More on Rapport

Conflict is a twisted form of cooperation

In this picture Julia and Evelyne are pretending to be in conflict. To do this they both have to agree to the rules of this game. Rapport is also necessary for conflict to occur. You get to choose what you choose...!
In this picture Julia and Evelyne are pretending to be in conflict. To do this they both have to agree to the rules of this game. Rapport is also necessary for conflict to occur. You get to choose what you choose...! | Source
To "fight" with someone you have to get them to cooperate. There are lots of ways of doing this including goading, teasing, provocation or simply tapping into the part of their brain that thinks fighting is fun. Or justified and necessary.
To "fight" with someone you have to get them to cooperate. There are lots of ways of doing this including goading, teasing, provocation or simply tapping into the part of their brain that thinks fighting is fun. Or justified and necessary. | Source
Unless both people win you will have conflict. One will resent the other and resist creating cooperative agreements. When you enter into discussions with someone ask yourself how can they win and how can I also win ? what result gets that for both ??
Unless both people win you will have conflict. One will resent the other and resist creating cooperative agreements. When you enter into discussions with someone ask yourself how can they win and how can I also win ? what result gets that for both ?? | Source
according to some tribes, conflict is like a dance.  This is also the case with creating rapport, trust and cooperation is it not.  ??
according to some tribes, conflict is like a dance. This is also the case with creating rapport, trust and cooperation is it not. ?? | Source
Don't remain in the dark and unclear about how to get respect, trust and understanding from other people.  You can always choose what you choose.  Could you choose mastery of your results ?
Don't remain in the dark and unclear about how to get respect, trust and understanding from other people. You can always choose what you choose. Could you choose mastery of your results ? | Source

Rapport and Your Recipe for The Secret Sauce of Trust and Understanding

This hub comes at understanding rapport from an NLP perspective. NLP is an abreviation for neuro linguistic programming. NLP is the study of how some people are really good at doing what they do. and then teaching others to do it exactly the same way so they get the same results.

Lets start off on the right foot here and define Rapport first because so many people get this wrong. Rapport is not something you do.

It is a state of being. Rapport is what you are when you feel trusted and understood.
I know this is an unconventional view but NLP is about using re-frames to increase understanding and comprehension. A re-frame is simply examining something from a new and hopefully more useful perspective.

So that is why I say rapport is a state. And because everything feels so good and so natural when you are in rapport, you probably never noticed your state.

But what is state..?

In NLP terms State is the closest thing to what you probably call feelings. It's not quite the same because State takes into account all of your body and your neurology too. ( Neurology is your brain and all of your nervous system, including the nerves that stretch all the way to the end of your toes)

So rapport is a composite of your physiology which simply means your body position and how you breathe and a whole lot of other stuff.

There's more to this here and I want to explain this so that you understand this easily.

Before I dive right in and do that, I'm going to take a deep breath..!

You see taking a deep breath is just one way of changing your state and so is changing your body position. By consciously curling both ends of your mouth upwards and looking towards the ceiling you will find that it is impossible to be depressed. The technical name for curling the ends of your mouth up is a smile.
This is even more effective if you stand or sit with your shoulders back and take deep breaths...Try it and see for yourself.

Try and do depression in the Physiology of happiness that I just described.

That's one of the things about state. It is tied to your physiology. There is a physiology for depression and a physiology for happiness. There is also a physiology for rapport.

At last, I'm getting to what you came here to read.

The physiology of rapport involves mirroring the body position of the other person. By doing this you are also mirroring their state. You can learn more about this in my hub on mirroring body language
By using reflective listening which simply means showing you understand what they have said by feeding back the sense of what they just said to you you are entering deeper into their state.

If you also speak to them in the same tone of voice at a similar speed and volume your states are drawing even nearer together. You can probably sense how this would happen if you were to think about it. You know what it's like when someone you love is speaking with you.

And that is very much what rapport is. In it's purest form Rapport is like the state we call "being in love..."

So do you have to be in love with someone to create rapport with them.?

Well no you don't.

It is useful though to presuppose that they are lovable and that they are trustworthy too, as that sets a frame for the state you want to create... A frame is simply a useful belief to operate from.

You see. The way that your brain is wired and the brain of every other person on the planet, is that whatever you imagine, will have an effect on your state. Whatever you believe, will affect your state.This is part of what creates the state called "being in love".

That's something I may write about in another hub if enough people are interested that is. Please leave me a comment below if you want to learn more. Please tell what you want to learn because I love teaching this stuff to you.

So you see there is so much more to your state than you may first have thought. What I hope is that you are beginning to be amazed by your own wonderful complexity and all of the factors that go into how you feel and think and what you do....

Once you are really aware of that feeling of amazement about yourself isn't it good to know that we are all similar enough that I can understand that feeling too. That is yet another example of a part of the state we call rapport.

State management tools for increasing rapport

One of the ways that many people create rapport with friends is by using state management. Managing your state through social activities such as having a drink with friends and sharing food works really well.  For instant friendship just add STATE..
One of the ways that many people create rapport with friends is by using state management. Managing your state through social activities such as having a drink with friends and sharing food works really well. For instant friendship just add STATE.. | Source

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