Mothers and Daughters. A complicated relationship, advice on how to improve it.

My two daughters on a trip to London.
My two daughters on a trip to London.

Complicated relationships.

The relationship between mothers and daughters is quite often hard to pin down, it's a relationship worth fighting for though, in my opinion. I have two beautiful, kind and talented daughters. I’m proud of them, yet I sometimes find myself envying them. Does that make me a terrible mother? I envy them their youthful looks, their smooth skin as opposed to my wrinkled one.

I envy them their freedom of movement. The last time I was that flexible I was in my twenties. I envy the fact that they can scrape their hair back into a simple ponytail, throw on a pair of jeans, a plain T-shirt and a pair of flip flops and look amazing. I could spend all day getting ready to go out and still not look half as good.

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I want to look nice for them, I don’t want to feel that I let them down somehow, not that I think for a moment that that’s what’s going through their minds every time they see me. I’d like to think they’d tell me if I looked a wreck, actually, they have - kind of. Not in those words, of course, I’ve raised them to be a lot more tactful than that. It’s just that they make looking good look effortless and I guess at their age it is. Although, I don’t remember it being that easy when I was young.

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An enviable lifestyle.

I envy them their lifestyle too, they can pretty much do as they please. When I was my eldest daughters age I was married with a baby - her, in fact. She isn’t even in a relationship, doesn’t feel under any pressure to be in one. I remember my own mother and her increasing despair as I entered my twenties as a single woman. It’s amazing how much things can change in a generation. For the better, in my opinion.

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I wish I had taken more time to explore being me, not as a daughter, wife and mother, just as me. I look at my daughters today and see two young women who know who they are. They are confident, assured, self reliant. They don’t need a man to validate them, perhaps, they never will. They have goals, they know where they would like their lives to lead, but they don’t feel the need to hurry to get there. That’s another thing I envy them, time.

I feel that I am not only their mother but a friend also. Not a thing I ever felt about my relationship with my own mother. I would never have flopped down on her bed after an evening out to tell her about it. My daughters do that and it makes me feel good inside. Not that they tell me all their secrets, I wouldn’t want them too. I have enough grey hairs now, thank you very much. But the fact that they feel able to tell me any is amazing enough for me.

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Hot guy list.

Today my girls were messing around together and they asked me if I wanted to add anyone to their list of hot guys from TV. I did and it turns out my choices were already on the list. I can’t imagine even telling my mother that I thought a man was hot, let alone it being someone she might fancy too!

I like to think that I am in some small way responsible for my daughters being who they are today but I admit that the larger responsibility lies in the way society has progressed as a whole. Times have changed. I have often heard people say that they wouldn’t want to swap places with their kids, that they wouldn’t want to go through the teenage years again for anything. I would, in fact I would jump at the chance to live those years again, but only if I can live them now in my daughters time.

I know that I don't have a perfect relationship with my daughters, far from it, we fight - often but not about anything serious.When all is said and done, any realtionship worth its salt is worth fighting over.

How do you consider your realionship with your daughter/s

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Comments 10 comments

theherbivorehippi profile image

theherbivorehippi 6 years ago from Holly, MI

I agree....I would love to redo my teenage years...without the horrible fashion trends, blue eye shadow and high hair of then....lol. Wonderful hub!


GALAXY 59 profile image

GALAXY 59 6 years ago from United Kingdom Author

Oh yes, I remember the blue eyeshadow stage, looked awful on me.


MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

So many nice sentiments Galaxy. I remember my Grandmother being horrified that I wasn't married by the time I was 18! Like you I'd so back to my teenage years and enjoy them more, so much angst around your teen years.


GALAXY 59 profile image

GALAXY 59 6 years ago from United Kingdom Author

18 and not married!!!Talk about on the shelf. It just proves how much things have changed my eldest daughter is 26, still at home and no boyfriend and I am not worried in the slightest. I would love to be 18 again if it was in today's world. I wonder if this generation realise how damn lucky they are.


MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

I don't think they do Galaxy, my two are constantly whining. Maybe I should give them some of my Grandmother's wisdom, that will shut them up.


bettybarnesb profile image

bettybarnesb 6 years ago from Bartlett, TN

I can identify with your article. I married at 19 years of age. Did not know who I was and surely hadn't experienced much in life. Start having children at age 23. Now that they are grown, I am having to find "myself" and my worth in life. It hasn't been easy.

But I made a decision to try. So I write for HubPage, hope someday to write for magazines, and I am working on 2 books. My girls are beautiful, educated and love the Lord. They are not perfect people but close to it (to me). I have 3 daughters and one son. My son has been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful children. My oldest daughter got married this year. She is 33 years of age. My youngest two daughters are 29 and 23. They are waiting on God to send the right man into their lives. I am thankful they are waiting. I don't envy them, what I have learned to enjoy life through them.

They stay busy with church, work, school, friends, etc. It's it great we didn't rush them but allowed them to mature first? It is one of the best decisions I ever made. To allow them time to grow up.

Oh yes, they get on me for some of my outfits. I laugh at the things they say. I just enjoy being comfortable.


azure_sky profile image

azure_sky 5 years ago from Somewhere on the Beach, if I am lucky :)

We raise our daughters to be comfortable in their own skin...you have accomplished that! They don't need a man to validate themselves...JOB WELL DONE,MOM !!


GALAXY 59 profile image

GALAXY 59 5 years ago from United Kingdom Author

Why thank you for the kind comment, azure_sky, it is much appriciated.


sandyb1 profile image

sandyb1 5 years ago from FILEY

My daughter is 29 and is so special to me,I am so poud of her and love her with all my heart.

Her dad and i split when she was 2 and he does not want to be part of her life. She contacted her dad when she had my grandson,(he is a lovely little boy and is 4 years old now. I love him to bits), her dad told her he would be in touch but never has.

I live 80 miles away from her and try to see her as often as I can, but when we do meet up, whatoever I say, or do I can never please her. I walk on egg shells when I am in her company in case I say the wrong thing. She snaps and picks fault with things i do and say.

Even my little dog cant do anything right.

When she is in a good mood, we get on great and I cherish those times...but the bad times are getting more frequent and it is hurting me so much. To the point where I want to be there for my grandson, we have a super relationship, but dont know what to expect from her.

What I would give to have a lovely relationship with her.

So anyone who has a lovely relationship with their daughter/s cherish and envelope it.

Thanks for reading


GALAXY 59 profile image

GALAXY 59 5 years ago from United Kingdom Author

Oh Sandyb1, that made me cry. I am so, so sorry that you are having problems with your daughter and do so hope that things get better soon.

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