Raising a son that happens to be gay

When I was 18 years old I happened to get pregnant by a boy that I was dating at the time. He was a bad boy, I was into bad boys then. I thought they were fun, exciting, and exhilarating and boy was I wrong on that one, but the good experience that came out of that relationship was my son.

I know I was but a mere child myself and very inexperienced in the ways of the world. I thought that just loving my child would get us by and for the most part it did; but it was a long, learning experience that made me who I am today, and made my son who he is today. My son is a strong, handsome, honest, all around good guy, with a heart of gold and a soul to match. The only problem SOME people have with my son, is that he is gay.

I knew my son was gay way before he did, probably by the age of 4 or 5, he started showing tendencies that made me think hmmm. Could it be....?..At the time I was married to a very tough military policeman in the Air Force that thought that he could make a man out of my son. Toughen him up as it were. But it didn't work.

When my son was about 5 he would love to steal my shoes out of my closet and parade around the living room pretending to be a girl. I thought at the time that he was just emulating me, his mother, the one that he looked up to the most. He loved the movie The Wizard of Oz and always wanted to be Dorothy on Halloween. His dad would call him a queer and I would get so upset that he would react this way. I would try to explain to my husband that we just had to let him be who he was and not worry about it, he would probably eventually grow out of it.

After my son started school I really started to notice the differences between him and other boys. He wasn't interested in sports, or boy toys. He had a little friend that lived next door named Crystal and they would often play together; they played with barbie dolls and whatever dolls she had. My son loved to play with dolls. My husband would just rant and rave when he would witness this and he banned him from all doll play. I felt so sorry for my son. Afterall he just wanted to play with a doll. I seemed to recall reading that if you deprive a child of something that he would want it all the more, so I indulged him as much as I could.

By the time that my son was in middle school things got worse. My son was getting picked on at school and I would have to go talk to his teachers about other kids picking on him. One of his teachers had the audacity to tell me, "well your son is pretty soft spoken. what are the other kids to think"? I saw red and I couldn't wait for him to finish middle school, I couln't pull him out of that school because it was on a military base and since we lived on base he couldn't go to a different school until he went to high school, but I did report the teacher. I don't think anything ever came of that.

By the time that my son was in High School, I knew that whatever my son was going through would not change and he was definitely gay, no matter how hard he tryed to pose himself as being straight. He wasn't fooling anyone. it was an unspoken truth about him that we really didn't talk about or acknowledge. And I really didn't care that he was gay. He was still my son, I loved him and would stand by him no matter what happened. The only thing that worried me was the world around us. The way in which others would perceive him and probably make fun of him and heaven forbid want to hurt him because he was different.

By the time he came out to me it was a relief, he had by then gotten married and divorced and finally came to terms with his sexuality. I think he thought that I was shocked but nothing could be further from the truth, I told him I knew it way before he did and we laughed about it but I let him know that I would rather him be happy and gay then trying to be straight and unhappy. I still stand by this.

I really doubt at the age of 4 or 5 that my son distinguished enough about sex to make a decision to be gay. I gave him love and support and raised him up to be the man that he is today. He is a strong, beautiful, sensitive soul whom I love with all my heart. In a sense we grew up together because I was so young when I had him. There have even been times that he has played the role as parent and I the child when life has not been good to me. He has always been there for me and I will always be there for him. He is my rock. He is my flesh and blood and has been my support for many years. He is my mamas boy as well. I shudder to think that anyone would want to hurt him or discriminate against him just because of his sexual orientation. I mean I couldn't care less what my neighbor does in the bedroom, why should anyone care what my son does.

My advice to anyone who is raising a gay son or daughter is just to love them, not to turn their backs on them because what they are dealing with, which is hard enough without someone passing judgement constantly on them. There is no way in hell that anyone that is gay would want to decide to be gay in this day and age, when they are discriminated against or hurt and sometimes killed. If your son or daugher is gay know that they were born the way they are. They have no choice in the matter.

I really do not want to get into a religious battle with anyone about my son, and I do not care to hear what it says in the bible about gays, I know what it says, it says a lot of things. Most of the hatred surrounding my son and people like him came from so called Christians that had this hatred against him and didn't think twice about voicing their opinions about who is going to hell and who is not. I just know that I love my son unconditionally and so does Jesus and I raised him as such. Of all the people in this world that my son knows he can trust, it is me, he also knows he can trust Jesus because he is the one that made my son and he knows I love him no matter what. And I know that Jesus loves him too.

