Memories of Being Bullied

I haven’t really told anyone before but I did write a poem about it once. When I was a child in Scotland, I was bullied. For some reason most of my classmates took a dislike to me and they did their best to make my life miserable. I had friends, but occasionally they would side with the bullies. I never felt like I had a true best friend as a child.

One incident jumps out in my mind the most. I don’t know what precipitated it or how it happened; all I remember is being chased through the streets of our small town by a large gang of kids. I have vivid memories of running past two women talking in a doorway. I was sobbing and screaming and they just looked at me and shook their heads. Neither of them thought to help me. I somehow got away from the gang and made my way home. I never told my parents, I never told anyone about it. I was ashamed that it had happened.

More bullying

There were other occasions of bullying. I remember complaining to a teacher and getting in trouble for being a tattletale. One event I am not proud of is that I picked on a kid weaker than myself once and beat him up. I somehow thought it would make the gang like me. It didn’t, they all took his side and thought I was terrible for picking on someone else. I never did that again.

The year we spent in Glasgow was a good one. I got on well at school and I had lots of pals after school. I was actually a part of a group of friends who played together every day. But, that year was an exception in my young life.

I thought things would improve when we moved to Canada, but they didn’t. I didn’t fit in at my new school; they made fun of my clothes, they made fun of my accent, they made fun of the way I walked, calling me “duck.” One boy in particular made every day a living hell. They traumatized me so much that one day when we had to read an essay in front of the classroom I couldn’t do it, I froze, I kept thinking how they laughed at my Scottish accent; which is funny because in Scotland I got in trouble because I couldn’t roll my R’s. My father was Canadian and I did not have an overly strong Scottish accent. Again, I never told my parents.

Thankfully, I was only at that school for grade 8. I made some new friends when we moved to another area and was part of a group who played together in the park across the street from where I lived. The bullying stopped by high school, but I was just basically ignored there. I made 2 friends around that time who are still friends today. I don’t think anyone else from my high school even remembers me.

The hurt does not go away

When I hear stories of children being bullied, I am thrown right back to those days. You really never get over it, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that it is in the past and that it can’t hurt you. But it does hurt you; that hurt never goes away. Even writing this I feel the fear in the pit of my stomach. I am glad that schools and teachers now take bullying seriously and not blaming the victim anymore. It must be taken seriously because being bullied can, and most likely will, influence your entire life.

Are you being bullied?

Are you going through something like I went through right now? Don't handle it the way I did. Tell your parents or another responsible adult. Thankfully, teachers are told not to ignore bullying these days.

And remember, it's not you who is in the wrong it is the bully. You have done nothing to deserve this!

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Comments 62 comments

Emenard profile image

Emenard 3 years ago

Schools don't take it more seriously; at least mine did not. Teachers watched my classmates sexually harass me and put gum in my hair, take my lunch or books away from me, take my papers and copy them, and they watched them call me awful names and treat me like dirt. I have graduated now and I am free from school, but I have a terrible case of social anxiety and I have quite an avoidant personality. No one deserves things and if doing it again would make it all stop for people all around the world, I would. I beg the world to cease this torment and let us live without fear and terror.


TeachableMoments profile image

TeachableMoments 4 years ago from California

I am sorry you had to go through so much pain at such a young age. I don't understand how children can be so cruel. I never bullied anyone, never even crossed my mind. My friends never bullied anyone, as a group it never crossed our minds. Is it how we were raised? I am beginning to think so. As a mother and early educator I always model kindness, compassion, empathy and forgiveness. My daughter, who is only 5 years old, models these same values to her friends and sometimes strangers on the street. I truly believe it is because she understands the importance of being kind to others, that we are all connected. Bullying is not something to be taken lightly. It is a big deal. Adults cannot shake their heads and say, "It's a part of growing up." No, it shouldn't be. Our family buried a young girl because she couldn't take the bullying anymore. It needs to stop. Thank you for sharing your personal story. We all need to be reminded of the scars bullying can leave, even decades later. We all need to be reminded to do something. Voted up!


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

So sorry you had to go through this experience. It is shame that anyone has to endure such horrible things. It is so pronounced in our schools today and it doesn't seem as if the authorities have the means to deal with it effectively. Hope your writing helps others to understand how hurtful this can be and causes a change for the good.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Kudos to you Susan for being brave enough to share your story. Hopefully the "bullies" will see themselves and either stop their actions or at least feel the regret. I also hope it helps the ones who were/are bullied and they gain strength from your words.


jeolmoz2 profile image

jeolmoz2 4 years ago from Florida, USA

It's a very tough thing as a parent you know it goes on, but you can hardly do anything because your hub it's absolutely right your child is labeled "tattle tale" by the other kids...only thing that I personally recommend is strenght in numbers explain to your child there's a lot more of "us" than "them"


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

I was never bullied in school, but I feel bad for those who have. I was impressed by the number of non-Hubbers who found and read this and commented.

