My Quintessence: A Mother's Reflection

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A Mother Speaks

My Quintessence: A Mother’s Reflection

Proverbs 13:24: He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

This was supposedly a hub as an answer to Krystal D on Discipline. Somehow I got stuck and I didn’t find the courage to tackle on this matter. As a mother of three I would have been so eager to share my knowledge on Parenting, so why the hesitation?

When I separated with their father almost nine years ago, I was able to hold on to my kids, no matter how threatening life then for me. Their father was so violent so I left our house and took my kids with me, since I was working I left them to my mother, but being far from them was too much for me plus I was then pregnant to my third child so I decided to go back home bringing the kids with me. So when I returned their father got so angry but later apologized and wanted us to reconcile, I told him I would on conditions that he would not beat me and would treat me with respect. As time went by I realized he would never change so I left our house but my second child was left behind because she had classes that time, so when I went to her school she told me that her father threatened her not to go with me or else there would be hell to pay. So I sought help to the Social Welfare, but they said my daughter (then was ten years old), is in the proper age to decide who would she choose and Psychological Abuse is hard to prove. I didn’t find the help I needed with the proper people I lost hope, I went to my child’s school, but she was not there. I lost all hope of reuniting with my daughter, and the next days were very difficult for me. I grieved for my daughter not only that I couldn’t see her, but I was deprived of the chance to be her mother. As if a part of me had died, I felt empty and I knew then I missed her terribly. I buried myself with work, working day time and night time in order to support my two daughters. Unknowingly, I also have neglected my two daughters for they could only see me during Sundays.

This went on for three years until I realized my eldest daughter began to distance.

Until such time I decided to remarry after 8 eight years. But my eldest did not take it lightly, she would find ways to defy me. I explained to her that I needed to it not just for my sake but for their sake, so that we could rebuild my family. But she didn’t listen, and she stayed with her father. Again, all my hopes of reestablishing my family was shattered, my two daughters were not with me. My desire to show to them how to be a good mother and a good wife was lost. For the second time my heart was shattered, I not only pine for a daughter who was separated from me but for two daughters who wouldn’t give me a chance how to be real mother to them. I not only grieve for the lost daughter but this time I lost two daughters.

I couldn’t believe this has happened to me, yet it has. But I know God has a better plan. Each night I prayed for their safety, each night I ask God to protect and guide them. Somehow, I believe that there’s an end to this, and they would go back to me and be a mother to them. That my separation to them is not a failure but lessons I need to undergo in order for me utilize my full potential. Being away from them is very hard for me, but I keep them in my heart, and from time I would remind them how much I love them. If given the chance, I would still love to fulfill my duties as a mother. And I promise to nurture them as I nurture my youngest daughter who is with me.

As I write this, I am reliving the pain that happened 6 years ago, the wound revived, the dull ache on my heart reminds me that a part of me is empty. Emptiness only the reconciliation of my daughters can fill.

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Comments 42 comments

ceri naz 4 years ago

very touching..

carpe diem


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas

Raciniwa - This is truly gut-wrenching. It seems there are a few of us on here who are having difficulties with our chidren due to our ex... you are right about proving psychological abuse. I feel I was subjected to this even though I'm pretty strong mentally. I wasn't fearful or anything: I'd just had enough and left. Nobody has to put up with a domineering personality. I still see my kids frequently and they seem to be ok with my leaving. They love me and I know that. I hope you can achieve this. They must know that your heart is the only one that is true to them. I will pray for you....


sandrabusby profile image

sandrabusby 4 years ago from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, USA

raciniwa, when I saw your picture and the word "quintessence," I went immediately to read your hub. Your experience, shared so sensitively in this writing, must certainly reverberate with many women who are forced to depend on men, even abusive ones, to keep their children in food, clothing, and shelter. Writing about your experiences will not only help to heal your wounds, but will give courage to others in the same situation. Women in the U.S. have been in such circumstances 50 years or so ago. And women the world over, will one day be free enough economically to earn a living for their children. Just know that you have helped bring this day closer wherever you are. Sandra Busby


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

thank you Senpai for sharing your time with me...have a great day...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Suburban!!!i was debating whether to publish this or not...but as what I've learned through self - parenting, the only way to overcome pain is to go through it...i may experience pain but i feel a lid has been opened, the pain is still here...but i know i can get through this...thank you for sharing your experience...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Sandra!!!opening this side of myself has been a great hurdle for me, but right now what I see is only the road ahead, i only glimpse from time to time what life was for me...but i am thankful too that along the process i didn't lose faith on the Power higher than me...thank you for the inspiration...


