Motherhood: An Achievement or Not?

It is always a struggle for women as mothers to choose between career and family. Generally, I am convinced that all mothers in the world if given the chance would definitely prioritize family over career. However, the extreme demands of the society would not allow others to do so. Social pressures such as power, status, and honor are overwhelmingly lurking behind; pressing issues about family’s financial needs and the need to prepare for a good future for each family member magnify each day; and the need to cope with certain expectations from other people intensifies day after day. These are the leading factors that stop women from pursuing what they really want to happen in their lives; something that eventually would make them happy and meaningful.

I am glad I don’t share the same predicament. I graduated with full honors from a prestigious school, with a degree in Education. To think, I should have more pressures than what others have. But amazingly, from the very start, I had successfully achieved that personal freedom. A certain kind of freedom that distinctly separates what I think from what other people think, and what they think does not affect me at all.

The fact is… I am not unique. Just like any other women, I was completely aware of the insurmountable expectations from my family, of who should I become after graduation. But I did not succumb to fulfilling those expectations, even though there were times it upset me. I had experienced life’s drowning struggle as a child coming from a low-class family, a lesson that should have been sending shivers to my spine, urging me to dream big and spare my children from that kind of life. But I cannot explain how I turned into a woman that I am today. As a matter of fact, I always spend some godly moments each night, reflecting how has life beautifully managed to maneuver me into this state of unmindfulness, oblivious of what others would say. I could not thank enough all the people who had helped me, and wished the best for me, but that’s all I can give them, just gratitude but not total control of my life. Early on, I struggled to forgive myself for not yielding to their wishes, and have truly felt sorry for my family’s disappointment. But in the end, there is nothing to regret. This is what I want to become, and all I did with that resentment is to imagine them forgiving me. To give credit to where it’s due, this probably had been very easy for me since I have a forgiving family, rational enough to understand individual’s struggle in this journey called life.

To top it all, I believe my good and loving mother has something to do with all of this. She taught me to always know what I want in my life, at the same time accept what I couldn’t become. There was peace from the very start knowing that I know what works for me and what not. Thanks for her unconditional love which had liberated me. Because of her, my life had become a portrait I continuously illustrate each day, skillfully polishing every now and then, and to revise when needed. Though it had diminished at a certain point, some had also been added-up to it over the years, as prompted by life’s realities.

True enough, this daily twists and turns seem to be predictable in so many ways. It seems that every episode in my life is a practiced episode, and that the final becomes as easy as the first. Life’s eventualities are clear even with its sheer uncertainties….because of these I came to live life my life beautifully and peacefully for so many years now, too satisfied with things that I know will never ever satisfy the expecting people surrounding me. I have fully recognized that God has revealed to me what my heart truly wants, and that was what has had mattered to me in this journey. It is very clear then that I only wanted to become like my mother....and to be honest, I also want my daughter to remember me this way.

Over the years, I have mastered to smile unaffectedly by the disappointing look of those people who chose to view my life as a failure, raising their questioning eyebrows over things that are out of their control. They become the over-dreamer of dreams which are not part of my dreams. It would even be worst for them to know that I never believe in making dreams come true. Dreams happen as they happen, they aren’t planned. The dreams you make when you are awake aren’t dreams, but ambitions.... and in my life dreams are separated a light-year away from my ambitions. The truth is, I have no ambition for myself, but rather for my child. I can only agree that I still believe in achieving something as the biggest part of life. However, I have a different view about it, and nobody can change that.

The secret ingredient of the word achievement for me is true happiness. Fulfilling something that brings partial success is a wasted achievement. I must insist; you fail when you think you have achieved a thing other than from being a good mother, when you know pretty much that being a good mother is what your heart desires. But I have nothing against those who prioritize their careers, for as long as it is their only goal in life, then no doubt that wealth, status and power are valid definition of achievement for these people, who am I to question that.

Other people see I am a failure…for God’s sake, why? Is it because I don’t have a title? Or I am not in a high office? Well, I cannot force others to see my achievement. To be blunt about it, I don’t want to be somebody else, but a proud mother always there for my child. Being there 24 hours a day for my daughter is my greatest achievement, ‘cause when I mean always there, I mean physically there. Being a good provider of children's wants cannot compensate a mother’s physical presence, yet I am proud to say I also managed to provide what she wants. How did it happen? It is probably because of my strong desire to make it happen. As popularly said, “Man proposes, God disposes”.

God has definitely seen that I need HIM to be with me, as I see my daughter through until the moment she learns to walk this life all alone…and until then I shall perish with pure joy in my heart knowing that I have done the most significant role this life has required of me. I will then thankfully praise my creator for showing me early in life what I should be; where should I head for; and how it is to truly live a woman’s life according to His purpose.

Note:

The hubber is a freelance writer and an ESL Coach...These jobs allowed her to be a well-rounded mother of a 5-year-old kid.