 

For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.Gal3:26

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Comments 57 comments

mikicagle profile image

mikicagle 6 years ago from Oklahoma

I love your hub. I am a teacher and my whole perspective on the issue of gay/straight gender issues, changed last year because of one special little boy. (I have him again this year and absolutely adore him). He had some behavior issues and was developmentally delayed. He was a PILL and none of the other teachers at the school wanted anything to do with him. Thank God we got his medication straightened out and his behavior calmed down. Once that happened I began to observe his interactions with other children. He liked to be around the girls, not the boys. He would take markers and paint his nails and use it for "lipstick". He wanted to be a "cheetah girl" and would dance around the room. He would put the hood of a hoodie on his head then twist the rest of the garment and say it was his "hair". He wanted to walk in the girls line and insisted his name was a girl's name. The children didn't care at all-they loved him. The adults on the other hand were bothered by his behavior and let me know that I shouldn't permit him to act the way he did. I politely told them to mind their own business. I spoke with his kindergarden teacher and found out that when she told his mother about similar behavior-her solution was to beat it out of him. I never spoke to his mother about it once. At his age there was no way that he could be anything other than what he was. I felt that if he chose to identify with the feminine I had no right to tell him otherwise. He wasn't making a "choice" to be feminine-he just was. Now I don't know if he will grow up to be gay or straight. The only thing I do know is that he probably will have gender confusion issues and I hope he is able to be around people who will support him.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

mikicagle thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you liked my hub. I am sure being a teacher such as yourself that you can see things in children in an objective way and you kinda know what's going on. My son did the same things that you mentioned. He used to put a towel on his head and pretend that it was his hair lol. Im sure as a teacher that it is also hard to mention this to parents especially the ones that are either blind to the actions or just pretend not to see. Either way we cannot change the sexual orientation of a child no matter what anyone says. Thanks for stopping by it is appreciated.


That's what I say 6 years ago

My nephew was just like your son wanting to do all the things girls loved. Your right, at that age children aren't thinking of gender. They just want to be who THEY are. People have a hard time understanding that it happens. Yet, when you see it from the start you see their struggle as well. I believe God knows whose just being nasty and who has been delt this dilemma.


hypnodude profile image

hypnodude 6 years ago from Italy

I don't know much about what the Bible tells about gay people, but I'm sure about what Christ would have said: "Who cares?". Between consenting adults everything is fine and someone should be "judged" for his behavior and not sexual preferences. Btw most of the greatest killers of humanity like Stalin and Hitler were straight. And the inquisitors should have been chaste.

You did what every good mother should do. As you said sexual preferences are not chosen. And if you believe in reincarnation than it's something that can happen.

Good hub, good writer. :)


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks again hypnodude for your feedback and you are right about the reincarnation thing I never thought about it in that context before but it certainly made sense. Maybe everyone should experience homosexuality in one of their lifetimes and experience what gays go through. Thank you so much for dropping by.


Ghost32 6 years ago

Wow. I don't believe in accidents, do believe in destiny, and meeting you via HubPages looks very much like destiny to me.

I started out in life with no racial prejudice whatsoever but with a huge bias against gay people. Fortunately, that bias went away completely when I was in my early twenties. Since that time, my interaction (and sometimes friendship) with gay guys & gals has been fairly impressive.

What grabbed me the most firmly by the attention span, however, was the photo. I presume that's your son? If so, then...double wow. He looks exactly like OUR son--well, technically Zach is Pam's son & I'm the stepdad, but we're close. The only difference is that Zach is firmly heterosexual, but visually they could be not just brothers but TWINS, right down to the specific wrinkles in the forehead, facial expression, skin tone, hair, etc. The only variance is the tattoos. It's me, not Zach, who has those.

As to reincarnation, that is something in which I firmly believe. Here's a thought that may be neither true nor comfortable, but it did just pop to mind: Some say that if you persecute others in a specific manner, then in your next lifetime (or in some future lifetime, anyway), you WILL have the experience. In other words, if you persecuted homosexuals to the Nth degree in the last century, you might well BE one right now.

Not implying that's the case with your son. Just (for me at least) food for thought....


