching television, she turned to me and said, out of the blue, "Mummy I have something to tell you...but you won't believe me"

I don't remember much else because what she said next sent chills through me.

No Doubt

My daughter cried silent tears as she recounted her tale of being visited at nighttime by her father who would touch her indecently and in turn demand to be touched. I asked her how long it had been happening and she said "for as long as she could remember". On later questioning her I discovered his visits had started from when she was about three after she told of a particular camping trip where they had gone looking for firewood. This was one of the first occasions.

Who was this man I had married? Was I that bad a judge of character? And I suppose you would like to know why I did not for one minute disbelieve my daughter?

Well, the answer might amaze or even shock you.

I had received a phone call from his ex-wife not long after we started going out. She told me he had been to jail for molesting their two girls, but when I confronted him with this news he said, quite calmly, that he expected this sort of thing from his ex as she secretly wanted him back and that it was an absolute lie.

I believed him, I trusted him, I loved him. It was, in hindsight, much easier to believe him than his ex who was known to be a little vindictive. I certainly could not believe that a man like him could be capable of doing these evil things to young children.

And so as my daughter was telling me what he had done to her, I remembered the phone call and knew in my heart that his ex wife's warning was indeed true.

Beast of Burden

My daughter felt so much relief from telling me that she stopped talking about it altogether and would not allow me to tell anyone. This may have been because she felt ashamed, and although she denied feeling ashamed or embarrassed the silence continued. I saw the wall go up and I feared that one day it would be knocked down and she would be forced to confront the issue.

Before she went silent, which was to last about eight years, I asked her why she had decided to risk so much in telling me. She told me he had threatened that if she told anyone their secret she would not be believed and would be taken from both of us and never see us again, whereas if she kept their secret and allowed him to play his games she would be given gifts. She told me that often she could not sleep because she worried he would come to her bed anytime and had taken to sleeping beside me until he made her go back to her bed. Thankfully most of the time I insisted on letting her stay.

So she had a lot to lose in risking telling me but she had reached a point within her relationship with her father where he expected her to go to the next level. He had shown her pornographic video and dirty magazines in order to explain what was now expected of her. She became very scared. Scared enough to risk everything.

I thank God she found the courage to tell me and I thank God I had the courage to listen and the sense to believe.

But she swore she would never tell another living soul. And said she felt safe now that I knew and quite bravely said that she just wanted to forget it had happened and get on with her life. I on the other hand felt the burden of knowing what he had done and helpless to do anything about it let alone stop it from happening to anyone else.

Fight or Flight

I knew we had to leave but knew it would not be easy. I knew from past disagreements with him in which he always won his way, that if I confronted him with what I knew, he would talk us into staying. He had such a way about him that is difficult for me to explain. He had charisma and charm and I was weak. I now understand how he probably targeted me, a shy young girl of sixteen living with my single mum. He managed to charm not only me but my mother as well, she told me many times how much she liked him and that I should marry him. I was very nervy and lacked self confidence and he was my first boyfriend where other girls my age had been dating for a while. I was not world wise and did not know what pedophilia was. This was the man I thought I would live forever with.

A part of me however still loved him despite what he had done and I knew that I could be disgusted with him and hate him but the minute he walked in the door I would weaken, listen to his lies and want to believe that he would stop. So we fled interstate to be with my family, after having left a letter for him explaining what I knew and telling him under no circumstances was he to contact us.

PART TWO IS NOW PUBLISHED

More by this Author


Comments 24 comments

JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 5 years ago from Deep South, USA

Reading your story made my blood run cold. Pedophiles are like sociopaths--they can be charming and make people like them in order to get what they want. It's horrifying that he talked you out of believing his first wife when she warned you.

Both your young daughter and you were brave in leaving your husband without giving him the opportunity to try and change your mind again. He would surely have said your daughter was lying, "imagining" or "dreaming" her story. Getting away from him was the only way to keep her safe.

One thing you do not mention is whether or not you and/or your daughter pressed criminal charges against him. If you didn't, I urge you to do so--even this much later (I don't know what the statute of limitations is on child molestation in Australia). If he wasn't (or isn't) stopped, he will be free to do this to other children.

Jaye


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks for the comments Jaye. I agree, he is like a sociopath and is still using his methods to access children. I will be writing part 2 of this hub soon and will explain further what happened then and what is happening now.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia

this gave me chills as I read it, both you and your daughter are very brave, for having not just the courage to leave but to share your story so that others may gain an a deeper understanding on how this can happen...


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you nighthag.There is more to the story, and I actually thought I could cover it in 2 hubs but there is a lot more to tell and new developments happening even this year. My main purpose in writing about it was to educate others, but I have also found it beneficial to me. Like you I have a novel on the go and hope to one day soon have it published. Thanks for reading and commenting on my hub :)


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest

What a story. And we all think we would know, but it's not true. So glad you got this story out because this is important info and will relate to many. THe best thing you did was believe her. Well I'm off to read the rest of this. I also have to compliment you back because you left such nice comments on my hubs, but you are truly talented and a great writer with some important things to say.