Great Hub. I voted it UP, etc.


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 4 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

UW, I admire your courage to tell this story, after all this time. You are so right, that being bullied leaves indelible marks that never, never go away. At the heart of the pain is having been made to feel shamed.

Your beautifully and sensitively written article here speaks for so many, as anyone can see by the number and depth of the comments you've received.

You set the right example for any of us who are afraid to speak out, whether we are young or old.


sonjia 4 years ago

I readed on the comment that someone didn't help the "weake." i guess in a sense i was weak. I had always been picked on in school. ive ignored it, i ran away from it, and ive tried to stand up to it. I had never got into a fight with anyone. I had plenty of times were I was so over come with anger that my body trembled. My mother always told me to always by kind and dont be mean. Do on to other as you'd have done to you. Ive always been a person torn between this white and black line. People say there is this grey in the middle but i dont see it. Anyway i was literally stopped at time by this overwhelming sense of saddness for the other person. I felt sorry for them for picking on me. The only problem as I got into highschool this thought had changed to a hidden anger. Now that im older im haunt by the things i should of done like beat that person until the couldn't walk. I wish i still had that peace when i was younger because even though they made fun of me I felt sorry for them. Now that im older and they feelingi had is no more. I have grow into a "hypersensative" person. Ive always been a hyper dorky four eye chick. Thing is im different now and when people say words of favor to me. The only thing I hear is lies. They have hidden agendas, i dont think positive now! Im always fighting with myself if the actions i did when i was younger was right. Should I of just fought or just keeo that feeling of not wanting to hurt them. Why am i like that so what if i hurt someone? I got hurt? Im still fighting with myself and those negative thoughts. Im still trying to control my action an.d reaction to things


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 4 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

I know it doesn't sound like much but hang in there. You will get through it eventually. Try to find someone in authority to listen to you.


Anonymous 4 years ago

I'm being bullied in all ways :'( At school, a gang of guys who are two years older than me physically abuse me. Whenever they see me they beat me up and i always try staying away but they come back and i fear telling the teachers because they'll bring their other family on me and ruin my parents life. I also once told teacher she said dont be. Ridiculous.. I often argue with my parents they dont like me too.. And my grades at school have dropped immensely after this occcurance i have also attempted suicide numerous times!


myfreespirit99 4 years ago

This is an excellent thread. My experience with bullying was in the workplace where 1 senior guy if he felt you were a threat, he would bad mouth you to customers and management making my life really difficult. I complained to management about the mistreatment and they created a harassment policy but this seemed to want the bully to take revenge against me. He forced me out of 1 company, then spread rumors that I was seeking professional help and starting taking anti-depressants. He hacked my Gmail. I was let go from 2 subsequent companies in the software space because of his rumour spreading and bad mouthing me. He would never directly confront me but was trying to have me eliminated me behind my back. I'm not really the same person any longer in that I am afraid in the workplace of losing my job and saying the wrong thing. Management in companies do not want to deal with it and esp if the person causing the issue still hold value to the organization.

I agree kids need to be taught to stand up for themselves but some people are really messed up and work behind your back to try and make your life as messed up and theirs must be. A lot of counselling and 10 years later since I first made a complaint, I still struggle with it all. I would never again be a whistler blower against bullying as they will target you next and there are some really messed up people out there. I just know I am not the same person I was before. I struggle daily with feelings of regret for not just walking away and saying nothing. Have an appt next week again with my counsellor to try try put it all behind me. Life is too short to stand up to messed up people, just walk away.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain

A very powerful hub that has touched many people judging from the number of comments received from people who have experienced the same or something similar.

It was very sad to read the heart rendering comments from the youngsters that were undergoing some form of bullying at the time of writing their comment.

I am voting this hub up regards maggs


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

This is such a sad thing. Kids can be so mean. It is the roughest time for some kids and then they have to deal with stuff like bullying. I can't help wondering how they learn to be this way? I would be so embarrassed if my children were ever mean or disregarded another person's feelings. I really don't think they would ever do that. Well - I also wonder if the type of kid that bullies - isn't the most torn up and fragile inside? I wish we knew more answers so the whole of it could be stopped before more kids are affected by it. I fear that is why we see things like shootings at schools here in America so often now. Many of those kids were bullied.

Voted up and everything but funny.


