Wishing With My Eyes Shut!
I'm sure that as a parent, almost all of us wish for the same thing on a daily basis; that our children may never be seriously hurt, have to endure hardship, or feel the pain of heartache ever in their lives. I wish it with my eyes squeezed shut sometimes as if, if I wish hard enough, it will be granted to me. Especially every morning as they walk away from me on their way to catch the school bus.
But I cannot have my wish and I know it as surely as I know that the sun will, without fail, rise every morning.
As I was visiting with a friend one day, we began to uncover eachothers pasts. We have always been able to talk, but this time it was different. We shared stories of childhood and adolescence; some funny, some heartwarming, but also some very difficult and painful memories surfaced. It was good to talk like that. Although we cried, it was important I think. To her, and to me.
But that conversation brought to light for me something profound;
I am my mother's daughter. I am someone's child, and I am sure that my mother wished for me what I wish for my own children. But did her wish come true? I am hard evidence that that prayer went unanswered.
But that is not really the profound part that I want to share with you.
What it is is the fact that I am who I am today because of those hardships, and that I came through those tough times, not easily, but I did, and the fact that I'm OK is what really got me.
I can stop wishing now that my kids will go unscathed because it is an unrealistic wish. But what we can wish for, or in my case, pray for, is that our children have the strength of mind and character to get through those times. That they have wisdom and courage instead of despair and depression.
Of course I will always pray for their continued safety and well-being, but the realization that it is out of my hands and that Someone Else has the last say has helped me to let go of some of my anxiety when it comes to my children. My fear can sometimes be paralyzing, but I hope I will always refer back to this that I've written on this day to remind myself of Who is in control.
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