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello Ghost32 thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read my hub.I am glad that you did change your views about gays. My ex-husband has changed his views as well and now they have a much better relationship. That is weird what you said about my son looking like Zach, it has been said that everyone has a twin out there somewhere. And you are correct about reincarnation that could possibly be true because we all know that almost anything is possible. I appreciate your feedback as I am new to this forum and I have to say that everyone has been so nice regarding my hubs. I appreciate ya.


Sa Toya profile image

Sa Toya 6 years ago from England

This is amazing and your an inspiration to all parents out there. I'm a Chrisitan myself. I have a strong belief in God but I have gay friends and love them as I love my straight friends.

I believe to love God is to love your fellowman regardless of colour,race,creed,class,caste and sexual orientation.

I believe you DID/ are DOING right by your son, he sounds good person.

I appreciate you sharing this...if the pic above is of your son, must admit I'm gutted he's gay...he's HOTT! ;) :D


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Sa toya Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub. Yes that is my son in the picture and he is an amazing person and I agree with you he is quite handsome...Thanks again and God bless.


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

I love this hub! I was raised in a very gay-unfriendly environment. I've since had several gay friends. The Bible passages on homosexuality are quite confusing to be honest. I've always been perplexed that Jesus didn't address the subject directly. As to whether it's physiological or a product of upbringing is still anybody's guess. Or anybody's opinion I should say.

Loved the hub though, and think you're a great writer.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you Stan I can always count on you for a pick me up. I appreciate your comments. I wrote this hub as an homage to my son who is 28 now wow is time flying but he has been through a lot of shit that he has never deserved and I am like a mother bear when it comes to him. I am not sure as well what Jesus meant about homosexuals in the bible but there was so much said in the bible that people do not follow now but they are so quick to pick on the homosexuals. It also talks about lusting in the bible but people do it all the time and I don't see anyone plucking out their eyeballs like it says in the bible to do. Thanks for stopping by.


Tammy Lochmann profile image

Tammy Lochmann 6 years ago

Thank you for sharing this. I admire you for being strong for your son.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks Tammy for stopping by I appreciate your comments. Yes my son is amazing to me and I am very protective of him but he did change my views in many different ways as far as homosexuality. Thanks again.


Sal 6 years ago

Wow. your story really touched me. i am gay and still cannot come out of the closet to my mom.I know she knows but i feel so embarrassed.i know its not right to feel like this.but i do. and at the same time, i feel the enormous want to tell her.i love her more then myself.and she loves me just as much. people tell me i wil know when the time is right.

well i dont know if thats true. i would of thought the time would of come for me to come out to her.

you are a wondeful mother and admire you standing and being there for him.

i have been in love just once. madly in love ,but as luck would have it, he was either too scard to admit it , or he was just a curious straight guy wanting to try sex with a guy.either way, it was real love.and i still feel that love for him.

oh btw i am now 46 years old.still feel like i am 18.still no man to live out my life. maybe i never will but something that you wrote triggered me to write to you. i am not sure what that is.

your sone is a lucky guy to have a mom like you.maybe i will get the nerve to just open up.but i have to be prepared, because i can feel something inside of me for when and if that ever happens,this is going to break and my feelings are just going to escape.its hard to ecplain. but i thank you for allowing me to write to you.

good luck and i hope you 2 have a long and wonderful life together.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello Sal thank you so much for taking the time to write to me about this hub. I appreciate you saying that I was a good mom, I know I am a lucky mom to have had a son like Ray. I know from the time that my son was born I have always felt that he was going need me to be there for him because from the beginning I knew his dad wasn't going to be. I have never regretted this and when he started showing indications that he may be gay, I knew that he needed me more that he knew it. I know he has been through some shit in his life and so have I. We both have been through a lot together and I guess it has made us closer, the gay thing has just been besides the point, it has never mattered to me. I do however, encourage you to come out to your mother only because you never know what may happen tomorrow and you may never get the chance. I know as a mother it will not matter to her, I am sure she just wants you to be happy. I am so glad that I have touched feelings inside you Sal, and by the way we are both the same age, Nice to read your comments and nice to meet you. Good luck and blessings to you and your mom.