Ellie. 4 years ago

I've never wrote down what i feel so now im going to give it a go. i've been bullied for a year now by three girls. i let them take all my confidence away, make me self-harm and give me anxiety issues and depression. i let them make me a prisoner in my own home. They made me feel so worthless that all i have done is question myself for the past year 'why am i still here?'. They put my family through hell and it has torn me and my mum apart. I hate seeing her like this and it's all down to these three vile girls that don't deserve nothing more than what they have done to me. Being bullied is THE worst experience i have ever had to go through. Being a bully is not hard and it doesn't make you look cool. It makes you look sad. The saying 'sticks and stones may brake my bones but names will never hurt me' is not true at all. Words hurt just as bad. I'm not writing this for attention, im trying to rebuild my confidence and to show people, bullying is not the way forward and it needs to stop. It can lead people to serious illnesses and even suicide. Everyone is different. Never judge someone because they are different to you etc.. Think before you speak.

If you are getting bullied, don't go through it alone. Tell someone! They can help.


HeatherWilsonWhite 4 years ago

Continued; they made me so sick. I would literally throw up in the mornings before school because I was so upset. They told me to kill myself it would make their lives easier. Everything and anything they said it to me. I admit I retaliated a lot. One of them tripped me on the bus for the last and final time. I went at her like a loose cannon. We both got suspended from the bus. I was so happy not to ride that bus. But they still made a point to poke fun of my Dads yellow rusted out station wagon. We couldn't afford anything different. But, I wasn't like the rest of the kids. Can't blame it on my religion that i was raised in either because just a few houses away down the other street was another girl who shared same religion but her parents had nice cars and $ n they never bullied her. In fact she sometimes would side with them and share in the poking fun of me and laughing hysterically at their evil name calling and jokes. I dunno why I was chosen to be the one picked on. I've never wanted to be just like them. I didn't dress like them and i didn't act like them. I was not a happy child. Little do they know how empathetic I am now as a person. Yet so disgusted with them still to this day for blaming me. They r just as snobby now as they were back then. I often wonder what my life woulda been like if that stuff had never happened to me. I know it's still a disheartening issue for me. But, I just stuff it down and count my blessings. I have a wonderul husband who adores me and we are so in tune with each other. My three beautiful children who I guard them closely and keep them under my wing away from bullies. I even had to take my kids out of school because my daughter started experiencing awful bullying physical and verbal from some girls and boys. She threatened to kill herself because of these kids. The school told me it wouldn't change overnight. Like hell it wouldn't. Next day my husband withdrew them from the Keller Elementary School in Texas. I was raised in Dorr, Michigan and Wayland Union schools to me were a nightmare for. Keller for my daughter.I hurt for kids that get bullied. A few years ago a ten year old boy hung himself in the nurses office at the school here in Texas because of being bullied. Kids need to stop and parents need to get involved. Children need to speak up and tell everyone what's going on. Who and whatever it takes don't give up!!!


HeatherWilsonWhite 4 years ago

I can't tell you how much this mimics what I went through as a child. I was accused of Some horrible things. Like having sex with my childhood female dog,my Dad, having and upside-down cross in my front yard. Beating my dog instead of spanking to correct her. I was called Poker because I had big breasts. Ski slope because of my Indian nose which has a lump on it. Junkyard heather because my dad collected scrap metal and turned it in for money. Kids are evil. What's sad is they have no idea how bad it effected me. I quit school and home schooled myself because of how bad they treated me. My father called one of the girls father a Natzi because he would always go to the city hall and complain when my Dad would try to better our yard or if he was out working in it. He would stand in his huge front window and spy on is with binocculars. I even saw him. The kids never saw him do this crap and therefor blamed my Dad and took it out on me. I couldn't sit on my front porch steps without them making comments and laughing and pointing. They said I would let my dog lick my privates just because my dog would put her head down in between my clothed legs and let me rub her head. I miss that dog. She would occasionally get out of the yard and would get spanked for doing it. For this I was said to be beating her. She used to grab the bottom of my pants and trip me and it was funny I would kick at her to play and she would tug on my pants. This was said to be abuse from me to her and i was kicking her. No one knows the torment I went through. I was always laughed at, pushed, tripped and abused by these girls and boys in my neighborhood and school. Boeske twins an Bruinslot was the living hell


albertsj profile image

albertsj 4 years ago from Pittsfield, Ma

This speaks volumes! I went through bullying myhself (see my hub "Growing up with one eye") And it is NOT okay. And NOT something to be taken lightly. So I feel your pain first hand. To this day, I hate being stared, no leered at. And you're right we never let it go. We always live with it. You look like a little cherub in your pic. It's good that schools are taking it more seriously, but are parents? I wonder. This hub was quite touching. Thank you for writing it.


