Perspectives: The Charitable Spirit - Giving Too Much Can Cause Tears
A very dear soul and one of the first friends I made on HubPages is MickeySr. He reached out to four other hubbers, marcoujor (Maria), martiecoetser (Martie), docmo (Mohan), and myself with an idea to write about heartfelt issues, each with his/her own take. Together, we are the Perspectives Team. Each Perspective addresses the emotional/soulful aspects of humans. We tackle a different perspective each month. Please join us and listen. Participation is welcome via comments and/or willingness to be a guest writer for our next month's theme, which is 'Regret and Hope'. Please contact MickeySr. if interested.
Each month we invite a guest writer. This month's guest is Sunnie Day. Welcome, Sunnie!
When Does Charitable Spirit Go Beyond?
As usual, I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with this month’s perspective. Giving is typically a selfless act. Sometimes, when you give too much, it hurts. Especially when it’s to family and they end up treating you wrongly despite what you’ve sacrificed to teach them morals, love, consideration, compassion and understanding.
My twenty year old son (who still lives at home) and I had a tremendous shout-out-blow-out over my telling him ‘no’ when he wanted to borrow my car to go honky tonking on a Friday night. His car was in the shop and I’d let him use mine to get back and forth to work; that was the agreement. He didn’t want to hear ‘no’ to the Friday night assumption on his part of using my car and kept questioning every reason I gave him for my decision. None of them pleased him and it turned into such a loud fight that the neighbors came out and tried to reason with him. You see, they know what I’ve been through with him as an ADHD/Conduct Disorder child most of his life. They’ve known him since he was almost three, so he’s got lots of outside family. They also know his father passed when he was only 15 years old and they all knew his father. As a neighbor pulled him away from the argument, my son threw the spare car key he was using into the darkness and told me to go find it. My heart bleeds and I cry every day. I ask Jesus to knock through my son’s wall and re-enter his soul. The charitable spirit needs to bring my son back. That’s what I want for Christmas and every day, for that matter.
Is There Such a Thing as Giving Too Much?
I have done everything I possibly can to give my son a good life and to bring him out of his emotional and societal distresses. When the state let me down, I went out of pocket to help my beloved son come back to the sweet soul he was as a child. I have done without since he was born in 1992 to provide for him and even more so when I divorced his dad in 1998, who could only keep up with child support for a couple of years. He was a damn good father and loved his son more than life; that’s all that mattered to me. God bless his soul, my son’s dad came down with bladder cancer and it killed him in January of 2007. I knew his dad had bigger fish to fry, so I never went after him for delinquent child support; I made do. It’s all in the Spirit of Giving.
I suppose I gave too much, but how do you not give everything you can to your child? He recently told me I should let him fall (I’m constantly reminding him of when his car payment and insurance is due because he’s consistently delinquent and is trying to establish credit). I find that hard to do because he’s my only child and I don’t want to see him hurt. Yet he hurts me when I say no. Is it my fault? Am I too good of a parent or not a good enough parent?
Where Is This Is Leading?
With Christmas only 10 days away from the posting of this hub, my heart aches. Every semblance of the spirit of Christmas makes me cry as if I’ve lost something. The video I post for you today is the epitome of the spirit of giving, yet it made my cry out loud. My heart aches.
I’m insecure in my decision to have left my $50,000 year job, as my son has recently thrown in my face, for the unknown reality of working towards my dream of being a full time writer. My son won’t talk to me, yet we live in the same house. It’s as if I was the one who did wrong. Did I? Did I give too much? Have I failed to give my son the Spirit of Giving? Or have I only shown him how to take?
Strangers accept our gifts of kindness without rebuke. Why do those who are close to us refuse to see what is given to them from our hearts? It tears my heart out that I can’t give my son the Christmas he’s used to having, but now we won’t have Christmas at all. Parenthood has its many rejoices but the heartache that comes with it, causing a constant flow of tears, is hard to deal with. Hearts bleed sometimes because of the charitable spirit.
I apologize for the darkness of this hub and I don’t expect a lot of comments. Please visit my comrades as I know they will lift your spirits.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good life!
P.S. After 3 days of silence my son admitted he was wrong. It looks like we will have a Christmas after all!
The Charitable Spirit Unexpected!
© 2012 Shauna L Bowling
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