My Teen Mom Success Story

My Teen Mom Success Story

If I am going to be honest, I have to say that I do not believe that most young girls decide to become moms at age 15, 16, etc. A few bad decisions and there you are pregnant, expecting your first child. What happens now?
You brace yourself for what is to follow, because if your family is anything like mine was, you are in serious trouble. My parents were angry and disappointed and rightly so and they made sure to direct all that rage at me and there was nothing I could do about it. Then there were my friends, they pretended to be concerned. Some even thought it was cool. Then as school started, they went back to their own affairs and all of a sudden, there I was, on the outside looking in.
Even though that was over 30 years ago, much hasn’t changed. Most sixteen yearold's are not really interested in hanging out with you if you got a couple of kids tagging along. Your life changes, and it does so quickly.
So what do you do? I decided to keep my baby, then I decided to be the best mom that I could be. My philosophy was, yes I am young, but my kids didn’t ask to be born to me, a teen mom, therefore, they were going to have the best I could give them.
I had my two oldest girls before I finished high school, dropped out of high school for two years, then went back and took day and night classes to catch up so that I could graduate. After that I enrolled in college, but halfway through my second year I became pregnant with my third daughter. That ended college for me, I had to take care of my kids.
So imagine this, here I was, by age 20 had three girls, everyone said that my life was over and that my children weren’t going to amount to anything. The first part of that statement was somewhat true, my life as I knew it then was over, and I had now started down a different path that led me to where I am today.
It’s not going to be easy and it wasn’t for me. So if you’re a teen and you’re pregnant, I want you to know that life is going to be more difficult for you than if you had waited. However, I didn’t let that stop me from doing the best I could for my kids.
So as I said, by age 20, I was a mother of three, by age 21 the relationship between their father and I started to disintegrate. I believe that my reluctance to stay in the same situation that was in, meaning, wanting more for myself and my children, put in motion a series of events that would cause the young man whom I thought I couldn’t live without at age sixteen to become my worst nightmare at age twenty-one..
I think I just wanted to know what else was out there and I began to slowly pull away from him and he wasn’t about to make it easy for me.
There was a lot fear and a whole lot of crying. There were nights that I didn’t sleep, trying to figure out how to get out of this mess that I found myself in. I was afraid to tell anyone, because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. So I dealt with it privately.
But no matter what happened, through it all I made sure my children were protected so that it wouldn’t affect them. All they knew is that one day their dad was there and the next day he wasn‘t.
So here again I found myself leaving college before it’s completion so that I could find a job, because I was now the sole provider for my kids. You know what that was alright. Again, my kids did not ask to be here, so they were going to be protected and cared for, whatever the cost.
You know what, my desire to care for and protect my children wasn’t any different then than it is now when I became a mom again as an adult. It was simple a matter of me making a decision to do something to the best of my abilities and seeing it through to the end. The end being, my children becoming responsible and productive adults able to care for themselves. What could be more fulfilling than knowing that you’ve done the best for kids, and they turned out just fine.
Today those same people who said that my children would amount to anything, can’t stop complimenting me on what an awesome job I did and how successful my girls are. Some of them have even asked me how I kept my girls from going down the same path I did and I tell them the same thing I said before. I decided to be a good mom. I engaged in all parts of my kids lives.
I was mom first, but I was also a friend and confidant. Was it always smooth? No! Especially in their teen years, some tried to flex their muscles, but I was always in control and they knew it. I didn’t let go until I knew that they were strong enough and smart enough to make good decisions for themselves.
How did that happen, well the same way I decided to become sexually active an early age without a clue as to what the repercussions would be, I decided to be a good mom. Plain and simple. You decide and then you work at it everyday. Always thinking about what your kids needs are and putting them first.
Understand this though, you can’t do it by yourself. As angry and disappointed as my parents were, they never turned their backs on me and there were some times when I thought they might and should have. But they never did. However, I still had to do all the heavy lifting, and if I fell short, my parents were there to pick me up.
So if you find yourself in the situation where you become a teen mom and you have a good support system, use it. Don’t push people away who are there to help you and don’t walk away from them. Most young girls when they become teen moms they think they know everything and most neither want or take advice. I am here to tell you that you don’t know anything and you can use all the advice you can get.
Sometimes you might become at odds with your mom, however, don’t let that keep you from learning from her. She’s done it before and she only wants the best for you. If home isn‘t so great, decide to do better for your kids. Decide to give them what you did not have and I’m not talking about material things. I didn’t have a lot of that my kids, but they were happy and they were loved and they knew it.
So even though I was a teen mom and I didn’t finish college, it didn’t prevent me from being a good mom. I was there for my kids. I engaged in every area of their lives. I joined the PTA, went to all the parent-teacher meetings. I made sure I knew who all their friends were and their friends parents. If I saw them with kids who seemed to me like they weren't interested doing anything worthwhile with their lives, I made sure they stared clear of them.
I took them to church, we prayed, laughed and cried together.. I learned how to be a mom, a friend, a teacher, provider, and a fierce protector. I did all of that so that my girls would not make the same decisions I did and they didn’t.
I am older now, got married at age 33, had two boys who are now ages 16 and 14 and I am practicing the same disciplines with them that I did with their sisters and it’s working. So I must be doing something right. If you met my girls you wouldn’t know that their mom was a teenage mother. They show no signs of having less than anyone else.
They’re all grown up now, some with children of their own. They’ve all graduated from college and have good careers. So even though I was a teen when I had them, they still had a great childhood with great memories and if you ask them, they‘ll tell you the same. Today, they are my best friends.
Who knows, maybe financially, my life might have been a little easier, if I had finished college and gone down the career path I originally plotted for myself. I don’t know. However, I haven’t any regrets, I love my kids, my husband and my life just the way it is.
The decisions that I made at an early age, gave me my girls and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. Now I am not saying go out and become pregnant at age sixteen because I didn’t want that for my girls. What I am say is this, if you find yourself in that situation where become a teen mom, decide to be a good mom and give your kids the best chance you possibly can at a good future. That is all.That’s my life in a nutshell. We’ll talk later.