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 4 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

I think another thing that people who are bullied develop is a sense empathy...caring about other people and being able to put yourself in their shoes. Something that is sadly lacking in a lot of people in today's society.

Thank you for the amazing comments, this hub has become a place to share.


cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

This is a timely hub - so many people get bullied. I was bullied - I only see out of one eye. The one thing that I can say that bullying does is despite the trauma, you become strong. You take on life and face it all head on. It can be scary, but you will always know that you have a special inner strength that people who were not bullied do not. Thanks for having the courage to write this. When I was bullied, I DID whine to my parents. They got so tired of hearing it day after day, though, that they told me I had to figure it out for myself. At the time, I thought that was cruel, but they were using a bit of tough love to shove me out into the world that isn't always kind. But, now, I have my core group of friends and I plow on, never giving a second thought to those who bullied me.


naïve chick 4 years ago

Im 18 and I dropped out cause I got bullied. It came down to depression and im still going through it. I cry almost ever night because people teasing wont get out of my head. I almost killedmyself because of it im so hurt. I just wish they can all feel the way I feel.


.... 4 years ago

Thank you..

I can relate to this so much, I am 18 and I was bullied since I was 9 until I was about 15. It was horrible, but I never told my parents, I feel as though I can't tell them, we are not really close, but I need help, I thought the hurt would go away, but it doesn't, I have absolutely no self esteeme and I just don't know what to do...


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

This is an enlightening but sad hub. I indeed feel your immense pain. Bullying is a criminal act against children and society should realize this. In my opinion, bullies should not be counselled but severely punished by being separated from the rest of the school population and placed into special schools i.e. 600 schools(schools designated for bullies). If the behavior continues, take them out of school altogether for they forfeit a right to an education by their insidious actions. These thugs as I shall call them can be put to work cleaning parks and other odd jobs. This is not harsh for these "children" are animals and should be treated as such. Furthermore, they should be incarcerated either in juvenile detention centers if they are under l6 and in jails if they are over 16. Why should innocent children be miserable and fearful because of these thugs.


Arabella 5 years ago

well i am getting bullied right now,I absolutely hate high school. I keep getting texts from these people i dont know saying im saying stuff behind their back, im not doing anything to them. i wish life was just peacefull and everyone got along. :( i can't wait till i get out of school. people just put me down left and right.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Hi Uninvited Writer, strange how things happen. In grade school I was bullied and I too watched teachers do nothing. I went from, what you said, being chased home from school, my hair pulled until I was on the ground, to getting it again from a sibling after I got home. There was literally nowhere to turn. It stopped when I went to private school, they didn't give kids time for that. But a few girls did when I went back to public, and I confronted one of them at classmates. She never responded. I'd thought.. after all these years 30+ years, there might be an "I was a mean kid, sorry" but I never got a reply.

Now, I find it is still strong today. Strangely, even here. Not with words, but with gangs and trickery. Twice in my life this has pushed me to the limits of not even wanting to live anymore. And, really, nobody listens or seems to care, and they take pride in the fact they've hurt someone. I think, how can this be? NOW, I am grown! I don't recall doing anything to ask for it, in fact I backed out of it when I was asked to sneak information about one to another and I wouldn't, but they still told the person I did, and rather than give me the benefit of a doubt she believed her and her innocent face and words of "you're so smart" it's her weapon, so when I think it's childish school yard games, it's not and sometimes just follows into adulthood. I find myself never wanting to be around anyone, nor trusting anyone. I feel most people evil I guess, but I don't know what I did to deserve falling into the "teen cliques" of adulthood. I guess it does follow us, all I can say is I may have spoke up a few times, but I was never the bully, so maybe that's my weakness.. I can be bullied because I refuse to hurt other people. ? I don't know. I'm sorry you felt it too. I just want an end.


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 5 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Thanks for sharing your stories. Memories pop up at the strangest times.