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks izettl I feel I have a lot to learn from your writing style but thanks for the compliment. Life teaches us constantly, a lot about ourselves and others, and despite the awful events in my story, both myself and daughter are stronger for having survived it. I too hope that others gain something from reading it. :)


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest

i definitely know what you mean about surviving something and becoming better afterwards. As a mom you hope nothing bad happens to your kids, but also it shapes a personality for the positive if they survive it and learn from it. This is life. I do like your writing style and will read more.


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks for your comments and the compliment izettl. :)


Brian Gosur profile image

Brian Gosur 5 years ago from Michigan

I just can't imagine what you and your daughter must be going through right now. In our situation, I don't know this man, but as for you and your daughter, he was someone that you loved and had free access in your lives.

I am so tossed between being pariniod and trusting anyone. It puts a lot of pressure on me so that my grand-daughter doesn't feel that way about me. I love her and would give my life for her, and I believe that she knows that.

Thank you Christine for allowing us to see inside what's going on with you and your daughter. You are both definitely on my prayer list.

God bless


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

I am so glad your daughter trusted you and told you, how horrible a man could do this to his own flesh and blood!


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 5 years ago from Australia Author

Unfortunately Jackie there are are lot of them around, they are evil. Some have not ever been to jail for their crimes and others have been in jail for a short amount of time and allowed to commit further crimes against children. Here in Australia the police do a wonderful job but a handful of judges in the courts fail to see how serious these crimes are. The main problem is that some adults do not believe what the children are saying about the perpetrators and in many cases the perpetrators are well known and liked and in a lot of situations the children have been threatened (as was my daughter)if they tell anyone. It is all very sad. Thank you for reading my hubs and leaving comments.


Brian Gosur profile image

Brian Gosur 5 years ago from Michigan

Do you think that the very large pornography industry has anything to do with the rising child abuse in this country, and the very lenient courts that do nothing to put this industry completely out of business?


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 5 years ago from Australia Author

Hi Brian I think the pornography industry especially child pornography has an impact in every country. The availability of pornography on the internet alone is astounding. It is disgusting how, without even looking for it (porn) it pops up everywhere. Unfortunately I don't think the industry will be put out of business, however I do believe that the courts could do a lot more by punishing more severely those who download images of child porn. Here in Australia they basically get a slap on the wrist for this crime and it is not seen as being as bad as those who create the image...well I say they are equally as bad because it is because of their sick desire that these images are created in the first place. I think overall the United states deals with all criminals in a better fashion for instance, I have recently heard of an institution for repeat child sexual offenders to stay in for life. Whereas here we just put them away for a little bit and let them back out to re commit. I think Australia is looking into building a similar facility for these disgusting beings, I sure hope something is done soon. All the best to you Brian, thanks again for your comments and discussions :)


Brian Gosur profile image

Brian Gosur 5 years ago from Michigan

That's a great point Christine. Those that propagate the industry by using it should be held accountable as well as those that produce it.


mother of 3 5 years ago

You left a note? But he didn't go to jail? So you left him free to hurt other children? He would have been a dead man!


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks for stopping by mother of 3 there is more to the story and he is being held accountable (due to face court this month). The major problem was that for a long time my daughter would not talk about it with anyone and my word alone was not enough for the police to lay charges. And don't worry I did have lots of murderous thoughts about him but in the end I think I would have disappointed my daughter as despite everything she still loved him not to mention I would have ended up in jail.


princesswithapen profile image

princesswithapen 4 years ago

Christine

This is a hard hitting story. I've seen a part 2 to this on your profile, which I'm going to read right away. I truly hope that you and your daughter come out stronger from the ordeal.

Princesswithapen


anonymous 4 years ago

We really have to be careful with everyone. I can't believe why a man would do that to his own daughter. You made the right decision of just leaving him.


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 4 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you for your comment princess it was quite difficult to write but I feel it is an important subject that needs to be written and talked about in order to help protect our kids. We have been able to give each other strength through out this and it is by no means over yet. My daughter is a very strong and beautiful young lady and she gives me inspiration. :)


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 4 years ago from Australia Author

I know it is truly unbelievable but it happens so much it sometimes leaves me with doubts about my faith in mankind. Perhaps if someone was to discover why this happens and what can be done to stop it from happening we could protect all of our children so that they have the opportunity at a normal childhood. Thankyou for stopping by and leaving a comment. :)


vespawoolf profile image

vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

Wow, this is powerful stuff and it takes courage to share. Unfortunately, this scenario occurs over and over again around the world. Hopefully this will help others who are also suffering.


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 4 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you so much for your comment vespawoolf :)


Beryl 4 years ago

It's sad that women all around the country don't believe their husbands would do stuff like this.Even some of you right now would think that your husband is perfect and does not have any sin in his sexual nature. MEN DO MOLEST. I know a man who molested his daughter right under his wife's nose


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 4 years ago from Australia Author

You are so right Beryl. Love can make us blind to our partners sins. However a lot of them are just so damn good at concealment that it is not until they are caught in the act that something is done. Convincing others that there is a child molester in their midst is often difficult as well, especially if the perpetrator is well liked. Most of us have a hard time believing someone we like is capable of hurting little children unless we see it for ourselves. Thank You for the comments :)

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