Lisa HW profile image

Lisa HW 6 years ago from Massachusetts

I can't imagine ever, ever, allowing a child's being gay to make a shread of difference in how much they're loved, or how supportive parents would be. I also can't imagine ever, ever, being a parent who wouldn't be willing to "claw out the eyes" of anyone who even suggested my son or daughter was "less" in the eyes of any God or anyone else. I'm sorry - if I attended a church that had any "issues" with gay people I'd have to leave it.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello Lisa I agree with you and that is why I have had plenty of issues with churches that I have attented. Well meaning people have nicely told me that my son was going to hell because of his lifestyle and I just don't believe it. I love my son no matter what his sexual preference. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read my hub.


martycraigs profile image

martycraigs 6 years ago

This is definitely a sensitive subject, and your anecdote at the beginning of this hub is very intimate and personal. Do you know if your son has read this? I'm sure he would be quite proud and extremely honored. He's really lucky to have you as a parent, and it's great to see what a supportive parent you have been, despite everything that has happened in his life. Your advice is really great and your story inspiring.

Thanks for sharing this.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you so much martycraigs, I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub and for your nice comments. I'm the one that feels extremely lucky that I have had such a wonderful son. Blessings to you.


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

A brave and compassionate woman you are. Thanks so much for this really revealing and beautiful Hub.

Love and peace

Tony


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you Tonymac for reading my hub and for your nice comments, I appreciate you taking the time to say that to me. Thanks again.


A.M. Gwynn 6 years ago

Once again, perfect hub!

What a wonderful son. Guess that had a lot to do with having a wonderful mother. A mother who Loves and accepts all that he is!

I get too angry and loatheful with people when they spout off garbage about the Bible and Gays and God and the whole bit. So I try to stay out of those debates... all I can do is take deep breaths and move away from their ignorance.

People have taken the Bible so literal AND without knowledge of it's metaphor, and parable and lesson that it's a wonder the whole world isn't walking around with one eye and one hand etc.

Thank you for writing this.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

A.M. Gwyn thank you for reading this and for your kind words. I agree with you about the bible and how people interpret it and that there are actually parents out there that would throw their children away because of their sexual orientation. Makes my blood boil. Thanks for taking an interest in my hubs. I appreciate you.


Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 6 years ago from Canada

a very positive hub on a very "emotional" subject. Consider this Stumbled Upon and Rated Up!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you Rebecca that means a lot I appreciate it.


MFB III profile image

MFB III 6 years ago from United States

Our children should have no sexual labels when they are with us at home or anywhere. We would not discuss our hetrosexual lifestyle with them or question it's practices, so why should we think it's o.k. to discuss their gay lifestyle with them. They should never face what the world will throw at them daily at home, only love, uncompromising and unjudging should exude from regardless of what our children become. We are their anchor in an ocean of tears

a safe harbor in a world gone mad out there. We brought them into the world, and therefore are responsible for their happiness...not sorrow. You are taking the right approach, and your love shows~~~MFB III


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

"His dad would call him a queer" - The poor, poor child must have hurt so much at this. What terrible pain he must have gone through and how lucky he is to have a mother like you. God keep him safe from the cruel ones amongs us.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

De Greek nice to see you again and thanks for reading the hub that means the most to me and was the hardest to write. Its amazing how resilient kids can be and my son is thank God despite of his parents. I love my son to pieces and as aweful as his father was to him back then he has changed quite a bit and I see in his eyes how bad he feels about how he treated our son. God worked through him and made him realize the mistakes he made. I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub. Blessings to you.


MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

Beautiful story. I know many gay people and they are wonderful human beings, what does it matter what their sexuality is? Everyone deserves to be loved and looked after regardless of their sexuality. Well done ladyjane.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

MPG Narratives thank you so much for reading my hub and for the compliment I wish everyone felt as you did. Blessings.


Hummingbird5356 profile image

Hummingbird5356 6 years ago

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. We cannot choose how we are. We are born that way. We can change some aspects of ourselves but what we are inside doesn´t change. We only can make ourselves unhappy trying to fit into someone else´s idea of what we should be.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you Hummingbird I appreciate your support. You are right we cannot change who we are and it is always difficult for me when I hear people say that my son chooses to be gay, if they witnessed his torment as a young man then they would know that it wasn't a choice for him. Thanks again and blessings to you.


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

A very nice hub. I wish your son happiness and success in all his endeavors. GBY.