KimEK 5 years ago

Hey,

I know all too well how you feel. I too was an outcast in middle and high school, and lately the memories have been resurfacing like monsters from the deep. At my old school in the 4th grade I got along well with many people. I was by no means the most popular person in the school, but I did have quite a few friends and I was happy. But at the end of the school year my parents made me transfer to another school closer to our place. 5th grade at the newschool was just OK--I got along well with my new peers, but I just didn't feel the same intimacy as I did with my old friends. Then in the 6th grade, when we all went to yet another new school, the bullying started. One girl who was in 3 of my classes kept bossing me around and insulting me every single day. Another boy, after seeing me squint at the board because I had trouble seeing, kept getting in my face whenever he saw me and imitating the squint. He even did it when I was walking to class minding my own business; to this day I keep wishing I had the guts to fight back. But I didn't--I was too weak and too afraid of getting in trouble. I did have one "friend", though. But I say "friend" because she didn't treat me like a friend at all. We had met in the 5th grade; she was very nice and kind then, but in this new middle school she kept scratching me, pushing me, calling me "shitty bitch" and other nasty insults, and hitting me. I did report her to the principal/school authorities several times, but all they did was tell me to fill out citation forms explaining the situation. Then, after filling out all those forms, they just piled them up and stashed them away and never reprimanded her. (That's just the problem with school authorities. They just don't give a damn about students who are bullied. They pretend to care and they say they'll handle it, but they don't. They never do.) Meanwhile, I don't know why I put up with that "friend" and kept hanging out with her. Maybe it was because then I thought that having a mean friend was better than having no friends at all. Pathetic, I know. And yes, I do realize now that this is almost, if not exactly, the same situation that people with abusive spouses go through. Then (just my luck), that same person ended up in 4 of my classes the following year. I wish I had asked for a transfer, but after seeing the apathetic behavior the school authorities showed me after all those bullying reports I handed in, I doubted they would allow me to switch classes. I tried telling her several times that I didn't want to be her friend anymore, but she just wouldn't take the hint. She just kept acting like I was joking. And of course she kept abusing me verbally and physically. I felt helpless. I was helpless. There was no higher power I could turn to who I knew would actually care and step in to help me out.

Fast forward to high school and 9th grade...I didn't think it was possible, but the bullying got still worse there. I didn't see that "friend" anywhere, thank God, but I was still insulted and bullied by other students. My Spanish class was the worst. The bullying was mainly because of my looks, especially my short hairstyle. I was (am) not homosexual, but the students in that class kept asking me "Are you a boy or a girl?" and calling me names like "fag boy," "ugly," "queer," "gay," "homo," "lesbian," "he-she," "it," and various other slurs. Several boys in my Spanish class kept saying things like "What's up brother?" whenever they came near me. Of course the teacher just sat back and acted like it was all just a big joke, even though those boys kept bullying me right in front of her. That was, until one boy hit me in the back of the head with an eraser and made me cry in front of the whole class. But it didn't stop there. After we came back from Winter Break, the same boy kept asking me rude questions like "Wanna fuck?" and "Wanna get high?", and saying things like "Giselle here wants to hear you moan." The last straw finally came when he whispered "Want some penis?" at me while walking by my desk. I wrote down every insult he said on a piece of paper and took it to my counselor. "This is sexual harassment," she said, and she took me and the paper to the principal to discuss it some more. The boy then got his just deserts and was suspended for two weeks for what he did. I just wish I had reported him sooner. I guess the fear that no one would care just like in middle school was what held me back.

A very long bullying story, I know. And as I said before, even though I'm now grown and all that is in the past, the memories and pain still linger. It's too late for us here, but thank God these days schools are now taking bullying seriously and actually doing something about it, rather than just sitting idly back and ignoring the victims' pleas for help.


Wild Eagle 5 years ago

Bullies are cruel yellow dogs too scared to fight an evenly matched battle. They're like barnyard chickens that look for the weakest in the bunch to pick on. I have more respect for the dirt under my feet than scummy bullies. At least dirt grows things instead of destroying things.


rob 5 years ago

I'm sorry honey. I was bullied too, and it's affected me to this day. Fuck'em all. There was nothing wrong with me then, and there's nothing wrong with me now.

People (probably who were never bullied or the underdog) always say "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" but they don't get it. They can't.


tritrain profile image

tritrain 5 years ago from United States

This is a very timely read, as there was something just in the paper about a kid being bullied by 7 older teens.

Shameful.


Marcus 5 years ago

Very sorry to hear you went through all that, as many of us have...I don't have an easy answer. It's impossible to erase or revisit the past, and usually it's not even clear what one could have done better under the circumstances, as you were vastly outnumbered and isolated.

In the present, be as strong as you can, surround yourself with good and caring people, be there for them as they are for you. Many (perhaps most) people in the world are capable of extreme selfishness, and even sadistic cruelty, but do remember that there are also good people in the world. Take heart in that. Be glad that you rose above and did not allow yourself to become a bully yourself (with the one notable exception, which you learned from), as many bullies are just passing on the bullying they receive. Wish you all the best in the present and future.


brian 5 years ago

When I was in junior high school, I had more fights than you can possibily imagine. I even had my head busted open when I went to get a drink of water (sorry about the visual). Anyway, it made me very aggressive later on. I had a couple incidents in high school, but I was just plain militant by that point.