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

a reflection always helps heal.. and if you need a big hug got lots for you :)


NotSoPerfect profile image

NotSoPerfect 4 years ago from United States

Truly heart-wrenching read from start to finish. I'm a mom to a beautiful three and a half year old boy, the love of my life. I imagine it must be extremely difficult to be going through what you're going through, and I'll pray for you, like I do for myself and my friends. Kudos for leaving the abusive marriage. You are one strong woman. Save this hub, so you can show it to your kids, when you reunite with them again. God bless. Thanks for sharing. Voting up, beautiful and interesting.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Raciniwa I am so sorry. I had no idea this had happened to you. Sometimes life can be so cruel, but, like you, I believe there is a plan for our lives when we leave it in God's hands. Karma is very real to me. I know you will win in time. God Bless and keep you Dear one...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

oh, thank you Frank...that's why i let it out...a way of getting this out from my system for years...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Not so Perfect!!!thank you for the encouragement...and yes, what i am going through is like a nightmare to me, if not for my strong faith to God...i don't know where else I seek for courage to...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Thank you Ruby for the uplifting words...yes, I do have a strong faith in God that somehow He will let me through this and my daughters too would learn great lessons in life...


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Oh brilliant raci; and here's a whole load of love and hugs just for you.

Take care my dear friend and thanks for sharing this gem.

Eddy.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Thank you Eddy for the uplifting words...i draw my strength in you...you're a formidable woman...take care too...


ailen ferrer 4 years ago

dont worry maam, god has a plan, der is a ryt tym ra jud maam, nga mag tipon imong mga anak, wid u..


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

My heart really does go out to you. A very emotional hub, I shed many a tear.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Thank you dai Ailen...yes, in God's time...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Thank you for the empathy acaetnna...yes, a woman takes pride of being a mother...what's painful is not having the chance to be one...


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven

This is so sad and heart wrenching. My heart goes out to you and your daughters. I wish you all the best and in hope of everything to go well for you and them in the end. Written beautifully. Voted up. Thank you for sharing.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Thank you Caroline for feeling with me...and yes it's very difficult for me living this kind of life...God bless!!!


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 4 years ago

You have given me something very special.My struggles seem small in comparision.I was having a paticularly rough day and your words have brought me through.You are brave to think of change and then to move on and make changes is incredible.I see only the great strides you have made to show your children how much they are loved.You have dealt with pain and suffering long enough and now that you have found someone new that can appreciate you for you.I see the strength and power in your thoughts.I will pray until you are all together again.I also believe that every thought you feel your children can also feel no matter what distance separates you.Keep seeing and doing everything that you believe in.Life has many strange ways of working out.Have a beautiful day.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Dream On! i am touched by the thoughts you've shared to me...and yes, my life experiences may be that overwhelming but it's on how a person sees a an obstacle as insurmountable or not, for me it's part of living, i feel the pain, i suffer yet I accept as it is...for that's the essence of life...for me theses are my test papers and i need to pass it...and that's the only thing that matters...Take care and once again thank you for visiting...


shimmering Dawn profile image

shimmering Dawn 4 years ago

I am really sorry that you have had to go trough all this... I hope someday in God's timing all will be well. Hugs and love - SD Have a great day!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Oh raci I am so sorry and can also relate to problems with children due to an ex .

Retaliation he was going to take ;how dare I leave him!!!

These people have no heart and have no conscience either.

I really do would like to give you a great big hug my dear friend.

I hope that you feel better for having shared with us on here.

