My Brother Has Left the Building...

An Untimely Demise

When you lose somebody special
Somebody you love so much
Just think of all the good times
The one with the special touch.
by Tracey Nichole Graham

 

Yes undoubtedly my brother has left the building, and I say this because he is in fact out of my life now for good. Wow. some of you may be asking, what could have happened for anyone to write their brother off that way? Well in fact it was he that wote me off and the rest of my family off as well....

He that had been taking advantage of eveyone in our family without a thank you, catch you later, I'm sorry, or even a wham bamm thank you mam.

Anytime he is confronted with anything that could be concieved as his fault, he recoils and dismisses you with a wave of a hand and wont talk to you again for months or whenever he thinks the storm has blown over. And there have been many storms.

His wife who lives in the same vicinity as my mother hasn't visited her, given her a Christmas card, a Mothers day acknowledgment or even a visit at her many trips to the hospital. Not even a phone call to see how she is doing. In fact she has pretty much let it be known that she doesn't want anything to do with any of my family and I guess we have taken many many hints and have ignored them but they cannot be ignore anymore. At least I wont ignore them..

My brother and his wife have even changed their daughter's name to her mothers name so as not to carry my maiden name, as if she wants to expunge it from her family vocabulary as well as the lineage for good.

Now you have to understand that this is not something that has happened overnight, it took years to get to this point and spending my mothers birthday with my sisters and mom brought eveything to it's head. I realized that my brother doesn't care.

  • we let it go when he changed his daughter's name,not that we could do anything about it.
  • we let it go when his wife hasn't visited my mother for over 20 years after many times of crying and pleading from my mother.
  • My older sister forgave him thousands of dollars that he owed her and never payed back, she just said forget about it because blood is thicker than water.
  • we have all prayed for him and brought up his name in church so everyone can pray for him.
  • He has disrespected my mother countless times by yelling at her and making her cry, of course he doesn't do this in anyone's presence but my mothers.

I am not much for remembering bible verses but I do know that I read in the bible that a person should go to their brother and ask for forgiveness if there are unresolved issues there, whether it be your fault or not(Which everyone in my family has done). It says if your brother accepts that then everything is fine, if he doesn't respond and doesn't accept than walk away, you have done your part and you can do no more. Then it is up to the brother and God. So there you have it, My brother is now dead to me, and I wish it could be different, but unless he changes or trys to reconcile then it wont be. He calls himself a christian of the fittest, but how can it be so when he has treated his family like this? Not possible!

Therefore, My Brother has left the Building leaving in his wake many empty, broken hearts and souls within our family and yes we will mourn him but we have been mourning him for many years already, as if we already knew he would eventually make his exit in this way for good. Go with God my brother, Go in Peace.

© 2010 ladyjane1

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Comments 37 comments

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

I was just telling someone that last night.

Never grieve if something or someone leaves your life..they really don't leave your life anyhow..It just looks that way, LadyJane1

I am all too familiar with this, not with my immediate family but this seems to be more common than we think or care to admit.

Our families, immediate families, are a source of core learning for our own growth, mainly because we are so attached to them.

Forgiveness, first and foremost is for oneself. A grudge/regret/remorse/anger for a deed done by others is a heavy burden.

Jesus said, "If my brother wrongs me, shall I forgive him up to seven times?"

He said 7x7..

It is a metaphor..the benefit is to you, the one forgiving.

Much love,

Melinda


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks melinda you always say the most profound things and I appreciate your comments thanks.


Ghost Whisper 77 profile image

Ghost Whisper 77 6 years ago from The U.S. Government protects Nazi War Criminals

Oh such a sad hub--but truthful. I know from personal experience that you never have control over anothers actions, and eventually you do have to step away..it may not be forever but sometimes it is not spritually healthy to stay in such situations. Sad but true.

Sometimes with close family members it is really difficult to do this--but the only thing you can do. Wish them well-don't hate-pray for them and leave it be and stay separated especially if they are causing havoc-major pain and confusion and hurt in one's life. You just have to pray that God (the real God) works on them heavy.