To be honest, I tracked down some of the bullies that messed with me in school and kicked ass. There were two, however, that I wanted the most but think it's silly for me to drive all that way back to where i grew up (small crappy desert town) just do hurt them; plus there is the going to jail part.

I think there are alot of memories from our past that cause us this type of harm. Even bad relationships can feel the same way; we are angry someone mistreated us regardless if there was violence involved.

I think what happens is just like some type of childhood trauma, we internalize what they did to us and think that it is part of us. So it's what happened to you, not who you are type thing. Try to do things that are brave; parachute out of a plane, take up boxing, speak in front of alot of people; those type of activities are likely to make you feel confident and cancel out the feeling of being a victim as they will give you strength. If you have to, get in touch with the people that caused you harm and at least express your feelings of rage or whatever; it's not the same as beating them down, but a combination of all of those things I'm sure will help if not make you feel alot better.

From someone who knows,

Brian


Revive@OwnRisk 5 years ago

You are such a great writer, UW, and this is an important piece, as evidenced by the many, powerful comments already. I'm glad we survived and kept going. Because now, I'm glad to call you friend.


Lilmomo 6 years ago

I completely understand what your talking about. I am 30 and was bullied from age 8-14 daily, mostly by boys (I'm female). I want to send the @$#$&&* my therapy bills. They still live in my area and I have heard they all hang out with each other and still laugh about what they did to me. I saw one walking down the street 3 years ago and he smirked at me. I had to go home, cry and drink just to get through the rest of the day. So your right some never get over it even when they try. Call me a weak evolutionary reject, but they killed my soul and I know altered my life forever.


r anon 6 years ago

Good post uninvited writer. I totally understand all of this.

At the age of 9 I began to feel rather isolated from other children, perhaps its because I only had a few real friends in school and school wasn't something I enjoyed that much anyway.

At the age of 11 I went to a secondary school. The first 2 years were OK, pretty standard school stuff but then at the age of 13 I was bullied for no real reason other than I was the 'weaker' kid at school. I believe part of this weakness came from my parents getting divorced at around the same time but I don't like to point the finger.

This lowered my confidence levels for the majority of my teenage life. Feeling like the victim, running home after school because I thought the 'bullies' might be following me home and being generally paranoid.

Now, that kind of paranoia has somewhat continued into my adult life and sometimes leads me to believe people view me as a lower person (perhaps an inferiority complex, not sure) but it seems to come in waves of around a couple of weeks.

So, on average I will feel great and confident and absolutely fine but out of that 1 month I will have the odd hour here or the odd day there (usually adds up to about 4 days, spread out throughout the month) when I just feel horrible, like I have no friends, and have no point in being alive. I get a horrible grip in the pit of my stomach and feel almost angry that I was bullied as a child.

I feel like I need to visit all those people who bullied me or who I believed looked down on me and tell them what for or at least give them a taste of their own medicine but I wouldn't want to wish this on anyone.

Sometimes, memories of bullying or someone simply laughing or ridiculing me at school, surfaces and I can't seem to climb out of that 'hole' of my memory and it stays with me for a day or two as though its literally eating away at every fiber of my being.

Now I feel I am a very logical person and know deep deep down that everyone feels horrible about something in their past, its just part of human nature and I know I'm not the only one (something that just occurred to me whilst writing this) but it really does tear me apart sometimes.

After reading this back, it reads as though someone else has wrote it because, right now, I feel quite confident about myself but I just had a thought about someone who laughed at me at school and now, cannot get that out of my head. I wonder if they know that this memory lives with me or whether the people that used to bully me know (or even feel guilty about it?)

This is the first time I've ever written this all down anywhere. Maybe I'll use it as a constructive way of analysing my own human psyche and perhaps come closer to understanding that everyone must feel like this as everyone else has the same basic biological functioning as everybody else, within reason...


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 6 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Thanks for the wonderful comment Lisa, I'm sure it will help someone.


Lisa HW profile image

Lisa HW 6 years ago from Massachusetts

I think it's good when people tell about the effects of having been bullied. There was one girl in my junior high and high school who was tormented something awful, and even though there were kids who felt bad to see it going on, most of them weren't brave enough to stand up against the aggressive jerks who did the bullying. As adults, we think, "Well, not not standing up for someone is almost as bad as being the bully," but so often nice kids are, themselves, insecure, unsure, or intimidated around cruel kids.

If that's you in the picture you were a pretty little girl, by the way. I was never bullied as a child because I kind of made sure I kept a low profile in order not to "set anyone off". I was sure of myself inside, but I didn't want to come across as being too sure of myself on the outside. As a result, I hid who I really was.