Carry on as you are in the knowledge that you will reach the other end a stronger and more positive person.

Contact me anytime (taking into account the time difference of course)if you need someone and I mean this.

You are a brave lady ;and I proudly call you my friend.

Take care and enjoy your day.

Eddy.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

oh, thank you SD...i'll PM you soon as I can, i need to talk you if that's okay with you...have a great day too!!!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Eddy!!!thank you for the all out support...and yes, I miss them terribly, i am able to go through it all, and I thank God for that for being an ally all through these times...take care too my friend...and i will contact you as soon as I can...


shimmering Dawn profile image

shimmering Dawn 4 years ago

Raci, you are welcome anytime. My pleasure :)


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Peace Shim...thanks again...have a blessed day!!!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Hi Raciniwa,

I was there like suburban poet and you. Had to leave a relationship, not because I found another woman; just simply would've been insane myself by know. Men can be abused as much as women, but is not seen so often. What I see in my 18 yrs old is a big change. He used to be sad and like your kid left behind, he would try to find ways to understand why My ex and I separated. Having a talk with him and telling him HOW life can be so unfair and irrational. Eventually we became like the best of friends. I recommend you to stick around, and you will see the changes. They have to realize where did you stand all along. Kids mature and one day will be adlts with responsabilities. So just wait, and you will be a wonderful grandma one day...

LORD


makusr profile image

makusr 4 years ago from India

Raci, read your story and felt the pain and helplessness behind it. Fact is often more sad than fiction can be. I will pray to God to grant all you wish for. Love you Raci...

Manoj


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

thank you lord for sharing the story with me, and yes i am always sticking around, in fact i attended the high school graduation of my second child to show to her that I am always her mother no matter what, if not for the realization of myself, i wouldn't have been able to show my nose to her...and yes, i am looking forward to that day that i'll be a proud grandma...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Yes, Manoj, this world is a sad story, but we wouldn't feel our humanity if we will not experience all the feelings, don't we? thank you Manoj for the empathy, i always appreciate it...


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago

Raciniwa, Write , write, write ....Bare that beautiful soul of yours and know that what you are experiencing is shared! There are too many of us that have been through similar things ! And do not think this is an end somehow , Time changes many many things and children mature to a point where , one day they will understand more , believe me ! And a big ole hug for My Cebu girl!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Thank you so much ahorseback!!! and a big YES!!!i do find my solace and comfort in writing...if not for it i really don't know where I am and what I am now...another great burden reliever are the CARING people here in HUBPAGES...i really found the FAMILY i've been longing for...


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 4 years ago from US

I think we all find a big release writing about our troubles, whether it changes a thing or not it is like confession and it feels so good to let it go.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

yes Pollyanna...that's the best part of it, letting go of things that don't work as we expected them to be...thank you for visiting...take care...


travel_man1971 profile image

travel_man1971 4 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

Thanks for sharing it to us. I know it's hard to let your former husband rear your daughters, but it's your girls' decision.

Parents can never dictate the minds of their children. Although, they came from you, you don't own them either. They have a choice as to whom they want to be with. This time, it's their father.

After all, your daughters will always be their daddy's girls.

Let it go. As you quipped, God has a better plan for you. :D


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

thank you for the assurance travel man...and yes, i am giving it up to God...and yes to your statement that i can't dictate them for they have minds of their own and choose the road that pleases them...for in the end they have their own lives to live...


Melovy profile image

Melovy 4 years ago from UK

LIke many others here, I had no idea you were going through this. I can only imagine what it feels like to be in your position and as a mother I imagine it must feel hard. I am glad that you have some support here on HubPages and that you feel able to turn it over to God, as that must help you get through. Wishing you well with this challenge.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

yes Melovy, somehow it eases me that this is a caring community, if not i would have been lost...thank you for sharing your time and your warm thoughts Melovy...God bless...


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

....you are a brave courageous proud woman - I am happy that we met - and I look up to you - you are my hero. lake erie time canada 9:19am


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Colin...it's an honor to have met you too in Hubpages...thank you for that regard...Bless you...

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