New moms in need of friends - playgroup

Humans tend to be clannish as we are inclined to associate with members of one's own group. That is something that most likely is a result of an early human evolution when people lived in small tribal societies with a strong dominant leader. To stick together was necessary for a tribe to survive. No wonder we still need the same strong tight knit groups of friends to thrive. Any new mama will soon discover that without an adequate support of like minded women she is going to burn out very soon. It is almost a requisite for a brand new mom to have a group of other mamas to depend on. And that's when finding a playgroup becomes important.

Image: Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image: Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How to find a playgroup?

To find a right playgroup that is a good fit for you and your children is not that easy. Going to a neighborhood park may not always be an answer to this problem. While you may eventually find some likeminded mamas there, your chances are small. I know it used to work in the past but nowadays you will need to search online to find it. Try yahoo groups and use keywords that describe your search criteria. For example, you may want to search for "Baltimore cloth diapering mamas". The next good choice is meetup.com where you also need to search for one near you and with a profile that appeals to you. Last but not least, you may want to start your own playgroup with one or two friends and hope to attract more moms as the time goes by.

Playgroups for moms

In my first year of motherhood I didn't know this. I felt somehow isolated and lacked exactly this - a pack of well meaning friends who understood what sleep deprivation was. Because even a loving husband didn't quite understand what it was for me to be with a baby all the time and have no moment for myself at all. Luckily, after our move to California I was able to find friends with similar philosophy on rearing children. That actually is very important, your clan/group has to fit your bill, I searched high and low until I found what I was looking for, a group of AP (attachment parenting) mamas and another playgroup for tandem nursing moms. In my very first weeks of being a mom of two, when I was very emotionally fragile I was only able to survive because of all the support I have received from women who had been there where I was at that time. Every week I was looking forward to a Wednesday playgroup so my little ones would have friends to play with and, even more important, that I would connect with other human beings who shared the same ups and downs of raising young children. I would feel recharged every time I talked to them and it was a very important for me to be there. As my little children grew up and my life was a little less chaotic I was able to relax. I also noticed that as I was more comfortable in my role of a mother I was able to help other moms with my own advice and pay back.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Friendships

Time passed and again I needed to redefine my family's changing needs and we had to search for new options and new circles of friends who would share similar interests. It was a process but we managed to come across new groups of people who are on similar path to ours and that again fulfilled our hopes for friendships. As my children are older now and are able to discern whether their playmates are the right candidates for friends it is very important to nurture these budding relationships for their and mine sake. It feels safe to be in an environment of people who share similar values and whom you can depend upon and know they will stay with you.

As for the clannish human behavior, I think it is how it should be, however, we must never forget we belong to one extended clan of humankind on the Earth.

 

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