When I grew up I decided I wasn't going to hide who I was, and you know what happened? I began having my first experiences with being (verbally) bullied. (Not by "everyone", but by a few people and enough people for me to know how helpless it feels not to be able to stop someone from bullying, even as an adult.) For me, as an adult, I've always known that someone who bullies me is just a jerk. At the same time, even as adult, I've found that I started to hate myself for not being able to stop it. I can only imagine the toll being bullied must take on children and teens. It's easier, as an adult, to keep in mind that the shame belongs to the bullies. What's hard, even for an adult, is that we often pride ourselves on how strong, capable, or sure we are, as people; but when we feel helpless when it comes to stop someone from being aggressive or cruel toward us, that makes us feel that however strong we know we are isn't enough. In other words, the very thing we may have built our identity on gets damaged; and we can feel secretly like we're weak and helpless. We don't want people who otherwise respect us to see that helpless side of us, because at least we get the respect of some people. Just thoughts. I don't know if any of them will be of any help to anyone.


lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

Takes a lot to admit to this! Reliving the past twice...how it was cathartic. :)

I've suffered a lot of ridicule, but these days I relish in my jester role.


ljsmarketing profile image

ljsmarketing 6 years ago from Google

I was bullied as a child and it has affected my whole life right on into my relationships. Is does ruin a persons life. These people need to be stopped now!! These people are just cowards who would probrably hide in a corner if picked on.


Patricia 6 years ago

Bullies are yellow dog cowards too chicken to pick on someone who's able to fight back. They run in packs like dogs. My high school years were hell. Everyone says it happened in the past, get over it. but it went on so long and the abuse was so bad I'll never forget it. At least they have to answer to God after they die.


Thank you 6 years ago

I relate to every thing you said. The bullies from my past haunt me every day, impacting my relationship with my husband and friends. I am constantly behind a barrier to prevent me from getting hurt. If only they knew how much damage they caused.


Heidi Wagg profile image

Heidi Wagg 7 years ago from Alberta, Canada

Yes, people can be mean in school! Since I'm a mom now with two small children, I regularly think back to those awful times... I want to do everything possible to give my kids knowledge about bullying and to ensure an open communication, should it ever happen them. My oldest in only 3 years old... but mom's start to worry early!


Am I dead, yet? 7 years ago

Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot believe how mean and discourteous some people are. I think it is to make up for the inadequacies in their own lives. Shame on them, there ought to be a law against bullying behaviors. Telling your story helps in the healing process. You are better now, for telling. I enjoyed reading.


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Thanks for such wonderful comments and support. You know, since I wrote it I have felt better about it all. It's like it was just waiting to get out.


Laurel Rogers 7 years ago

I am glad that I ran across your blog today even though it was accidental. Often I find very important things online if I allow myself to 'stumble about'!

Your hub about bullying is one of those things.

How I remember those days in my life, thanks to your ability to put words on those horrible days.

What I feel I took out of those years of torture was a lessened opinion of my self which had yet to even be formed and discovered. I was far too young to 'fight back' because I didn't know I was fighting for anything.

I can't express how strongly I feel about this sort of group behavior, as a victim of it, I carry its consequences 50 years later.

Thanks again,

Laurel Rogers


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

Thanks for sharing this. I feel that this happens to so many and its important to let others know that they are not alone. I am sure it was difficult to write because it was very emotional for me to read.


sneakorocksolid 7 years ago

Dear UW, I'm guilty of the bullying. At the time it seemed the right thing to do. I went to a reunion a few years ago and appolgized for my behavior and I was forgiven. I've always been aggressive playing sports even to a fault. I've only given ground when I've given up on someone. When that happens I never talk to them again. I don't understand that side of me its just there. Sorry for ths unfairness and the hurt.


mskhairi86 profile image

mskhairi86 7 years ago

good hub. I feel sad when first time I read it. I hope you get better now and try to forget past.We all give you 100% support.


XTASIS profile image

XTASIS 7 years ago from The Beginning

good hub, even if it's so sad. Very easy to read. Interesting how lot of children have to suffer in the same way, despite the 'who' 'when' and 'where'. I liked it very much. Thank you !


katacham profile image

katacham 7 years ago from United Kingdom

I totally get where you're coming from. At my old school it was more of a subtle type of bullying - one that you couldn't quite pin down to one person or to one event...rumour-spreading, bitching behind your back, telling lies and probably the worst thing of all - the thick antagonistic attitude towards you. I hated every minute.


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Thanks for commenting.

Brenda, I think my being bullied days are now behind me. I won't put up with that crap from anyone anymore :)

Yes, alekhouse, it does hurt to be an outsider in high school. So many kids are.