My Brother left the building almost 15 years ago-after helping him-loving him-it turned out similar-sadly. I don't agree with him, how he treats others-satanist-torments others-and I want no part of it. He left the building but he is often in my prayers to get better and become a good person. Sad isn't it?


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello Ghost Whisper yes it is sad but after so much time and effort there is nothing that we can do. We are not responsible for our brothers actions just as we are not responsible for their failures or their happiness but people especially family should try to get through things together and not tear each other apart. He has made his choice, his bed as it were and God bless him I do not hate my brother but hate his actions, I will always love him regardless of how he feels about me. Thanks for reading.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

"Go with God my brother, Go in Peace" How touching this is. I feel your pain and you brought tears to my eyes. I hope that things get finally resolved before it is too late.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

So many stories like this that hit so close to home. Is something in the water? Is it in the air? Why the hopelessness of no return? Thanks LJ.


karent profile image

karent 6 years ago

This really hit home with me. It is so hard to stop pushing for the other person to get their act together, but it is so freeing when you finally do let go. You can't change the other person and it's best to feel pity for their miserable situation instead of anger since the anger is harder on you than it is on them. My heart goes out to you.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

Wow. This is a sad story. What can you do? We cannot force people to care about us and associate with us. I like your approach--just keep moving.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello De Greek I appreciate your reading my hub and yes it is sad but it is true and I am not holding my breath as to a reconciliation anytime soon. Sometimes it is just so freeing to let go so you don't have to worry about it anymore, I think sometimes God gives us permission not to have to worry anymore when you have done all you can. Thanks again.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Mickey Dee I know what you mean, I think it does hit close to home for many because dysfunction is rampant in this world and it is a shame. I always appreciate your feedback. Thanks


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

James hello thanks for reading and it is sad, I cried so many times for my brother but there is nothing I can do now. My mother is hurt more about this situation than anyone and that is the saddest part. Thanks again.


Whidbeywriter profile image

Whidbeywriter 6 years ago from Oak Harbor on Whidbey Island, Washington

I am crying as I write this ladyjane1 because you know that I share your pain. But do not ever once believe that your prayers do not get answered because when you least expect it something will happen to him, and he will be humbled beyond belief. He does not know the meaning of being a true Christian and child of God. God's timing is not like ours - believe and it will happen. Forgiveness brings healing but it's up to him now.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

I agree with you Mary but I had to voice my opinion to make myself feel better. I am not doubting that God can change him but he is going to want to change and I dont know if that will happen in the meantime, there will be nothing between us because all this time tippy toeing around him not wanting to offend him well forget about it him and his family has offended me and mine. Thanks for reading. Beleive me its not easy for me either.


_cheryl_ profile image

_cheryl_ 6 years ago from California

Very touching. I can only imagine the frustration and pain losing your brother in this way. But keep faith, keep praying, and know that you've done all you can. At this point you can only keep the door open for him to return. It reminds me of a favorite verse of mine- "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6 I'm sure in time you'll find peace through it all. =)


dreamreachout 6 years ago

my gosh!! i dont know what to say!!!! i am in a different predicament .. i lost my younger brother last year on 7th march when he was only 31 .. he couldnt fight portal hyper tension of vein and passed away and mind you he was a teetoler never smoked and was that goody goody type!! you would know how relevant family system is in India and under the circumstances we have not come to terms with the grief even after one year. sorry for making you the agony aunt but just felt you are just one more person who can relieve my sorrow!! i am astounded when i hear something about a living person just as your brother. had my brother been there i would have catapuled him in to all the pamper and he would have only felt it more and more with all his gratifying action!!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

dreamreachout I am sorry about your brother it is a sad thing that someone dies so young. I come from a Hispanic family and don't get me wrong, in general we are mostly close knit families. This is just one of those things that happens sometimes and there isn't much that can be done that hasn't been tried already. I am just leaving it in Gods hands. Thanks for reading.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

So sorry you and the rest of your family have to go through this, but I can assure you, you are not alone.