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

A very nice hub. I wish your son happiness and success in all his endeavors. GBY.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

stars439 that is a very nice wish for my son. Thank you and cheers.


afro's mistake profile image

afro's mistake 6 years ago from dorothys kansas

interesting hub. you know it is right to wonder if certain psychological factors and a choice caused this(which i personally think is how it happens) or were they just born that way?


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello Afro's Mistake thanks for reading. I don't know about anyone else but I knew my son was going to be gay by the time he was 4. At this point I knew that he could not have made a choice at this age so I believe with all my heart that this is the way God made him, good,bad, or indifferent, my son is a beautiful person and no one will convince me that he is evil or anything else because of his sexual preference. Thanks again for reading. Cheers.


A visitor 6 years ago

I really appreciate your story. A gay man in his mid-twenties, I am lucky to have very supportive parents who now think the way you do; it was a very difficult, but ultimately rewarding, road for them.

I felt hope, faith, and joy while reading about you and your son. More stories like this should reach the intolerant people's lives.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

A Visitor you don't know how happy it makes me to see that you have supportive parents and that they love you no matter what because that is what it is all about. Thanks for visiting. Cheers


Literature Fairy profile image

Literature Fairy 6 years ago from England, UK.

This is such a beautiful and honest hub, I personally believe as you say, that like any good parent God loves us unconditionally for who we are (after all he made us!) I also believe that homophobia and any other hate and discrimination is a man made thing. I wrote a hub about this myself a while ago, it gives me hope to know there are others out there who share my views, as i grew up in a very rigid Christian household, with Good parents who meant well, but were (and are) homophobic. The same household that my little 8 year old brother (whom i suspect may be Gay) is now being raised in. I just hope if he is, that he comes in to contact with many kind, open minded people like yourself. Thanks for a great hub! My best to you and your son, LF xXx


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Liturature Fairy thanks for reading and commenting, for some reason this hub has really hit home with so many people and it is my most viewed hub and I guess it is because there are so many people that are dealing with this in some way or another or maybe some people are just curious. I never considered myself so open minded as you say but always felt an unconditional love for my children and I take them as they are and never saw my son as being anything but a loving beautiful person. I truly beleive God made him the way he is for a reason and he has brought joy to my life that I cannot even describe. I hope that your little brother gains acceptance from your family because if he is gay, it is hard enough having to deal with others and when a person doesn't get that understanding at home from his relatives it may make him feel rejected and out of place, I pray that is not the case with him. THanks again for stopping by. Cheers and blessings.


Nayothara profile image

Nayothara 6 years ago

Oh I enjoyed reading your Hub! It is very interesting and yes I really love the way you wrote..

At the end of the day, our children has their own will and as parents we only can guide them and it is his/her life, and we are blessed to have a child who are strong enough to face life with his heart! I am 26 now, and will think about having a baby next year, and yes for me, no matter what ever my baby boy or girl want to do in their life, I will bless them.. As long as the have good values that's what's counts to me. We should not live their life, it is theirs to have their free will. As a mother I think you are a very good and strong person, and I am sure you are blessed with your lovely Son...

Also do you know I am a Sri Lankan, and in Sri Lanka I know so many gay couples are there but in secret. Because our cultures are still stuck in History and not willing to except changers. And most of the times, parent trying to live our life! They want to achieve their dreams with using their children!! But I think it is a narrow way of thinking.

Grate HUB! I will read all your hubs..


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Nayothara thanks for reading my hub and for giving such an insightful comment. It is sad that in this day and age there is still so much ignorance and hate for people who are different. I appreciate you reading my hubs, cheers to you.


kostas 5 years ago

Finally someone with a useful brain who knows about loving and respecting other people. Your son is lucky to have you for a mother. I am Gay too, and I wish You were my mom. With a small difference. This man you married would not be a part of that family. If he treated your son like that and called him queer. He is not worthy of the time you spent with him. It all went to waste. I may not know him but if he treated your son like that. Then he is much worse than the only people I hate. The ones that hit their kids and call it discipline.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

Kostas thank you for reading and for your opinion, you are very sweet for saying this. The marriage didn't last and of course I eventually left my exhusband but through the grace of God my exhusband changed his views about my son and he finally became the father that he shouldve always been. They even have a great relationship now. Thanks again for reading. Cheers.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

Ladyjane, what a wonderful caring, supportive and loving tribute to your son. Loving unconditionally is pure LOVE and you show it extremely well in this hub. I have a sister who at 15 came out and she has led a healthy and productive lifestyle all her gay life.