Comments 14 comments

FirstStepsFitness profile image

FirstStepsFitness 6 years ago

Welcome to HubPages :) Insightful , thought provoking Hub ,very good read written well .

miamiyou profile image

miamiyou 6 years ago from Southwest, Ohio

I've been watching the 16 and Pregnant show and I'm 40. My story began when I was 15. I had my first daughter when I was 15 and a half and my second child by age 17. I, like you, had multiple children by the age of 23; a total of four. I married when I was 18 and have been ever since. I would not change a single thing about my life. Yes, it was hard being a teen mom but life deals us cards and it is up to us on whether or not we keep them or run with them. I truly believe my having a baby at a young age was probably the best for me. Before getting pregnant, I was kind of out of control with my behavior and having a baby made me slow down and realize what was more important. I have four wonderful children who I am VERY proud of. Being a young mother, I quickly learned it was up to me to raise them and shape their future. I won't say they were perfect but considering I started out as young as I did .. they were better than most teens. I was able to watch 3 of my kids graduate high school and two of which are college graduates. In two years, my youngest son will graduate high school and move on towards college. I too am the proud Nana of 3 grand children. I have loved being a mom since day one and will continue to love it. I had to put a lot of my life on hold to raise my family and it was well worth it. I'm very close to my children and have their respect as a mom. The television show brings back a lot of memories but if I walked away with anything from being a teen mom .. it is .. I made it. The world labels those who are 'different' or fall out of the 'norm' category .. we are not any different than any other teen .. we just made the same choices as most teens but without the proper protection. I don't know any adults who were teen moms .. it's hard to talk to others who can not relate .. so I search online to find someone who has walked in my shoes. I love life and have from the start .. I had a loving family and a lot of support. I have been married for 21 years and have always provided for my kids. I put my education on hold but have recently started classes towards my bachelor's degree in social work .. I hate when people make comments about 'oh she's a young mom', etc....I don't think that makes a person a bad parent. I'm a damn good mom and have been since July 23, 1986 ... yes, it was too young to be a mom but anyone can overcome a rough beginning and turn it into something to be very proud of. Hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year. Your story is inspirational and I think young moms would benefit from hearing from women like us. We've been there and realize what it's like. If I could get my message across to just one teen mom, I'd feel as though I made a world of difference. Please feel free to contact me .. My name is Heidi ... .. I live in Ohio

isaemi08 profile image

isaemi08 5 years ago from New York City

I love reading related stories like this. I myself had my son at 17. Now, I'm 23, married with a five in half and three year old. Both, becoming a young mom and getting married so young has taken a big toll in my life. I do think a lot of the things that I could of done and have if it wasn't for that, yet, I am learning each day to appreciate what I have, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Just like everything else, it has it's advantages and disadvantages.

Kristinashelswell profile image

Kristinashelswell 4 years ago from Fraser Valley, B.C

Hello, my name is kristina. I am currently a teen mom. I am 18 and my daughter will be born this April!

I am very excited but as you know being a teen mom is a scary thing. She wasn't planned but I am making the best out of this situation, what really caught my eye was that you already lived through it. I was wondering if you could let me know some insight and advice on taking the right step towards the right direction from your personal experience. I am not a druggie, I don't drink. I just need advice on a good career path for my daughter. I don't want to be living pay cheque to pay cheque.. I plan on going to college/university. I am currently graduated thank goodness.. so that is out of the way. But I was wondering if you could give me and advice on maybe a job idea or when I should go back to school.. I am very stressed because she is coming in 2 weeks! and I need to figure out what I want to be for my child and when I should start.. If you could msg me and let me know your insight that would me great !

ShernetteHB profile image

ShernetteHB 4 years ago from Orange County, New York Author

HI Kristina, first of all congratulations on the upcoming birth of your brand new baby girl and know that this child is and will be a blessing in more ways than you will be able to count.