Sage Williams profile image

Sage Williams 6 years ago

Let me first start by saying, I am sorry for your loss. Loss is always a loss and carries with it much pain. I like many others can relate in more ways than one to your loss. As losses run very deep.

I understand first hand what it is to grieve for someone who is still alive that just doesn't want anything to do with you. Doesn't want to be part of your life. Doesn't even want to recognize you. Unless of course there is something that they may need.

I came to the realization one day that I can't possibly lose something that I never had.

By letting go I can only hope to gains something that is real. I admire your strentgh to let go. You are free. You are brave.

I have had this with both parents and have learned the very painful process of letting go.

Hugs to you,

Sage


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Sage thanks for your encouraging words. I do believe that you know exactly what I am going through and you are correct in saying that I do feel free and realize now that we all have been making so many excuses for my brother, that he feels that even though we all are from the same womb somehow he is better than us and I am not having it anymore. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, blessings.


MFB III profile image

MFB III 6 years ago from United States

we all have a black sheep or two in our families. There may come a time when he realizes what he is missing, when everyone else he loves writes him off too, then he may come back as the prodigal son, brother..seeking true forgiveness. I am sorry for the loss of your brother's companionship....but it is probably wise to let him learn some tough love. ~~~MFB III


Ann Nonymous profile image

Ann Nonymous 6 years ago from Virginia

Dear ladyjane! I am so sorry for the pain and sorrow you and your loved ones are facing! This is so tragic and although my family has so many issues, I can't imagine what you are feeling, and I am sorry you have to go through this!

Please know that I am thinking and praying for you! Love ya!


dreamreachout 6 years ago

thanx for your kind solace. i know a bit about hispanic families in America because a friend of mine from here, now staying in Florida has married a hispanic girl and he told me that it is often difficult to got on a date with a hispanic girl. anyways, i hope and pray that your brother understands and comes back and the family bonding is restored in everyway. pardon me in case you feel that i am writing too many long comments!!


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

LadyJane1, I feel your pain as I have this same story times 3 or 4, I'm not really sure.

When the Bible speaks of forgiving a brother 7X7 it is not referring to a blood brother it is a Brother in Christ. It also goes on to state to go unto the brother and impart your grievance unto them, if they do not listen return with 2 or more and submit it again and then if they will not listen you are to bring them before the body of Christ, the church, and if the brother does not take heed, cast him out into the world of sin and pray that the error is recognized and the brother may return humbly. So when you have exhausted all loving peaceful avenues, his problems are his own as God gave free will to him and other than pray there remains one avenue at this point, pray for him and maybe one day he will return with a soft humbled heart.

Stay Blessed


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello Ann it is always nice to see you. THanks for your nice comments I appreciate it. Thanks for your prayers.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

dreamreachout do not ever feel that you are commenting too much I appreciate all your comments and they are always welcome. Thanks for your concerns and thinking about my situation. God bless.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Caliber thanks for reading. I appreciate your kind words and you definitely know your bible better than I do. I knew that it was something like that and believe me everyone in my family has forgiven many many times as we have all forgiven one another many times because none of us are perfect but I never like to give up on people and it seems at times that he gives up on his family and that is what is so painful. We shall see what happens from here. Thanks for your comments. God Bless.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

ladyjane1, don't consider this giving up, consider it relief for you and keep him in your prayers but not living rent free in your head. You have to look and see that you've done all you can and he is the one responsible for his actions as all of us are as adults. It sounds to me like he chose his own path, and he will be responsible for change and return to a better path.