I just recently found out that my oldest son 23 yrs old who is estranged from me now for the past six years announced to his mother his sisters and his younger brother who lives with me that he is Gay.

Although I don't see or speak to him by his choice alone, due to being brainwashed by my ex years ago, I love him UNCONDITIONALLY and have told him so in an email when I found this news out about him.

He has not responded to my email, but I hope before I die I get to see him again. I have been a Macho type athlete all my life, yet as a LOVING and CARING father regardless of the lifestyle that any of my children may choose, I will support them and LOVE them always.

My oldest son is very creative and has a great job in another city in my country and has tons of supportive friends, so I am so proud of him and happy regardless that he is GAY. I will love him to my dying breath. Hugs and cheers from the Saddlerider.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

Saddlerider thanks so much for your support of this hub. This hub has really touched so many different people. I especially love to get the comments from Gay people who tell me that every mom should be like me. It saddens me that mothers can turn away from their son or daughter because of their sexual orientation. I hope and pray that your son reaches out to you and you have the relationship that you both crave. What a great dad you are, I can feel the love you feel for your children. Cheers to you.


sophiemaroni profile image

sophiemaroni 5 years ago

Ladyjane you are so good with your child. My son read this and told me that he loved this so much. you should be a writer

cheers

Sophiemaroni


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

sophiemaroni I appreciate your comment so much it really warmed my heart because it is a hub that is dearest to my heart because when my son read it he had tears in his eyes and I think he saw that I understood him. I love my son he is a wonderful person and I just wish that all parents out there who have a gay son or daughter would just love them for who they are. How can someone just turn their backs on their own flesh and blood because of a sexual orientation that they cannot control? It makes no sense to me. I appreciate your lovely compliment thanks again and cheers and LOve to you.


CYBERSUPE profile image

CYBERSUPE 5 years ago from MALVERN, PENNSYLVANIA, U.S.A.

What a wonderful Mother you must be ladyjane1 and I am glad that I meet you. Your Hub touched me deeply.

I am the Father of 5 and a Grandfather of 12


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

Cybersupe thanks for the compliment and thanks for reading. I appreciate you kind comments. Cheers.


onlinemom1963 profile image

onlinemom1963 5 years ago from Makati City

Hello ladyjane1, I just made my first hub. I happen to stumble in your hub, and I saw that you had a very detailed story about your son's. I should have made my hub very detailed too. But then, It was a straight to the point hub that tackles how to handle a gay son's confession. My son's a teenager now, and like you, I also had a feeling that he was gay even before he knew. Mothers always knew that. Thank you for you hub.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

onlinemom1963 thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my hub...I shall go over and read your hub very soon...and you are right Mothers always know..Cheers to you and your son.


MPCooper profile image

MPCooper 5 years ago from Toronto/NYC/Las Vegas/Studio City, Hollywood/Gustavia, St. Barths

