Raising Cavemen

The Existence of Cavemen

Contrary to popular belief, cavemen exist today. They are not an extinct species.

I know this to be a fact.

You don't believe me, do you?

You obviously have not been to my house.

Four cavemen live in my house. At least four. I am guessing though, that the number is closer to six.

How did I get six cavemen to move into my home? It started by marring one. At the time of marriage, I would have identified him as a cowboy. As time went on, it became apparent that I actually had caught more of a mountain man, than a cowboy; and though he take the form of an electrician by day, when the weekend comes, I find a caveman has invaded my home.

But that only accounts for one caveman. What about the others? Well, as marriage has certain benefits, little cavemen came along to hunt beside side their father.

Proof

Last night we went for a drive in the mountains. We stopped to hike and shoot. The boys climbed trees, examined poop, and gathered sticks. They also questioned the edibility of every plant along the way. They were disgusted by the trash left by others, and proclaimed that when they were grown up, and living out in the mountains, they would not litter!

Did you catch that?

"grown up, and living out in the mountains"

That is an A1 dream for the boys in this house.

Every day I hear about the adventures of living in the mountains. The hunting of mountain lions. The trapping of fish. The living in caves.

Yes, living in caves. They have found a couple already, and staked their claims. They fight and argue over who spied which one's first.

Just this morning, caves were the topic of conversation at breakfast:

Caveboy 3: "Did you see that one above the river, last night? That one is going to be mine!"

Caveboy 2: "I saw it, but I know of a better one. It is up above that lake we hiked up to last summer."

Caveboy 1: "Well, I know of a better one than both of you, and I am not telling where it is at!"

Caveboy 3: "Who cares James, I'm going to find a really good one and make it my home. I'll show it to you, when it is all done."

Caveboy 2: "Yah, James, and mine already has a fire pit in it; but, no one lives there any more."

Caveboy 1: "Wesley, that is because the Forest Rangers make you move every 16 days. You have to move at least five miles, and you can't move back to your first camp site for five days. That is why I am going to have two or three caves to live in; but my good one is for the winter. It is where the forest rangers can't get in the winter."

Caveboy 2: "I think you are making it up. I don't think you have a cave!"

Caveboy 3: "Yah, well my cave is going to be as big as a castle, and I'm going to live in it all the time, no matter what the government says, 'cause it is going to be my house."

And so on and so forth... 

Breakfast completed, they raced outside to build bows and arrows, from stick gathered in the mountains.

The Neanderthal

According to Wikipedia, the Neanderthal "is an extinct member of the Homo genus that is known from Pleistocene specimens found in Europe and parts of western and central Asia. Neanderthals are either classified as a subspecies of humans (Homo sapiens neanderthalensis) or as a separate species (Homo neanderthalensis)."

It is said that modern man came from Africa, 1.8 million years ago, conquering other lands. However, not all science agrees with this. Professor Henry Harpending says:

"Early human pioneers moving out of Africa starting 80,000 years ago did not completely replace local populations in the rest of the world, there is instead some sign of interbreeding."

According to the BBC News,

"Some anthropologists, however, advocate the so-called multiregional theory, that not all the local populations were replaced.

They think some of these ancient people interbred with African hominids, contributing to the gene pool of modern humans."

Caveboy 2, with his reptilian pet.
Caveboy 2, with his reptilian pet.
The Legendary Jacques La Ramee, a French-Canadian trapper, for whom so many Wyoming land marks are named.  http://uwstudentweb.uwyo.edu/J/JRAMBO/
The Legendary Jacques La Ramee, a French-Canadian trapper, for whom so many Wyoming land marks are named. http://uwstudentweb.uwyo.edu/J/JRAMBO/
Eouropean Mountain Men, "The three winners at the Alp Beard contest on Saturday, Aug. 11, 2007 in Chur, Switzerland."  http://www.daylife.com/photo/0gSfcTxewH4pD
Eouropean Mountain Men, "The three winners at the Alp Beard contest on Saturday, Aug. 11, 2007 in Chur, Switzerland." http://www.daylife.com/photo/0gSfcTxewH4pD

My Views

Personally, I've always considered the Neanderthal to be humans living in difficult conditions. Men, women and children who hunted wild beasts for food, kept dinosaurs as pets and rode woolly mammoths. Explorers, who made due for themselves, because the peddler and trading posts were far and few between.

It is known that exercise is needed for bone density. Imagine lugging water in a basket woven of reeds, up to your cave in the mountain side, two or three times a day. Imagine running from saber tooth tigers, swimming up creek, to escape your enemies, and climbing the back of a mammoth. You would have to be strong to survive!

Before you report me as a lunatic, consider the almost extinct Mountain Man:

He is know as thick skulled, bull headed, and not overly bright. Yet he can live for months at a time with little more than a pocket knife, stiff boots, and a trusty mount. He often appears rough and unkept in his buck-skins and moccasins, when compared to his citified counterpart.

The Mountain Man, like the Neanderthal, is roughly the same height as the modern day human. Both have the approximate build of modern Americans or Canadians.*

According to Wikipedia, "Evidence suggests they were much stronger than modern humans;their relatively robust stature is thought to be an adaptation to the cold climate of Europe during the Pleistocene epoch." To me, that sounds much like the Mountain man. Strong, robust, and able to endure extreme temperatures, especially cold.