As far a career path goes, you have find what interests you most or maybe think about what you wanted to do before you became pregnant. Those goals are still possible, it might be a bit more difficult, but still attainable. You might want to take a look at the job market and see what you would like to be doing. However, whatever path you decide to take, do it right away, do not put it off, because the longer you wait the more difficult it will be to go back to school.

I don't know what kind of support system you have, but if it's there, use it. Also, you may want to look into what colleges and universities that offer daycare for students. I just want to let you know that having a baby at 18 does not mean that your life and the things you wanted for yourself is over. Your most important job now is taking care of yourself and your baby, everything else is secondary. Please know that part of taking care of yourself means going to college or a technical school where you can get the tools you're going to need in order to give your child the best life possible. Just remember, she didn't ask to be born, so she deserves the best from you. I hope this helps.

Kristinashelswell profile image

Kristinashelswell 4 years ago from Fraser Valley, B.C

Thank you very much, yes it does help! :)

Jess 4 years ago

I'm 16. My mom was 16 when I was born & all I have to say is stay strong & work hard, and don't do drugs. If my mother wasn't a pothead & nympho I'd be so proud of her, and even though I'm mad at her, I'm greatful for her hard work

ShernetteHB profile image

ShernetteHB 4 years ago from Orange County, New York Author

I would also say to you, stay strong, rise above your circumstances and try not to repeat your mothers mistakes. Just decide to make better choices for yourself.

wanjeri 4 years ago

Wow i am blow away by the courage from the story. Three kids before 21. You are a hero and am sure ur kids remind you of that. Am 25 doing a college project on crisis pregnany and am learning a lot. The teen girls and boys need support . Am in Kenya and i think what lacks is moral and financial support for most teen mums. Thanks for the page and God bless

ShernetteHB profile image

ShernetteHB 4 years ago from Orange County, New York Author

My son graduated from high school last week and that for me was one of those bitter, sweet moments. The morning of his graduation, I woke up in a state of depression and could not stop crying because I knew this would be the end of an era for both of us. There is a particular parent child dynamic that ends when they graduate from high school and go off to college. They leave as children still saying, "mom can you", and return as adults completely independent of you and for me that's never been easy. I have never handled high school graduations well. I just kept seeing him as a baby in his walker trying to figure out how to make it move. I remember his first day of first grade how excited he was to go to school all day. Then I remembered his first day of Junior High School how terrified he was to walk into the building. It all seems to have gone by at warp speed. Over the years, I can remember saying to him let me enjoy you right now, today at the age you are. I don't want to think about next years. You've got to enjoy your children day by day, because the years fly by and before you know it they're gone. No matter how many times I've done this, I am never prepared this moment in my children's lives. Yesterday, he says to me, "Mom, you know that next month, when I turn 18, they say that I am legally an adult". That's what I mean, bitter/sweet. Anyways, he's graduated from High School and has done very well, so I know that I have done my job and that if he keeps doing what he has been doing, He will successful.

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timberfly 3 years ago

oh my goodness, these stories make me feel so much more assured. I had my first daughter at 16 and now i'm 17 and expecting again. i'm moving to Wyoming because my fiancé just got an amazing job there. this way I can stay home, raise my kids, and really focus on graduating college. I feel like God blessed us with this amazing job but my family and best friend are holding me back. their support is amazing but now they're making me feel so guilty for leaving, telling me i'm taking their niece/grandchild away from them and i'm breaking their hearts.. i'm moving because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for my new family and why can't they just be supportive? i'm going either way because I can't give this chance up, but I just wish more than anything I had their support. it is so hard trying to make everyone happy when the only one I should be focusing on is my kids..

ShernetteHB profile image

ShernetteHB 3 years ago from Orange County, New York Author

I wish all the best for you and your new family. Just remember that the support of family and good friends is also important.

Valerie 3 years ago

I'd like to share my story. I was a teenage run away at 12 years old. Pregnant by 14, and by 23 I had my third child of which was born blind. My middle child was premature and had several medical conditions. My goal in life was to give them a life I never had. Let me make note, that I was single only a year after my third child. My parents, to this day are alcoholics and one is homeless so you can see I never had help there. Enough of the sad story. Today, I can tell you that all three of my beautiful daughters are successful. The eldest" a Sargent in the Air Force by the age of 22, an inducted thespian deaf poet with future publishings on the way for the public to enjoy. My second, a certified nursing assistant and future daycare owner but 21 years old and my youngest, age 15 and who is blind has a 4.0 GPA in a regular magnet school of the performing arts in the chorus program. In fact, we traveled to France last year for her to sing. As for myself, I graduated from an Associates Deggree, Bachelors in Science and a Master of business Administration and work in Hospital administration. Every young girl can be a successful woman and raise her children to be stronger than you. It's the power within you. A day to day struggle which feels endless at times, but possible. Believe it. Do it. Focus.

hazel 15 months ago

wow! I am really inspired by these stories. I am only a month pregnant and I am 21 years old. My mum is not yet aware of it all but my man is and is very supportive and happy about it. I am scared to tell her,how an I do it? Am really scared and I will take care of my pregnancy,am scared she will want me to abort it.

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