I have walked the wrong path and been a disgrace to family and I had to stop, and evaluate myself and return to the right path, my father watched me for a good while, he had forgiven me, but it was up to me to change and prove it through actions not words for a while to confirm I was not seeking a way to get in and disrupt his peace. We became friends, and that is different than being related. I cannot quote Bible scripture, book and/or verse, but some where if I remember right it says something like "in times of trouble do not seek out your brother, seek out a friend". I may be wrong about it but I take it literally as it is written. Becoming friends with my father and brother was/is far more rewarding in my opinion. God Bless


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Caliber once again thank you for your kind words you are always so insightful. Gives me hope and something to think about!


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida

Learning to let go is the hardest part in situations like this. There have been rifts in my family, in all families. The irony is, my daughter is going through a really tough time with the father of her child, and it is on this day, when I have told her to just stop trying, that I find this. I can bookmark it so that she will read it later, and it will comfort her to know that it is not that she chose the wrong man, but that some men just will not change. Thank you for that, Ladyjane, Thank you for that.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Faye Bay you are welcome and I am sorry that your daughter is going through something like this. I know it is very hard to let go and to accept that someone really doesn't care enough to try as much as you do. Maybe God will touch his heart as we pray that it will happen to my brother. I will pray for your daughter and good luck. Blessings.


karlscabin profile image

karlscabin 6 years ago from A High Desert Valley w/ river (4500ft)

I totally understand. No one can hurt you like family. I came from a broken family. I was the only one of his children who spent any time around my father, and my siblings hated him. He is gone now, and I miss him. My siblings never got over the seperation of our parents, and hated our father for it. Since his death, it seems that they have transfered this hate towards me.

We cannot fix other people. We cannot help them understand anything, if they have closed their minds.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our emotions, we forget that love and hate are seperated only by a thin line.

Many of the things we hold in our "hate box" do not belong there. When I find myself hating someone, I try to find what it is that bothers me so. And the solution usually has nore to do with MY feelings, more than their actions. I dont have time for hate or bad feelings. They are counter productive.

My siblings hated my father for not knowing how to fix the damage he had done as a young man.

I chose, instead, to listen to an old man say he was VERY sorry he could not find a way to fix the past, and only wanted forgiveness he never got.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello Carlscabin I appreciate you reading and I am sorry for your sad story. I guess everyone has something like this some time or other. You are right that sometimes we just have to let things be and let people figure things out on their own and hopefully they don't have to die with regrets. Blessings.


neverforgot 6 years ago

Made me sad when I read your story. My brother stopped contacting me many years ago. We had an upset after our mother's death but everything seemed to calm down afterwards. I tried to contact him the last time being in 2005 - I heard nothing. Then out of the blue I received a letter in July 2008 informing me of my brother's death in April 2008. He had taken his life. He was on his own. He had been suffering from depression which progressively got worse over the years ruining his marriage and relationships. I feel to blame. Blaming myself over and over gain. I should have gone over to his house and made him talk to me. But I did not. I totally understand your anger but, as you can understand, deeply regret my actions. Love to you.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

neverforgot thanks for reading and commenting. I was saddened to read your story as well and Im sorry that it turned out this way in your family. I pray that this doesn't happen in our family, believe me I have put myself out there many many times but I cannot make my brother do anything that he doesn't want to do. I still love him and pray for him everyday and hopefully maybe enough time will pass that we can let this go as it is very petty when you consider the whole picture and the consequences of it. Blessings to you. Cheers.


granny's house.  6 years ago

you do love your family. I think we always do, no matter what they do , But we don't have to like them or what they are doing or the person they have become. I went through this with my mom. Yeah, my own mom treated me like shit. I got hurt many times when I would try to get back with her and she would dis me. I just let it go. Now after many years she has stared calling me and sending me b-cards. Hopefully you your brother and family will be ableto work this out. Doesn't it seem like the ones we love hurt us the most.


rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago

Yes we know how much this hurts , but theres no changing this person.I hope he is able to seen the light soon for his sake.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

rose56 yea this hub was written in a lot of pain but the pain is letting up now and whether he sees the light or not is up to him. Cheers.

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