The Mountain Man does not fear to live where the snow changes the landscape and makes normal means of travel impossible. The mountain man is content to spend the winter holed up in a cave or cabin, coming out, only to ski, snowshoe or climb -- for fun, of course.

Further more, a 2007 study shows that the Neanderthal were probably red heads. Now I know that there are a fair number of dark haired mountain men, but those found in cold climates are very likely to be red heads. The last Mountain Man beard contest I was at had more red heads than all other hair colors combine.

* http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9850627

My Husband, mock sheriff, glorified babysitter, at our local Rendezvous.
My Husband, mock sheriff, glorified babysitter, at our local Rendezvous.

More Proof

 My husband is not only a red head, but he is of French origins.  His ancestors immigrated from France to New York, when the land was still wild.  They migrated north and west, across Canada, settling in Montana before all the country and state lines where drawn.  (If the verbal history is correct.)  Eventually, they built themselves a town -- a post office and general store.

My husband and boys love the cold weather and high mountain air, claiming to feel best when at an altitude of over 10,000 feet.  They dream of skiing in the back country, winter camping and living off the land.  Bull-dogging elk, from a tree, and riding moose, are their idea of sport.  Wrestling grizzly bear, would be extreme sport.

And living in a cave?  Well, that's par for the course!  Building an elaborate shelter is all part of the game.

Your Turn

What are Your Beliefs, concerning Cavemen?

  • They are extinct.
  • It is possible they exist, but I have never met one.
  • I think I saw one once.
  • I am married to one.
  • I am one!
See results without voting

Ivorwen, 2009.

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Comments 20 comments

Montana Farm Girl profile image

Montana Farm Girl 7 years ago from Northwestern Montana

Oh My Goodness.... I am married and living with a mountain man!!!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

A little shocking, isn't it!


mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 7 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

Very interesting hub - nice!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Thank you Mythbuster.


Joy At Home profile image

Joy At Home 7 years ago from United States

While I am not married to a really-truly mountain man, I believe my husband would do fine if he had to pose as one. ;-)

This is one of the funniest hubs I've read in a long time.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

So Joy, your husband has wild hair and a grizzly beard? Or is he just good with limited tools and fending for himself in the wilderness? :)

Glad you enjoyed!


Joy At Home profile image

Joy At Home 7 years ago from United States

The grizzly beard? Well, it depends on whether it's Sunday. And, depending on which vehicle he's driving and how well stocked the tool box is, he seems to think any tool can be the right tool. Oh wait... That's not Mountain Man logic - that's Red Green!

No seriously, he really seems to enjoy freezing his hinder end off for no particularly good reason - he does it while hunting at the river every year. I, at least, have to have a good reason - like gem hunting in October in Wyoming.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Gem hunting? In Wyoming? Can I come too? Then we can hub about it!

. . . and you never know, Red Green *could* be a cave man in disguise. . .


Joy At Home profile image

Joy At Home 7 years ago from United States

You know, next time I go gem hunting in that grand State, I'll just let you know and we'll see if we can arrange something. We usually shoot for May, or sometime during the year when insulated coveralls and a parka are not required just to stay asleep, after the wind blows the cooking fire out. :)


ralwus 7 years ago

Hi Ivorwen. I went back to my former diet. Can't stand my knickers all knotted. LOL This is quite interesting. One of my cousins, Robert Campbell, in my ancestry, was a famous Mountain man from St. Louis and has a monument there. He was a good friend of Jedediah Smith. I was just like your little cavemen when a lad too.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Oh, I am so glad! I was afraid you would end up looking like the carpenter, if you kept going on your diet!


ralwus 7 years ago

Hahaha, that's too funny. I don't think I could handle that one either. LOL It was fun for a day tho'.


nazishnasim 7 years ago

Hahahhaahaa ... what a funny , interesting hub! I can't wait to get married to ma cave man! :D.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Congratulations, Nazishnasim, on finding a caveman of your own!


Carson Creek profile image

Carson Creek 7 years ago

Cave men, not to be confused with the suburban "Man Cave", I have one of those but I'm not a Cave Man. Funny Hub, thanks.


shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

That's so damn riht Ivorwen, I sometimes yearn to have dinner in a cave myself lol :)


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 6 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

Sadly, I think Im a cavewoman and raised 3 cavemen. When my boys were young we lived in the city but I would throw them in the car everyday and drive off to the woods and caves. We'd fish, drench ourselves under the waterfalls, and look for the three bears and Goldielocks under every fir tree. (I half believed they were out there and still do.) Your boys sound perfectly normal to me and I love this hub.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Man cave, for the non-cave man! I like that. Thanks Carson.

Dinner in a cave, Shamelabboush? That sounds wonderful some days.

Lisa, I think there are as many cave women as there are cavemen, we're just not quite as ready to admit it... Just think of the house work not available in a cave. :)


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

This is so funny! I wrote a list that described Neanderthals, including what is thought to be behavior patterns. Of course, I mentioned the red hair and the fact that a Neanderthal skeleton can be judged by the extended 2nd toe. I read this description to my darling son, not mentioning the Neanderthal part. Before I got to the end, he cheated me out of asking him if the description sounded familiar or reminded him of anyone he knew.

'That's me!' he said.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

That is too funny Dolores! Kids are just too honest sometimes. Thank you so much for sharing. Do you have that list in a hub?

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