\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

aw can't bear to thing of you as being bullied.... hope it never happens again


alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

Oh...this is so sad and unfortunate. Don't know why kids can be so mean. I had some unpleasant experiences in high school; not bullying. I was not accepted into some groups that I would have liked to be a part of. That feeling of rejection was quite painful...and, yes, it still lingers on. Thanks for sharing your experiences...very courageous.


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario Author

Thanks for all the wonderful comments. Yes, talking about it does help and it does feel good that I finally wrote it down and shared it. I know my self esteem did suffer greatly but now I think I am at a good place. I have a few good friends.

I am so thankful I am not a kid today, I can't imagine how it would have been had we had the Internet. And it's true, it happens to older children and adults also. I guess in a way it's part of human nature to pick on those you deem to be weaker. I was a shy kid, maybe that was part of it. But, I wasn't shy when I first started school and I did have great joy when I was in the choir, so my life wasn't all sad and miserable, just the bullying part.


ralwus 7 years ago

So sorry you had to go through that hell UW. I guess in your mind you still are. That's just awful. I had my run-ins with them also but was fortunate to be just big enough and tough enough to take them down. I also was teased for an accent after moving to the North with 'Yankees'. LOL It was a different world then. This is a subject that needs addressed and you did it well. Kudos


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines

Bullying has and will always be a serious matter for young children and even teenagers. Some adults, and even parents, tend to ignore bullying, thinking that it is just a phase and that the children will outgrow it. But as your hub showed, this is not true at all. It has an impact on the self-confidence of the child which he/she will carry to the future. Thanks for sharing your experience UW. As barry said, I hope this will help you feel better and get a lot of load off your chest.


barryrutherford profile image

barryrutherford 7 years ago from Queensland Australia

Hope you feel better giving the issue some light !


packerpack profile image

packerpack 7 years ago from India, Calcutta

Bullying or ragging as you put it. This is a very serious problem across all MBA, Engg. and medical colleges across India. Every year thousands become victim and hundreds die because of this. Gov. has issued very strict rule here but the problem continues.

Ragging they say is a good way to interact with your seniors when you are a fresher but generally it takes a very ugly turn!


DynamicS profile image

DynamicS 7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Uninvited writer, bullying does hurt on so many levels. I can't imagine being bullied so young, that certainly could do serious damage to one's self esteem. It however sounds like you have transcended such negativity.

My daughter encountered some bullying when we first moved to Canada. She has a friendly outgoing personality, so she soon got the other kids to turn on the persons doing the bullying. She is still friends with one of the girls who bullied her on her first day of grade one...

Thanks for sharing your experience because bullying continues to be a serious problem in our schools and workplace.


Nelle Hoxie 7 years ago

This hub made me soooo sad. I hope that you've found your place and have lots of wonderful friends and colleagues.


emohealer profile image

emohealer 7 years ago from South Carolina

Great article!...I can relate on so many levels. I thought to share my interesting story however...I didn't have the luxury of movong around through school, the same people bullied me through each grade and each school, Friends were sparse, because being my friend meant they would be bullied too.

At my 20 year class reunion a number of years back, I had no reason to go, my life had gone exceptionally well, but that meant nothing back in my hometown. One of the 'bullies' found me through classmates intentionally for the purpose of apologizing and being forgiven for the mean things. Told me, I was the only person they were really looking for there because the guilt never went away especially as they later watched their own children being bullied later in life. The rest of the story....We are best friends now and have been for a number of years. Time can heal some wounds..Once again, a great write up. Maybe someday an event can occur in your life and cleanse those painful memories...I hope that for you!


funride profile image

funride 7 years ago from Portugal

I´m so sad after reading this hub... kids can be quite cruel sometimes. I´ve never been in either sides but I remember how some of my classmates mistreated the ones who were weaker and didn´t stand up. There were times when I tried to stop it but there were other when I did nothing... Life can be unjust sometimes. Now that I think about it, I don´t have a single friend back from that time... Hope this hub can help many people who suffered the same as you did and perhaps even help yourself after venting it all out :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

Kids can be so mean to one another. I think that all child behavior isn't inborn, but is the product of mimicking those closest to them--their parents or their older siblings--who they look up to.

I got into a couple of fights when I was a kid, on the playground and after school. The bravest thing I probably ever did was accept the challenge of this huge kid in school. He was at least 6 inches taller than me. But word got around about our eventual fight so by the time lunch rolled around, both of us were warned by the school principal and nothing ever happened between us again--except a bond of friendship.

It was brave of you to come out and talk about this. I hope you found some solace to quell some of your past. Thanks for sharing this, UW!

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