Well I finally got around to reading your Hub and it blew me away! So sincere and full of love. I don't think I ever told you, but I lost my mother from a car accident when I was 14, but when I was 13 I had to come out to here. I say "had" because it's the truth. In grade 7 I was dating this girl named Chelsea (who was kind of masculine,) and when it became clear that a "fag" wasn't just an insult, but a negative way to call someone who falls in love with someone of the same sex, I knew I had to end it. I never told anyone, however Chelsea took it upon herself to tell the entire school that I was a "fag." Both guys and girls who would normally greet me in the school hallways were glaring in disgust and shoulder-checking me! So by mid-afternoon I made my way to "Choral class" where I was 1 out of 4 guys in the class of 26 students. When I entered the classroom the teacher had yet to arrive and there was Chelsea with her posse of girlfriends sitting on top of a built in counter along the wall. She yelled out "Oh look it's the FAG!" Everyone laughed! Then in that moment it struck me so deep realizing that because I didn't want to lead this poor girl on, I would be ridiculed and tormented with her leading the mob. Well with the rush of emotions and my quick wit I screamed back in my defence, " You know what Chelsea, I AM GAY, and you want to know why, because YOU MADE ME THAT WAY!" Harsh I'll admit, but she had it coming. I ran out of the class and hid under some stairs near the school basement. I was followed by a pack of girls who tried to comfort me as I was balling my eyes at this point. Funny to see the same faces that laughed at you all of a sudden trying to console you. I guess when the teacher arrived and so many students were missing she must have called the office because another teacher found us under the stairs and guided me to the councillor's office. There I was handed an outdated pamphlet on homosexuality. Oh and school policy is that if you don't tell your parents if you come out in school, the school will call your parents and tell them. (Well parent because my mom was single.) So I was given one night to come clean or she find out the other way. I came home from school to see my brother sitting at the kitchen table, he looked pissed off about something. I said "hey, what's wrong with you?" He replied "Don't talk to me kid, I've had a bad fucking day." "You've had a bad day? You don't even know what a bad day is!" I responded "Oh yeah, Try me!" he said. "I'm Gay!" I announced. "Okay you win. You going to tell mom?" he said. "I have to or the school will call her and tell her." I told him "Well then you better tell her tonight or I will." he replied. Shit, what was I going do!!! So I told my brother my plan that I wait until she's distracted with her favourite TV show "MacGyver," and tell her then. So after we shared the "doing the dishes" chore he looked at me giving me the, "if you don't I will" eye. I crept around the corner to the living room making sure my timing was not during commercials and stood at the entrance for a moment. My mom kept her eyes on the TV screen and asked me "why are you standing there?" "Well just wanted to let you know that the dishes were done." I said. As I turned and started to walk back to the kitchen I added "Oh and I'm gay." Her immediate response in a monotone voice was "Tell me when you're 18." Even though I never got the chance to tell her when I was 18 that I was STILL gay, I did introduce her to my first boyfriend. They got along great! She supported me with dealing with my sexuality as she did everything else in my life. And today I say that I am lucky to have had a mother that supported and loved me regardless of my sexuality, than to still have a mother today who has disowned me because of my sexuality.

So congrats Lady Jane!

Educating is the first step...


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

Hey Cooper I just saw this I guess it wasn't in my radar for some reason but it really blew me away. Kudos to you for dealing with such an uncomfortable situation so well. Im sorry you lost your mother but Im glad that she was accepting of you and that she loved you unconditionally. I cant imagine loving my children any other way. Thanks for reading and commenting. Cheers!


Barbara Turpin profile image

Barbara Turpin 5 years ago from N. California

Your sister (geegee) told me about you today, so here I be, reading a great Hub. I, for one, know what a great mom you are. I have many gay friend that are so special to me. I'll make this short #1. WHY is the word 'fag' still exist? Its a cruel word from cruel people. #2. Why do others ALWAYS say/think ONLY sex lives in their lives. They are like ANY couple....FIGHT!!

;) and worry about bills etc.

I loved the love you gave your son! I also have a momma's boy, and LOVE it

Thank you for sharing your story. BT


Mountain_Rose 4 years ago

I know this hub was posted some time ago and the last comment was five months ago but I just couldn't help but throw my two cents in...

1. I am not a "religious" person, but I do believe in and love God with all of my heart. My personal prospective on the Bible is that it was written by men, not God...not Jesus. God tells me what to do in my life when I need to do it and I believe that is his intention for EVERYONE, not just people who claim to be holy. He will try to steer you down the right path, it's just a matter of if we choose to take his advice.

2. With that being said, 'HATE' is an emotion founded, created and exacerbated by the human race. It is usually formed out of fear...fear of the unknown and I truly believe that anyone with 'homophobic' issues uses that anger to hide their fear. It is like any other discrimination whether it be race, gender, religious background, age, political stance or yes, even sexual orientation. People, being as spoiled as we are, we believe that our way is the right way and that everyone else is wrong and hard feelings come into play when our 'morals' are called into question.

All I can say about anyone who has an issue with homosexuals..."Look in a mirror and judge yourself instead of others."

We can all interpret religious scriptures in different ways but the truth of the matter is...no one is God. No one can presume to KNOW what God thinks or how he feels about anyone or anything.

I am terribly sorry to have gotten so lengthy and I may have perhaps gotten off of subject a little, but I just wanted to let you know that I admire, appreciate and reciprocate your support, strength and passion regarding such a subject. We should all be respected and loved for who we are, not what the world would make us.

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